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Invisibletak
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What happebd
    #358522 - 07/21/01 10:53 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Well i havent posted in a while...A while ago we did some 2ct7, and were having fun. A little way into the trip, we did some E, bad idea. We should have looked it up, but we are weird. Well anyways that night i thought i was lost in this eternal trance of insanity. The 'ecstacy' feeling overcame me, and it started to become too much, i felt like i figured out a secret to the universe, some answer that was the answer to all of everyting...time, color, questions. Anything. This is kinda far fetched cause it was more of a feeling i cant explain so yeah. Well it started to like turn in to this overwhelming feeling that i couldnt get rid of. I was like oh no i cant escape, it has consumed me. Then i relized it wasnt about that. It was about me, life was just some thing we imagine, and i was hte only thing in the universe, i wasnt the only person in existant, i was EVERYTHING and nothing at once just a lost mind, and i kept seeing/whatever these few objects. One was my name, the other was a police officer looking guy, other a fire fighter, and the other was me as a kid in this orange jacket[i have a picture somewhere so i remember it] Well anyways i cant focus one one, they kinda lead to eachother. Well anyways, one hting would lead to another and it would be an eternal cycle i tried to ask myself what it was...it replied that it was my own insanity. It didnt need to make sense, it just was there. Now this is all hard to explain and im sorry for doing such a shitty job, but like the depth behind it is so much more. Since then, i have gotten high like 2 times, both on 2ct7, and each time i have flashbacks, kinda...I feel like instead of letting my mind expand and think of all the what if's i used to, im stuck on this one thing that seems to be hte right answer. No matter how scary it is, its htere and there is no way to avoid it. My friend knows what im talking about for we have had many discussions on it and i think he feels simular. I dont know if this is the drug, or what but i dunno. I can see the images when im sober now, they dont scare me liek when im high, but they are there. The one thing that i know and i can hang on to is that the images are not of something generic, and unrelated to everything. They are my name, police officer fire fighter and me. All of these were created by people and had influence of others wich means they are just thoughts put into my mind, not something from deeper than that. I dont know i wish i could get rid of them but i dont know. I am quitting doing drugs i think. Atleast for a while, cause right now its a little silly and not as fun as it could be. Does anyone know what could lead to this, ifits bad, or if i just need to take a break and let the thoughts[flashbacks?] disappear. I dont know. And as i said i only have done 2ct7 other times, there might be something related to that specific drug that does it. i dont know. Also i didnt mean for this to be liek a tirp report, and the forum i posted it on is to be questioned but ive had more luck here, and my real question was to be more about what inside of me causes that and stuff.

--tak


--------------------
The DJ's took pills to stay awake and play for seven days.


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Invisiblemr crisper
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Re: What happebd [Re: tak]
    #359061 - 07/22/01 11:18 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

hi r-n-t
i cant give you any explanations, but i can tell you that ive had similar fx from 2ct7.
it awakened(?) a lot of shit in me that crowded my mind for months after. i guess its not worth going into details cos it is all so subjective and whats in my head aint the same as the contents of yours.
but, to be re-assuring, these mental fx start to fade in time. for me i dealt with it by writing down all the thoughts and visions that used to keep me awake half the fkn night. as i wrote and reread my words it all started to make sense, to me anyway.
i guess integration is the key-word.
after snorting 30mg of t7, i took a break from large doses for 6 months, it took that long to comprehend, or at least come to terms with, what happened on that trip and why i didnt snuff it, cos for most of it i thought i had.
so yah, take a break, let time flow, read some books.



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Invisibletak
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Re: What happebd [Re: tak]
    #360029 - 07/24/01 02:21 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

=D that makes living with it alot better knowing that sometime it will or might hopefully go away. I was in no way prepared for the experiance i had, and wow, its still there and it scares me. I have kinda 'confronted' the fear, and relized its not the truth, but just how real it seemed, whenever i get the "image" of what happend, horrible flashbacks. It is slowly fading, and i will be relieved when it does. I dunno explaining things are so hard, not jsut on this subject but in general, off the topic... i kinda widh people could just see inside of you and understand everything =\ oh well thanks :)

--tak


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The DJ's took pills to stay awake and play for seven days.


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Offlinegribochek
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Re: What happebd [Re: tak]
    #360551 - 07/25/01 06:40 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

It would be interesting to hear a more specific description of this thing... But from what I gather, I feel that it is not the images that need investigation, but your fear of them. Try not to overcome fear, but rather watch it be and try to understand why it is that you are afraid of these things.

-------
just another attempt of a finger to point at itself


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Invisibletak
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Re: What happebd [Re: gribochek]
    #360749 - 07/25/01 04:10 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Well the thing was, like its so hard to explain but. I felt like i unlocked this secret to the universe, every question you could asked would be answered by this one 'word' or feeling or whatever it was, but then it got old i wanted to escape. I couldnt, i felt like i wasin this room, a complete white room that was shrinking, and it got smaller and smaller. Then it kind changed and all i could see were these 4 images, or whatever...I didnt know what they were but they were so familliar, i asked what are they, but someone replied that it doesnt matter, they are just there. Then i kept seeing flashbacks from my life, and this feeling that was saying its all about you, your the only one, there is no one else, your stuck here forever. And something about those 4 images stayed there representing my eternal hellish foreverness. I was scared, noting made sense, and i couldnt leave. I didnt care if i was dead in real life or what, cause i thought i was fucked for ever. So like when i woke up i was kinda releaved, but whenever i see those images i think "oh no im seeing them, therefor they are there, therefor my mind does think about them" wich was scary cause i kinda thought it was going to happen again, and not only it will 'happen' ... having a bad trip, but that its more than a trip that its true that these are in my mind and im screwed or something. When i think about them they get weird. My friend was with me then and the last time i tripped, everytime he talked i would expect to hear something like "You know we are going to die tonight" or "by the end of the night we will be stuck in hell" or somethign freaky, but in the end its jsut like "you know the rocks over there look cool" wich releaves me but im scared as shit. we were both outside, and me thinking about it and him sitting there with me we both got this incredibly bad feeling that we couldnt escape from like 'we need to get out of here' we dont know where but we needed to do something cause my god. Its just scary shit, i have only done 2ct7 sinc then and i feel it every time[i guess i shouldnt huh] lol but im never doing it again. Anyways, yeah.

--tak


--------------------
The DJ's took pills to stay awake and play for seven days.


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OfflinePsilocybe Ryan
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Re: What happebd [Re: tak]
    #362124 - 07/27/01 07:36 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Dude! That is exacly what happened to me once on mushrooms, except for different pictures. Isn't that ego loss? If not, then I don't know what the fuck I experienced! I know exactly what your talking about though. I have gotten over it. After that experience thought, it brought out the uneasy fear of going too far feeling in normal reality while I was sober and I needed SSRI's. I am all healed up now, and have been tripping. I still havn't experienced that since though. It's really weird fucked up shit though.

Edited by Psilocybe Ryan on 07/27/01 06:47 PM.



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