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Offlinescreamogod
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plz help, i think im going crazy....major visual distortions/shrooms
    #3438918 - 12/02/04 07:36 PM (12 years, 7 days ago)

hi,

in september i stupidly did around 2 grams of potent shrooms twice within 5 days....since then i have had MAJOR anxiety and very bad visual distortions...

visual:
whenever i look quick around something i see flashes/steaks of light or color almost 24/7. When i just stare at the ceiling it looks like its moving, i see like auras of light around almost everything... When i was at the beach last week, if i zoned out into the sky it looked like thousands of little shimmering "sperm" in the sky...i see like static when i concentrate on anything....it's really starting to freak me out....i stopped smoking weed completely for a month and it seemed to get bette,r but i smoked once last saturday, and now its worse..

i'm also extremely anxious and paranoid all the time...i raelly dont know whats wrong with me.....i'm starting to think im going schizophrenic or developing some type of psychotic disorder...

i didnt have that bad of a trip, i was just really stressed out about life/a girl at the time....i had alot of just personal hyper-realization...no really ego loss or anything....it was the 2/3rd time i've done shrooms....the first time i had a total ego loss/loss of reality.....I've been smoking weed consistantly for the past 3 years though...

please help me, i really don't know what to do......i started taking amino acids since i heard they were supposed to help with brain reconstruction....but it didnt do anythign

anything plz...these visual things are making me go crazy


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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: plz help, i think im going crazy....major visual distortions/shrooms [Re: screamogod]
    #3439052 - 12/02/04 08:05 PM (12 years, 7 days ago)

Maybe quit the weed and all drugs?  Weed can definitely make you more susceptable to anxiety and paranoia, not to mention other mental/emotional issues. 

I have to say that I think you are just freaking out.  Relax, remember to breathe, lay off the drugs, exercise, meditate, and *relax*. 

Give yourself some time without drugs and see if you feel better. If you don't, see a doctor. It's as simple as that!  :heart:


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InvisibleSociety
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Re: plz help, i think im going crazy....major visual distortions/shrooms [Re: screamogod]
    #3439094 - 12/02/04 08:11 PM (12 years, 7 days ago)

Wow.  The "wow" was in the context of the fact that I feel JUST like that!!  I've never done mushrooms, but I have a smoked marijuana maybe 30 times in my life.  I see the streaks of light, auroras, and static too.  I also have HORRENDOUS anxiety which is progressively getting worse.  I've also been having depression that's been getting.  The worst of it all though, is that I have this feeling that there is a vacuum in my head sucking my life and emotions away.  I don't feel like I live anymore.  While, I myself, am looking for answers, my guess is that it's drug-induced anxiety.  For me, I used to take this SSRI medication called Lexapro and I made an ignorant mistake of quitting cold turkey.  Since then, I've mentally gotten progressively worse.  I've smoked marijuana bout 6 times since I quit almost a year ago and each time it's an episode of paranoia. 

I'm looking into see another (idiot) psychiatrist to talk to about the problems, but I'm almost certain that they will be misunderstanding and incompassionate to the situation.  I have a feeling they'll just blame it on my "bad" descision to use drugs and give me another goddamn SSRI.

I really don't know how to help you, but I hope I can atleast give you the peace of mind that you are not alone in what you are experiencing.

Quote:

Maybe quit the weed and all drugs? Weed can definitely make you more susceptable to anxiety and paranoia, not to mention other mental/emotional issues.

I have to say that I think you are just freaking out. Relax, remember to breathe, lay off the drugs, exercise, meditate, and *relax*.

Give yourself some time without drugs and see if you feel better. If you don't, see a doctor. It's as simple as that! 




I have a hunch that it's not as "simple as that". :frown:


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Edited by SocietyRejects (12/02/04 08:13 PM)


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OfflineDivided_Sky
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Re: plz help, i think im going crazy....major visual distortions/shrooms [Re: Society]
    #3439114 - 12/02/04 08:15 PM (12 years, 7 days ago)

I would stop drugs for about 6 months. I had a big reality crisis and some lingering perceptual distortions for a while and it took me about that long to feel completely 'normal' again. If you abstain, all of that should go away in time. But for now I would say use the experiences that bother you to help you become a better person and develop a better state of mind. There are a few benefits of being crazy for a while, and it won't last forever. As with any experience, use it to your advantage and learn whatever you can.

If when you feel stable you still have some of that fear, you must face them. When you are ready take some time to meditate and strongly contemplate your experience to overcome it and learn from it.

Visual distortions are not uncommon. I saw things breathing a little for a few months but I'm back to normal now. You will probobly need to reintegrate yourself back into normal sober reality and thought before continueing with psychadelics.

Know that everything is ok. Anxiety is an irrational emotion that you let yourself create. You've got to pull your mind together and not let such feelinds get the best of you, they are only feelings anyway.


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1. "After an hour I wasn't feeling anything so I decided to take another..."
2. "We were feeling pretty good so we decided to smoke a few bowls..."
3. "I had to be real quiet because my parents were asleep upstairs..."


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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: plz help, i think im going crazy....major visual distortions/shrooms [Re: Society]
    #3439135 - 12/02/04 08:19 PM (12 years, 7 days ago)

Quote:

SocietyRejects said:


Quote:

Maybe quit the weed and all drugs? Weed can definitely make you more susceptable to anxiety and paranoia, not to mention other mental/emotional issues.

I have to say that I think you are just freaking out. Relax, remember to breathe, lay off the drugs, exercise, meditate, and *relax*.

Give yourself some time without drugs and see if you feel better. If you don't, see a doctor. It's as simple as that! 




I have a hunch that it's not as "simple as that". :frown:




What I  meant was that you don't have to suffer alone!  If you are still struggling, see a doctor!  The real work comes after that, but a doc can help.


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OfflineDivided_Sky
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Re: plz help, i think im going crazy....major visual distortions/shrooms [Re: MOTH]
    #3439161 - 12/02/04 08:24 PM (12 years, 7 days ago)

By the way, now that I am thinking about my own difficult experience, I would like to sincerely thank you Ellemyshade for helping me through it with some very kind words. I don't know if you remember it, it was just after your ego loss trip, I was on this board thinking I had gone totally nuts. I really felt the worst I had ever felt in my life for a couple months. I can't tell you how much I appreciate the empathy and advise that I got from you and the rest of the shroomery. thank you. :heart:


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1. "After an hour I wasn't feeling anything so I decided to take another..."
2. "We were feeling pretty good so we decided to smoke a few bowls..."
3. "I had to be real quiet because my parents were asleep upstairs..."


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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: plz help, i think im going crazy....major visual distortions/shrooms [Re: Divided_Sky]
    #3439170 - 12/02/04 08:27 PM (12 years, 7 days ago)

Aww, thank you.  That's what we're here for...to support one another through uncertain times.  :heart:


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InvisibleSociety
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Re: plz help, i think im going crazy....major visual distortions/shrooms [Re: MOTH]
    #3439247 - 12/02/04 08:43 PM (12 years, 7 days ago)

I guess I'm just biased against psychiatrists and doctors because my personal experience with them has shown that they are uncaring and make misdiagnosises. :frown:

Another comment to screamogod, I highly doubt you are turning schizophrenic, as I seem to be suffering from a mental state rather parallel to yours.  I used to contemplate whether or not I was schizophrenic because my condition is progressively getting worse, drugs or no drugs.  I believe that it's mostly due to large amounts of inevitable anxiety, stress, and worrying.


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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: plz help, i think im going crazy....major visual distortions/shrooms [Re: Society]
    #3439278 - 12/02/04 08:49 PM (12 years, 7 days ago)

Quote:

SocietyRejects said:
I guess I'm just biased against psychiatrists and doctors because my personal experience with them has shown that they are uncaring and make misdiagnosises. :frown:




I hear you on that...but it might be worth taking such a risk if you really are having a hard time coping.  It might be worth the relief just to talk to someone.  The next therapist I see, I am writing a list of all the things I'd like to talk about and the things that I don't want pressured upon me.  If the therapist can coincide with my demands (you are paying these guys, after all!) then I'll stick around.  If not, I'll just keep looking. 

A :hug: for everyone in this thread who might be struggling right now.


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Offlinescreamogod
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Re: plz help, i think im going crazy....major visual distortions/shrooms [Re: Society]
    #3439288 - 12/02/04 08:51 PM (12 years, 7 days ago)

the visual stuff just gives me more anxiety and makes me more stressed out.........im a freshman in my first semester of college and all the stress from that plus this plus girl problems...is seriously making me feel like im really psychotic.......I really want to feel better and just go back to a regular norm....but i quit smoking weed for a month, and it didn't really seem to get better.....When i'm drunk, the visuals seem to go away....it's weird........I think it may just be anxiety/stress based, but i seriously do not know how to over come that......my life is really crazy...itd be hard to explain it all here..... :frown: :frown: ...... I'm never going to do shrooms again, im so fucked up now


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Offlinetroll
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Re: plz help, i think im going crazy....major visual distortions/shrooms [Re: screamogod]
    #3439299 - 12/02/04 08:54 PM (12 years, 7 days ago)

screamogod i went through something VERY similar to your situation just recently. At first it really screwed me up. It put me in the hospital for basically no reason, i pretty much lost the ability to drive and wasnt doing well at work. While some of the changes i enjoyed others frightened me a great deal. I believe your situation can be overcome as mine was.

I suggest going back to things that you really enjoy.. for me it was working out, meditating, recording daily experiences, and practicing driving. My second piece of advice would be to practice using positive affirmations.

As time passed things began to return to 'normal' until one morning i woke to find myself seemingly completely cured. Now the experience has undoubtedly changed me.. and some things will never be the same.. but overall i feel i have grown an enormous amount as a result of it.

YOU decide what changes this experience will mean in your life.


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OfflineDivided_Sky
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Re: plz help, i think im going crazy....major visual distortions/shrooms [Re: troll]
    #3439720 - 12/02/04 10:18 PM (12 years, 7 days ago)

Find the things closest to your heart and persue them. Do not let anything, weird thoughts/visuals, distract you from what is important. Perhaps you should try a spiritual practice or try to get in touch with the people you care about. You've got to put it in perspective, the things that are bothering you aren't all that essential to living a happy life. The key to a happy life is a good state of mind, which is something you create. Don't let your mind bully you around. Take control of it and use it to make your life more meaningfull.


--------------------
1. "After an hour I wasn't feeling anything so I decided to take another..."
2. "We were feeling pretty good so we decided to smoke a few bowls..."
3. "I had to be real quiet because my parents were asleep upstairs..."


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InvisibleHendostan
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Re: plz help, i think im going crazy....major visual distortions/shrooms [Re: Divided_Sky]
    #3441089 - 12/03/04 08:16 AM (12 years, 7 days ago)

I get strange visuals like this quite often to, but it's only really noticable when I'm stoned.  I'll see wierd movement in my peripheral vision, strange breathing patterns on flat surfaces, etc...but this isn't about me.  It sounds like your anxiety is taking control of your life.  I honestly think the visual distortions will go away with time and are nothing to worry about, yet they are still adding to your confusion/anxiety.  I think it would be smart to talk to somebody..a counselor, psychologist (not a shrink), your parents, anyone who will let you take a load off.  You really need to find things to occupy your mind..take up a new hobby, check out a bunch of books, anything. Focus on yourself and forget the girl for now.  Anyway, it's 6am and I can't sleep..go my own problems here..but in addition, if you do see a psychologist or someone like that, don't let them put you on too much medication...a small dose of xanax or klonopin might be beneficial to you, but DO NOT let them over medicate you. Good luck, I'm sure you'll come out of it, you got a nice long semester break in a couple weeks :grin:


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Offlinebaraka
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Re: plz help, i think im going crazy....major visual distortions/shrooms [Re: screamogod]
    #3441752 - 12/03/04 12:48 PM (12 years, 6 days ago)

Go with it, dont try and fight it and worry about it.  Somthing clicked in my head one heavy musrhoom trip that left me feeling like i was going insane for a few months.  Tons of trips before that where just fine.... It passed after a while and 100% :smile:.


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Offlinescreamogod
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Re: plz help, i think im going crazy....major visual distortions/shrooms [Re: baraka]
    #3442141 - 12/03/04 02:18 PM (12 years, 6 days ago)

thx for the support guys, its made me feel alot better.....if any one else has any other suggestions or whatever, please feel free to share!


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OfflineGomp
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Re: plz help, i think im going crazy....major visual distortions/shrooms [Re: screamogod]
    #3442577 - 12/03/04 04:44 PM (12 years, 6 days ago)

ENJOY?


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OfflineGrav
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Re: plz help, i think im going crazy....major visual distortions/shrooms [Re: Gomp]
    #3442855 - 12/03/04 05:46 PM (12 years, 6 days ago)

I used to be obsessed with mushrooms & acid, and the idea of "other realities".  After one trip too many I really lost myself... my ego, my personality, whatever.  I was always depressed because I didn't feel like a real person anymore, and had a few huge anxiety attacks when I felt like I was going/had gone insane. 

I've layed low and my life has begun to catch up to me again.  Worries of mental stability have gradually been replaced with worries of what the hell I'm gonna do for a living.... :smile:

I would stop all drug-use, start excercising, and spend some quality time with your family.


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InvisibleSociety
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Re: plz help, i think im going crazy....major visual distortions/shrooms [Re: Grav]
    #3453555 - 12/06/04 08:24 AM (12 years, 4 days ago)

Keep in touch with Shroomery, and let us know how it's going.


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OnlineAsanteA
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Re: plz help, i think im going crazy....major visual distortions/shrooms [Re: screamogod]
    #3453601 - 12/06/04 09:03 AM (12 years, 4 days ago)

Screamogod:

I just finished a post in another thread when I read yours. I can relate, I had quite some rough times in and between sessions myself.

The other thread basically dealt with the same type of problem as you have: post-trip disturbances. So forgive me that I just cut & paste my post from that thread into yours because the two of you seem to be in just about the same territory so the same advice applies.

I hope it's helpful.


----------------------------------------------------------------
What likely happened is that your ego was pulled into an egoloss experience, you clung onto it with all your might and with this resistance against the flow you tore your psychological constellation apart.

Had you not resisted you would've been fine and had you been able to resist more effectively there would be no significant problem too.

What you needed, at that time, is two buddies at your sides guiding you through and 10mg of Valium for good measure.
This is why the Valium is on the table with us veterans when my team trips.

Sometimes the situation is such that you cannot surrender. And all the hippies can cast you condemning looks about how you should go with the flow but at that time you just couldn't and that was that.
So don't feel bad about it: it went how it went and it is how it is.

Even 1 gram of strong mushrooms could have brought this about.
Don't think it was the MAOI or the high dose or other weird chemical shit: you've had a psychological accident.

Psychedelics even in a low dose can occasionally bring forth experiences that are mightily stressful and at this time you just weren't up to it, while the high dose kept pounding you with intensity. This is what I often warn about and this is what the highdosers often casually dismiss:
Sometimes you just can't cope with it.


And there you are.
First of all I can put you at ease as to outcome: It's likely this condition will come to an end even without added pills or drugs. You have been mightily scared, mightily stressed and mightily mind-warped and you need time to sort things out. And sorting things out usually works automatically but I strongly advise you to work at it.

First of all visit a psychiatrist and have yourself checked. He likely has a label for you because you got chronic complaints. The only thing that really matters is that you are not lightly psychotic at this moment. All the other diagnoses tend to be purely mental and if caused by psychedelics they can be tremendously upsetting but fully reversible, often without any drugs or a brief regimen.

Psychosis is a weakness in your brain structure combined with a stressful event that can last very long and proceed to unhinge you. It is the only psychological condition that HAS to be treated with drugs in every instance it occurs and as soon as possible.
If there is schizophrenia in the family or some very odd auntie this is an additional reason to be swift with visiting a doc.
Developing psychosis is quite rare however, and many conditions can feel just like it or feel far worse yet be far less serious.
Psychosis is just like a broken leg: it is a specific illness that is very diagnosable by a capable doc.

you need not tell him you took psychedelics because most doctors don't understand those anyway. You can just say that one day some horrible horrible things happened to you and that you don't want to talk about it. It's your right to withold that information, and the taking of say LSD and having an excruciating bad trip are nothing different from having a major traumatic experience experienced without drugs.

So seek out a doc this week, but know that it's pretty unlikely you came down with psychosis. To go back to 19th century diagnosis: you likely had a nervous breakdown. You probably need rest and calm to think it all through. Maybe you will get episodes of strong unpleasantness but if you are not psychotic this is just your mind healing itself, which is to be encouraged and known as "flashbacks".

Flashbacks are no damage: I have had them too after a difficult trip and once you work through and accept the hidden issues they go away and never return.

You should see a doctor, and for the rest you should try to chill out. This means lotsa doing nothing, listening to music, casually thinking things trough and not distracting yourself or fleeing from it.
It was fleeing and resisting that got you into this mess so don't compound that by keeping it all from running it's course.

Click "Best Tripping Manual" in my signature and if you don't mind $pending a buck or two get the PDF and read it as a printout book.
If you got a good printer and average reading speed it will be 5 bucks and a lazy day's reading at most.
You'll understand psychedelics (and what happened to you) far better then anything anyone could say. That book is solid gold.

What you should do is take some daytime to lie down on your bed or recline in a comfortable chair with your eyes shut and just listen to your thoughts but don't actively add thoughts in the mix. Listen to your thoughts like you would to a radio programme and relax. The best duration for this is 20min to 1 hour, it is kinda like a Si?sta without actually sleeping, but in reality it is the safest and most natural form of meditation. If theres a serious risk of falling asleep set your alarmclock.

If you slowly descend into a nothingness and then get a sense of urgency and tinglyness coming over you in a wave, do not be alarmed: it is literally the changing of your consciousness from one state of mind into the other. It is followed by suddenly feeling either better or worse. This is a healthy, safe, natural thing that is part of the healing process even though it can be quite alarming.
After one such changes (wich may happen without you knowing) you will finally be healed if you are on a typical bad-trip aftermath.

Bottom line: visit a doc to see if it's psychosis. Relax and practice this passive meditation technique. Chances are great that you will be fine in some time. But please keep us posted.

It sounds perfectly rotten, but I noticed your postcount..
Welcome to the Shroomery , it just sucks it has to be like this.

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InvisibleSociety
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Re: plz help, i think im going crazy....major visual distortions/shrooms [Re: screamogod]
    #3456475 - 12/06/04 09:08 PM (12 years, 3 days ago)

Quote:

screamogod said:
visual:
whenever i look quick around something i see flashes/steaks of light or color almost 24/7. When i just stare at the ceiling it looks like its moving, i see like auras of light around almost everything... When i was at the beach last week, if i zoned out into the sky it looked like thousands of little shimmering "sperm" in the sky...i see like static when i concentrate on anything....it's really starting to freak me out....i stopped smoking weed completely for a month and it seemed to get bette,r but i smoked once last saturday, and now its worse..

i'm also extremely anxious and paranoid all the time...i raelly dont know whats wrong with me.....i'm starting to think im going schizophrenic or developing some type of psychotic disorder...




I find that I most indentify with your visual descriptions.  Those "sperm" you described are very what I see when I look into the sky...  thousands of random, semi-transparent "bugs" jotting in seemingly random directions.  I asked a associate of mine who lives in the neightborhood and he says he sees the same thing when he stares into the sky.  A few houses distance from me is a female associate whom I asked what she saw when she stared up at the sky.  She replied "a bunch of silver bugs flying around".  Based on the other replies in this thread and elsewhere, few else seem to indentify with this occurance.  I then decided the next best step would to find a common factor in the four situations.  You ingested mushrooms which seemingly resulted in this anxiety "psychosis" or whatever and when you smoked marijuana it gets worse.  I smoked marijuana numerous times before and during I was on the SSRI medication Lexapro.  After I my 20mg daily dosage ended due to me quitting cold turkey, I endured the uncomfortable withdrawal and felt pretty crappy in the months afterwards.  I had the occasional mild-moderate anxiety attack, but it wasn't until I smoked marijuana about 2 times about 5 months after I quit Lexapro that I noticed something.  About a 2 days after smoking, I woke up from a horrendous nightmare in an extreme panic and layed on teh lawn and cried pathetically.  Since then I have noticed more and more visual/sensory distortions, such as static, bugs, light, and shadows.  I've had some HORRIBLE anxiety attacks and anger/depressive issues lately as I just recovered from an anxiety attack about 30 minutes prior to typing this.  The male friend whom I asked about this also experiences numerous anxiety issues.  He has used marijuana somewhat heavily in his passed, goes through phases of depression, and takes Adderall.  The female whom I asked had NO prior drug usage besides very small amounts of alcohol that could have possibly triggered this.  However, she, for the past few months has been taking the medication Zoloft to help with her anxiety, spells of dizzyness, heart palpatations, et cetera.

The point of my post isn't to tell a personal story or to "steal" the thread.  I believe that cause of this is not your usage of mushrooms, but rather anxiety being triggered.  I think it's best if you get to the root of the problem and deal with that.  You said yourself that you did shrooms before and were fine.  I used to be able to smoke marijuana in copious quanitities and no matter how hard my heart would pound or anxious I would get, I'd turn out fine.  I think something in your life enabled this anxiety "trip" to be triggered. 

Wiccan Seeker and others of great stature have great advice on this psychosis and such.  I'm not at all wise or intelligent, but I'll be hoping for you to get better.  :heart:


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