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InvisibleRandalFlagg
Stranger
Registered: 06/15/02
Posts: 15,608
I'm in a funk
    #3765034 - 02/11/05 03:08 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

The title of the post speaks for itself.  I warn you; this might be long.

I am a tad bit lost right now.  I inherited some money recently, so I shut down my business.  I don't work now.  I also notice that I don't do much of anything now(except post on the Shroomery :grin:).  But, I have not done too much during the past seven years I have been out of high school.  I dropped out of college.  I have traveled a couple of places and read a few books.  I have occassionally hung out with some people and done some chicks here and there.  But, I really haven't done as much as I should have.  Everything I have gotten into I have quickly lost interest in.  I don't know what to pursue or what to do next.  I am not good at participating in and dealing with life.  It's almost like I am a tad bit afraid to live.  I think it might have to do with the fact that I am a perfectionist.  If things are not perfect then I see no point in pursuing something.

I don't think I have experienced as much life as a person my age should have.  I have kind of become more and more of a weird loner as the years go by.  Has anybody ever seen "One Hour Photo" with Robin Williams?  I could see myself turning into a person like the main character.  I am not kidding.  I am practically there right now it seems.

Here is a rundown of some of my various problems:

Physically:

I don't think I am good looking.  This gets me down.  I routinely get jealous of good looking people.  They seem to be super happy and they have interesting lives.


Mentally:

I can feel a powerful acumen below the surface of my consciousness.  Unfortunately, it rarely comes out.  Most of the time my mind is a shadow of what it truly is(not to brag or anything).  Sometimes this powerful lucidity comes out and when it does it is almost painful.  It quickly goes away however.


Emotionally:

I am often bored and anxious at the same time.  Living life in a normal way seems to be out of my grasp.


Spiritually:

I believe in God, yet I am a nihilist.  I don't think we can comprehend God, be sure of His Will, or consistently implement His ideas even if we knew what He wanted.  And if a superior intelligence(God) has not instituted an order, then anything Man thinks up has no validity because there is no standard to measure it against.  So, God cannot be followed consistently and nothing from Man is worthy of being followed.  Therefore there is nothing to guide me in my understanding of the world.  I am spiritually lost.

So to be blunt, I don't know what to do.  I don't know what direction to go in.  I don't know how to make my life fulfilling.  I want to be remembered.  I want to be great.  I don't want to die a forgotten person.  But, in every area I am lacking.  I do not have the proper tools to even begin to be normal, let alone to be great.  I see people who have charisma, talent, and drive and it makes me feel so inferior right now.  It's like in every area of the human experience, I feel as if I have been shortchanged.  I have not been given the proper tools to succeed in life.  It is almost like God has played a cruel practical joke on me.

Does anybody have any suggestions?  Please don't give me cliche stuff like, "Just get some confidence" or "Do something you like or whatever makes you happy".  I've already tried that stuff.


Edited by RandalFlagg (02/11/05 03:21 AM)


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InvisibleSourceLimit
Above TheirInfluence
Registered: 12/23/04
Posts: 596
Re: I'm in a funk [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #3765386 - 02/11/05 04:36 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Well, try something different. Do something out of the ordinary. You say you came across some money, so use it in interesting ways. Challenge your self. Ever ride a motorcycle? Rock climb? Hell, sky dive?

Activities like these also put you in situations where its very easy to get social networking in place, due to the common interests ( such as the common interests of the users here at the shroomery). Out of the ordinary hobbies and activities also always give you something interesting to bring up in conversations. There is another world out there for those that take the chance and try something out of the mundane.


Edited by SourceLimit (02/11/05 04:36 AM)


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InvisibleSourceLimit
Above TheirInfluence
Registered: 12/23/04
Posts: 596
Re: I'm in a funk [Re: SourceLimit]
    #3765426 - 02/11/05 04:55 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

We all feel the way you feel at some point. All want to be remembered for huge accomplishments during their lives, to go down into the history books. But what does that matter? We live life to experience everything we can, and there's no cutoff. We live to survive, and we have the power to throw some variety into this fight. Look at life at different angles. Grow where you can, and live life as if it will be taken away at any moment. This seems harsh, but it is the reality. But this is exactly why chances must be taken. Overcome this reality, otherwise these flaws that you perceive in yourself manifest outwards.


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InvisibleDirtMcgirt
in a pinch
 User Gallery

Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 2,213
Loc: city of angels
Re: I'm in a funk [Re: SourceLimit]
    #3765495 - 02/11/05 06:17 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Take a chance on something, anything. You need this.


You got money? Invest it. Stocks if that interests you (i guess putting some money away wouldn't hurt since in ten years who knows where you'll be at?) but I would suggest in a new business if you got enough (or take a loan out to suppliment your inheritence) something that will involve you, interest you, and challenge you. Record store, ammo shop, resturaunt, construction business--whatever.


Bored with life? Go travel. Go backpack in Europe or SA for 6 months. Take a good friend with you if you like. Many can't afford this but if you helped them out financially, a personal loan maybe? (obviously you won't go with some dickhead mooch who would use you) I can't imagine somebody balking at that idea. I would drop out of college tomarrow if a somebody came to me with that idea (or any good reason to drop out of worthless college for that matter). Not interested in foriegn countries? Hit the highway here in the US. Its a huge, beautiful fucking country and you probably haven't experianced a 1/3 of it. Just go with no direction. You said yourself you don't do much so you won't be missing out on anything important.


Hate the way you look? Take a chance man. Grow your hair out or cut it. Grow some new facial hair. Try a new style. Afraid you'll look like an idiot or a phoney? You already hate the way you look now so what do you really have to lose? You can alway go back...


I know exactly what your feeling more than you know(except for the inheritence--the only thing I ever inherited was bad habits, mannars, and accent) and have been through this more than once and this was the only way I could get through it. I moved 2 time zones away last summer on a whim and while my situation may not seem better on paper I'm really am better & happier for it. You may want to consider this...its drastic but you can always move back home and start over.


Whatever you do you sound like you need a shock to your system and your young and taken care of financially at the moment so your in the perfect position to do so. If you don't take advantage of it you'll regret it the rest of your life. You don't want to have this same feeling in 15 years when you approaching middle age do you? You can sit around an type shit on the computer when your 55.


Go take a chance on something, I can't stress that enough...anything that doesn't kill you will make you stronger...

I really feel for ya, if you want to talk PM me....


--------------------
"And we, inhabitants of the great coral of the Cosmos, believe the atom (which still we cannot see) to be full matter, whereas, it too, like everything else, is but an embroidery of voids in the Void, and we give the name of being, dense and even eternal, to that dance of inconsistencies, that infinite extension that is identified with absolute Nothingness and that spins from its own non-being the illusion of everything."


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Offlinedeafpanda
Stranger
Registered: 05/07/04
Posts: 984
Loc: Inguland
Last seen: 5 years, 9 months
Re: I'm in a funk [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #3765545 - 02/11/05 07:12 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Jesus fucking christ, I just typed out a fairly long post and accidentally pressed back.

Quote:

Physically:

I don't think I am good looking. This gets me down. I routinely get jealous of good looking people. They seem to be super happy and they have interesting lives.




Anyone can be happy, good looking people do have an advantage, but anyone worth knowing will not be thinking "urgh look at him".

Quote:


Mentally:

I can feel a powerful acumen below the surface of my consciousness. Unfortunately, it rarely comes out. Most of the time my mind is a shadow of what it truly is(not to brag or anything). Sometimes this powerful lucidity comes out and when it does it is almost painful. It quickly goes away however




Well you seem fairly intelligent in PA&L, but more importantly you seem to have a great deal of intellectual honesty. From what I can see, you don't lie to yourself. You could try reading philosophy. It's a great subject because it's all neat and logical, very unlike politics.

Quote:

Spiritually:

I believe in God, yet I am a nihilist. I don't think we can comprehend God, be sure of His Will, or consistently implement His ideas even if we knew what He wanted. And if a superior intelligence(God) has not instituted an order, then anything Man thinks up has no validity because there is no standard to measure it against. So, God cannot be followed consistently and nothing from Man is worthy of being followed. Therefore there is nothing to guide me in my understanding of the world. I am spiritually lost.




I have similar beliefs, I believe that god has no will but that we should live as we see fit. I believe that it is most important for your actions to follow your beliefs, and for your beliefs to be rigorously scrutinised on a regular basis. Living like this gives me a sense of purpose.

I don't know how much money you have, but if I had lots of it I would do something like buying a place in a foreign country and letting it to tourists. This would be a project, and you'd get to stay somewhere overseas.

Go travelling. You won't regret it. If you've got the money, it is very liberating. Just you and your credit card, you can do whatever the hell you want, go anywhere on the spur of a moment. You will probably meet people without trying.

My final piece of advice is strange, and most people don't take it seriously, but do ridiculous things once in a while. Go and roll in some mud or something, walk through town and ask someone if they fancy a game of tennis, wear a sombrero just for kicks.

Things like this remind you that the world is your playground (especially if you have enough money not to need to work), and not your prison.

Go travelling.


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InvisibleRandalFlagg
Stranger
Registered: 06/15/02
Posts: 15,608
Re: I'm in a funk [Re: deafpanda]
    #3765751 - 02/11/05 09:35 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)


Jesus fucking christ, I just typed out a fairly long post and accidentally pressed back

Haha! That happens to me ALL of the time. I have spent 45 minutes on a reply and then....blammo....it is lost.

Anyway, thank you everybody for your replies. I will take your suggestions into account. Ironically, I am going on a "Great American Road trip" in a few months. I probably will be gone for about four months or so. Hopefully, I will have an epiphany on this trip on what I should do and what direction I should go. I'm worried to death that nothing will happen though...and I will be just as lost after the trip as I am now.


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InvisibleSourceLimit
Above TheirInfluence
Registered: 12/23/04
Posts: 596
Re: I'm in a funk [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #3765789 - 02/11/05 09:56 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Go with the flow. The trip IS whats happening, just go from there :smile:

GoodLuck


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Offlinejoecrab
Moon Child

Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 317
Loc: The Beautiful Suwannee Ri...
Last seen: 11 years, 11 months
Re: I'm in a funk [Re: SourceLimit]
    #3766323 - 02/11/05 01:16 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

its all about the journey, not the destination :thumbup:
the future is always  :sun:


--------------------
and the moral of the story is, don't try to meditate on methamphetamines


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InvisibleZippoZM
Knomadic
 User Gallery

Registered: 06/17/03
Posts: 13,227
Loc: Pongyang, North Korea
Re: I'm in a funk [Re: joecrab]
    #3775899 - 02/13/05 10:35 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

well quite honestly i didnt get too much from my last road trip... its an internal thing, where you are dosent really change things that much...


--------------------
PEACE

:mushroom2:zippoz:mushroom2:



"in times of widespread chaos and confusion, it has been the duty of more advanced human beings - artists, scientists, clowns, and philosophers - to create order. In such times as ours however, when there is too much order, too much m management, too much programming and control, it becomes the duty of superior men and women and women to fling their favorite monkey wrenches into the machinery. To relieve the repression of the human spirit, they must sow doubt and disruption"

"People do it every day, they talk to themselves ... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it."


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InvisibleMOTH
Wild Woman
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Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,382
Loc: In the jungle
Re: I'm in a funk [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #3776930 - 02/14/05 02:18 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

I sort of can relate to how you feel...the past few months I've felt like I've been in a funk.  What's worse, is that I *know* I have the power to pull myself out of it, but I don't do it.  Why?  ...honestly, because for me, it's comfortable being in a funk.  I don't have to do anything while in a funk, simply exist.  Living a happy, fulfilled life apparently takes effort, heh. 

I don't know, I think you're making a great step by making this thread.  You've acknowledged the problems that are interfering with your life, and you know which parts are dragging you down.  Well, as cliche as this may be, only we have the ability to help ourselves.  If you see things in youself that needs changing, then change them.  You've taken the first step by realizing what's got you down...now you have an option, like we all do.  You can either put up with it and settle, or take action and work for change in your life.  I truly believe that happiness takes work to achieve, and once you get there you have to remain vigilent or you could easily slide back down again.  (my problem)

So I don't have much advice...just to say that I can relate to where you are coming from and to keep pushing forward!  Make some changes in your life and maybe things will get better.  :heart:


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