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My Minds Eye IsRhizomorphic

Registered: 08/25/02
Posts: 2,791
Loc: Bowels of HELL
Something to offend you ! Manic Monday Jokes!
    #3745046 - 02/07/05 01:30 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Here you go all you joke lovers , and with all the love in the air I spose many of you will not like a few of them , some or old some are new ,some are lame, but either way a few should put a smile on your manic Monday faces !


What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
> >
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
> >
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.
> >
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
> >
What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
One US leader.
> >
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
> >
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
> >
Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely?
Because Janet Reno is her real father.

> >
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
> >
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
> >
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.
> >
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.
> >
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
> >
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
> >
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,
caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
> >
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
> >
What makes men chase women they have no intention of
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no
intention of driving.
> >
A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade.
Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18.
> >
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
> >
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
> >
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
Are you sure it's mine?"
> >
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
> >
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
> >
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
> >
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."
> >
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use
the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
> >

> >
What's the Cuban National Anthem?
"Row, Row, Row Your Boat"
> >
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
> >
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the
A speech impediment.
> >
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at
They're hiring.
> >
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front
of the cage along with... "a recipe".
> >
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
> >
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a
southern fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale
begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."
> >
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

Well there ya have it , hope it makes you feel like laughing today, God knows we all need it from time to time .

Any information I give is not intended to aide you in the production of potentialy illegal substances !None of my exp comes from growing illegal varities , so take it as you will .
So with that said here is our mission statement .

Then the priest fell into a trance or swoon,& said unto the Queen of heaven ; Write unto us the ordeals; write unto us the rituals; write unto us the law !

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Registered: 05/27/04
Posts: 4,470
Loc: City of Dreams
Re: Something to offend you ! Manic Monday Jokes! [Re: tripndicular]
    #3745130 - 02/07/05 01:49 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Thats good shit. Pretty funny.

Muppet Said:

so yeah:
- 'sex' five times
- once with a man
- once with a cadaver
- and thrice with actual women(all of which were prostitutes)
Best story ever!

www.panicstream.com :thumbup:

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