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Invisibletak
geo's henchman
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Registered: 11/21/00
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no longer thoughts, reality.
    #376824 - 08/23/01 02:37 AM (15 years, 3 months ago)

I am in need of some help. This is going to be hard to explain, but please read and respond wiht anything helpful you can...



Again i am posting about these things. A couple months ago, i did 2ct7 followed by E, and a nitrous hit. After that i do not remember the 'night' only my experiance[i ended up in the hospital]. I thought i was alone to an extent. Just a lost soul in nothingness, no sight no sound, no feeling, nothing. It sucked, i was all alone and i culdnt escape i was stuck there for eternity. That is the summary of what i felt that night. My problem is ever since then i keep geting flashbacks questioning my faith or something. I keep thinking what if, what if. I often think back and think im alone because in the experiance it told me it was all about me, nothing else, no one else i was jsut alone in existance. EVERYTHING i know goes against this so i know its not true, but then again i think. What if my mind is creating this world, i am alone. It spawns these people to talk like they do think liek they do, etc. I have thought of this before in a creative manner, but this just scares me now. If i did do that then that sucks, i would be alone forever or something. The truth of hte matter is i do not know whats going on, and i dont have room to say. Everything out of this world isnt comprehendable and i shouldnt even try. I wish i didnt try, i wish my thoughts were as ignorant as they could be...they i could sit down and think about sex, lay in bed think about what happend today, etc. Instead i am full of these thoughts that downright scare me. Right now i either want to prove these thoughts wrong so i can just say shut up your wrong to them, or forget them entirely so i cant even question them. I think a reason i think about it so much is to kinda check up on them, see if im still scared, see if they are still there, or that the thoughts are associated with so many things i encounter everyday or something. Its like something that gets stuck in your head and you dont stop thinking about it for a while. My question is do you know how i would get over these thoughs, or if it takes time how much, or what cause they scare me real bad, and not only that, im scared that i might end up doing something bad in reaction to them because when i think about them and i "prove them to be right"[i take them and debate with other facts and alot of it makes sense] i become very depressed and think why and shit. I dont want that i wanna live normal. =[

--tak


--------------------
The DJ's took pills to stay awake and play for seven days.


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OfflinePhyl
old hand
Registered: 01/18/00
Posts: 597
Loc: United Kingdom
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
Re: no longer thoughts, reality. [Re: tak]
    #376899 - 08/23/01 06:47 AM (15 years, 3 months ago)

My problem is ever since then i keep geting flashbacks questioning my faith or something
If your faith is not providing answers to questions that are being posed, then I would take some time out to re-evaluate your faith. Perhaps look into systems such as paganism, buddhism, and shamanism, oother theories such as holographic theory and see if there are any lessons there which help provide some answers. Do not feel the need to adopt any orthodox belief systems in full if you do not feel they are right, small sections of different belief systems can be integrated into your own personal system, so long as it feels right.

What if my mind is creating this world, i am alone
If your mind is creating the world, then you are not alone. Just as your mind can create the world, it can create companionship and love, and with love you will never be alone.

The truth of the matter is i do not know whats going on, and i dont have room to say
Don't worry, none of us know for sure what is going on. All we can do is use our own experiences to form our own beliefs. If your beliefs provide answers that satisfy you, then this is all you need. This is what you need to work on.

Right now i either want to prove these thoughts wrong so i can just say shut up your wrong to them, or forget them entirely so i cant even question them. I think a reason i think about it so much is to kinda check up on them, see if im still scared, see if they are still there
If these thoughts scare you, it's easy to see why you would like to ignore them, or deny them, but you must ask yourself if this is the right thing to do. A powerful experience such as this cannot be forgotten, but must be integrated to be fully overcome. If you deny or try to forget, it will keep returning and will contantly be there as a part of your ego that you fear.

My question is do you know how i would get over these thoughs, or if it takes time how much, or what cause they scare me real bad

The only way to get over something you fear is to face it and try to understand the source of the fear. Only then can you begin to fight it. How much time it will take will depend very much on you.

I dont want that i wanna live normal.
I think this is the cause of the fear. What is normal? You are who you are, not who people tell you to be. 'Normal' is a concept created by corporations to make them money.

My own interpretation of your experience is that you were given a glimpse of the world beyond the physical, and were shown the essence of yourself. The fact that this scared and confused you, indicates to me a need to become grounded and connect with yourself. From here I would advise reading up and practicing some simple meditation techniques and grounding excercises. These will help calm you, and allow a different perspective on your experiences. Keeping a small piece of obsidian on you, and under your pillow whilst you sleep will also help with grounding.
Most imprtant of all is not to ignore or deny your experience, but to face it and try to find an answer which satisfies you. Whether this answer is based in religion, or whether you explain it simply as neurons misfiring in your brain is irrelivent, as once you have an answer you can understand, then you can overcome the fear.

Take care

Phil





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OfflinePhyl
old hand
Registered: 01/18/00
Posts: 597
Loc: United Kingdom
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
Ignore this [Re: tak]
    #376900 - 08/23/01 06:47 AM (15 years, 3 months ago)

Oops. Double post

Edited by Phyl on 08/23/01 05:48 AM.



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OfflineBBin
BlueOvertoneStorm

Registered: 05/01/99
Posts: 455
Loc: The Netherlands
Last seen: 1 year, 10 months
Re: no longer thoughts, reality. [Re: tak]
    #376906 - 08/23/01 07:05 AM (15 years, 3 months ago)

Warning, these are just words, a rembrance of thoughts from another lost soul in the process of finding his own self.

Most of it boils down to the simple age old question 'who AM I?'
The person you feel you are has many many facets to itself, different parts that define your Self as yourself. Many people talk about ego, but what is ego? Do you know your ego? I have seen glimpses of it, but its a sneaky little bastard, it portrays itself in the full light letting you think that now you see it, but in the meanwhile its still in the back influencing and sometimes even controlling you without you even being aware of it because its not just in the shadows, its the shadow itself! When you start observing youself you learn a great deal about yourself and the different parts of yourself, yet who is the observer? This observer is who is truly you, it is the you you must become fully aware of in the moment, now and in every moment, because there is no other moment but now. The source who stands above all the smaller selves and the source which is able to overcome the ego and get in touch with your shadow self. See, the thing is that we are not able to destroy our shadow selves, nor should we even want or try to, the shadow is there for a reason, its there so we can realise it and get in touch with it and through doing this ground ourselves fully so we are able to let go fully and soar away into dimensions of higher awareness, should you so want to describe it. Only when you are fully aware of a thing are you able to master it. At the moment you probably dont even see it, and everytime you shine your light upon it, it disappears, because its the shadow. Its this, the small ego, not the large and obvious ego, which is the true part of ourselves which we must realise and transform through realisation. And if your shadow self is strong and large it only means that you have a very bright light inside also, because only a strong light can create a large shadow. Realise Catalyse and Transform to come to the attainment of a being of light, fully aware and in the moment.
So, sometimes, certain psychedelics can put you in dimensions where you are immersed fully into some part of yourself, shrinking your reality to this small box of being which you then only seem to be. Nothing more, nothing else outside of yourself, but yourself. And it is right there in those places where you must realise your true self, realise that the dimension you are immersed in at that moment is still only that, a subjective dimension, selfcreated with selfinflicted boundaries because it was created within one small facet of your already seperated self. Its like landing on a planet, going into a town, walking into a building, finding a small room within and then locking yourself into the smallest closet and then wonder why its so small and dark in your little universe. Still beyond all this, there is a certain something which is perceiving all of this, and it is connected to but not contained within the part of yourself you are identified with at that moment. It is this source, this center of your selfs own Self which you must connect with fully and identify with totally, all the time. And the ironic part is that this Self is not like any smaller facet or part yourself, it is not restrained by your restricted notions of seperated being or an existance as something that stands seperate from that which surround it, because it is in essence Being in itself!
Look at it like a circle, all around the circle are the different parts of yourself and the different dimensions they create, and at the centre lies your true self, the observer which can see all the subjective selfcreated dimensions. And its only from this position that one can transcend the circle of ones own limited dimensions to enter a state of being where one feels connected all the time, in the right moment and place in time and space, in full harmony with existance and your part within its story as a whole.
So whenever you get stuck within a smaller subjective dimension realise it for what it is, just that, a small selfcreated dimension which seems real only because you identify fully with that small part of yourself which created it. If you see it like that you understand that we really create our own reality, in more ways than one.
Becoming conscious was just human kinds first step, from there we must become fully aware and transcend all the smaller dimensions we create with our smaller selves, which are ego dominated because we cannot see our own shadowself with the light of our minds, to attain full consciousness freed from the seperated self so we can rise to the full dimension of total awareness of being, unbound and unrestricted by the mind and its programming, just because we have freed ourselves from full identification with our illusionary preprogrammed smaller selves to awaken into the full richness of existance.
There is only positivety if you choose to go with the harmony.
Peace and good Vibes!

Thought is born blind but Mind knows what is Seeing


--------------------
Thought is born blind but Mind knows what is Seeing


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OfflineLOBO
Vagabond

Registered: 03/19/01
Posts: 655
Loc: NY
Last seen: 10 years, 1 month
Re: no longer thoughts, reality. [Re: tak]
    #376919 - 08/23/01 08:26 AM (15 years, 3 months ago)

Yes I agree with phyl you need to get grounded, try hiking get in contact with nature if you can, and please don't try that again, one thing is to try to self explore, and another thing is to be self distructive, but in every thing there is somthing to be learned, so give your self time to digest the experience.
good luck

"We have infinite possibilities of existence"


--------------------


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OfflinebenM
Stranger
Registered: 08/24/01
Posts: 2
Last seen: 15 years, 3 months
Re: no longer thoughts, reality. [Re: tak]
    #378416 - 08/25/01 11:11 AM (15 years, 3 months ago)

Shit! I just lost a really long post for here. Bloody computers!!




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