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Here you go all you joke lovers , and with all the love in the air I spose many of you will not like a few of them , some or old some are new ,some are lame, but either way a few should put a smile on your manic Monday faces !
SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE ... PART I
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan. > > What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone. > > What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? The position of the dirt bag. > > Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it. > > What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth? One US leader. > > What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? Doughnuts. > > Why is air a lot like sex? Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any. > > Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely? Because Janet Reno is her real father.
> >SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE ... PART II (JUST WARMING UP!) > > What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. > > What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities. > > What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 45 lbs. > > What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45 minutes. > > What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife. > > Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism. > > Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends. > > What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. > > What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. > > A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs? The blonde, because she's 18. > > Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? Because they have cotton balls. > > What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside. > > What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? Are you sure it's mine?" > > What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck. > > Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to you. > > Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes. > > Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? He walks around saying "Yo." > > Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it. > >
SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE ... PART III (Just Great Stuff) > > What's the Cuban National Anthem? "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" > > Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar. > > What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment. > > What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast? They're hiring. > > What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe". > > How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*! > > What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..." > > Why is there no Disneyland in China? No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
Well there ya have it , hope it makes you feel like laughing today, God knows we all need it from time to time .
-------------------- Any information I give is not intended to aide you in the production of potentialy illegal substances !None of my exp comes from growing illegal varities , so take it as you will .
So with that said here is our mission statement .
Then the priest fell into a trance or swoon,& said unto the Queen of heaven ; Write unto us the ordeals; write unto us the rituals; write unto us the law !
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