sunshine daydreamin' last night
took a long bike ride to a friend's, but she wasn't there. made myself at home and met her kitty, Miles. Miles was a sensation seeker. Miles rubbed himself over every texture he could and purred with delight - the edge of the coffee table, the wall, the sofa - each sensation he would advance forward and throw himself through it. when he came to me, he plopped on my chest and I gave him a hell of a massage. He had no hesitations about being touched anywhere (some cat's are very protective of their tummy and paws). What a wonderful cat, I love him - wish I could trade mine for the girl's. Hmmmm, what is it about him I love? I love the sensation seeker in myself. What else does Miles have to offer than that? He's a symbol of sorts, all day he can rub himself and purrrrrrrrrrrrrr (the first thing I find myself doing on acid is hummmmmmmmmmmmm) and receive comfort. It's a natural opiate. Everything is complete, imagine floating in a warm womb or suckling on mommy's titty all day long.
My cat, Gato (or Gate Gate Parasamgate) is a sensation seeker too. But there's something different. You can tell he's had a rough life. He has a different set of reflexes, as if though there's always that chance that there's a predator there about to pop out of the corner and snatch him. I can get him to seek sensations with me, but there are some that Miles would eat right up that he just couldn't handle. There's a certain distrust, on a bio-security level. It's been imprinted into him, conditioned into him, and learned into him. It's entirely reflexive. Will it change in time, or is that his predisposition now? Either way, I learned something about myself. I like to hummmmmmmmmmm, I like to be pet, I like my animal behavior of this nature (sex, particularly - and sex on lsd is a whole world of its own, which I often like to pursue after plenty of hummming, petting, exc.) This level of being is a part of me, and it demand itself daily care, fitness, and exercise. What happens if I move up to more complicated mental spaces, yet my desire for that snugness is still unmet. What happens if I'm constantly 'up there', without barely getting any excercise for - weeks, months..... years? What kind of reflexes might build up? Respiratory problems? Anxiety? Uptightness? Can I live inside an ecstatic moment where my desire for sensation seeking will always be quenched? What's up?
Or, what if I just lived like a cat forever? Would there be a certain natural wisdom to that? Is there a certain wisdom to the opiate heads of China? What about heroin users? Do you think they have so much bio-security anxiety that they choose a drug that disposes their retreat-from-sensation? In real life, perhaps their sensations are chronically perceived as really quite rigid and tense. Certainly the Spiritual life has more to offer than the gratification of being rubbed all over, but that's definately a level of our Spiritual being which we must respect.
So, the girl hadn't showed up for an hour and I walked across the street to buy a beer. There's a crowd of ol' men hanging out at a convenience-beer store with the owner. They joke and howl and laugh, much like a pack of dogs. Friendly and lovable enough. What is it about dogs that separates them from cats? Certainly they too are sensation seekers, they like long petting sessions just like other primates. But, something's different. They're taking a heavier imprint somewhere else. It has to do with group activities, belonging in group activities. That's more important to them, while the cat finds the sensation seeking more important, but both are plenty important to each, they're just seem a bit more fixed and preoccupied with each respectively. I remember when I was a child, I was my brother's tag-along. I received so much thrill out of being around him, despite having to submit to him entirely - doing what he wanted, going where he wanted, playing his games, reading his books. Also, I remember taking that role as alpha male on the playground. Even in kindergarden, I had a gang of kids - we played tag, and it was my job to determine who was it. It was my job to assign kids nick names. It was my job to teach the kids the new cuss words I learned from my older brother. It was all quite a thrill to be the leader, and I was respected for being a good one - constantly creating new games. All these memories surfaced up through crossing the sunshine and the booze. I remember being seduced by some girls to go play with them for a few days, drawing in the sand and pretending about fantasy worlds of with dragons and princesses and such - it was so much more cool, I thought. When I came back to my pack, I discovered I had been demoted! No longer was I the decider of who played tag. There were new and bigger kids there in a mere 3 days of absence, and I was pissed. They all became a bunch of no good shits, and I wasn't about to take the bullying of this kid (he was a much more hostile leader, maybe he didn't get tickled enough as a baby....) So fuck 'em, I'll go play with the Pretenders and videogamers. Already, in kindergarden, I was getting a whole load of shit for abandoning my pack and going to a pack who really didn't put much effort into having a leader - much more were they obsessed with the world of idea, ideas of equality... very fictive, quite actually.
mmmmmmmm
peace
--------------------
Everything is better than it was the last time. I'm good.
If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.
It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence.
I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too. If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.
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For a long time I have considered cats to be extremely spiritually aware creatues, and this is reflected very strongly in their personalities. Just as a cat is happy in solitary, and doesn't tend to live in packs, a spiritually aware person will often isolate themselves from others for periods of time to explore themselves, and doesn't rely so strongly on others for comfort or reassurance. Dogs on the other hand, I see as less spiritually aware, and just as a dogs tend to live, hunt and move in packs, a less spiritually aware person tends to rely on their friends much more for comfort and reassurance, and fear the lonliness and solitude of being alone.
I also find that it's the spiritually aware people who seek sensations more than the less aware. Between my friends who are extremely spiritually aware, we see no problem with pysical contact between each other in the form of hugs, kisses, massages, stroking, or basically anything which causes a plesant sensation. Those who are less spiritulaly aware tend to be less inclined to do these things, fearing that it would be 'out of place', especially amongst people the don't know so well, or fear that they may be taken the wrong way (especially between the same sex), and as a result the persons status within the group may be reduced.
Take care
Phil
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