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OfflineChonger
Olive grower

Registered: 09/30/00
Posts: 551
Loc: England
Last seen: 4 years, 18 days
Thoughts of observed disillusion in a quarter moon
    #371220 - 08/13/01 07:00 PM (17 years, 2 months ago)

build your nest
in a grey urban forrest
feel know see sense nothing

Run, build, no, come, dont tell
See not this, tell of this Eon
Smile for the camera
You are meant to be..........
You are not to question


and i couldn't awake from the nightmare that sucked me in and pulled me under
pulled me under
oh... that was so real


--------------------
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than have a frontal lobotomy


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InvisibleIshmael
enthusiast

Registered: 10/29/99
Posts: 224
Re: Thoughts of observed disillusion in a quarter moon [Re: Chonger]
    #371352 - 08/14/01 01:51 AM (17 years, 2 months ago)

Enjoyable.

Conjurs up images of ruination, self denial and deep seated illusions. I would suggest, though, that you work a bit on flow. Perhaps something a bit more rigid in form would have given a better sense of what you were getting at (concrete forests without sense). I enjoyed it none-the-less.

Ish



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OfflineChonger
Olive grower

Registered: 09/30/00
Posts: 551
Loc: England
Last seen: 4 years, 18 days
Re: Thoughts of observed disillusion in a quarter moon [Re: Chonger]
    #371464 - 08/14/01 04:50 AM (17 years, 2 months ago)

actually that was the sort of point of it in a way.
It wasn't meant to be a poem, i was very off my head when i did this, and at first i wanted it to make no sense at all, but then i needed some sense and then i remembered something i saw just before i did it, which was a bird nesting on the side of a building, which was really meaningfull towards the way we are unconsciously forced to do things that arent elementally right.

The title has a meaning aswell, the quarter moon is 7 days, but 7 days, not just because its a week, obviously, has something really weird to do with me somewhere.
I'm going to eat breakfast now.

and i couldn't awake from the nightmare that sucked me in and pulled me under
pulled me under
oh... that was so real


--------------------
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than have a frontal lobotomy


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General Interest >> Philosophy, Sociology & Psychology

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