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"Clinically obsessed Clinton-hater and one-time watermelon-detonator Rep. Dan Burton took a very important trip to Europe last week. He's over in Frankfurt investigating the German postal system - although whether the purpose is to compare it to the U.S. system or to find out whether Bill Clinton is sleeping with it is at this point unclear. Funnily enough, Burton travelled without any congressional aides, and had no formal agenda or briefing papers - highly unusual for an official "fact-finding" tour. Even more funnily enough, Burton's wife is in Frankfurt right now undergoing experimental cancer treatment. But of course, Dan Burton was absolutely not travelling abroad at taxpayer expense for the purposes of visiting his sick wife. Why, that would be totally unethical. Heck, if he was taking a government-paid trip, including per diems and Air Force transport, well that should probably be brought to the attention of the congressman in charge of the committee which investigates government waste. Oh, wait a minute. Dan Burton is the congressman in charge of the committee which investigates government waste. I see."
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