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 Tranceport Traveler Registered: 06/18/04 Posts: 58 Loc: Vancouver, BC Last seen: 15 years, 11 months |
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The following is an account of my sixth mushroom trip. It was without a doubt the most immersive and intense mushroom trip to date. This report is written in an attempt to share my experience as well as to sort out the trip. It is a long trip report and would be more in the realm of serious revelations than recreation, so it may not be suited to everyone.
Dosage: 2.5 grams dried P. cubensis mushrooms Setting: A comfortable home setting. The apartment was thoroughly cleaned and clutter free. There was a variety of music selected ranging from Goa trance to acapella Gregorian chants. Candles were placed around the apartment far out of the reach of flammable materials. Lighting was dimmed to increase the general trippiness of the experience. Comfort items such as childhood stuffed toys were put out so that if the shroomy weirdness got out of hand there would be something to grab onto. Pillows and soft blankets were laid out in the living room. Cranberry and fruit juices were prepared and chilled. Citrus fruit was at the ready. Paper and pen was at the ready for drawing and/or writing down thoughts. My tripping partner was my partner of 39 years of age. Set: This was a spur of the moment same day decision to trip for the sixth time on the only psychedelic I have ever experienced. Although I have had my moments of fear and vulnerability, all previous five experiences were at a level where if things got a bit strange I could snap out of the ?mushroom headspace? and get in touch with reality before wandering off into more comfortable territory. There was no fear or hesitation going into the experience. There was no particular mental goal or aim for this experience. Although I have respect for the power of the mushroom, I chose to trip for the purpose of recreational tripping. By a fluke, I had hardly eaten anything that day so my stomach was nearly empty. Around 9:00 p.m. we took out the brown baggie containing the 5.0 grams of dried P. cubensis mushrooms. Finding a new use for our electric coffee grinder, we pulled it out and pulverised our mushrooms into a fine powder. This was divided into two roughly equal portions. This was a first for us as we have previously chewed up the mushrooms with some chocolate. Around 9:15 p.m. I mixed my mushroom dust with approximately two tablespoons of chocolate syrup to make a paste and ate it. At this point I followed my usual ritual and took piece of paper and wrote the following in big bold letters: You took a safe dosage of mushrooms at 9:15 p.m. RELAX!!! ENJOY!!! I added a smiley face, put it on the kitchen counter and began the wait for the come-up by walking around and making last minute preparations. My partner went to take a shower as I made sure that everything was in order in the apartment. I knew from past experience that clutter made for a very nerve wracking experience. Soon?.very soon?.much sooner than I expected?.things began to ramp up. Although mushrooms have never made me feel very sick, there was none of the transient low grade nausea that I have come to accept as inherent to mushroom trips. What did happen is that about fifteen minutes after ingestion I started to feel a bit weird. Then much like coming up on MDMA it begin to build with rapid intensity. With my partner in the shower I started to feel a bit edgy and scared by myself. I began to pace around the apartment. As the anxiety began to build I began to repeat the mantra, ?When the shroomy weirdness gets a bit intense, just relax and let go.? I tried to listen to some psychedelic chillout music, but I felt distant and removed from it. If anything it increased my ever increasing anxiety. Things began to spiral in a negative direction. Thoughts of ?What have you gone and done?, ?Oh god I wish I hadn?t eaten mushrooms?, and ?I really don?t want to trip tonight? came cascading into my head. Before I knew what was happening the overwhelming thought that it was time to head to the emergency room filled my head and seemed like a really good idea. My rational mind was telling myself that I had eaten mushrooms and that nothing had changed. Viewed from the outside I was the same person living the same routine that I always lived. All that was happening was a very abrupt change in my perception and thought processes. I was only twenty-five minutes into this trip and at the current level of intensity the thought of not even being close to the peak was hideous to contemplate. This didn?t do much for the mental distress I was experiencing. Although my plan had been to try a trip to Goa and psytrance for the first time, I knew that I needed some calming, so I made the most logical decision I could make at this time: Go back to your roots. I grew up in a very conservative religious environment. Since I was rejected by that religion due to my life choices, I have always avoided that topic during my trips into psychedelia, but this time I decided to reach inward to grab a hold of something stable. To this end I put on a Palestrina CD and the apartment was filled with the hauntingly beautiful soothing sounds of female Latin vocals. I lay down on the couch, covered myself up with a soft blanket, propped myself up on some very comfy pillows and put my teddy bear (yea, I?m 30) on my lap. My tension began to ease a bit. At that point I closed my eyes. Beautiful swirling psychedelia. Breathtaking colours. Intricate designs of unsanity. Pulsing, morphing, glowing. Shimmering and flowing in that indescribable ?shroomy? way. Three-dimensional, over, under, in front and behind. You know the psychedelic artwork on the covers of those old skool Goa albums? The indescribable intricacy? Suddenly I saw the inspiration for that artwork that had always eluded me on previous forays into the psychedelic realm. In that beauty I released and in that moment of surrender the fear vanished as every part of my body was filled with the magic of the spore. As I opened my eyes, the apartment was warm and inviting in the dim light. The flickering candles, the dim lighting and the ethereal female voices brought tranquility, peace and the temporal became the spiritual. I lay there basking in warm euphoria as I explored spiritual avenues that had been blocked for several years. I closed my eyes and ?watched? as my psyche opened up and I saw my mind sifting and filtering various thoughts. Suddenly the thought entered my mind that Ben had been in the shower for a very long time. My eyes jerked open as I worried that maybe he had gotten stuck in a mind loop or was having difficulty, so I went to check on him. I peaked into the bathroom and fairly yelled, ?Are you okay?? The shower curtain opened a crack and I caught a glimpse of some very dilated pupils and the muffled reply, ?oh yes?everything is fine.? As I went back to the living room I suddenly realised that my psyche was ripped wide open. There were no particularly disturbing thoughts or emotions, but with that realisation came a tremendous vulnerability. It felt as though I were living all of my life from infancy to the current at one time and that some very deep things could suddenly come boiling to the surface. By this time Ben had gotten out of the shower. Things had began to get a bit intense for him so he said he needed to lay down for a bit. I walked into the bedroom and tried to communicate to him what was happening, but communication was a bit too much. Then it all got very intense. It was the kind of intensity that I look back on now and think with shock, ?How did I ever get through that?? Always on mushroom trips, even those of up to 3 grams I have always had one foot in reality and one foot in the mushroom world. If things started to get a bit too weird I could snap out of the trip headspace and reassure myself that everything was okay before diving back in. This time there was no snapping out. The visuals and trip became the only reality. Everything was slow and dream-like. There was no alternating between realities. There was only the reality of the shroom world. Strangely enough I did not find this frightening but rather interesting. I always fight to be in control and it seemed to be that when I had the possibility of fighting my way back to reality that I could never really let go. This time when I knew it was no longer possible and just let happen what would happen there was no real fear of what might come. We went into the living room and my idea of the perfect trip was shattered. All of my intentions to meditate, draw, think, listen to music and reach inward were not to be. You see, Ben began to have a difficult experience. I don?t know if things got a bit too intense or if the mushrooms made him sick, but caring for him consumed the remaining three hours of the trip. He suddenly was edgy and didn?t know what he wanted. He didn?t know if he wanted to listen to music or for it to be silent. He would laugh one second and the next piteously sigh and say that he felt so sick to his stomach. He belched, he farted, he sighed, he moaned, he would sit on the floor and then get up and pace. He would stare at the wall and then stare out the window. He would lay down and be still and then stand up and start fidgeting. One second he was boiling hot and then the next he said he was cold. I went into caregiver mode and every one to three minutes he would demand attention and I would have to interrupt whatever had begun in my mind to cater to his needs. If I put him on the floor and lay on the couch, then he asked to lay on the couch. Every little bit he would groan about how nauseous he felt. Although I was concerned, I did have a strong feeling that he had voluntarily taken mushrooms and that if this was to be his trip, then I would be there for him but he would need to navigate what was happening. So there I lay on the couch and watched the proceedings. My ego had been quite softened and so his significance as my lover was mostly replaced by the thought that although we had spent five years together I really didn?t know much about him. In fact, I sort of didn?t know who he was. I just knew there was someone else in the apartment with me. So as bizarre as it sounds I sat there on the couch watching all these proceedings with a bizarre sense of detached interest as I observed him as a biological being instead of an integral part of my life. It was like I was some scientist observing some strange experiment. I have only known my partner to be very stable and in control. To see him reduced to base emotions and instinctual responses was an eye opener to his humanity. I saw past the adult and saw the little boy in him. I saw his base responses to fear and discomfort. I saw the adult filters of acceptable behaviour stripped away and saw primal human responses. With this came the realisation of the how precious and fragile the human condition is that we cover with layers and layers of conditioned learning. It made me realise that I so often take him for granted as an integral part of my life without stopping to consider his basic needs for love and acceptance. It?s still surreal that as my partner suffered through a difficult psychedelic experience that I sat there and analysed his behaviour with scientific curiosity. Because I saw him as I saw a small child, I responded in kind. At one point I grabbed a bunch of CD covers and scattered them around him on the floor to distract him as he lay there groaning. I remember saying, ?Here?look at these pretty things.? Things were incredibly intense at this point. In some corner of my mind I realised that I was hitting my peak. Rays of coloured light were shooting out of different objects. It was a very strange phenomenon because I didn?t really physically see them as hallucinations or visuals but somehow my mind was putting them there nonetheless. It was as if I had always seen the rays and auras but now they were gone and my brain was filling in the memory of what should have been there. I became vaguely aware that my vision was fuzzy in one eye and that I needed to go clean my contact lens. It was during this process that I had my second psychedelic realisation. I went into the washroom and tried to carefully concentrate on getting the contacts out of my eye. I became confused and was unable to do this successfully. When I finally just said out loud, ?I?m going to take my contacts out, clean them and then put them back in,? and then cleared my head of all thoughts and raised my hands to my eyes it worked perfectly. I completed the whole operation without a glitch without even thinking about what I was doing while my mind was off a thousand miles away. It kind of dawned on me that so much of our lives are lived by previous programming and rote memorisation of tasks. I have taken my contacts out of my eyes so many thousands and thousands of times that it really required no thought process or effort. It was only when I tried to think about it that I became confused. While I was off exploring alternate universes some part of my consciousness took over and directed me to complete the task without me ever really being aware. This has made me start to question how many of our emotional and physical responses are really just conditioned responses from a learning curve of past experiences instead of unique and controlled reactions to new situations. By this time Ben decided he was going to bed and getting some sleep. I knew this was not going to happen, but I made the decision to keep my mouth shut. I could see that Ben was having a hard time. He was in essence kind of ruining my preconceived notions of a great trip, but I had the presence of mind to know that voicing this could have disastrous implications to his mental state. So we made our way to the bedroom and he got into bed. I felt cheated out of a great experience and began to feel bitter and disappointed. Although things had started to calm down a bit, he was apparently in a fair bit of intestinal distress. I suggested that he should give in to the urge to vomit, but he said he didn?t think he was at that point. We lay on the bed together while he tried to go to sleep. By this time the mad visuals had gone away and the unsanity was starting to subside. Ben became very gloomy and sad and felt that he had ruined my trip. After he had lain still for awhile with his eyes closed I thought it might be safe to go into the living room to salvage what remained of my trip. When I got up to go, Ben opened his eyes and looked at me plaintively and made an admission that I will never forget. In a sad voice he said, ?I?m scared?.can you stay with me?? That stopped me in my tracks. He has always been the strong one in our relationship and suddenly he was unconsciously baring the depths of his soul. It was at that point that I surrendered my ideas of a successful trip and committed to taking care of him. This was when I had my third and probably most powerful revelation of this trip. I tucked him into bed and went and gathered some music, my paper and pen and the blankets and pillows from the living room. As he lay there, I set up soothing music and wrapped him in soft blankets. I turned off all the lights except the lamp beside the bed. I propped myself up with pillows and put one hand on his arm and talked soothingly to him, but mostly I was quiet and sat and thought. I was entering that contemplative and reflective part of the trip where it was over the peak but still in the clouds. I became his Protector, his Guardian. My role as the nurturer in our relationship became clear to me. I began to see that he wasn?t as strong as I had always imagined and that I played an integral role in his development and maintenance as a person. It filled me with a sense of responsibility and made me feel wanted and needed. I felt empowered as his other half to be all that I could be so that he can be all that he could be. And as I lay there beside him with my thoughts I was filled with a sense of pride that I could make a difference. And with that realisation came the serenity that this had been a successful trip. I suddenly began to ponder the fact that trip that I wanted but didn?t have was good, that a psychedelic trip goes by no formula or preset rule and that it?s what you do with what you are presented that makes the difference. How much value would there have been if I had sat on the couch and selfishly amused myself all night ooohing and aaaaahing over cool visuals and trippy things? Although I myself did not have a difficult time, I learned so much about myself and my selfish nature in wanting what I want. Instead I learned that it lies within me to be there for others and in that experience I was blessed to gain an insight into human nature and the basic human needs that we all so often take for granted and forget about in the humanity around us. For a happy ending, Ben started to feel better quite soon. I always like to use the chance when he?s altered to introduce him to new and interesting music so I cautiously put on some old skool Goa: Prana Cyclone. As we lay there in silence listening to the ever building psychedelic energy of the beautiful music he commented on how he was enjoying it. Soon he got up and started getting ready to get into bed for some real sleep. I took this opportunity to clean up the apartment which had gotten quite cluttered during our chaotic experience. My other five mushroom trips have had their moments of brilliance and are nothing to be sniffed at, but this trip was deep and meaningful. I did not have any of those seemingly so profound revelations that ultimately fade when the high fades, but what I did learn in this experience came with me back to reality. Unlike MDMA, mushrooms act as a mental reset and the next few days I basked in a great feeling of enthusiasm and well-being as I took time to reflect on this trip. Although it was a very unexpected and not altogether ?fun? trip, it was one of the best psychedelic voyages that I have yet undertaken. Although I do not forsee my partner ever trying mushrooms again, it really whet my appetite for another foray into the world of psychedelic learning after perhaps a few months. I realise this isn?t the usual type of mushroom report and probably wasn?t as fun of a read as those reports telling about all the really great hallucinations, trippy thoughts and general madness, but it was very impressive to me and maybe it will be of interest to those who would be considered your more serious psychonaut. Edited by Tranceport (01/29/05 02:49 AM)
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woleb below Registered: 09/10/03 Posts: 135 Loc: South Australia Last seen: 10 years, 2 months |
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That was an awesome trip report! I usually get bored reading them but this one kept my interest the whole way through. Sounded like a pretty intense experience for both you and him. Good to see it worked out
-------------------- You'll thank me when you share my politics!
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Tadpole Stranger  Registered: 11/20/04 Posts: 184 Last seen: 14 years, 1 month |
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Great trip report! Very well written.
 You sound like a really intelligent person. I'm glad you managed to see how this was a successfull trip after all. Quote: This is very interesting. I think you are on to something. It shows how we aren't as rational as we like to think, and that most of the time we simply act on our pre-programmed reactions. I guess this also partly explains the confusion the tripper often experience; as these filters (or programs) disappear we are left alone to do things on our own, which isn't all that easy, especially while watching swirling patterns at the dark side of the moon.
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 Dark_Star train driver pervading a desktop    Registered: 08/20/04 Posts: 31,859 Loc: Uranus |
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Quote: ^^^^^^   
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BeenHereNow Please don'tsque Registered: 01/18/05 Posts: 32 Last seen: 17 years, 8 months |
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Sounds like you brought back some valuable insights. Thanks for sharing.
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