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3 months ago I went out to the desert with a trusted friend as my guide. I had fasted for 2 days. We hiked to our special spot, a remote area where we would not be disturbed. I ingested 3.5 grams of mushrooms and asked that this trip heal me of the damage done to my sexuality by early childhood trauma.
I was ready for this healing but not, in any way, prepared for the intensity and terror of the trip. The shrooms came on like a Mac truck. One minute I was here, the next I was THERE. I was utterly flattened.
For two and half hours I writhed on the desert floor: crying, gasping, muscles contorting, screaming. It came in huge overwhelming waves. Very much like the contractions of child birth. In between the waves, I was able to just catch my breath enough to ask my friend if I was dying. Each wave took me closer to the gates. I believed they were the gates of death. Each wave demanded a release. I let go of my friends, my husband, my son. But the final gate demanded my breath. I wanted to enter that gate but I could not cross over. My terror was too great.
The waves came sometimes in the form of a great, undulating, cosmic snake. I would alternate between being the snake and being my own hapless ego desperately clinging to the tail as I whipped through the ether.
Finally, finally the trip was over. I then had to hike back to the car in 110 degree heat. It took me a good solid week to recover physically from the experience.
And now the truly amazing part. It?s gone!!! All the fear and terror of sex is gone! If any of you have been sexually abused as a child, you know the concrete-like nature of that fear. I have lived with it for a long, long time. I thought maybe it would come back, that this was only a temporary respite. But I am now convinced that mushrooms allowed me to relive the experience and stay with it until it passed completely from my body.
I am deeply grateful, to the mushrooms and to my friend who guided me. She provided the trusted presence that helped me to stay with the experience.
I am wondering if anyone else out there has used mushrooms successfully to heal themselves of the after effects of a traumatic event.
That's a great story. I am happy for you that you were helped by the mushrooms.
The final gates you spoke of are often spoken about by shamanic healers, who often refer to them as the ceiling. Although the ceiling feels as if you will die if you pass through, the reality is that it is only your ego which dies (although as your ego is essentially everything about you it is easy to see why is seems as if you would die).
Did you percieve the snake you spoke about as being a friendly entity? I wouldn't want to presume anything about your experience or your beliefs, but to me it sounds as is the snake may be your power animal.
If you haven't already, I would advise you to do some reading on power animals. If you would like to talk about this, feel free to drop me a message