i'd suggest spending more time enjoying your senses in all the little things, like finding which soap feels best upon your skin. spend longer times taking comfort in erotic sensations that don't involve orgasm, long hours of kissing and carressing, ways to be intimate that don't involve performance. learn how to find states of deep relaxation in the here and now -ways to be present other than distracting yourself, like getting absorbed into a deep movie, but rather things that involve physical bio feedback that is pleasurable (other than drugs) notice that sexual stimulation to orgasm is a process of building and accumulating tension and a frenzied explosion - maybe find other activities that could mimic this (this is reaching a little, i guess) but maybe a physical exercise like jogging and the sprinting at the end of the jog might release endorphins is a little similar - see if over a month you could prolong this activity, going farther and farther. maybe sit in on a la maz class (i'm sure this one sounds crazy, but hey, it's late) - but really, it's about learning to be present and aware during tension, contractions of birthing through breathing and relaxing of abdominal muscles (of course, birthing tensions and contractions are bad, but sexual tensions and contractions are very good) essentially, you're too damn excited - i'm sure you fantasized getting laid for a decade or so before you actually did, and the fact that it's coming true is just more than you know what do with. this is reality now, and whoever (was it Frog?) who suggested ADHD is probably right - obviously, amphetamines will do the trick (or well, maybe not, they're very well known in the gay community as the ultimate aphrodisiac) but adding a substance abuse problem to your sex problem is a stupid mistake ----- LIKEWISE, i really hope you don't take others advice to get drunk (or the doctors advice to take antidepressants) and wind up turning sex into a sedative, or trying to ingore it by thinking about other things. you are biologically wired to have hot sex, it's all ego tension (mind, body). you need to feel safe and comfortable (it's not like the old primate days where you need to do your business quick with your head turned to make sure a cheetah doesn't eat you) and you need to resolve your issues with where you fit in the pack (don't feel bad when the other guys in the locker room are bragging about the long hours of pounding girls) and you need shut up that ticker tape linguistic consciousness that babbles about this and that all day long (or at least channel it into an "oooh yah, baby! and a moan <EG>) and you need to get over what's immoral or tabboo (feeling insecure about what god or your parents think or whatever)
sex is truly one of the great glorys of being humans but it's not a test, something you can cram for to succeed, it's all about unwinding. listen to some jazz, light up a joint, light some candles, set the passion on early in the night....
OH!, and read Robert Anton Wilson's _Sex & Drugs (was originally titled Sex and Drugs and Magick) TOTALLY read that fuckin' book! Hoo Lord, can see how his work, tim leary's, & allen ginsberg totally reflected in my writing this ((((((stuff i was reading at the time i was reading way back when i was a sexual neophyte))))))
-------------------- Everything is better than it was the last time. I'm good. If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care. It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence. I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too. If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.
|