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Offline13eetleJuice
the ghost with the most
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My trip, the talking hand, and the things he said.
    #3538943 - 12/24/04 11:09 AM (19 years, 3 months ago)

Ok, so last night I decided to trip on shrooms for the second time in my life. I was disappointed by my first trip (45 grams fresh of my own grow) because the visuals were lousy and the peak which was short lived was the only decent part of the trip. This was three weeks ago.

Anyways, last night I pulled out my little box and grabbed a handful of dried shrooms and gobbled them down. I didn't bother to weigh them, I just ate a handful. The come-up wasn't slow and noticable like the first time. Quite the opposite, it just hit me all at once. My body felt as if it had a dull ache all over and my teeth even ached a bit. I found myself lying in bed... squirming, I guess is the word to use. Rubbing the top of my right foot up and down the back of my left calf as I lay there. I felt almost as if I were on the come-down of a long coke binge. Not a good experience, I assure you.

Everything annoyed me. My dog laying beside me annoyed me as he tried to nuzzle up next to me. The feeling of that 'fleshbag' as I called him at the time, felt gross against my skin. I reached out and touched him and was repulsed by the feel of his skin wrapped loosley around that package of meat and bodily fluids underneath. I only tell you this to show you the state of mind I was in at the time.

The 'body ache' as I've come to call it soon passed, or at least lessened to a degree so that it wasn't the most pressing issue on my mind anymore. Now, here's where it got really wierd. I soon felt as if I were sharing my existance with someone, something else in my head. I soon found myself having a conversation with this intruder who had taken on the form of a hand puppet. My hand. I was talking to my hand and it was talking back to me. And he was the biggest asshole I have ever met.

He not only spoke to me but to some other unseen entity that seemed to converse with him though I couldn't hear what it had to say. He pleaded with this unseen being saying that he did not approve nor take responsibility for my appearantly psychotic actions. As he plead his case, his dialog went something like this. Keep in mind he was talking to someone that I couldn't see and he was speaking about me. "Look at him, he's fucked. He's out of his god damned gord. Giggling and snickering like that. And for what?" Then he turns his head (my hand in the shape of a hand puppet) towards me and says aloud, "what's so fucking funny, stupid?" I realized none of this was real and that it was only the drugs and I could see myself acting this way, talking to my hand, distorting my face into impossible expressions through exhaustive use of facial muscles I didn't know I possessed, and squirming like a heroin addict in need of a fix, yet I was helpless to do anything to stop it.

Nor did I want to for that matter. I figured, this is the trip I was given and I'll play along and make the most of it. I went back and fourth in discussion with this newfound friend, my talking hand, for the better part of an hour. Mostly he did the talking telling me things like, "Stop acting so damned stupid. Look at yourself. You look like a fucking retard." I soon got bored of the trip and just snapped myself out of it. Sitting up in bed, looking around with eyes of clarity for the first time in 2 hours or so, I was in my right mind enough to realize that I had been disappointed yet again.

Yet again, had I experienced a trip that was nothing like I had expected. I read trip reports of people claiming to see a kaliedascope of colors and even some people making the statement that they spew color when they speak! Oh, how I'd love to see this but I suffer through the insanity only to see 2-dimensional paterns take on a 3-dimensional shape and the common 'breathing walls' visuals. Other than that, I never see anything amazing at all. I guess for me the trip is more of a trip into the mind where a madman is secretly jailed, tucked away in a dark corner wanting to be discovered and me wanting him left where there, ignored and forgotten.

I will try again however. I will make my next trip outside and in the daylight. Possibly a walk in the woods. I'm anxious to see these woundrous open eyed visual hallucinations, that so many others have spoken so highly of. The hope of seeing these things is the main reason for my partaking of the psilocybin substance. Alone in silent darkness, as Terence Mckenna suggested, is not the way I wish to enjoy the mushroom experience. Alone, perhaps yes, but definately not in silent darkness. I think I'll bring along a walkman and a mix CD with me on my next trip as I walk through the woods chasing that elusive white rabbit as he hops along in his oversized tophat, waving his crooked wand and spreading cherry flavored colors so that those with the right eyes can hear them.

Maybe I'm just not taking enough? I can't know for sure as I didn't weigh the dose this time. I think I'll give it a month so that my tolerance is down near baseline then I'll dose 7 grams dried and if that doesn't smear me across the universe I'll be at a loss as to what the big hype and hooplah over shrooms is all about.

Your thoughts on this post? Ever experienced anything similar? Any ideas as to the possible reasons behind my experiences and why I'm not seeing these visuals I've heard so much about? Any suggestions/trip tips that might help me experience a more vibrant and fulfilling trip?

Feel free to call me a madman. I did afterall talk to my hand! :lol: But, I assure you I'm sane now that the drug has left the building. I'm feeling happy, normal, and right as rain. So, what do you think? Is this a different experience from the norm? Your advice and input is wanted, welcome, and dearly appreciated. And if you've made it this far, I thank you for your time spent trudging through this rabble and I eagerly await your input and possible insights. Thank you!


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InvisibleHendostan
I'm a teapot

Registered: 07/18/04
Posts: 4,444
Re: My trip, the talking hand, and the things he said. [Re: 13eetleJuice]
    #3539195 - 12/24/04 12:16 PM (19 years, 3 months ago)

first off, you're not a madman, but that was hilarious :lol:  i talk to myself when i trip alone..it makes me feel like a freak, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
there could be any number of reasons why you're not tripping in the way you thought you would. it could be that you had too many expectations going into it about what it would be like. the shroom will always lead you away from expectations and make you vulnerable, you just have to go with it...that's where you find the white rabbit :wink:
like you said, you might not have taken enough, though 45g fresh should send you into a nice trip..your 7 dry gram idea and a walk in the woods is perfect, nature is the best place to spend a trip.
also, do you take any medications? certain ones will interfere and decrease the experience. if you have a lot of emotional stress or problems in your personal life, that can also contribute to a diminished experience...your mind needs to be in the right place beforehand.
as far as not seeing hallucinations, i think you might be expecting too much. you won't ever see something that isn't there, your mind will just work with what you see and manipulate that. just search for that inner calm, try to see through your third eye..focus on that and everything else will come...you can't go looking for visuals, they just come to you. i think you'll have a more rewarding experience from doing this in the woods, i definitely recommend that :thumbup: peace and good luck!

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Invisibleblissedout
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Re: My trip, the talking hand, and the things he said. [Re: Hendostan]
    #3539254 - 12/24/04 12:30 PM (19 years, 3 months ago)

spoken like a true journeyman!!  :thumbup: :mushroom2:great advice hendo, i couldn't have said it better.


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:murray:

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Offlinenerdcam
nublet

Registered: 12/13/04
Posts: 146
Loc: London, UK
Last seen: 18 years, 2 months
Re: My trip, the talking hand, and the things he said. [Re: blissedout]
    #3539298 - 12/24/04 12:42 PM (19 years, 3 months ago)

Hi

Interesting report, very different to all I've ever read, although some similarities (sharing the mind with another entity, constant movement/jiggling/shivering). And so well written, 5 shrooms coming your way.

Perhaps do a little research on different strains, I've heard that some produce more intense visuals. Dim lighting or complete darkness tend to potentiate visuals, in my experience at least, and with many others.

Great advice Hendostan, 5 shrooms coming your way too :thumbup:

Rich


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InvisibleHendostan
I'm a teapot

Registered: 07/18/04
Posts: 4,444
Re: My trip, the talking hand, and the things he said. [Re: blissedout]
    #3539326 - 12/24/04 12:48 PM (19 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

blissedout said:
spoken like a true journeyman!!  :thumbup: :mushroom2:great advice hendo, i couldn't have said it better.




i was really high at the time :shrug:

Edited by Hendostan (12/24/04 01:15 PM)

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Invisiblejux
I'm better thanan STD!

Registered: 04/06/04
Posts: 924
Re: My trip, the talking hand, and the things he said. [Re: Hendostan]
    #3540343 - 12/24/04 07:43 PM (19 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Hendostan said:
Quote:

blissedout said:
spoken like a true journeyman!!  :thumbup: :mushroom2:great advice hendo, i couldn't have said it better.




i was really high at the time :shrug:




For some reason I'm not too suprised by this  :grin:


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InvisibleEvilEwok
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Posts: 574
Re: My trip, the talking hand, and the things he said. [Re: jux]
    #3540822 - 12/24/04 10:35 PM (19 years, 3 months ago)

I think perhaps you are expecting to much. your quote:
" Oh, how I'd love to see this but I suffer through the insanity only to see 2-dimensional paterns take on a 3-dimensional shape and the common 'breathing walls' visuals. "

I hate to break it to ya but this is as good is it gets most times...


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Now go Home.

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Offline13eetleJuice
the ghost with the most
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Re: My trip, the talking hand, and the things he said. [Re: EvilEwok]
    #3541849 - 12/25/04 09:40 AM (19 years, 3 months ago)

So that's it, huh? The reports of a multitude of colors where normally there are none, is either a lie fabricated by an amatuer tripper in seek of attention or just a phenomenon available to a select few people? Oh well, I guess my hopes had been a bit too high. I've taken LSD many times before and having never experienced the visuals I'd heard about I thought I'd try my luck with shrooms.

Well, it is comforting to know that what I am seeing is what I'm supposed to be seeing and not that I'm somehow chemically challenged, wired backwards, and incapable of seeing what the rest of the world sees. What a shame though. I had hoped to have my mind play crazy tricks on me like I've heard from friends and through other trip reports. I'd heard of people saying they saw the devil, leprechauns on the front lawn, or had a 'bad trip' where they were being chased by something that seemed so real they actually thought it was there. I've never been that fucked up and I honestly don't think it's possible for me to get to that point. I always know it's "just the drugs" and don't understand how someone could seemingly forget, mid-trip, that they've taken a psychoactive substance.

While on the topic of 'bad trips', I don't think I could experience a bad trip. Even when it's not an enjoyable one, I view it as an experience all the same. Not all of life's experiences are pleasant ones and often times these are the ones we learn the most from.

Anyways, I spoke with my sister last night about my trip and see told me I might try taking vitamin C. She said it might be just an urban myth but she heard that it helped to increase the visuals. Ever heard of this? Any validity to it?

Once again, thank you for your advice. I think I'll experiment with heroic doses in the future. Considering that the LD50 of psilocybin is outrageously high I might just push the limits a bit and go well beyond the 5 dried gram dose and see just what this drug can do.


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OfflineArf
Mcgoo

Registered: 10/02/04
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Re: My trip, the talking hand, and the things he said. [Re: 13eetleJuice]
    #3542281 - 12/25/04 02:40 PM (19 years, 3 months ago)

hey there
ive heard from lots of places the vit c will effectivley kill your trip but then again ive heard that it potentiates ur trip.....dude i just consumed some hashish (bout an hour ago) and am listenin to the carny by nick cave and the bad seeds and i was readin that part where u were sayin about "a trip into the mind where a madman is secretly jailed......" u dont know how scared i got, get that song/get trippin and u'll no what i mean

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InvisibleHendostan
I'm a teapot

Registered: 07/18/04
Posts: 4,444
Re: My trip, the talking hand, and the things he said. [Re: Arf]
    #3542483 - 12/25/04 05:10 PM (19 years, 3 months ago)

man, i think you are perfectly capable of seeing the multitudes of colors and patterns that you've read about in trip reports...the only problem is that you are looking for something specific. shed your expectations and be open to whatever comes to you.
...and don't be so sure that you can't experience a bad trip...it's exactly that attitude that causes them. everyone is capable of having their ego stripped away, and if you start doing doses upwards of 7g, it is bound to happen, so be prepared for that experience and it will be wonderfully rewarding.
everyone sees visuals differently..some more vivid than others..mushrooms have something to show everybody though, and you will find what that is if you keep searching. good luck on your journey, don't give up! :mushroom2:

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Offline13eetleJuice
the ghost with the most
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Re: My trip, the talking hand, and the things he said. [Re: Hendostan]
    #3542551 - 12/25/04 05:49 PM (19 years, 3 months ago)

I always hear of having ones ego stripped away. Often more commonly spoken of as ego loss. I haven't got a clue as to what that is exactly. I'll search some posts and surf the net for answers on that topic. I've read about it many times in trip reports but nobody ever talks about what it really means to lose ones ego, what the experience feels like, and how one would recognize it when it happens to them. Hopefully I'll find what I'm looking for now that I know what it is that I seek.

If you have the time and inclination, I would appreciate it if you could say a few words on the subject. I'm certain to have questions after my reading and I'll post them here as well. Thank you all for your responses as this would be a much bleaker time for me if I didn't have the wisdom, information, help, and support of all of you that have taken the time out of your day to share your experiences and post your words of encouragement. And as always, a big thank you goes to The Shroomery and every responsible for making this wonderful website possible.


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InvisibleHendostan
I'm a teapot

Registered: 07/18/04
Posts: 4,444
Re: My trip, the talking hand, and the things he said. [Re: 13eetleJuice]
    #3542557 - 12/25/04 05:54 PM (19 years, 3 months ago)

ego loss....wow....words always fail me when trying to describe that experience. others have done a very good job, you should be able to find some good accounts by searching posts. i'm not going to even attempt to define it though :thumbup: how can you describe with words a place where words no longer exist?

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Offline13eetleJuice
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Re: My trip, the talking hand, and the things he said. [Re: Hendostan]
    #3542624 - 12/25/04 06:31 PM (19 years, 3 months ago)

Well bro, you said it about the same as in every post I dug up. I found a lot of good ones by the way. I searched for "What is ego loss" and sure enough there were a few threads with that as the title.

Basically most people said the following:

Ego loss is:
- a point where there is no thought process going on upstairs, only emotions
- a point where you feel as if everything is connected and you are connected to everything. Only at the time you can't concieve the concept of "you-ness", "me", or "I"
- most people report a struggle and a sense of terror as this is happening. They often say they get the "I took too much and it's gonna kill me feeling" because they think they are dying. Only by giving up or giving in does this feeling pass and they move on to a state of ego loss

Well, I feel I've got a pretty good handle on what this is now. It's hard to imagine but I think I can grasp the basic concept and know what signs to look out for should this begin to happen to me. Maybe it will help me in not fighting it. More likely it is probably gonna start my mind reeling with thought at 1000mph which is common in my case. I've never once in my life experienced "still mindedness". That should prove to be interesting.

On my first trip, I was posting live and Ellemyshade gave me some advice. She said, "Don't think, just be, and float downstream". I often wonder how great a feeling that must be to 'not think'. The idea of such a thing is inconprehensible to me. Hopefully these things and more, I will learn in what I forsee as a long relationship between me and the mushroom.

Thanks Hendostan, and all the rest of you for all your help. Most importantly I want to thank you for not trying to dive in and explain ego-loss to me when it is so hard to put into words. So many people are so ironically ego driven that they would post false claims rather than to admit that something is beyond thier ability to express or in some cases understand. It takes a much bigger person to refrain. Thank you for everything.


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Edited by 13eetleJuice (12/25/04 06:37 PM)

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InvisibleHendostan
I'm a teapot

Registered: 07/18/04
Posts: 4,444
Re: My trip, the talking hand, and the things he said. [Re: 13eetleJuice]
    #3542652 - 12/25/04 06:46 PM (19 years, 3 months ago)

no problem bro :smile: anytime
you are smart to be reading up on this stuff, that'll put you in a very advantageous situation when it happens. i am like you, i have 1000 thoughts going through my head all the time. the clarity i found from the ego-loss experience is something i'll never forget (once i stopped fighting it, of course..that's tough to do :wink: ) good luck man, glad i could help out a bit

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Offlineld50negative1
lethal dosage

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Re: My trip, the talking hand, and the things he said. [Re: Hendostan]
    #3542795 - 12/25/04 07:35 PM (19 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:


Everything annoyed me. My dog laying beside me annoyed me as he tried to nuzzle up next to me. The feeling of that 'fleshbag' as I called him at the time, felt gross against my skin. I reached out and touched him and was repulsed by the feel of his skin wrapped loosley around that package of meat and bodily fluids underneath. I only tell you this to show you the state of mind I was in at the time.





hahahahahaha that is the funniest shit i've heard in a good while!

:rotfl:


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OfflineUmmGood
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Re: My trip, the talking hand, and the things he said. [Re: ld50negative1]
    #3542890 - 12/25/04 08:12 PM (19 years, 3 months ago)

As mentioned in this thread, and what was told to me during my first trip, if you TRY to see something, you wont. It just happens. I didnt TRY to see that sloth climbing up the wall, but when i tried to see it again, i couldnt see it. :wink: the sloth i saw was the sloth form the movie Ice age hahahaha

Also, maybe to avoid the mind war with yourself, try tripping with some really close friends and just talk and have a good time.

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Invisiblemecreateme
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Re: My trip, the talking hand, and the things he said. [Re: 13eetleJuice]
    #3543014 - 12/25/04 09:06 PM (19 years, 3 months ago)

"I guess for me the trip is more of a trip into the mind where a madman is secretly jailed, tucked away in a dark corner wanting to be discovered and me wanting him left where there, ignored and forgotten."

This is the experience of tripping, my friend. That sentence above hit it on the head. You are tripping, just like almost any person would.

"Alone in silent darkness, as Terence Kenna suggested, is not the way I wish to enjoy the mushroom experience."

You are looking for visuals right? This is the way to see visuals.
Besides, visual hallucinations are petty and icing on the cake, or wrapping paper if you will. The real gift is that the mushroom puts you further in contact with yourself than probably most would want to be. It is insane. If you haven't lost your shit and hope to, up your dose. If they are good shrooms, less than five dried grams should do you.

You don't seem to be a fool but the way you speak so shallowly about the mushroom seems to portray you as one. You are the problem, you need to pay more attention to yourself. Don't look for anything, just be aware.

"I think I'll give it a month so that my tolerance is down near baseline then I'll dose 7 grams dried and if that doesn't smear me across the universe I'll be at a loss as to what the big hype and hooplah over shrooms is all about."

Laugh! You have not found so far that the mushrooms are worthy of hype? Is this your first trip? Do you still think walls breathing is insignificant?

If the seven gram ordeal fails. Shoot for nine dried grams, and I guarantee you won't be able to keep your shit.


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No ONE wants to know the ultimate TRUTH, as soon as YOU find IT out, YOU want to forget IT.

You are everything's way of feeling itself.

Happy Schwag, everygodly!

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Offline13eetleJuice
the ghost with the most
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Re: My trip, the talking hand, and the things he said. [Re: mecreateme]
    #3543181 - 12/25/04 10:20 PM (19 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

mecreateme said:
"I guess for me the trip is more of a trip into the mind where a madman is secretly jailed, tucked away in a dark corner wanting to be discovered and me wanting him left where there, ignored and forgotten."

This is the experience of tripping, my friend. That sentence above hit it on the head. You are tripping, just like almost any person would.

"Alone in silent darkness, as Terence Kenna suggested, is not the way I wish to enjoy the mushroom experience."

You are looking for visuals right? This is the way to see visuals.
Besides, visual hallucinations are petty and icing on the cake, or wrapping paper if you will. The real gift is that the mushroom puts you further in contact with yourself than probably most would want to be. It is insane. If you haven't lost your shit and hope to, up your dose. If they are good shrooms, less than five dried grams should do you.

You don't seem to be a fool but the way you speak so shallowly about the mushroom seems to portray you as one. You are the problem, you need to pay more attention to yourself. Don't look for anything, just be aware.

"I think I'll give it a month so that my tolerance is down near baseline then I'll dose 7 grams dried and if that doesn't smear me across the universe I'll be at a loss as to what the big hype and hooplah over shrooms is all about."

Laugh! You have not found so far that the mushrooms are worthy of hype? Is this your first trip? Do you still think walls breathing is insignificant?

If the seven gram ordeal fails. Shoot for nine dried grams, and I guarantee you won't be able to keep your shit.




To answer a few of your questions:

This is only my second trip with shrooms. I've taken many psycho-active substances before so I'm no stranger to psychedelics, but my knowledge and experience with psilocybin is very limited. Something I strive to remedy daily.

As far as thinking 'walls breathing' is insignificant, why yes I do. It was nothing spectacular at all. I mean,... well, I'll try to explain some of the things I saw.

I remember looking at the mirror on the back of my dresser and watching it bend back and fourth to the left and to the right at distances of about 1 foot in each direction.

I have a huge towel hanging on my wall with a tiger on it. I looked at it and it appeared as if the stripes became 3 dimensional and stood out from the wall approximately 8 inches or so. Sort of like one of those computer generated hidden art pictures where you have to relax your eyes and stare at it until the scene becomes 3 dimensional.

Everything around the room seemed to sway or jiggle like jello. These things sound like fairly interesting experiences I suppose. It's just that I wasn't particularly impressed. I suppose the reason why I had a lack of interest was due to the fact that if I tried, I could make it all stop. If I thought about what I was doing I could make these things move any way I wanted. I know now that I was just expecting too much. I assumed going into this thing that I was going to be 'taken for a ride' if you will. I was expecting to lose control. I aspired to be at the mercy of the drugs and of my own imagination. What I wasn't expecting was the limitations on the hallucinations. They were limited by my own desires. I could make it all stop on my very whim.

As for my speaking shallowly about the mushroom experience, I do so because having only had 2 trips, I have not had the experience to draw anything of any spiritual depth from them. I mean to say that I'm still learning and getting used to the feeling of being on psilocybin. I'm still wondering mid-trip why things seem so different than the picture that was portrayed to me or possibly misconstrued by me of the accounts of others during a mushroom trip. I don't feel I have yet fully understood the two trips that I have had in any spiritual journey of self discovery, sort of fashion. Hence, the reason the focal point of my post being about the things I do understand, the things I can relate to, and the things I have questions about because they most differ from all that I've previously known of a shroom trip. If this seemingly portrays me as a fool, then let me redeem myself by answering your next question.

You asked if I were looking for visuals. The answer to this is yes and no. What I'm looking for is validation. I'm attempting to compare my experience with the experiences of others in an attempt to find out more about myself. I ask in my post if the things I saw and experienced were the norm because if not, I'd like to find out why and if so, then I can stop looking for something that I'm not going to find and move on to the meat and potatoes of it all.

If I haven't lost my shit and hope to then you suggest that I up my dose and that is exactly what I plan to do, my friend.

And to answer your final question, it is doubtful that these shrooms are any good at all. They are from my first few grows. I've only been growing for a few months and it's highly unlikely that I could have accidentally gotten everything right and kept my chambers in optimal growing conditions 100% of the time on my first few tries. Sure, everything seemed OK, but without the experience of a seasoned mycologist I have my doubts as to whether they are 'good shrooms' or not.


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OfflineMushMuncher
Psycho
Registered: 08/26/04
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Loc: Canada
Last seen: 18 years, 7 months
Re: My trip, the talking hand, and the things he said. [Re: 13eetleJuice]
    #3543449 - 12/25/04 11:55 PM (19 years, 3 months ago)

What are these open eye visuals ppl speak of?

no matter how many shrooms i ate i have never seen nothin besides a slight breathing on a couple things like once or twice. and ive done like 7 gram doses of Cubensis and eaten over 50 wet cyanescens picked fresh from the ground

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InvisibleHendostan
I'm a teapot

Registered: 07/18/04
Posts: 4,444
Re: My trip, the talking hand, and the things he said. [Re: MushMuncher]
    #3543486 - 12/26/04 12:05 AM (19 years, 3 months ago)

that is tough to explain..maybe some people just don't get them :shrug: 50 wet cyans should send you into outer space. do you take any medications?

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OfflineCPT_InSaNo
Just anotherfreak in thefreak kingdom

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Re: My trip, the talking hand, and the things he said. [Re: Hendostan]
    #3543887 - 12/26/04 09:49 AM (19 years, 3 months ago)

yeah that is strange, on 2 grams i get visuals. with 4.5 grams i see peoples faces melting. maybe some people just have a higher tolerance? if you are not afraid, i would suggest trying 10 grams dried cubensis. if that dosnt give you very obvious visuals, then i dont know what to tell you. perhaps the shrooms you grew were not very potent?

As it was mentioned above, dont "look" for the visuals, instead let them come to you. At your peak, you can always try some N02 or pot to increase the strength of your trip as well.


--------------------
"We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been. Spiral out. Keep going, going..."
Tool, Lateralus




Anything in my above post is 100% fictional.

R.I.P. Hunter S. Thompson

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