ok before i get started i'd like to just make a couple of points:
for starters, this trip was basically almost the same as all my others, but there was something so profoundly different about it that even 5 days later i cant pinpoint it...i guess it was one of the most "POSITIVE" trips i've experienced...
all of my friends weren't really doing anything appealing for new years eve, and i had work till 9 pm anyway, so i decided screw it i'll trip alone and boy am i glad i did...
here's a quick background...i live in kinda a quiet rich neighborhood in queens ny (altho i'm not even close to being rich)...my brother died of leukemia in 1992 when he was 12 and i was 8 yrs old....and my father died 4 yrs after this....i'm now 21 years old and live with my mom, grandmother, and my chinese pug lol...the reason i'm even openly bringing all this up is because i dunno about u's, but when i'm tripping, i feel this odd "connection" with those that have deceased...
without further ado, this will be typed out word for word as i wrote it down the night after i tripped...i wanted to write shit down as it was happening, but as most of you know its very hard to even gather thoughts as its all happening....
10:00 PM i ingested 2 capsules of ground up mushies...rite after i took them, i had a small bowl of pasta...
like everytime, you're so anxious for it to come that you almost force it to hit you...believe me, when it hits, you will definitley know about it
10:45 noticeable effects start taking "shape" if you will...flowered patterns slowly emerging and then disappearing...so i know its coming....
10:50 i decide to take a nicely sized stem and a nicely sized cap and i start eating them whole, sucking all the yummy juices from them....they tasted nasty but whatever...
11:30 its almost midnight yada yada...this is where it really kicks in....i know u cant see my bathroom so heres a quick description: SEASHELLS
there are colored seashells EVERYWHERE u look....and on past trips, they have been some of the 1st things i notice, as they begin to swirl in spirals and change shapes....
this time, my eyes just automatically "unfocused" and everything got blurry i guess...the shells colors got sucked from them, they turned pale and grey, but as i refocused my eyes, the colors would "fill" and "explode" into them as they begun dancing around....extravagant pattern of god was shifting left and right in the background of the shells, almost like a waterfall...
12:00 the ball drops, yay, whatever...all i can think about is whats going on around me...
12:10 decide to go outside for a walk and to smoke a fattt joint...BLASTOFFFFFF
12:20 i'm walking around, everything feels surreal....this group of like 3 15 yr old chicks started screaming "I LOVE YOU" from across the street i was like "I LOVE YOU TOO!" and walked on lol...
12:30 i'm about to re-enter my house and im beyond fucked up at this point...on the way there, i suddenly felt like i was "outside in egypt "....like, i was in ny, but yet i felt like i was in egypt...in the middle of the street was what i called "the center eye"....
1:00 me and my mom are having conversation, i think she knows im under some sort of influence but she's cool with it...we're having a nice convo about life and such, and i head back into my room....
1:10 laying in bed, all i can think of is INDIVIDUALITY...what i mean by this is, for example, martin luther king lived and is now dead...but martin luther king grew up, had his own experiences emotions and thoughts, just like every INDIVIDUAL does, and i'm no exception....so i kinda got in touch with "who i am"...if that makes sense....
1:20 i'm laying in my room with nothing lit except this tiny fiber optic xmas tree i have and my mind is getting blown....not by the tree, but by the ceiling......the ceiling was basically pitch black, yet i saw every shape u can imagine...circles, triangles, diamonds, pentagrams...visions of the goddess....visions of the SUN....the fire cascades along the darkened ceiling...
the air around me moved in waves, as though i was in a blissful aquatic dream state...music never sounded so meaningful and alive....a tunnel of eyes appeared in the dark canvas of my mind, closed eye visual delight...
2:40 so if you thought all that was interesting, here comes the sick shit...heres where the info on my deceased father comes into play...this is very hard to explain so try hard to try to see the message i'm trying to convey...
so, i go back into the bathroom...and i look in the mirror and what do i see u might ask???
my face is no longer mine, it is that of my fathers...it is morphing left and right...i looked into my own eyes and saw my soul...but, it was like i was looking into my dads eyes and the same time, and like he was looking into mine....there was THREE types of vision going on here- me looking into the mirrors eyes, the mirrors image looking into my eyes, and some sort of "eye from above" looking down on both of us....it was like i had 3 diff viewpoints at one time it was kinda freaky lol...
not done yet tho...i continued looking into the mirror and again my eyes blurred and unfocused by themselves and my 2 eyeballs came together as one giant eyeball in the middle of my forehead, and as soon as they did, all the surrounding waves were being sucked into this "3rd eye"....sick....
3:45 laying there thinking, i think i went to bed sumwhere at like 4 or 5 am i'm not even sure...
to conclude let me just say this:
not to sound cliche, but THIS is in fact a sacred body, and holy gift...
i kinda "found god", mostly when i looked into my own eyes...but there is definitly some sort of creator and karma system...and whoever the creator is, has given me and everyone else a special opportunity that most people never come to realize...the opportunity to live and experience, to love and to hate, to communicate, to create, and relate...memories to cherish, memories to bury, and memories that havent even happened yet....it feels good to be alive, in this moment, so ENJOY!!!
-------------------- "i don't mind the sun sometimes, the images it shows....i can taste you on my lips and smell you in my clothes....cinnamon, and sugary, and softly spoken lies, ya never know just how ya look in other peoples eyes"
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