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OfflineMrBump
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Are you a Wimpster?
    #3533250 - 12/22/04 10:10 PM (11 years, 11 months ago)

Are YOU a shy, gentle soul who wonders why the hot girls always leave w/ the loud, obnoxious meatheads and not you?

This humorous, straight forward essay tells you why....no chicks like Duckie!

And you may just be Duckie, without even knowing it.

link

MEET THE WHIMPSTER: THE MANIPULATIVE ASSHOLE IN SENSITIVE CLOTHING.
By Rachel Elder
02.12.04


There is a new post-feminist plague afflicting single women and his name is Whimpster.

He is a man who has perfected his male insecurity as a way of manipulating the very expectations women have come to have. He is a man who uses self-deprecation and vulnerability to prey upon a woman's need to nurture to sate his own massive ego. While he seems to reject a terrible macho-ness, he's constructing a careful persona designed to reel in unsuspecting targets.

Maybe you've dated him? Even worse: maybe you *are* dating him.

Who is this whimpster?

Simply put: He is male. He is white. He is wimpy. He looks a little bit emo, a little bit hipster, and he's more dangerous than you'd think. So, the next time you wake up next to someone whispering acrimonious nothings about his ex-girlfriend instead of going down on you, you'll know a little more about this seemingly gentle boy you went home with. This is the 'dark side' of Lloyd Dobler, of our precious Duckie, and life with him is much different after the credits roll. Whimpsters are men who use cultural artifacts and politically correct platitudes in place of the empty spaces where real thought and emotion should be. Whimpsters are men who unwittingly enjoy Bukowski's misogyny. Whimpsters walk a tenuous tightrope between their secreted, terribly warped masculinity and the mainstream manliness that they claim to abhor.

Fuck Lloyd Dobler.

This male insecurity-as-manipulation thing really needs to be stopped. If you're a whimpster, consider yourself outed.

Why They Seem Attractive, at First.

Initially, these guys can seem super sensitive, super "deep." You'll probably receive a mix tape or quoted song lyrics during the initial courting session. He'll spend a lot of time talking about how he relates to some sort of super-sensitive movie character or musician, or mention how much he enjoys those reruns of My So Called Life. And he's done his research. He knows chicks die for the characters in John Hughes' movies, and whimpsters bank on these characters' worst traits: The hang-ups over small, inconsequential things; the chronic need for reassurance; the grade school hints that he might just "like you like you."

Martyrdom is a big part of it; it's their raison d'etre. They like to tell you how much they like to do "sweet" things so they can seem like the nice sensitive guy who bends over backwards for everyone. But this martyred, "I'm just that kinda guy"-ness clashes with the masculinity that inevitably comes out. For example: A girl he feels something for is being cornered in a bar. The whimpster feels he has to do the chivalry thing... but that could mean a messy display of overt masculinity. So in place of kicking the guy's ass (or at least asking him to leave you alone), your defense will consist of loud sighing and a glare or two. And in the rare case where the whimpster might defend your honor, you'll probably have to hear about how guilty he feels about it for the next two months. Plus you'll need to tend to his wounds after he gets his Bright Eyes blackened.

But the attraction is strong. We want to blot his tears, wipe his nose and take care of this whimpster, because initially, he doesn't seem like an asshole. Unlike other dudes, he's not loud and obnoxious -- he's quiet and soft-spoken. His pants are short and he'll hold your hand. He's okay with just sitting around listening to your favorite record and he's not going to talk sports in front of you. (He hates sports. You get your Sundays back.)

The cruel irony here is that the only people whimpsters are "emo" or particularly passionate about, are themselves -- although they're known to tote around some pretty decent-sized messenger bags full of resentment and hatred toward women. But these women are the litany of ex-girlfriends who made broken promises. Assuredly, you are different. You are special.

Sure, whimpsters can be physically attractive. Super sensitive looking, a lot of sweaters, sweatshirts, and artfully mussed bed-head. But upon closer inspection, is the general whimpster aesthetic attractive? Some common traits are: the receding hairline, dandruff, skinny to the point of the caved in chest, vitamin deficiency, chronic allergies, the soft mixed scent of B.O. mixed with Tide, not boxers, not briefs, those boxiefs, hoodies, glasses, knit caps, scarves, glasses, skateboarding shoes, complete with un-ridden skateboard.

And you fell for it. You want to wipe that 10-year-old's nose.

The Whimpster Relationship.

The whimpster relationship is always the passive/aggressive stalker type.

Everyone's been in one of these... also known as: "hanging out", "coming over", "friends", "not my girlfriend", "whatever," "trading mix cds" or even worse: the pretend marriage.

This is the tricky part, because you realize that whimpsters really reveal more about your character than theirs. They prey on your insecurities by revealing their own. This is how you get stuck in a codependent, passive, jealous relationship with a whimpster you hopelessly try to fix, even though he won't let you. You'll spend a lot of time wondering why he's around, because his emotional unavailability is staggering. "If he's so sensitive, why isn't he even talking to me?"

As for the Sex?

Ah, what whimpsters do -- and don't do -- in bed! Here's where the real horror begins. And were they ever to get an erection, they'd probably apologize for it. You'll hear a lot of "don't touch me there." He's flaccid at best, and very awkward. Having sex with a whimpster is like cramming an emo record into a knapsack on the bus. (And on a related note, he will also almost always vehemently swear on his 7" collection that he does *not* download porn, all while toting a dog-eared copy of Henry Miller around.)

The moment you finally get a whimpster in bed, you'll usually
experience the following: two minutes of thrusting, a crying session, then he's sound asleep.

Oh yeah. He's real sensitive, in more ways than one.

The Breakup?

Dare you break up with a with a whimpster, you'll suffer the shrill roar of the wounded male and the email death threat. Your immortalization in the liner notes of his life will become angry song lyrics, and before long you'll be de-Friendstered, re-Friendstered, your CDs will go un-returned, and in the worst case scenario, he'll try to win you back.

We all prefer a clean break but let's face it, a whimpster breakup can drag on pathetically, for weeks, even months, as he nobly attempts to "just be friends." The drunken apologetic phone calls, the Craigslist missed connections, the messages of his burning heartbreak sent through mutual friends. Or, for the most dramatic whimpster effect: he'll write a letter and then wait for it to rain in the middle of the night so he can bring it to you.

At the first sign of whimpster: grab your sweatshirt and your dignity, and run!


--------------------
If it weren't for the bloody corpses, I wouldn't have any corpses at all.

There are two ways to get to the top of an oak tree: start climbing or sit on an acorn.

Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?


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InvisibleWorld Spirit
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Re: Are you a Wimpster? [Re: MrBump]
    #3533376 - 12/22/04 10:42 PM (11 years, 11 months ago)

This is thoroughly inspiring btw....


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OfflineMrBump
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Re: Are you a Wimpster? [Re: MrBump]
    #3533427 - 12/22/04 10:59 PM (11 years, 11 months ago)

enter: i dont know if youre being sarcastic or not, but it opened my eyes a little. i'll admit to doing a couple of the things described by the author in past relationships.

soemtimes people need to be kicked in the ass with the truth (hard as it may feel) if they are ever to break the cycle of being a super shy/sensitive wounded intellectual type that whines about never netting the big fish in the pond.


--------------------
If it weren't for the bloody corpses, I wouldn't have any corpses at all.

There are two ways to get to the top of an oak tree: start climbing or sit on an acorn.

Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?


Edited by MrBump (12/22/04 10:59 PM)


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InvisibleWorld Spirit
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Re: Are you a Wimpster? [Re: MrBump]
    #3533442 - 12/22/04 11:02 PM (11 years, 11 months ago)

I wasn't being sarcastic at all. That article hits home in an uplifting way. It kind of teases you to the point of no return.

I would guess that most of the folks on this site are relatively young guys - heterosexuals, super self-conscious, super introspective, super-shy, socially awkward, etc. I bet a lot of us worry if we have social anxiety half the time.

I'm glad you posted this. How did you end up finding it?


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Offlinefreddurgan
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Re: Are you a Wimpster? [Re: World Spirit]
    #3533626 - 12/22/04 11:39 PM (11 years, 11 months ago)

Lol, I can relate to alot of it, but I think the general stereotype they are targetting is one that is actually hard to find.

It's the SUPER emo skater shoes, thrift-shop/Abercrombie only emo-band guy who in actuality is a mess.

That really doesnt fit alot of people. This article is a farse, and a stereotype again. Someone had a bad boyfiend, and instead of being "...kicked in the ass with the truth" they made a generalization and moved the blame from them to someone else.

Thanks Rachel


--------------------
Ishmael
http://www.ishmael.org

Ron Paul 2008!
http://www.ronpaul2008.com/


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OfflineMrBump
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Re: Are you a Wimpster? [Re: World Spirit]
    #3534008 - 12/23/04 12:44 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

enter, yeah...i figured you werent being sarcastic....its harsh in a direct manner, but not mean. i found the link tooling around bobfromaccounting.com and www.blacktable.com/linkarchive.htm

edit: added link^^

freddurgan: rachel is over the top for sure. but i think its done for humorous effect more than anything else. its not just the Emo type that can act this way, for sure. who knows? she may be a closeted lesbian  :smirk:
one thing i agree with her on: the john cusak's of the world seem to only be successful in movies. many girls find that type of man repulsive. 

I'd like to hear from the shroomerite females as to the accuracy of her essay. maybe they could shed some light on the subject of the shy, sensative guy.


--------------------
If it weren't for the bloody corpses, I wouldn't have any corpses at all.

There are two ways to get to the top of an oak tree: start climbing or sit on an acorn.

Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?


Edited by MrBump (12/23/04 12:47 AM)


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InvisibleWorld Spirit
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Re: Are you a Wimpster? [Re: MrBump]
    #3534042 - 12/23/04 12:58 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

There's only 3 women on this site:
gillette
cherrybomb
and Desiree

jenny is a man

:laugh:


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OfflineMrBump
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Re: Are you a Wimpster? [Re: World Spirit]
    #3534140 - 12/23/04 01:25 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

dammit!

i though there were at least 8 or 9  :thumbdown:


--------------------
If it weren't for the bloody corpses, I wouldn't have any corpses at all.

There are two ways to get to the top of an oak tree: start climbing or sit on an acorn.

Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?


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OfflineTasty_Smurf_House
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Re: Are you a Wimpster? [Re: World Spirit]
    #3534207 - 12/23/04 01:41 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

edit:oops im not in OTD right now


Edited by Tasty_Smurf_House (12/23/04 01:41 AM)


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OfflineMrBump
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Re: Are you a Wimpster? [Re: Tasty_Smurf_House]
    #3534238 - 12/23/04 01:47 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

LOL! way to catch yourself!


--------------------
If it weren't for the bloody corpses, I wouldn't have any corpses at all.

There are two ways to get to the top of an oak tree: start climbing or sit on an acorn.

Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?


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InvisibleWorld Spirit
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Re: Are you a Wimpster? [Re: MrBump]
    #3534243 - 12/23/04 01:49 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

what'd he say???? Tell me or I'll never stop asking..... :tongue: :grin: :sun: :tongue: :grin: :tongue: :grin: :animal: :animal: :animal: :animal: :animal: :animal: :animal: :animal: :animal: :animal: :popcorn: :popcorn: :popcorn: :popcorn: :popcorn: :rockets: :banbanban: :ban: :banbanban:


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OfflineMrBump
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Re: Are you a Wimpster? [Re: World Spirit]
    #3534263 - 12/23/04 01:55 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

yeah smurf, what'd you say?

honestly, didnt read his post before he edited it, he probably smarted off about the author, maybe?

you'll have to pm him  :doh:


--------------------
If it weren't for the bloody corpses, I wouldn't have any corpses at all.

There are two ways to get to the top of an oak tree: start climbing or sit on an acorn.

Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?


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OfflineRandolph_Carter
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Re: Are you a Wimpster? [Re: MrBump]
    #3535340 - 12/23/04 12:09 PM (11 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

thecornking said:
dammit!

i though there were at least 8 or 9  :thumbdown:




At least.


--------------------
"..all those molecules thrashing their kinky little tails, hot for destiny and the street."  Gibson


Nuke baby seals for Jesus!

(This has been a +1 production.)


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Invisiblelukeboots
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Re: Are you a Wimpster? [Re: freddurgan]
    #3535396 - 12/23/04 12:44 PM (11 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

freddurgan said:
That really doesnt fit alot of people. This article is a farse, and a stereotype again. Someone had a bad boyfiend, and instead of being "...kicked in the ass with the truth" they made a generalization and moved the blame from them to someone else.




I dunno man, I know a good number of indie kids who fit this generalization well. I even know some indie chicks who play this 'sensitive' character around... two of my best friends (well, they're at college now, so i don't see em too often) are almost wimpsters down the ATDI button on their jacket.

This article is probably less of a generalization than you think..  :shocked:


--------------------

funky ass music: Planet of Dinosaurs // Rich Whiskey


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OfflinePhluck
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Re: Are you a Wimpster? [Re: lukeboots]
    #3535606 - 12/23/04 01:33 PM (11 years, 11 months ago)

The generalization part is the idea that any guy who's sensitive is really a jerk using his niceness to con women into dating him.

Sure the descriptions probably sound like lots of people you know, nice, friendly, wearing the popular fashions of the day... but that doesn't mean they're all secretly a bunch of conniving jerks.

The thing definitely reads like some woman had her heart broken and decided to start hating an entire group of people as a result.


--------------------
"I have no valid complaint against hustlers. No rational bitch. But the act of selling is repulsive to me. I harbor a secret urge to whack a salesman in the face, crack his teeth and put red bumps around his eyes." -Hunter S Thompson
http://phluck.is-after.us


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OfflineJacquesCousteau
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Re: Are you a Wimpster? [Re: Phluck]
    #3552343 - 12/28/04 01:43 PM (11 years, 11 months ago)

Ding. I agree with Phluck.

P.S. I am a sensitive intellectual male, but I got over that phase of self-pity-as-a-means-of-attention a LONG time ago. Like when I was 14.


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