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Invisibletripndicular
My Minds Eye IsRhizomorphic

Registered: 08/25/02
Posts: 2,791
Loc: Bowels of HELL
Voodoo Penis .... Friday Funnies !
    #3729457 - 02/04/05 10:48 AM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Hey all you joke lovers , here is an old one but good one. And it shows our respect for law enforcement ... well sort of  :wink: Hope you all enjoy and that it puts a little pep in your step an this fine Fri morn.

It is a tad long winded , but funny and worth the time it takes to read it .



A business man was getting ready to go on a long business trip.
He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy
sex drive, so he thought he'd buy her a little something to keep
her occupied
while he was gone. He went to a store that sold sex toys and
started looking
around. He was browsing through the dildo's, looking for something
special
to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the
counter. He explained his situation.

The old man said, "Well, we have vibrating dildo's, special
attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep
her
occupied for weeks, except---" and he stopped.

"Except what?" the man asked. "C'mon, tell me! I need something!"

"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo
Penis".
The old man reached under the counter and pulled out a very old
wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He
opened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman
laughed, but the old man replied, "You haven't seen what it'll do
yet."

He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo Penis, the door." The Voodoo
Penis

miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and
started pounding the keyhole.

The whole door shook wildly with vibrations, so much so that a
crack began
to form down the middle. Before the door split, the old man said,
"Voodoo
Penis, return to box!" The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to
the box
and lay there quiet once more.

"I'll take it!" said the businessman. The guy took it home to his
wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she
had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, my crotch."

After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably
horny and remembered the Voodoo Penis. She undressed, opened the
box and
said "Voodoo Penis, my crotch!" The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch
and
started pumping. It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd
ever experienced
before. After three mind-shattering orgasms, she became very
exhausted and
decided she'd had enough.

She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting.
She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband
had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off. Worried, she decided
to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her
clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering with
every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another incredibly intense
orgasm made her swerve all over the road. A police officer saw this
and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then
asked how much she'd had to drink.

Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything to
drink, officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in
my crotch and it won't stop screwing me!"

The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an
arrogant voice replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass."

The rest is history...


--------------------
Any information I give is not intended to aide you in the production of potentialy illegal substances !None of my exp comes from growing illegal varities , so take it as you will .
So with that said here is our mission statement .

Then the priest fell into a trance or swoon,& said unto the Queen of heaven ; Write unto us the ordeals; write unto us the rituals; write unto us the law !


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OfflineHarbinger
The Power of theRiff Compels Me

Registered: 08/12/03
Posts: 2,059
Loc: Far Away
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
Re: Voodoo Penis .... Friday Funnies ! [Re: tripndicular]
    #3729477 - 02/04/05 10:56 AM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Man, funny, but I remember hearing that back in 6th grade. :tongue:


--------------------
Click the pic to hear some songs I've recorded.


:rockon:


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Invisibletripndicular
My Minds Eye IsRhizomorphic

Registered: 08/25/02
Posts: 2,791
Loc: Bowels of HELL
Re: Voodoo Penis .... Friday Funnies ! [Re: Harbinger]
    #3729491 - 02/04/05 11:00 AM (11 years, 10 months ago)

I think I mentioned it was old but good  :crazy2:


--------------------
Any information I give is not intended to aide you in the production of potentialy illegal substances !None of my exp comes from growing illegal varities , so take it as you will .
So with that said here is our mission statement .

Then the priest fell into a trance or swoon,& said unto the Queen of heaven ; Write unto us the ordeals; write unto us the rituals; write unto us the law !


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineHarbinger
The Power of theRiff Compels Me

Registered: 08/12/03
Posts: 2,059
Loc: Far Away
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
Re: Voodoo Penis .... Friday Funnies ! [Re: tripndicular]
    #3729547 - 02/04/05 11:18 AM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Right, I guess you did. It's early. :grin:


--------------------
Click the pic to hear some songs I've recorded.


:rockon:


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Invisibletripndicular
My Minds Eye IsRhizomorphic

Registered: 08/25/02
Posts: 2,791
Loc: Bowels of HELL
Re: Voodoo Penis .... Friday Funnies ! [Re: Harbinger]
    #3729639 - 02/04/05 11:51 AM (11 years, 10 months ago)

:wink: I can relate ... get some java take a :stoned:
And .... Have A Groovy Day ! :mushroom2:
Trip n D


--------------------
Any information I give is not intended to aide you in the production of potentialy illegal substances !None of my exp comes from growing illegal varities , so take it as you will .
So with that said here is our mission statement .

Then the priest fell into a trance or swoon,& said unto the Queen of heaven ; Write unto us the ordeals; write unto us the rituals; write unto us the law !


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Invisiblepoke smot!
floccinocci floofinator
Male

Registered: 01/08/03
Posts: 5,231
Re: Voodoo Penis .... Friday Funnies ! *DELETED* [Re: tripndicular]
    #3729658 - 02/04/05 11:56 AM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Post deleted by poke smot!

Reason for deletion: x



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InvisibleThin White Duke
Stranger
 User Gallery

Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 51,530
Re: Voodoo Penis .... Friday Funnies ! [Re: poke smot!]
    #3729851 - 02/04/05 01:05 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Thats funny


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OfflineSnape
Eternal Chaos
Male

Registered: 08/05/03
Posts: 2,285
Loc: Montreal, Quebec
Last seen: 2 years, 21 days
Re: Voodoo Penis .... Friday Funnies ! [Re: tripndicular]
    #3729874 - 02/04/05 01:11 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaahah extremely good !!!

Voodoo Penis, OTD !


--------------------
I'm floating in the sea of stars,
I'm drifting away from the shore
I will be lost in the dream when the dark days come
But I will make the time run backwards and
I'll make the stars shine again


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Invisibleblissedout
Male User Gallery

Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 22,320
Loc: Yonder
Re: Voodoo Penis .... Friday Funnies ! [Re: tripndicular]
    #3729884 - 02/04/05 01:14 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

:lol:That was a good one, Trip!! I have never heard that one!! Thanks for starting my day off with a laugh!! :smile:


--------------------



:murray:


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