Pharmaceutical Speedball - Physical and Mental Well-Being

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NosferatuMan
Stranger

Registered: 07/05/04
Posts: 527
Last seen: 18 years, 1 month

Pharmaceutical Speedball

#3488693 - 12/12/04 10:45 PM (19 years, 4 months ago)

Yes.

Last night, I was at my cousins house. They own some nice pills here and there, so I decided to take a combo of 2 adderal XR's at once, then 5 T3's, and another adderal XR later on when Im feeling tired throughout the night. Anyways, it was a great experience. I talked with this girl throughout the night, and ended up staying up until morning because it was really impossible for me to go to bed. So in the morning, I was rummagging through their cubboards and found this shit I think he called dexadrine, anyways...it was weird. I went to this bar place to play darts with my cousin, and I just SAT there for like 3 hours thinking about Freud and some basic psychology, and this kid kept on looking at me, or so I thought out of the corner of my eye, and everytime I'd glance RIGHT as I thought he was looking at me he was looking the other way. I swear, he was staring at me, asking his friend if he knew who I was and lots of other incoherent nonsense. Then I started hearing my cousins voice from behind me, even though he was playing darts with some other guy in front of me and not talking at all; then I swore I could have saw the girls that left his place an hour ago walking out of the corner of my eye and speaking, and his mom too.

So pretty soon I'm thinking very odd things, like, I wrote this about Christmas: "Congratulations, you're supporting one of the most deceitful, most blatant pro-greed propaganda based holidays to have ever existed. Think about the accumulation of wealth corporate companies drain from your pocket each year because of the brainwashing we have been subjected throughout all of our lives; references to "giving" are constantly made in all forms of Christmas promotion media's: we are told we must give on Jesus Christ's birthday, even though some of us do not even acknowledge him as real, or beneficial to our own beliefs by any means." This all made PERFECT sense at the time, and I told my Grandma this, thinking I had just discovered the worlds biggest kept secret. I was watching TV and just kept at shaking my head disgusted at every Christmas commercial I came in contact with.

And then I started thinking about Christianity...I suddenly decided I was an atheist. Something I never really agreed with myself until today. And here was a motto of my newly changed faith or, rather, lack of: To Christians, the crucifixion of Jesus Christ symoblizes a sacrifice out of love God made for our World. To me, it represents an eternity of prejudice, persecution and the eventual unholy massacre of 6 million Jewish peoples.

And then I had planned on creating some weird video collage showing pictures of Jews with tailpipes rammed down their throats, that I had seen in grade 10 history. Some type of classical piece playing behind it, Mozarts last requiem or Bach's prelude in c-minor.

Anyways, after this long and confusing day, I attempted to go to sleep as I have school tomorrow. As soon as I layed down on my bed, the fucking thing was squeaking at any single movement I made. I was furious, and screamed " FUCK AAA" very loudly then stopped. Then I could swore I was seeing weird things in the dark, and hearing other people in my room breathing. I started to think about the girl I was talking to at my cousins house, and how I felt so depressed when she went home. I sunk into a deeper hole when I realised she goes to a different school than I do, and lives like an hour away. This may be a little hard to believe, but I could hear her voice and I started speaking out load, and all of a sudden I could clearly hear her voice reaction in my head. Anyways, I really don't feel like saying all the embaressing things I said to "her", but I soon started talking to my friends who I felt had betrayed me. I told them to go fuck themselves, and they wern't my friends, etc.

I could feel something moving below my matress, and everytime I would lay in this one position on my one side, I would feel this thing underneath my matress trying to lift me up.

The effects were so subtle, I'd be sitting and listening to music that was playing so clearly from my head that it wasn't "weird" at all.

I still can't get to sleep, I have school in the morning, and I fucking feel very weird, although it is not intense by any means, and I'm depressed still. I don't know what to do anymore, eat food? It makes me feel really sick just thinking about it. And I don't know if I have gotten any premanent brain damage or not from this little fucking stupid drug binge I went on. Does anyone think there's like, an underlying problem? Shcizophrenia? Please don't post your dissaprovals of eating random pills, because I'm almost positive they are dexadrine, and if anyone has had an experience with them and sees similar connections to my own story, please post them. I'll ask my cousin tomorrow to make sure what the hell I took. But I really don't remember.

Edited by NosferatuMan (12/12/04 11:56 PM)

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