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Offlinetomk
King of OTD

Registered: 09/22/04
Posts: 1,559
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 1 year, 6 months
Trip Report
    #3516111 - 12/18/04 03:54 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

This belongs here because this trip was the first real spiritual experience I have ever had. It's not philosophical at all, but spiritual.

So I take about 1 dried gram of cyanescens, and take off for a local arboretum (sehome hill for those in b'ham) with my water headphones and a bowl, dressed warmly. I walk up the hill, with the idea of going to the observatory tower on top of the hill and peaking as I watch the sunset. So it turns out I timed it a little off, and have some time to walk around before the sun sets. So I smoke some pot. This pot knocks me into another world, and as I walk around, I come to realize that there are three issues that have been lurking in my head that I need to deal with, one of them being that I am having trouble adjusting to the fact that college is over, and the other two interpersonal issues. Near the tower, there is a tunnel, which I have tripped in before.

I decided to walk to the tunnel. As I walk to the tunnel, I start thinking about rebirth analogies, and about rituals, and get the idea in my head that a really productive thing to do would be to symbolically deal with these issues. I think of this as I am looking directly at the sun through the canopy. Very intense OEV's surrond the sun, such that, in my altered state, I'm pretty sure it's as close to I'm gonna get as looking at god. Eventually, part of my brain goes "Staring at the sun while tripping and going blind would be a little cliche" so I stop, and keep walking. I decided to let all my thoughts about the 2 interpersonal issues out as I walk twice through the tunnels, and be symbolically reborn having dealt with them. These issues were both things that I think had caused me a lot of trauma, but using the impromptu ritual I dealt with them in such a way that now when I think about them, it's resolved. After each trip through the tunnel I smoke a couple hits of pot, with as much reverance as a catholic taking communion from the pope.

After this, I return to the tower, and smoke the rest of the pot at the base of the tower. Then I put on some headphones (A mix with Parabol, Parabola, Lateralus, reflection, and shpongle!) and climb up the tower. By this time I had come to think that this experience could symbolize the sun setting on the college era of my life. So, I started climbing the tower in a pretty serious mindset. It was amazing. Every level of the tower is half open, so you can see out, and just seeing how it went from the forest, to the tops of the trees, to just over the trees, to looking down on the canopy, to seeing from the San Juan Islands to the west all the way to canada, all over a huge part of the pacific ocean. I listen to the four tool songs, as I stare at the sunset, and just completely let go of everything, completely buying into the symbolism of the whole thing. I was completely in touch with both the nature and the music, laughing a lot, crying with some of the music too. The shpongle "Upon the sea of blissful awareness" combined with nature and the whole holiness feeling of the event, not only so I was getting synasthetic effects, but so that these effects were crossing over into non-sensory areas like abstraction and emotion. While I was tripping quite hard (talking nonsense to myself, laughing/crying at things, etc) three other people climbed the tower, and I would of bet my left nut they were tripping too.

I've never had a religious or transformative experience before, and I think what was missing from my attempts to get there with drugs has been the ritual aspect. Next time I trip, I want to push that direction (combined with outside) even farther.

This was easily the best trip I have ever had. However, I do feel like I am having trouble with some of the things from the trip. Since the trip sort of closed off one area of my life, I feel I have stopped associating with both the emotional baggage from the events I confronted, and also stopped associating as a college student. But, it's like "What now." Now that I have negated so much of my identity, what should I replace it with? If not a college student, then what? If my primary motivator for falling into various patterns was the two issues I faced up to and confronted, what now is my prime motivator?

I decided that part of the way to make sure I don't just fall back onto old problems would be to return to this spot every week. Saturday marks 1 week, and I'll probably go again. I'll probably do more ritual type stuff, in preparing the substance, consuming it, and during the trip. This trip is going to be my second to last trip before I stop for a while (I want to do it with DXM as well), and I think that combining music, outdoors, and ritual will help me to find new things to identify with.

One other thought I had about this experience was that this was definately a psychotic break for me. Tied up in how profound it was is the fact that it was also very very insane. I've had controlled psychotic breaks on drugs before, so now I think that the difference between an experience of insanity and a religious experience is, for me, a matter of symbolism and ritual. I dunno.

Just thought I'd share. Comments are welcome, as are suggestions for things to go farther down this road.


--------------------
"I am eternally free"


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OfflineSource
Remainder of anUnbalancedEquation
Male

Registered: 07/28/03
Posts: 667
Loc: Outer Darkness
Last seen: 3 years, 9 months
Re: Trip Report [Re: tomk]
    #3516128 - 12/18/04 04:06 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Thanks for posting tomk. I enjoyed reading that very much!

One thing I would suggest is...why do you feel compelled to identify with anything? What you truly are does not change. What you truly are is eternal. Identify with who/what you ARE (pure awareness for lack of a better term) instead if what you DO (college student).


--------------------
What you're searching for is what's searching.


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Offlinedaimyo
Monticello

Registered: 05/13/04
Posts: 7,751
Last seen: 5 years, 7 months
Re: Trip Report [Re: tomk]
    #3516140 - 12/18/04 04:12 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Great post.

You ask "what now?". I say anything that you enjoy. Did you graduate college? If so, then get out there and be the best in whatever it is you do.
Your prime motivator is now joy. Wake up every day knowing that you can do whatever you want. Live and love.

You haven't negated your identity. You merely are in a transitional state(one of many).

"Ever since I was a child I have had this instinctive urge for expansion and growth. To me, the function and duty of a quality human being is the sincere and honest development of one's potential." - Bruce Lee

"All fixed set patterns are incapable of adaptability or pliability. The truth is outside of all fixed patterns." - Bruce Lee


--------------------
"I have sworn upon the altar of God eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man."


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Offlinetomk
King of OTD

Registered: 09/22/04
Posts: 1,559
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 1 year, 6 months
Re: Trip Report [Re: daimyo]
    #3516971 - 12/18/04 01:25 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

"One thing I would suggest is...why do you feel compelled to identify with anything?"

Something to think about. Thanks.


--------------------
"I am eternally free"


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InvisibleMoonshoe
Blue Mantis
 User Gallery

Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 26,952
Loc: Iceland
Re: Trip Report [Re: tomk]
    #3517060 - 12/18/04 02:10 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

awesome tomk. having a ritual framework for your trips will open you to a whole new side of the shrooms, i recently decided that for me shrooms are no longer a recreational drug and i will only use them with great care and intent


--------------------


Everything I post is fiction.


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