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OfflineI2ancid
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For those of you who have ever hit total ego loss.
    #3568128 - 01/01/05 02:24 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)



It's taken me about 3 years since my first experience with ego loss at the age of 16 on an extremely hefty dose of 5-meo-dipt (a research tryptamine widely available online pre 2002) to finally come to grips, and acknowledge what I experienced as anything but hell.

Reading certain books such as a wrinkle in time, I get flashbacks to "the truth" I uncovered and the horrifying reality of the nature of my existance. I have learned that I cannot speak openly of what happened because it leads me nowhere but in a loop, ironically the loop is the only word I had to describe the experience for years.

One day I'll learn to stop fighting the rhythym and let it take me into it, the fear I have seems to be my own, it seems as if Im the only one in this world who has came that close to the next level and fought against it to remain here successfully.

The terrors of seeing every human beings pain who ever lived is something buried within me right now, I know it will surface again one day as part of the choice I've made but for now I live in the beauty of my chance to live and breath as seperate from the divine.


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I went to st thomas and camped out ontop of the island... Despite my entire family being poor all my life, the land is priceless.
I was chased by haitians in the main city charlotte amalie when my girlfriend and I got some cocaine for free in a bar and mixed it with alcohol, to form a stronger drug. With such confidence at 2am, we walked the 4-5 or so miles down to the beach where the african slaves lie like lions waiting on tourist prey.


The war isen't on drugs... the war is on the causes that influence people to abuse drugs. drug-abuse is a by-product of the system and much like radioactive waste occurs from utilizing nuclear power, drug addicts with drug-problems will need to be properly disposed of, like the decaying radioactive waste produced from nuclear energy. -i2ancid


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OfflineGomp
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Re: For those of you who have ever hit total ego loss. [Re: I2ancid]
    #3568172 - 01/01/05 02:45 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

the terror of seeing pain, you are the constructor of..


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OfflineI2ancid
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Re: For those of you who have ever hit total ego loss. [Re: Gomp]
    #3568183 - 01/01/05 02:51 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

If I contructed it, why would I have to battle it? For a moment, as if a flash at the peak of almost giving in to its pull to bring me into it, I remember a cyclone as if formed by intertwined souls looping around the trials of discovering where they are, the loop, then subsequently losing knowledge of where they are over and over doomed to repeat eternally until they find a way free of it.


--------------------
I went to st thomas and camped out ontop of the island... Despite my entire family being poor all my life, the land is priceless.
I was chased by haitians in the main city charlotte amalie when my girlfriend and I got some cocaine for free in a bar and mixed it with alcohol, to form a stronger drug. With such confidence at 2am, we walked the 4-5 or so miles down to the beach where the african slaves lie like lions waiting on tourist prey.


The war isen't on drugs... the war is on the causes that influence people to abuse drugs. drug-abuse is a by-product of the system and much like radioactive waste occurs from utilizing nuclear power, drug addicts with drug-problems will need to be properly disposed of, like the decaying radioactive waste produced from nuclear energy. -i2ancid


Edited by I2ancid (01/01/05 03:00 PM)


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InvisibleHelp on the Way
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Re: For those of you who have ever hit total ego loss. [Re: I2ancid]
    #3568195 - 01/01/05 02:59 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

I2ancid said:
If I contructed it, why would I have to battle it?




you have constructed all the fear you have ever had to battle in your entire life

ego loss is a good thing, the key is letting go...


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:shocked: *Divine Moments of Truth* :shocked:


"Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns - it calls me on and on across the universe" ~ John Lennon

"Once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right" ~The Grateful Dead

"Religionists, with their guaranteed eventual paradise, of which they know nothing, taking it all on 'faith,' can't be expected to understand or sympathize with those with a yen to storm the Gate of Heaven and see for themselves what all the praying's about!" ~Robert Hunter


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OfflineI2ancid
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Re: For those of you who have ever hit total ego loss. [Re: Help on the Way]
    #3568201 - 01/01/05 03:05 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Yes, the problem was when I would feel myself letting go I would panic because it means basically I never existed, I woulden't see my family, friends, girlfriend. I would never come back.

I didn't even have any recollection of taking a drug so I coulden't convince myself it was just the drugs effect, I had NOTHING grounding me. All I knew is If I did let this thing take me, I would simply die right there and never come back.

By the way, this battle started right when my grandparents and about 10 cops showed up thinking I was on PCP.


--------------------
I went to st thomas and camped out ontop of the island... Despite my entire family being poor all my life, the land is priceless.
I was chased by haitians in the main city charlotte amalie when my girlfriend and I got some cocaine for free in a bar and mixed it with alcohol, to form a stronger drug. With such confidence at 2am, we walked the 4-5 or so miles down to the beach where the african slaves lie like lions waiting on tourist prey.


The war isen't on drugs... the war is on the causes that influence people to abuse drugs. drug-abuse is a by-product of the system and much like radioactive waste occurs from utilizing nuclear power, drug addicts with drug-problems will need to be properly disposed of, like the decaying radioactive waste produced from nuclear energy. -i2ancid


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OfflineGomp
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Re: For those of you who have ever hit total ego loss. [Re: I2ancid]
    #3568244 - 01/01/05 03:37 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

""All I knew is If I did let this thing take me, I would simply die right there and never come back.""


that thing you speak of, is yourself..


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OfflineGomp
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Re: For those of you who have ever hit total ego loss. [Re: Gomp]
    #3568277 - 01/01/05 03:54 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

found an article, mybe it could shed some light, keep in mind?

If you believe everything you read, better not read?
:confused: :thumbup:
:heart: :heart: :heart:


Quote:

Within the last six months, we have seen many changes. One of the most profound of them comes in two parts. (1) The increase in personal difficulties which seem like the dark side is powering up for a battle, and (2) A very obvious choice of many who used to be on-board with New Age ideas, but lately have almost self-destructed, removing their own light. Let's look at these two areas briefly, and how they relate to what's happening today.

(1) You may disagree, but one of the pillars of the Kryon teaching is that "there is no dark side." Let me explain: Kryon tells us that there is no group of entities or one big entity (horns or not) who is out to get you and pull you down. That all sounds fine, but it sure doesn't seem that way to many. In addition, it goes against ancient spiritual history, and I can personally testify that there is a whole lot of darkness going on! So what's really happening? If there is no actual dark side, then where are these challenges coming from, and why does it seem like we are being assaulted?

Okay... next step. Lets define what we are actually feeling. If it isn't the dark side, then what is it? It feels dark and ugly, and it's thick with purpose against us. It creates fear. Some folks prefer to call it negativity, so that we won't be confused with the guy with horns and his supposed entourage of demons. But to some, especially those who hear the voices and feel attacked by negative feelings, there is nothing I can say that will dissuaded them from feeling that it's an army of evil forces.

First, do you remember what Kryon told us of these times? Over 12 years ago we were told that this would be the time when the new grid would begin to settle, and that much change would be seen and felt. Weather would change and anxiety would increase. Disease and war would claim millions (Kryon book 1). Change would unseat much that had been seen as permanent in the world, and many would question their sanity. However, we would have no Armageddon. Instead, we would have Apocalypse (a Greek derived word which means, "lifting the veil.") Personally, I think we are right on schedule.

When I tell you what this dark energy is, some are going to holler, "impossible!" Kryon has been telling us for over a decade that we are powerful. We have the ability to change matter around us, and even our "aura at rest" has influence. By the way, for the first time in the history of my work, I have now been able to show scientific proof that this seemingly eye-rolling premise is indeed factual. This whole year (2002), in our seminars, we featured the work of Masaru Emoto, a scientist in Japan, and his experiments with water. Positively and empirically, it showed that Human consciousness is not only measurable, but it changes matter... we've got the pictures! So here we are being shown that we have far more power over mater and reality than we ever thought. John Wheeler, 90 year-old physicist, and colleague of Albert Einstein, gives us the most unusual premise of all: This researcher asks, "Does matter exist if the Human isn't looking?" He is one of the first to postulate that Human consciousness might be a huge energy player in physics (and it's about time). All this is to say that you and I are far more than blobs of accidental walking biology. We might actually have interdimensional power that postures what happens in what we call reality... the earth, the solar system, and our own personal paths. This then, starts to circle the wagons around the word intent.

So what does this have to do with negative force? We also have been told that we have a duality. Duality is a balance between light and dark within our own consciousness that drives us to seek Spirit, or not, depending on our own free will. Could it be that our "dark parts" are just as potent as our light parts? Kryon says yes, but that light is active and dark is passive, so although light will always eliminate the dark, if a person wishes to turn off the light, the dark will prevail, real and scary. Any Human who wants to, can also increase this dark energy within their own lives... even project it.

As humanity moves the balance of dark and light on earth, it actually changes the "middle point" of where the average balance is of everything. This changes not only us (you and I), but earth, and even our spiritual history. Kryon told us that all the old prophesies and channelling of the past that described the potentials of who we are and what would happen, now belong to another humanity, not ours. We changed tracks. Can the past change when we take action in the present? Yes. Hey, is this one of those weird metaphysical concepts? It used to be, but not any more. Just ask John Wheeler. His entire physics postulate is based around reality shifting and the ability of the Human Being to change the past by altering the present! (Discover Magazine, June 2002)

Kryon tells us this: As you change the balance of dark and light on the planet through your intent for ascension and interdimensional awareness, you are leaving a part of the old "you" behind. Due to the direction of the shift, there is an actual part of the "dark" you (in duality) which is about to be severed forever. This piece of "dark you" is fighting for its life! It's YOU fighting YOU, but personally it might seem like the demons of hell have ganged up.

What proof of this is there? Let me ask you this: Who knows you better than you? The attacks seem very personal, don't they? The "voices" know exactly what you are afraid of, don't they? And there is a very profound attempt from that piece which has been part of you, lifetime after lifetime, to resist and fight for survival. Remember Kryon Book Five, "The Journey Home"? Years ago, Kryon channelled about this fight, which the book's character, Michael Thomas had with "IT." Many asked, "What was IT in the book? Now we know: IT is the dark part that each of us has, appropriately, that keeps us guessing, and that makes this test of enlightenment all the more challenging, and in all fairness, worth it.

Even after you "slay" this dark part, there is still a balance of duality to contend with. This dual balance stays with us and asks us every day if we are doing the right thing or not. But the piece that is fighting to stay with you is one that knows you so well that is can impersonate anything. It's the monster under the bed, the devil, the ones who came to earth to get you... and (of course) the evil ETs and their helpers. It's all the conspiracies lumped into one, with your name as the target. But it's NOT. It's fake. Instead, it's the part of you, which is being sent into obscurity - a part that won't give up until you say "enough." You want proof? Okay. If it's a vast conspiracy of millions from the dark side, then how come they retreat so fast when you order them to? Why would such a powerful adversary be so afraid of little-old you? It's time to start "connecting the dots" as we are now saying. Think! Sometimes the intellect is very valuable at a time like this, in full cooperation with your emotions.

What to do? Laugh in the face of this energy. Then have a ceremony around it. Honor that it was part of your life for so long, and dismiss it in love. Embrace the fact that it's you, and then send it on its way. What are the steps? They are the ones you make up! Have your own ceremony, oh powerful one. Do you really need some guru to give proceedure to you? Make it a good ceremony. Burn something old... use symbolism if you wish, then move on!

(2) Kryon told us over and over that there would be an "end to the fence-sitting." Perhaps you thought that this would mean that thousands all over earth would "see the light" and join in an effort to change the balance of earth, and bring it into more light? Think again. It was a statement that meant that in these days you would really know where people stood. There would be a battle, not an earth war, but a battle. Take a look at the world right now. It's about choosing the very consciousness of civilization, isn't it? All in the name of God (just like always), consciousness if being tested. Light or dark? People are taking sides.

It's not all about foreign cultures either. Many in our own camp have decided that you and I are "blinding humanity with light." They have retreated to the old books about civilization being polarized with ET's and conspiratorial plots against humanity. They frighten you by questioning if the person walking next to you is even Human. (Do this for awhile and watch how unbalanced, fearful and paranoid you become. Agenda anyone?) They have decided to embrace a dark place that is very comfortable for them, before all this light arrived in 1987. I have lost friends who now see Kryon as the "great liar." They want you to think it's a big conspiracy to lull you into submission with love, so that the evil ones can take you away. These also have their books and their channellings to "prove it" within their own circles.

The darkness within each of them has won. There is no judgment here, just a fact. They are following their truth just like you are, so don't judge them or even feel sorry. It's all in the balance of free choice. I obviously don't agree, but I actually respect those who have taken a stand. I feel it's appropriate for us all to do this, and we are going to have to, in order to change this planet.

What should you believe? Which is correct? Why don't you examine both sides? Listen to everyone. Feel the energy of both camps and discern for yourselves which one is for you. Go to a spiritual place that you trust within yourselves and say, "God, please tell me what I should know." Then look around and decide.

I believe that humanity has thrown away the old prophesies, and the old conspiratorial texts. I believe that historians will point to this time some day, calling it a renaissance of sorts. I think those who wish to continue to embrace the dark will slowly be sucked into a place where eventually they will wallow in disappointment and fear, having separated themselves willingly from the love of God.

As for me, I am bathed in the love of Spirit and the knowledge that all of us arrived here at a time that Kryon is calling a "new dispensation." It allows us to decide our own spiritual fate, and it gives us tools of discernment if we wish to find them. I celebrate this time!


 

source


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Edited by Gomp (01/01/05 03:55 PM)


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OfflineI2ancid
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Re: For those of you who have ever hit total ego loss. [Re: Gomp]
    #3568381 - 01/01/05 05:25 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Very helpful read gomp.


--------------------
I went to st thomas and camped out ontop of the island... Despite my entire family being poor all my life, the land is priceless.
I was chased by haitians in the main city charlotte amalie when my girlfriend and I got some cocaine for free in a bar and mixed it with alcohol, to form a stronger drug. With such confidence at 2am, we walked the 4-5 or so miles down to the beach where the african slaves lie like lions waiting on tourist prey.


The war isen't on drugs... the war is on the causes that influence people to abuse drugs. drug-abuse is a by-product of the system and much like radioactive waste occurs from utilizing nuclear power, drug addicts with drug-problems will need to be properly disposed of, like the decaying radioactive waste produced from nuclear energy. -i2ancid


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OfflineGomp
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Re: For those of you who have ever hit total ego loss. [Re: I2ancid]
    #3568590 - 01/01/05 06:58 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

:heart: :thumbup:


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OfflineI2ancid
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Re: For those of you who have ever hit total ego loss. [Re: Gomp]
    #3569509 - 01/02/05 01:11 AM (11 years, 10 months ago)

so is this saying I have a dark side to me that I've supressed? Or is it saying I have chosen to embrace the dark side?

I can't possibly imagine myself to of chosen a dark path, I'm quite the opposite, extremely so with strong morals. It would actually hurt me more to do evil than it would the person I did the evil to.


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I went to st thomas and camped out ontop of the island... Despite my entire family being poor all my life, the land is priceless.
I was chased by haitians in the main city charlotte amalie when my girlfriend and I got some cocaine for free in a bar and mixed it with alcohol, to form a stronger drug. With such confidence at 2am, we walked the 4-5 or so miles down to the beach where the african slaves lie like lions waiting on tourist prey.


The war isen't on drugs... the war is on the causes that influence people to abuse drugs. drug-abuse is a by-product of the system and much like radioactive waste occurs from utilizing nuclear power, drug addicts with drug-problems will need to be properly disposed of, like the decaying radioactive waste produced from nuclear energy. -i2ancid


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InvisibleShroomismM
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Re: For those of you who have ever hit total ego loss. [Re: I2ancid]
    #3569531 - 01/02/05 01:23 AM (11 years, 10 months ago)

light would not exist without darkness.. they keep each other in balance. for evolution.

one must learn to either celebrate life or dwell in dark in the end..fortunately, in the 3rd dimension, which we currently exist in sporadically.. one is able to experience the full range of emotions and potential paths, and as you evolve you eventually choose a path based on your experiences with the polarities..

also as we evolve, all emotional baggage and repressed memories, vices, ego allurements, and so on.. are all being brought to the table to be recognized and transcended. It may be overwhelming at times, but if you center yourself in love for life and light it is much easier..

namaste


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OfflineI2ancid
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Re: For those of you who have ever hit total ego loss. [Re: Shroomism]
    #3569588 - 01/02/05 01:52 AM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Very nice post shroomism.


--------------------
I went to st thomas and camped out ontop of the island... Despite my entire family being poor all my life, the land is priceless.
I was chased by haitians in the main city charlotte amalie when my girlfriend and I got some cocaine for free in a bar and mixed it with alcohol, to form a stronger drug. With such confidence at 2am, we walked the 4-5 or so miles down to the beach where the african slaves lie like lions waiting on tourist prey.


The war isen't on drugs... the war is on the causes that influence people to abuse drugs. drug-abuse is a by-product of the system and much like radioactive waste occurs from utilizing nuclear power, drug addicts with drug-problems will need to be properly disposed of, like the decaying radioactive waste produced from nuclear energy. -i2ancid


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InvisibleShroomismM
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Re: For those of you who have ever hit total ego loss. [Re: I2ancid]
    #3569608 - 01/02/05 02:00 AM (11 years, 10 months ago)

just remember that life is a series of lessons through experience for you to learn and evolve from.. good and bad, doesn't matter.. it's what you learn from it. stay neutral.


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OfflineGomp
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Re: For those of you who have ever hit total ego loss. [Re: Shroomism]
    #3570401 - 01/02/05 10:13 AM (11 years, 10 months ago)

""so is this saying I have a dark side to me that I've suppressed? Or is it saying I have chosen to embrace the dark side? ""

yes, and it is saying;I have a dark side to me that I've suppressed? AND it is saying I have chosen to embrace the dark side?

moreover, it is saying it is time to let it flow, just don't hold back, the "darkness" goes in Honor. it has done what it was supposed to, and now it all finished.
We are NOW conscious creators of our self, so the Vail of darkness marking our subconsciousness's is no longer needed.


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OfflineDroz
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Re: For those of you who have ever hit total ego loss. [Re: Gomp]
    #3570540 - 01/02/05 11:35 AM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Shroomism - I do spend my time trying to stay neutral, but I also do realize there is battles that happen among us. We should not fight against eachother but share our experiences and learn from eachother. There will be wars that are fought from ignorance that will never end and short battles fought within that will surely die off.

What I'm trying to get at is we will still be here after the wars are over. If anyone shows anger towards me i note it quickly. But to rid there anger has been something that I am not good at. My friend Zach says how man must go alone, but i don't think that is true man can ride next to man as brothers in this battle.

Brothers that seek to help eachother out. Like here there are so many brothers at the shroomery.

Peace,
Droz


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Evolution of Time.


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OfflineGomp
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Re: For those of you who have ever hit total ego loss. [Re: Droz]
    #3570554 - 01/02/05 11:42 AM (11 years, 10 months ago)

...In the heaven of Indra, there is said to be a network of pearls, so arranged that if you look at one you see all the others reflected in it. In the same way each object in the world is not merely itself but involves every other object, and in fact IS every other object...

*The Flower Garland Sutra" from The Revolution From Within by Gloria Steinem


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Invisiblewandrnshaman
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Re: For those of you who have ever hit total ego loss. [Re: Gomp]
    #3570892 - 01/02/05 02:20 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

When there was nothing but eternity it was only darkness, shades of black rippling against each other with dim glimpses of colors spotting thru. Then light was created. This light is what all that is in our universe is made up of. We, knowing consciousness, can shine our light brighter by sharing love with all things and people, till all that is on our dimension burns with the brightest light ever known.

If we can do this, the light will burn thru all the darkness in eternity and we will know all, complete happiness, peace, all. But by forgetting to love each other or even simply by doing nothing-our spark of life we were given at birth is quenched when we die here. It's not about not doing anything when an error is committed against you, it's about rewarding ALL actions with love. We are expected to be kind to those who are kind to us but when we express love to those who wrong us, then the darkness is overpowered.

The whole Earth will ignite like the sun except not yellow...flawless white-a brilliant white light never seen before, pure love! It stretches out to every corner of the universe and catching it on fire then burning thru the darkness or void of eternity and releasing all the wonderful colors, musics, all senses and emotions that are a part of perfection and we have yet to experience-imagine a rainbow of hundreds of colors we don't know yet! It all awaits if we can live fore love.

Turn on your love! light...
and let it shine,
let it shine,
let it shine!!
:heart: :sun:


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InvisibleMoonshoe
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Re: For those of you who have ever hit total ego loss. [Re: I2ancid]
    #3570945 - 01/02/05 02:41 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

2 types of people. those for whom the knowledge that eveything is an empty pool on which you view your own reflection is absolute terror, and those for whom it is absolute joy.

i just had some lucid dreams last night. when i was in them i went wow its so real, so gorgeous, and its all my own mind! total freedom! total joy!

now, in the knowledge that my waking reality is just the same, emptyness superimposed with my own image, i feel that same joy, that same freedom.

may you find happiness!


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Everything I post is fiction. This poster is no longer active.


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OfflineLightningfractal
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Re: For those of you who have ever hit total ego loss. [Re: Shroomism]
    #3570949 - 01/02/05 02:41 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Shroomism said:
just remember that life is a series of lessons through experience for you to learn and evolve from.. good and bad, doesn't matter.. it's what you learn from it. stay neutral.




I disagree, life is a smooth spiral, not a series of events.


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Hi how's it going, wanna kick Heroin basically painlessly on your own, in your own house, without any government "help" ,or the "help" of a crazy condescending, judgmental medical doctor? Read this:

https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php?Cat=0&Board=42&Number=7342616&page=0&fpart=all



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OfflineGomp
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Re: For those of you who have ever hit total ego loss. [Re: wandrnshaman]
    #3571067 - 01/02/05 03:19 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

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HEARTLIGHT
Written by Neil Diamond, Burt Bacharach and Carole Bayer Sager
Come back again
I want you to stay next time
'Cause sometimes the world ain't kind
When people get lost like you and me

I just made a friend
A friend is someone you need
But now that he had to go away
I still feel the words that he might say

Turn on your heartlight
Let it shine whereever you go
Let it make a happy glow
For all the world to see

Turn on your heartlight
In the middle of a young boy's dream
Don't wake me up too soon
Gonna take a ride across the moon
You and me

He's lookin' for home
'Cause everyone needs a place
And home's the most excellent place of all
And I'll be right here if you should call me

Turn on your heartlight
Let it shine whereever you go
Let it make a happy glow
For all the world to see

Turn on your heartlight
In the middle of a young boy's dream
Don't wake me up too soon
Gonna take a ride across the moon
You and me

Turn on you heartlight now
Turn on you heartlight now

Stonebridge Music (ASCAP), New Hidden Valley Music (ASCAP) & Carole= Bayer Sager Music (BMI)

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General Interest >> Philosophy, Sociology & Psychology

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