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Offlineincubaby_421
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please read and reply...maybe you all can help...
    #3568850 - 01/01/05 09:14 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

so why is it that i seem to reach this point, this point of being that i absolutely despise, i am a malcontent, i hold grudges, im extremely irritable, i fail to see beauty and light in anything, the point where i dont feel, dont think, like my left brain is left out on the wire, i just do, i go to work, come home, sleep, repeat, i cant seem to break the mold or be how i used to be, optimistic and loving and all...
just wondered if anybody had any thoughts.


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"yet the more i dig, the more i consume, the more i unfold... the less protected i feel.
i am the spit on the hair of the son of an electron, swimming around the nucleus of a cell inside the sperm of a killer bee, and my purpose is as nebulous as why weve been bestowed with the capacity to give a shit" Brandon Boyd



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OfflineGomp
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Re: please read and reply...maybe you all can help... [Re: incubaby_421]
    #3568889 - 01/01/05 09:29 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

you are fighting yourself.

it could seem that the old yous are disapearing as in done. and going of as to not have been, leaving you whit the chose of light nor dark. sorry this is bullshit :p


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Disclaimer!?


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OfflineMixomatosis
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Re: please read and reply...maybe you all can help... [Re: incubaby_421]
    #3568901 - 01/01/05 09:33 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Well, you're not being too specific, so it's hard to give any real specific advice. Because with so few words you mentioned your job and not your friends or family, I'm going to put a vote in for quitting your job. Just quit and see what happens. You won't die.


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Offlineincubaby_421
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Re: please read and reply...maybe you all can help... [Re: Mixomatosis]
    #3568955 - 01/01/05 09:50 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

i wish i could, thats usually what i do when what i think is happening is happening, i just change every given aspect of my life, job, girlfreind, housing if need be, freinds, but i cant exactly uproot like that right now, i have a baby on the way,

i have lost contact or been completely screwed by all of my freinds, a few had some comments about my life that were IMO none of thier god damn bussiness and went three hundred thousand miles beyond the line they are allowed to cross, the rest i just lost contact with or anyhting i here about them was them talking about me(in a very bad sense) i understand that most of what is said is purely out of jealousy for a few reasons, but basically unto the fact that my pregnant girlfriend wont let me step foot out of the house for any reason other than work.


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"yet the more i dig, the more i consume, the more i unfold... the less protected i feel.
i am the spit on the hair of the son of an electron, swimming around the nucleus of a cell inside the sperm of a killer bee, and my purpose is as nebulous as why weve been bestowed with the capacity to give a shit" Brandon Boyd



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OfflineMixomatosis
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Re: please read and reply...maybe you all can help... [Re: incubaby_421]
    #3568982 - 01/01/05 10:07 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

yeah I guess jumping ship isn't always an option, or at least won't make things better. But your job does sound like it's sucking.. something out of you. I suggest thinking about how you can avoid it being a total waste of you. Often people end up in circumstances where they repeatedly reach one hand into a big pile of disease-filled shit, pull out some cash, and then pass it to their other hand that throws it into a toilet. Most people's great ambition is to simply decorate their body with some of the cash as they pass across themselwes on the way to the toilet. They may dress cooler, but they're still spending half their life with their hand digging around in shit.

You have to talk with your girlfriend about these things. What are your ideals as far as raising a child? Do you want to do it in a city? Are you two educated? What steps can you take to make a transition to a better situation or a better location? You can restore optimism by rearranging your life into some kind of structure that your job functions as a propulsion engine in so you can be driven to a new horizon. Without a rudder a boat just gets blown around, no matter how much wind gets deposited into its sail every couple of weeks.


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Offlineincubaby_421
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Re: please read and reply...maybe you all can help... [Re: Mixomatosis]
    #3569001 - 01/01/05 10:14 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

thank ou so very much mix, i know it probably seems feble that i should have even had to bring this up here but i dont know where else to look, your analogies and perspective offered me a fresh way to look at things
once again thank you
love and light


--------------------
"yet the more i dig, the more i consume, the more i unfold... the less protected i feel.
i am the spit on the hair of the son of an electron, swimming around the nucleus of a cell inside the sperm of a killer bee, and my purpose is as nebulous as why weve been bestowed with the capacity to give a shit" Brandon Boyd



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Offlineincubaby_421
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Re: please read and reply...maybe you all can help... [Re: incubaby_421]
    #3569010 - 01/01/05 10:19 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

and that being said another kind of related question
what is your take on relationships???
where and when do you cross that line of "i need this for me" and being selfish. or transversely allways letting the other have thier way, where is that line, does it only exist in my own mind, am i viewing this at the wrong angle?


--------------------
"yet the more i dig, the more i consume, the more i unfold... the less protected i feel.
i am the spit on the hair of the son of an electron, swimming around the nucleus of a cell inside the sperm of a killer bee, and my purpose is as nebulous as why weve been bestowed with the capacity to give a shit" Brandon Boyd



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InvisibleLunarEclipse
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Re: please read and reply...maybe you all can help... [Re: incubaby_421]
    #3569496 - 01/02/05 01:05 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

You feel trapped. You feel the real need to be responsible and hard working to support your family, but a part of you is not satisfied and it's bringing the rest of you down. Find the part that needs to be satisfied. It's probably the Joy you used to feel for someone or something that is now lost in what you perceive to be just a Chore.

But really, the joy was in you, how you felt, your awareness and excitement at the moment, just being alive. Your spirit was light. You can let it be light again by being thankful you are alive at this moment, and by once again seeing and appreciating the beauty around you.


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Anxiety is what you make it.


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Offlineincubaby_421
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Last seen: 9 months, 1 day
Re: please read and reply...maybe you all can help... [Re: LunarEclipse]
    #3571056 - 01/02/05 03:16 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

thank you


--------------------
"yet the more i dig, the more i consume, the more i unfold... the less protected i feel.
i am the spit on the hair of the son of an electron, swimming around the nucleus of a cell inside the sperm of a killer bee, and my purpose is as nebulous as why weve been bestowed with the capacity to give a shit" Brandon Boyd



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