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The Nutter
Registered: 04/21/04
Posts: 5,189
Loc: Ice patches that last for...
Last seen: 3 years, 10 months
"god" has quite a sense of humor
    #3562979 - 12/30/04 10:36 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

I have now been talking about not smoking cannabis for 1 year after the new year starts. I've been really stressed out for the past few months with extreme financial problems and also relationship problems.  I can put myself in a state of mind which doesn't affect me when I've used mushrooms lately. I travelled back home to visit family/friends for the xmas break and as relaxing as I thought it would be...I've been on the go CONSTANTLY.  I'm trying to catch up with a lot of people.  I've been drinking almost every night this week, small periods of broken sleep and my mind just seems more fragile.  I catch myself not being able to sleep when I try, worrying about finances and stuff. So, what's this topic all about?

I'm planning to stop smoking, first time ever, but for this week I'm going to enjoy myself.  Well, I got some of the best quality hash through some old ass relatives and took 2 big blade hits yesterday...and something bad happened.

I had a full out serious panic attack.  3rd one in my life.  Now, I'm used to dealing with this sort of thing, so I thought I'd be okay.  But like I say, I guess my mind is stressed and fragile, because it knocked me on my ass.  The whole heart rate going 100 mph is scary, but didn't phase me...the breathing all fucked up was very scary, but not enough to lose control...BUT when it felt like someone came up and hit me in the chest with a 5 pound sludgehammer, it DID phase me.  I kept trying to sit down and do breathing exercises, but no matter how hard I tried, it just wasn't working. Even with my long slow breaths I wasn't giving my brain/heart what it needed.  At least 8 times it felt like someone was trying to pound through my chest with a sludgehammer and at one point...something really peculiar and drugged out happened.  I started paying attention to my teeth and I could tell that my jaw kept trying to move over to the right and bite down.  I've had this happen many times and if I concentrate on it, I can stop myself from doing it.  Well, I totally panicked and in pain, I was trying to breathe when this started happening.  I tried to make my jaw go back to normal and it wouldn't...and I know this is going to sound weird, but I had a really drugged out thought that some higher entity was controlling me  :rolleyes:  I've gotten through much worse things on much better drugs hehe, but for some reason that thought really started bugging me out and it was enough to make my breathing exercise go downhill.  I've never felt more horrible.  It actually felt like something behind my eyes was laughing at me and saying, "you have no control, I'm making you do this".  I've had rough times, but this was worse than anything I've had happen.  There has been many times on acid or mushrooms when you just KNOW you don't have control and go with it.  This was so different.  Well maybe not different, but maybe because of the state of mind I was in, was much more intense and scary.  Anyway, my breathing and heart rate were both dangerously fucked for about 20-30 minutes straight...and by that time I thought it would start to get better.  It was only getting worse.  All my limbs started wobbling/shaking and then they all started going numb at different times.  I tried to call my friends, all at work. My mom and dad at work said there was nothing they could do even though I insisted it was serious :confused:.  Each time this "sludgehammer" effect happened, it was enough to bring me down on my knees.  Scared, alone, I did something I've never even come close to doing before...dialed 911.

You got to love BC healthcare.  20 minutes later they show up and were concerned about my pulse and blood pressure.  They took me down to the hospital where they made me sit in a crowded waiting room for about 1 hour(this entire time, I kept wanting to pass out from my heart pain and was totally sketched out, everyone looking at me) and then I waited about 2 more hours on a hospital bed. They take a bunch of heart tests, but by that time it had calmed down a lot and when the doctor comes, he tells me it was simply a panic attack and my heart looks fine now.  Gives me 2 lorazepam and lets me be on my way.  :wink:

Today, my heart feels just sore. I can't explain it.  My heartbeat remained fairly high for about 1-2 hours after I first smoked the hash.  Our entire family has histroy of heart problems.  My dad was just diagnosed with something called angina...but because I'm only 20-something and the chances aren't good of a heart problem, they don't even bat an eye.

hehe I really haven't let this phase me much.  Shit happens.  And supposedly, I got a for sure that my heart is healthy...I haven't been to the doctor in at least 10 years.  So that's good I guess.  I just think it's kind of funny.  I totally plan to quit smoking starting saturday, yet "god" won't let me enjoy my last few tokes.  Guess the jokes on me :wink:

and yeah sorry, I have a bad habit of talking to much. long post.

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Male User Gallery Arcade Champion: El Emigrante

Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 12,988
Loc: Chicago, USA
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
Re: "god" has quite a sense of humor [Re: Spooge]
    #3562989 - 12/30/04 10:39 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

panic attacks suck... so do hospitals.... lorazepam is good though :cool:

When chemistry is outlawed.. Only outlaws have chemistry:rainbowdrink:

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Old No.7
Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 09/14/04
Posts: 1,533
Re: "god" has quite a sense of humor [Re: Infrared]
    #3563039 - 12/30/04 10:57 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

panic attacks suck do [Email]SUCK@!@![/Email]  :thumbdown:

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Get In...
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Registered: 11/25/04
Posts: 626
Loc: Where The Magic Trees Gro...
Last seen: 11 years, 1 month
Re: "god" has quite a sense of humor [Re: Dety]
    #3563133 - 12/30/04 11:30 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)


the Shroomery A.I. thought [Email]SUCK@!@![/Email] :thumbup: was an email...


Glitches in the system

We Can't Stop Here, This Is Bat Country

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InvisibleWorld Spirit
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Registered: 07/27/01
Posts: 9,817
Re: "god" has quite a sense of humor [Re: Spooge]
    #3563156 - 12/30/04 11:37 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

interesting read

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