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I'm pretty down. My last three mushrom trips haven't worked, and I miss them. I think it's because I've been doing alot of acid, which is great, but different, and not without its dangers. When I trip, it often feels like the only time that everything is clear, that I can focus. I love looking at the truth of things. Seems to me that you can go too far in on acid. I want to trip and trip, but in the end, I'll be the only person that understands myself. I've always been really self destructive; self harm, IV junkie, etc. I thought I was finally getting away from it, but this mad need to trip as deeply as possible makes me wonder if I have found the ultimate way to destroy myself. It's weird, as I feel at my most positive when I trip, like I can take anything, like "bring it on, whatever it may be". As an interesting sideline, I usually trip with my best friend. Every time I do, I fall in love with him. Then, every time, I have to get over it. It's driving me crazy. We're very, very close, but, for various reasons, it's not gonna happen. Just feel so confused.
Hey...I think you know what I'm going to say, which is take some time off drugs for a little while. Acid and shrooms are wonderful and powerful tools for humanity, but every tool can be misused. Don't use them until you find your grounding again. Tripping is no good unless you USE and PRACTICE the insights that you have been given. Volunteer at a shelter, or help a bum out to a nice meal. Focus to send your energies out to humanity. It feels very life-affirming and stabilizing to help another human being out. Get out, meet some new people, find a new hobby, exercise, and meditate.
Try to find and use the insights and teachings you get from psychedelics in your sober life, and maybe you'll discover what you are looking for.