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OfflineMrBump
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Can Friends Turn into Lovers?
    #3432993 - 12/01/04 03:59 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I watched When Harry Met Sally over thanksgiving weekend at my folks' house.

the scene where Billy Crystal is telling Meg Ryan that men and women can never be "simply friends" b/c the man always wants to have sex with the woman, and that eventually ruins the frendship.

i thought about the female friends i have had over the years and I found 'harry's' statement to be fairly accurate...if i was attracted the the girl, and we have been friends for a while...i eventually desire to move the relationship toward a more intimate level ( i wish to bone them!) 

and vice versa with some female friends wanting the same out of a friendship with me...in both scenarios the friendship eventually ends, and usually with a lot of hurt feelings involved. i have never successfully pulled this off.

i guess i find myself wanting to move the relationship out of platonic and into the sack out of realization there's a comfort level already in place...acceptance of personality flaws or quirks and a built in level of trust that goes with calling someone a friend.

the courtship of strangers can be filled w/ self doubt and masking of one's true self.
from the collection of digits to the first few dates, you have to be careful to chew your food properly, not to fart or stink, and not say shit that raises red flags in the significant others' mind, basically...hide the freak within you :smile:

so, who agrees/disagrees.?
are platonic friendships possible between men and women?
does sex get in the way?


--------------------
If it weren't for the bloody corpses, I wouldn't have any corpses at all.

There are two ways to get to the top of an oak tree: start climbing or sit on an acorn.

Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?


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OfflineSilven
I trip,therefore weare.

Registered: 08/30/04
Posts: 2,071
Loc: El Mexicano
Last seen: 11 years, 5 months
Re: Can Friends Turn into Lovers? [Re: MrBump]
    #3433022 - 12/01/04 04:06 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

CornKing, I met a girl 5 years ago and we quickly built a strong friendship with nothing sexual. I always thought she was hot but never wanted to ruin what we had and she always made sure to not do anything sexual or what not in front of me when she had a boyfriend.

Eventually after 2 years of knowing everything about each other, we went out. It lasted for 2 years and some odd months and finally we broke up on very bad terms. After a year of being broken up we got back together and broke up again after 4 months.. I still have so many feelings for her and I know she does me as well.. it's just such a weird situation and I don't know if we'll ever figure it out or move on from each other without ripping both our hearts out. I would kill or be killed for her, it's just there's so many things that cause anger as well when you know someone too well, I'm sure you've experienced something like that before.

Heh, anyway, I'm not saying don't try it because I probably haven't given up on trying either. Just imagine how beautiful it would be to be with someone whom you love completely rather than someone you're dating that you met for a couple days.. how much deeper it actually can be with someone you've been friends with for years. Have faith, let her know everything you're thinking (that's the key and my downfall), and hold onto that girl for everything you're worth. Don't let someone else take her before you get the chance to let her know how you feel.


--------------------
Born: 10/31/83, which makes me a Scorpio.

1) Scorpios are the most highly sexed of all the signs of the zodiac.
2) Scorpios are prone to excesses: booze, drugs, sex, bad puns, etc.
They usually exploit the weaknesses of others, who fall victim to
their capacity for total lust & sexual abberation.
3) Scorpios possess great intellectual curiosity & creative talent. They
think they are rebels & are arrogant, proud, conceited, and worth every
penny of it.

What do you bring to the table?


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Invisibleadrug

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 15,800
Re: Can Friends Turn into Lovers? [Re: MrBump]
    #3433038 - 12/01/04 04:11 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I'd have to say yes, platonic friendships are definitely possible. There may always be some underlying sexual attraction there, but its just a matter of whether you act on it or not. I would think that having a relationship based on a solid friendship is probably beneficial in many ways.


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OfflineTodcasil
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Re: Can Friends Turn into Lovers? [Re: MrBump]
    #3433087 - 12/01/04 04:21 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

thecornking said:
the courtship of strangers can be filled w/ self doubt and masking of one's true self.
from the collection of digits to the first few dates, you have to be careful to chew your food properly, not to fart or stink, and not say shit that raises red flags in the significant others' mind, basically...hide the freak within you




just be yourself.

just be your freaky wierd STRANGE self.

raise the red flags. there going to come up eventually anyways.

your whole problem here is honesty. bite the bullet and just be yourself. you may actually have a relationship worth keeping if you do that.


--------------------
Men look at themselves and they see flawed humans, we look at women and we see perfect
GODDESSES
Women look at themselves and they seem utterly human, when looking at men they see proud
GODS.


~Casil



:cactus:


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OfflineMrBump
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Re: Can Friends Turn into Lovers? [Re: Silven]
    #3433234 - 12/01/04 04:50 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

yeah, this scenario recently played out for me, and ended in heartbreak....

i feel that i lost a gf and my best friend together. its like double the pain of any breakup i've experienced.

i dont regret telling her how i felt, it had to come out eventually...it just didnt work out for us after a while. and i dont think either of us can go back to the amazing platonic friendship we once had, its too difficult after the failure of the relationship.


--------------------
If it weren't for the bloody corpses, I wouldn't have any corpses at all.

There are two ways to get to the top of an oak tree: start climbing or sit on an acorn.

Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?


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InvisibleHendostan
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Registered: 07/18/04
Posts: 4,441
Re: Can Friends Turn into Lovers? [Re: Todcasil]
    #3433354 - 12/01/04 05:09 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Todcasil said:
just be yourself.

just be your freaky wierd STRANGE self. 

raise the red flags.  there going to come up eventually anyways.

your whole problem here is honesty.  bite the bullet and just be yourself.  you may actually have a relationship worth keeping if you do that.




awesome advice :thumbup: that's worth five shrooms


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OfflineMrBump
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Re: Can Friends Turn into Lovers? [Re: Todcasil]
    #3433386 - 12/01/04 05:16 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

todcasil, i guess i put up walls during the beginnings ofa relationship w/ a stranger/acquiantence, i think almost everyone does at least a little out of fear of rejection.

i think the problem seems to be that i think turning the long term friendship into a relationship will be easier than looking for significant others through the barscene or other social settings....and it never has been.


--------------------
If it weren't for the bloody corpses, I wouldn't have any corpses at all.

There are two ways to get to the top of an oak tree: start climbing or sit on an acorn.

Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?


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Invisiblesilversoul7
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Registered: 10/10/02
Posts: 27,301
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Re: Can Friends Turn into Lovers? [Re: MrBump]
    #3433417 - 12/01/04 05:25 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

My last girlfriend started off as a friend. Eventually, the relationship ended and we didn't talk for a while, but now we've started communicating again, and we're friends again, just like old times, except now we're both older and wiser. Oddly enough, she just came online as I was reading your post.


--------------------


"It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong."--Voltaire


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OfflineTodcasil
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Re: Can Friends Turn into Lovers? [Re: MrBump]
    #3433424 - 12/01/04 05:27 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

thast because if it starts out friendship... it will probably end up friendship.... if you remain adult about everything.


i have girlfriends (platonic) that i have had sex with in the past, it could have severly interfered with things, but in every situation, talking about what happened (wether we were intoxicated, vulnerable, or just super ready to get it on with someone) always makes it easier to cope with feelings.

it sounds like you are afraid of yourself cornking!!

if you think you are so cool (and deep down inside you should because you do all the things you do out of "freewill" which means you choose to do them) then what make it so important what othe rpeople think about you???

a couple things i have learned about women that i hope you learn soon:

they like honesty.

but some mystery turns them on to you.

they like someone who is confident (and this just means youre not scared of other people learning about what you "do" or "dont do")

confidence in any area of personality women love (anectode: my friend talks about how good of a D&D player he is, like he a football hero, and he has no problem with catching a girls eye).

a girl in a social setting looking for a man is probably looking for differrent reasons then you. you want companionship. there *probably* looking for a hot date.

if a girl seems uninterested at first, it doesnt mean she doesnt like you.

women love to be focused on one or more things at once, a they may already be distracted with 3 or 4 things when you talk to them. persistance will bring out the truth.

a SMILE goes on for miles.

tahst all i can think of.... i know none of this helps directly, but its something to think about as you try to recognize what a unique and cool person you are! chicks love it when you recognize that!

peace and understanding.


--------------------
Men look at themselves and they see flawed humans, we look at women and we see perfect
GODDESSES
Women look at themselves and they seem utterly human, when looking at men they see proud
GODS.


~Casil



:cactus:


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OfflineAnnomM
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Re: Can Friends Turn into Lovers? [Re: MrBump]
    #3433432 - 12/01/04 05:29 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

:crazy:

I met a very nice girl 3 years ago. We became very good friends. After two years we had our 'first date', very weird. I had never felt something like that before. It was so strange and so wonderful at the same time. It still is my girlfriend and we have so much fun! I'm sure that friends can turn into real lovers.

mmmmmm did I tell you that she became my friend because she was the gf of a friend of my?  :crazy: :blush:


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OfflineTodcasil
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Registered: 08/09/99
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Re: Can Friends Turn into Lovers? [Re: Annom]
    #3433447 - 12/01/04 05:32 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Annom, that is a wonderful experience :smile:

nothing is set in stone when it comes to relationships and finding them thats for sure...

unless its your siter or something wierd :wink:

hell if people can meet over the internet, fall in love get married and stay strong for years+, then why not develop a lasting relationship with a friend?

my experiences with that are unique only in the fact that they are my experiences, im glad yours are different, im happy for you:)


--------------------
Men look at themselves and they see flawed humans, we look at women and we see perfect
GODDESSES
Women look at themselves and they seem utterly human, when looking at men they see proud
GODS.


~Casil



:cactus:


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OfflineMrBump
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Re: Can Friends Turn into Lovers? [Re: Todcasil]
    #3433548 - 12/01/04 05:53 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

---thast because if it starts out friendship... it will probably end up friendship.... if you remain adult about everything.

out of everything you said, that rings the most true...

i should watch 'The Tao Of Steve' again  :grin:

hmmm, thanks for the crash course on women, i have been in enough LTR's to have already learned most of what you told me.

the gf in particular im ranting about had a bf when i first met her (as i was seeing someone too) we broke up with our significant others and had been super- tight for about a year and a half. during that time she dated a couple psychos and i got back with my ex for a short period...
over time the attractions between us became mutual, but it was me who extended the desire to move forward.

Oh and BTW, im definetly not cool...im a fairly confident dork. I think the world would be a much cooler place if it were ran by dorks. :smile:


--------------------
If it weren't for the bloody corpses, I wouldn't have any corpses at all.

There are two ways to get to the top of an oak tree: start climbing or sit on an acorn.

Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?


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Offlinestefan
work in progress

Registered: 04/11/01
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Re: Can Friends Turn into Lovers? [Re: MrBump]
    #3433603 - 12/01/04 06:03 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

it's possible imo, but if they're really hot it's out of the question :smirk:

The best female friends I have are moderately good looking (= normal ?). But when you have a girl that is a close friend and also very attractive for you it's not really possible to have no more feelings than 'just being friends'. at least not for me.
I hate it sometimes whan I meet an awesome girl who is hot it's so hard not to try to hit on her after a while and just be friends. It can ruin a good friendship, but on the other hand if it woks you'll probably have an amazing relationship.


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