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 gdman
badger, badger,badger...
 
Registered: 12/10/02
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 The one who never freaks out 
#3736537 - 02/05/05 05:43 PM (19 years, 2 months ago) |
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is freaking out!!!! everything just seems to be going to shit on me,  just feel so god damm helpless. I just need to let that out, the drugs are taking hold now, I need to stop using this stuff, I don't know what I was smoking to think that I should start again. it's not the cause of my problems, just more of a bi-product, but now I feel as if I'm just getting torn. not too many (none?) irl know I do this, though they may wonder why I have seemed so relaxed latley. stems from friend problems, girl problems, and well, you know.
No more opiates, not for a long while hope I don't get too sick. Anyone reading don;t fool yourselves, these drugs demand respect. Please I just need some encouraging words, someone, anyone. Please.
I'm feeling better, of course, I'm high. That and just spewing this post out. I'm sitting here, I've debated wether or not I'm posting this, I think putting it up is astep in the right direction. Tomorrow is a new day.
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Got a question about a substance? Erowid might already have your answer! Have questions about the mushroom experience? The Tripper's FAQ may have your answer or someone else might have had your question before.
I know up on the top you are seeing great sights, but down at the bottom we, too, should have rights.
- Theodor Seuss Geisel Dr. Suess
"I didn't come here to be easily understood" - Steve
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 MetaShroom
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Re: The one who never freaks out [Re: gdman]
#3736558 - 02/05/05 05:48 PM (19 years, 2 months ago) |
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I've never used opiates but the times i freaked out when i used to take drugs, i'd just think how everything would be fine in the morning when i could get my shit together.  
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peruvian spark
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Re: The one who never freaks out [Re: gdman]
#3736601 - 02/05/05 05:56 PM (19 years, 2 months ago) |
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You'll be alright, just sounds like you need a little light. 
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"The only unchangeable certainty is that nothing is certain and everything is changeable."
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Toricious
Theblunt-smokinglense-man.
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I have some of those problems too, don't worry, be happy, and the chemical in the happy flower will course it's way through and then out like an exploring pirate 
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"There's a guy in my apple!"
"Jerk off on weed man, that's where it's at... " -Anjaba
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gdman
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Re: The one who never freaks out [Re: Toricious]
#3736636 - 02/05/05 06:02 PM (19 years, 2 months ago) |
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no doubt, 500% better now 
I really need to stop, but I guess since I took it I might as well enjoy. I'm gonna make an effort to go without tomorrow.
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Got a question about a substance? Erowid might already have your answer! Have questions about the mushroom experience? The Tripper's FAQ may have your answer or someone else might have had your question before.
I know up on the top you are seeing great sights, but down at the bottom we, too, should have rights.
- Theodor Seuss Geisel Dr. Suess
"I didn't come here to be easily understood" - Steve
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Society
Mmmm... pizza
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Re: The one who never freaks out [Re: gdman]
#3737986 - 02/05/05 10:20 PM (19 years, 2 months ago) |
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It's good to know that you feel better. Are you relying on the drugs as a crutch for your girl problems, etc.? The fact you were/are high is definately a factor in freaking out. If you stopped using things for a while, things would probably smooth over.
I don't know what I'm saying. I'm going to bed. I hope you feel better.
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stefan
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Re: The one who never freaks out [Re: gdman]
#3739748 - 02/06/05 05:40 AM (19 years, 2 months ago) |
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hey gdman, hang in there, things will get better! (good you already feel better). Good luck quitting opiates, you'll be much better off without them. I know you can do it
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deafpanda
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Re: The one who never freaks out [Re: stefan]
#3739877 - 02/06/05 06:51 AM (19 years, 2 months ago) |
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Yeah, advice is pretty useless in this situation (you know what to do, that's not the problem), but you have our solidarity.
Good luck.
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gdman
badger, badger,badger...
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Re: The one who never freaks out [Re: deafpanda]
#3740369 - 02/06/05 10:36 AM (19 years, 2 months ago) |
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Last night was akward at best, I just have no idea what the fuck is going through this girls head. She acts like she really likes me, I don't know what to do. I'm at my wits end here, fuckin a .
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Got a question about a substance? Erowid might already have your answer! Have questions about the mushroom experience? The Tripper's FAQ may have your answer or someone else might have had your question before.
I know up on the top you are seeing great sights, but down at the bottom we, too, should have rights.
- Theodor Seuss Geisel Dr. Suess
"I didn't come here to be easily understood" - Steve
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dblaney
Human Being
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Re: The one who never freaks out [Re: gdman]
#3740669 - 02/06/05 01:01 PM (19 years, 2 months ago) |
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Girls are very confusing, no doubt about it. If you feel like posting what happened, go ahead it'll make a cool read. Either way though, good luck and godspeed man!
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"What is in us that turns a deaf ear to the cries of human suffering?"
"Belief is a beautiful armor
But makes for the heaviest sword"
- John Mayer
Making the noise "penicillin" is no substitute for actually taking penicillin.
"This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or their revolutionary right to dismember or overthrow it." -Abraham Lincoln
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Vulture
Pursuer ofWisdom
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Re: The one who never freaks out [Re: dblaney]
#3740984 - 02/06/05 02:18 PM (19 years, 2 months ago) |
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man...i feel for ya....althought my prblem has nothing to to with drugs i still cry myself to sleep every night....i have dreams about her and wake up crying...i have dream of us getting back together and wake up and realize its not true and i cry.
Im also the most laid back one that never gets freaked out about anything...but ive just never experienced such confusions andfrustration i fear im loosing control 
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Work like you dont need the money.
Love like you never been hurt.
Dance like nobody is watching.
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Randolph_Carter
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Re: The one who never freaks out [Re: gdman]
#3741939 - 02/06/05 06:26 PM (19 years, 2 months ago) |
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Man, the next nice day you have, take a few hours and watch the sunset. Or the sunrise.
Just sit over a good vista, and feel the world move along like it always has. realize another day is coming, and everything is still moving, still alive, and there is always hope.
And no matter how bad the opiates call you, decline. You can visit them later, but if you're seriously having problems it won't be for quite some time.
And remember to breathe.
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"..all those molecules thrashing their kinky little tails, hot for destiny and the street." Gibson
Nuke baby seals for Jesus!
(This has been a +1 production.)
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charlietuna
Stranger
Registered: 02/07/05
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Re: The one who never freaks out [Re: gdman]
#3744400 - 02/07/05 06:54 AM (19 years, 2 months ago) |
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hahahaha...that's what you get when you think you're above it all. i was once in a position where i thought i had everything figured out and i knew exactly who i was. as it turns out, though, i couldn't have been more wrong.
...and those walls of denial come crumbling down.
unfortunately, watching all the sunsets and taking all the "time away" you can aren't going to make your life any better. changes will come when you hit that low place you never knew existed, but not without a hell of a lot of effort.
the easiest thing for you to do at this point is to keep using, keep looking for people to say you're alright, and to keep downplaying your problem...and i assume you will do exactly that.
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gdman
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Re: The one who never freaks out [Re: charlietuna]
#3744407 - 02/07/05 07:02 AM (19 years, 2 months ago) |
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What are you talking about asshole? Oh is this doser? Wonderful you came to my thread to flame me I feel honored.
Anyway I broke it off with her, yeah she showed her true colors last night, she turned into a lieing, well you know. You really had to have met her to know what exactly I'm talking about. I'm feeling better though.
"it's all over now"
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Got a question about a substance? Erowid might already have your answer! Have questions about the mushroom experience? The Tripper's FAQ may have your answer or someone else might have had your question before.
I know up on the top you are seeing great sights, but down at the bottom we, too, should have rights.
- Theodor Seuss Geisel Dr. Suess
"I didn't come here to be easily understood" - Steve
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Vulture
Pursuer ofWisdom
Registered: 06/18/02
Posts: 3,546
Loc: SC
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Re: The one who never freaks out [Re: gdman]
#3744480 - 02/07/05 08:00 AM (19 years, 2 months ago) |
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yeha well i called my girl asking for a definite answer on weather we were over or not. and she siad she didnt know. i asled when we could tlak about it and she said she didnt know.
so its all still up in the air...she os completely torn and its still killing me...the thought of her being with another man makes me want to kill people.
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Work like you dont need the money.
Love like you never been hurt.
Dance like nobody is watching.
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charlietuna
Stranger
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Last seen: 19 years, 2 months
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Re: The one who never freaks out [Re: Vulture]
#3744489 - 02/07/05 08:08 AM (19 years, 2 months ago) |
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"it's for the better, your better half's gone. it's ok, you didn't need her anyway"
my ex liked to play that game. as it turns out, she had others guys in mind. get over it. she isn't hurting you, YOU'RE hurting you by hanging on to her.
edit: oh, and don't worry about the other guys. she isn't going to find love or happiness...just more guys to use her. you've already won, even if you think you lost. walk away.
Edited by charlietuna (02/07/05 08:12 AM)
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gdman
badger, badger,badger...
Registered: 12/10/02
Posts: 16,286
Loc: Dancing In the Streets
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Re: The one who never freaks out [Re: charlietuna]
#3744573 - 02/07/05 08:53 AM (19 years, 2 months ago) |
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I do feel better, there are other girls out there.
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Got a question about a substance? Erowid might already have your answer! Have questions about the mushroom experience? The Tripper's FAQ may have your answer or someone else might have had your question before.
I know up on the top you are seeing great sights, but down at the bottom we, too, should have rights.
- Theodor Seuss Geisel Dr. Suess
"I didn't come here to be easily understood" - Steve
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Todcasil
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Re: The one who never freaks out [Re: gdman]
#3746509 - 02/07/05 04:44 PM (19 years, 2 months ago) |
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i didnt read past the third post gdman, cause i just want to say that this:
at least you understand the respect now.
i too have a opiate problem... i stopped for a long while and then all the sudden something falls in my lap for free, and im high, then im sick again...
youre not alone, if you need anything PM, we can talk. peace brother.
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Men look at themselves and they see flawed humans, we look at women and we see perfect
GODDESSES
Women look at themselves and they seem utterly human, when looking at men they see proud
GODS.
~Casil 
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HB
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Re: The one who never freaks out [Re: Todcasil]
#4766840 - 10/06/05 11:19 PM (18 years, 6 months ago) |
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gdman -
first of all, i'm truly empathetic of your situation ... as a former heavy addict of 3 years, now sober of opiates for over 6 months, i can say without question that i understand and feel for you straight from the heart ...
opiates are truly devils in disguise ... they lie to you within your own self by telling you that you need to take them, when in fact you already know deep in your heart that you are setting yourself up for true upset hours later ... the rush of them is amazing ... and the crash of them, deathly ... they are nothing more than seductive, abusive girlfriends ... truly ...
i can't say how many nights i spent crying ... and crying some more ... asking god himself, even as a non-religious person, WHY must this happen to me ... what did i do to deserve this pain and suffering ... will it ever end ... will i ever be able to appreciate a beautiful day again, truly FEELING that it's a beautiful day, and not just saying that for the sake of saying it?
i attempted to quit opiates well over 20 times, each time a very genuine gesture of trying to quit ... and i'd tell everybody around me how motivated i was to quit, and how 'this time will be the time' ... truly, i felt like the boy who cried wolf, and knew i was being viewed that way with every further attempt at quitting ... i was SURE, genuinely 100% sure, that life would never be 'like it was' again ... that i would die on an opiate, in pain, sick, constipated, panicking ...
with the help of somebody who cared for me more than anything in the world, i understood with nothing more than pure blind faith that there had to be light at the end of the tunnel ... i was determined to quit opiates, whether to find that my life was indeed fucked forever even off opiates, or that it truly was a place of grand beauty that just needed a lot of work to find again ...
and i can say with complete honesty and compassion that, even with the severely heavy opiate abuse, which i was doing day and night, there IS that beautiful light at the end of the tunnel ... a truly amazing light ... the light of LIFE, of ENERGY and COMPASSION and SERENITY without nervousness ... you've seen this light before, you know it exists ... it just is obscured by the horribly dense clouds of opiate addiction ... all these words will not evoke the feelings they used to, but only because a drug is moderating your brain's actions and reactions in addiction ... not YOU ... there is an important distinction in that ...
this light is not only attainable but essential to ACTUALLY living .. that same light is the reason you've cared to make it this far in life ... to keep using opiates is truly to tell that light to fuck off, that you know what's better for you, when in fact, again, the drug is just saying that ...
like i tell everybody who wants to quit a drug -- the ONLY way, yes the ONLY way to quit the drug, is to look yourself in the eye ... tell yourself, and KNOW in yourself, that life WILL be better without opiates ... that you will never allow yourself to touch opiates again ... no, not that one time in 6 months, no not even in a year when you finally feel free of the addiction ...
not ever. this addiction will last a lifetime, like any other serious addiction ... and every time i hear the words dilaudid or norco or percocet or vicodin or whatever, this many months later, i still feel that slight tingle of knowing that rush ... and then, a moment later, my OWN self is actually saying, No, you'd be nothing more than a complete fool for thinking that temporary periods of fake bliss are more important than experiencing these contrasts of life ...
truly, the contrasts ARE what make life worth living ... and i can now easily say i will never touch an opiate again, and i'm not only happy, i truly thank the divine guiding light in the universe for letting me believe, completely blinded by opiates, that there must be something beyond the addiction ...
and there is ... even if you would never listen to me, just listen to me now ... this light is beautiful ... so beautiful that i've dedicated my life to seeing the light all the way through and to helping guide others to see this light, even if all they see is black ...
that's all i saw for the first full month off opiates ... the purest of blacks ... the darkest of hells ...
but i understood that it was indeed my fault, whether directly or indirectly, that i got addicted to the drug ... so, with this understanding, i knew that since it WAS my fault, it was MY responsibility to fix the situation ... nobody else can fix it ... and the drug inside you isn't going to one day randomly go 'Hey, i think i'm bored with you, i think i'll quit you and you can go on your way" ...
no ... you must fight .. so hard ... ever so hard ... but just do whatever you can to understand and believe in this light ... even if it seems like it will kill you trying to find it ... it will feel that way ... but no journey that is worth it in the end will be easy ...
and once you do find that light ... the second you see it, for even a moment, after however long being away from opiates ... you'll KNOW ... and you'll say to yourself how could i have never seen this light before? my god it's so amazing ...
i'm not bullshitting you and i wouldn't write this much, 100% sober, if i didn't truly care about you
please regard what i say and make an educated decision as to what you feel your future should be ... if you don't feel your future will benefit from opiates ... and it won't ... then understand that the only way it can change is to end it NOW ... and to understand that every further dose is a much longer stretch in that tunnel to the light ... and that EVERY time you don't dose when you really want to is to completely bypass the long stretches of the tunnel and to find your way that much easier ...
i pray that the divine force finds you as it found me ... if you need anything at all, PM me ...
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HB
Registered: 04/06/01
Posts: 42,528
Last seen: 1 year, 9 months
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Re: The one who never freaks out [Re: HB]
#4766849 - 10/06/05 11:20 PM (18 years, 6 months ago) |
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well i just realized that this post was not from recent but it still applies to anybody who is in a dire opiate situation, so it was not all for naught ... and if this still applies gdman, then heed it well ...
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