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Registered: 10/15/04
Posts: 831
Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
Living with and supporting/condoning addiction?
    #3465193 - 12/08/04 04:52 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Hey, I just wanted to know if anybody has advice on this type of lifestyle. Currently, I am a regualar user of hydrocodone, 30-40mg a day and about a miligram of xanax at night. I will say now the hydrocodone is for recreational/escaping purposes for my pain is not really physical?but the xanax has somewhat a more therapeutic purpose for resting my mind at night. I have been diagnosed with a number of disorders including depression, Post traumatic stress disorder, General anxiety disorder and some other stuff on the side. I do have my reasons for my use, I have been through some heavy shit involving the witnessing death of my father, a few friends and mostly, my fianc? recently, and abruptly. Even though there has been other things therapists believe to be ?traumatic?..I still consider the death?s to rank amongst the top. There are many classifications of addiction but according to many sources, its defined as, ?continuing to pursue any activity (eating, drinking, drugging, gambling) despite negative consequences." Well, my relationship with my drug use has yielded NO negative consequences besides the small amount of money I dish out each month. I obtain my drugs legally and are actually covered by insurance. I spend less money on drugs than the average drinking/smoking college kid and make more money than I can spend which is currently going into High earning interest CD?s. I am a 22 year old male who is the best employee amongst a dozen others twice my age at a tech job as well as a part-time student at a music school. The fact of the matter, is that I feel better when I am under the influence of hydro, I am more efficient, sociable and for some reason at work, when I decide to pop my first 10/325 Watson, I become more motivated and resourceful. I can laugh, go out with friends, go to the movies and live a lifestyle closer to the one I lived before God started throwin down lighting bolts. When the hydro tapers off at night I become restless for the most part, tossing and turning, hugging my pillows fantasizing about the woman who used to lay there and after I pop the Xanax, I can usually cry myself to sleep.
Since Hydrocodone is a synthetic opiate and a relative of morphone, the motiviating factor of me raising this concern was Wuccan Seeker?s thread in ODD named "On Addiction (and poppyhead tea)?." which stated,

?Typical for Opium addiction is the following sequence:
1...Sweetspot. Somehow you think kindly and mildly about it even if you held fears before.
2...Harmless. Mysteriously you decide that it was either to mild or feels so good that you actually feel you got it all under control.
3...Defence. You defend your use or the substance itself.
4...Denial. You start breaking rules you have set regarding use and either defend or deny this to yourself or others.
5...Increase. You start using more and/or more often.
6...Craving. You start feeling an increasingly clear urge to use it.
7...Monthly. With monthly use Opium clearly has a significant role in your life.
8...Weekly. With weekly use you're standing at the Gate of Hell. Pulling back will be hard, you're lured and lured to walk in. At this point you contemplate using something else then homegrown.
9...Semi-daily. You're fucked. It will become very hard to quit.
10..Withdrawal. Congratulations. Your good intentions shoved aside, all friendly warnings waived, you now have become an addict. Your life now revolves around The Precious, and at first you may still be able to deny it, but your coinpouch is dwindling my friend, and instead of buying that new PC you will end up selling your old one.

Well I am a 4 times a day user so I must be really fucked according to this statement.
Any opinion is welcome

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Registered: 08/14/03
Posts: 2,347
Re: Living with and supporting/condoning addiction? [Re: PsillyNilly]
    #3465245 - 12/08/04 05:01 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Do you wonder why your stomach hurts? Are you constipated? Is it hard to piss sometimes? Are you going impotent at times? Well, if not, hydrocodone addiction will eventually give you all of this and more. It's bad for you and won't cure what ails you. You are seeking comfort, but you are seeking it from the wrong thing. Drugs can't cure depression. Drugs can only supress depression. And eventually you will find yourself without drugs and will have to face not only depression but withdrawal. Deal with your depression, anger, anxiety, or whatever else is bothering you. How you do that is the question, right? Well, take one step at a time, and I'd suggest the first step is getting rid of the hydrocodone.

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Registered: 10/15/04
Posts: 831
Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
Re: Living with and supporting/condoning addiction? [Re: newusername222]
    #3465392 - 12/08/04 05:29 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

I never or atleast not as of yet become sick/constipated or impotent. I know what I am doing is not the answer to my problems and certainly not the cure. I did go home for thanksgiving for 5 days without the hydro just to see how I could cope. Of course I became a little agitated and experienced some withdrawl for a little less than a day, none physical and not intesnse to the point where my family members noticed anything different about my character during thanksgiving dinner. I can function without it but I honestly will state, I function better while on it. I am really angry with GOd right now so I am having trouble with #1 on the twelve steps. I know I am still depressed, trust me this drug does not suppress my grief issues completely but it does aid me in accomplishing my arrands throughout the day.....I am not planning on this becoming a part of my life forever, but unless I drop all my obligations and enter into a rehab institute, it does indeed help. I know your right, Im not in denial this is something that has to stop eventually.
Thanks for the advice, I know I'm wrong.

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