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Offlinefreddurgan
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Have I just fabricated my problem with pot? *LONG*
    #3421791 - 11/29/04 02:10 AM (12 years, 9 days ago)

*if the mods feel this is in the wrong forum. move it, thats fine. i didn't post in ODD because I feel the pub is more level headed and might actually try to help instead of saying "pot is great".*

I'm not going to guaruntee that this post will make sense because it doesn't really make sense to me. But I'm going to try damnit. ANd I'm sober. Been that way for 2 weeks and I don't know why.

I started smoking last year at about this time. Maybe a little earlier in November. Anyway, last year was my introduction to pot and it has been a strange (probably not really..but to me obviously) journey.

Now, for some very important facts about my successes and failures in school. I started school last year in August. My freshman year..what a time. Actually it sucks big time, but that's not important. What's important is that I failed my first class that year. OH MY GOD IT WAS THE POT'S FAULT! No =/ I had failed that class by the time I started smoking. My motivation was gone..I was having a hard time dealing with the fact that Calculus kicked my ass that bad, and mainly, my very poor decision to not drop the class. I didn't drop the class when I could have because I told myself I'd study and I didn't. THE POINT here is that my only failure thus far was created and cemented before I ever started smoking pot. I did some drinking in that semester, but nothing heavy. Weekends (mostly..not always), and some weeknights when the mood was right. We had ourselves some good times. I got too drunk on more than one occasion.

Over Christmas break I did alot of smoking. Alot. I maybe did a few things that I feel bad about (left our Christmas Eve party to go get stoned....but I was bored!.. =( My parents probably weren't happy..but neither was I. I didn't know anybody). Anyway..I did alot of smoking.

The next semester was my best semester thus far. I got 2 A's and 2 B's and got my GPA up alot higher. However, this semester could be due to a whole LOT of things. FOr instance...I had a much easier Calc teacher and did better because of it. I also had a study buddy who I practically leeched off of for the last month. Also, my ECE 2030 class. I leeched hardcore on ALL the homeworks from my friend Andy. I didn't have a clue how to do any of the homeworks. However..I got a B in the class cause I did a really good job on the final and did well on most of the tests except for the first one (wow..). The other classes, History and Computer Science, were easy for me. I can read well, and Comp Sci? Please..

Anywho..I did OK, and I smoked EVERY NIGHT! Every night my roommate and I would pack a bowl(s) and we'd toke..and we'd have a good time. We did mushrooms twice..did acid twice (well..once..#2 ate some dick). During that semester I took LSA once, and I did DXM once. I also drank a goooooood bit. Where am I going with this? Well..I don't know. What do you think about this information? I did well, I did alot of drugs, and I was happy.

Summer came and I did ALOT of pot and some other stuff. I spent almost 2000 dollars in a 3 month haze (that's the bad part..that'll never happen again..) but school wasn't involved. It was the drug summer of love basically. Before I went back for my third semester I told myself I'd be doing drugs less.

Well this semester hasn't exactly been what I planned. I have done drugs less, but..in a way. At first it really wasn't any different, I smoked alot..did some Red Dawn (it's wierd dont worry about it..I've posted about it in ODD), did some mushrooms, dropped acid 3 times (good times..), drank..but all LESS. Eventually...my problem started. To the surprise of myself and all my friends, I stopped smoking almost completely. At first it was ONLY weekends, and then rarely, and now never. I pass up at parties..the bong goes by..and it just hurts. I say "no" like a zombie..It's the opposite of addiction lol. And I DON'T understand why. My grades this semester are no better than my last semester..maybe worse. I have less motivation than I did last semester ( I HATE my classes and I'm desperately unhappy here) but I just keep blaming it on pot!

I see all my friends becoming total losers (in the ACADEMIC sense. skipping class all the time..doing no work. They aren't really losers in life. They're all cool guys.) and I let that reflect back on me just because we share one hobby (smoking). It's like I've allowed myself to believe that any and all problems that I may face within academia (and a lesser extent..life) can all be traced back to pot or drugs. I KNOW this isn't true, but I have nobody to talk with this about. All my friends are either a.) Roommate who is an avid smoker and does fairly well at school (worse than me..but who cares? at least he doesn't think about quitting every day..at least not that he tells me.) B.) "go with the flow" hippies who just smoke all day without ANY care about consequences, don't go to class, don't care, and philosophize all day and act like that will solve their problems. or c.) right wind baptists. Lol. See that one coming?

Anyway...if anyone has any input to any of this, I'd appreciate it. A life story..an anecdote. An agreeance. Some medical information about pot? SOMETHING to help me on my path to understanding why I stopped smoking. I don't understand why..I miss smoking.


--------------------
Ishmael
http://www.ishmael.org

Ron Paul 2008!
http://www.ronpaul2008.com/


Edited by freddurgan (11/29/04 02:21 AM)


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OfflineDF2K
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Re: Have I just fabricated my problem with pot? *LONG* [Re: freddurgan]
    #3421828 - 11/29/04 02:24 AM (12 years, 9 days ago)

bloody hell thats long, buit cool none the less :laugh:


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InvisibleCaptainH13
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Re: Have I just fabricated my problem with pot? *LONG* [Re: freddurgan]
    #3421855 - 11/29/04 02:33 AM (12 years, 9 days ago)

honestly ,man i suggest smoke the weed again get some moderation(no offence)get yourself to a happy level and do whats right.(does that make any sense)....
your fiends are probolly not screwwing up in school BECUASE of drugs just that they lose thatgoalto succeed or do good at things, you have to relize ,yea this world sucks, but you can't fight it you just gotta go with it therefore you have to get through school ....yes you can still enjoy drugs of all kinds ,especially if it opens your mind and makes you happy, once again im sorry if that doesn't make any sence whatso ever.....

ive been the hippy doing nothing,
ive been the guy doing all the shit and doing "ok" too and i can tell you both kinda suck you gotta just find a medium.....

"do what you love ,but take care of your shit first"(hate to say it but it's how it works for 98% of us.....


--------------------


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OfflineTasty_Smurf_House
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Re: Have I just fabricated my problem with pot? *LONG* [Re: freddurgan]
    #3421866 - 11/29/04 02:36 AM (12 years, 9 days ago)

Seems like your problem isn't marijuana. I say if your grades won't change, then toke. If it's causing you to be unhappy by not doing so they why are you continuing to abstain from it? If school worries you, make sure you get your studies done first, it makes smoking much more enjoyable knowing that all that work is behind you and you can relax and really enjoy your smoke. Also if you continue to copy or rely on others too much instead of learning it yourself, you are only making things more difficult for yourself in the long run.

Other then spending $2000 in a couple months, I don't know how you manages to do THAT, it sounds like your drug usage isn't out of control or anything. You should probably stay away from things like cocaine though, or at least untill you're in a much better position and you know you can use it responsibly. But this isn't about cocaine.

It sounds to me like maybe you're a bit bored and school is stressing you out, and you want to smoke but feel you shouldn't for some reason and it's making you unhappy. Having skimmed over a couple times to review your post, it seems like the two main things are drugs and school. Maybe school has got you a bit stressed? Maybe consider going and talking to a counciler or something, I'm not sure.

If you want to talk just PM me.


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InvisibleHendostan
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Re: Have I just fabricated my problem with pot? *LONG* [Re: DF2K]
    #3421891 - 11/29/04 02:52 AM (12 years, 9 days ago)

I think you were right to cut down your drug usage, and I don't think moderate pot smoking will affect your grades. It sounds like the problem is that you're not happy at the place you're at and you are looking for something to change that will make things better...you thought quitting pot might be that change, but it turned out not to be...maybe you should transfer schools? I didn't fit in at my first school at all..smoked A LOT of bud, got ok grades, but was miserable. After that I took a year and a half off, worked, took classes at a community college, got a house with some friends, had tons of fun, and kind of went on a "journey" and figured out what I wanted to do with my life. I'm now much happier in a new school, new state, new life basically..I have direction for the first time ever, a path that I'm laying out for myself, and weed has nothing to do with it. What is your major? I don't think your crisis has anything to do with drugs, you should just be honest with yourself about where you want to take your life from here, and if it involves moving, transfering, or anything, do whatever it takes to be happy. There's nothing stopping you.


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InvisibleHendostan
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Re: Have I just fabricated my problem with pot? *LONG* [Re: Hendostan]
    #3421900 - 11/29/04 02:55 AM (12 years, 9 days ago)

I should point out that I never stopped smoking while doing my soul-searching, and I still smoke a on a fairly regular basis...it doesn't have to be a detriment to progress if you don't want it to be. It's a very good relaxation tool for me, keeps me from getting stressed about small things we don't need to stress about.


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Offlinefreddurgan
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Re: Have I just fabricated my problem with pot? *LONG* [Re: Hendostan]
    #3421912 - 11/29/04 03:01 AM (12 years, 9 days ago)

My major is Computer Engineering. Funny you should ask that because that just opens up another can of worms related to this.

I was *THE* computer nerd. I'm talking whoa. I could lay out a 16 hour day of Everquest like it was nothing. I could buy a game and play it out before I knew what happened. Read about hardware all day. I wanted to go to Georgia Tech and become a computer engineer. I wanted to be a fucking computer.

And then..it all changed. I'm not going to lie - my opinions DEFENITELY started to veer at about the time I started smoking. And it worries me. I know I'm good at computers (but really..am I good like..get a job good? No. I'm well below the average GEORGIA TECH STUDENT..in caps because I haven't mentioned that yet).

The point here is that I am also trying to rationalize why my opinions just took a quantum shift to the other extreme of professional practice, psychology. It all just screams *POT IS MAKING YOU THINK YOU DON'T LIKE COMPUTERS*

There is just so much confounding information here. I mean..I liked to build computers, and generally piddle around with advanced stuff like computer power users do, but I was a gamer at heart. Maybe I'm not really looking for a degree in computer engineering. Maybe pot just made me realize this.

OH, so much to think about. You guys are probably right. I really haven't been happy at Georgia Tech at all, but until I know exactly WHY, I'm not going to transfer. I mean..I can go from

I LOVE COMPUTERS
to
I HATE COMPUTERS

In like..2 days. I'd say I'm polar..but I'm really not. I'm just indecisive and fickle. I'm rambling pretty bad now so I'll wrap it up. I'm sure pot isn't my problem, thanks for that. Your agreeance helped alot. I just gotta fix my other situations before I go mad.


--------------------
Ishmael
http://www.ishmael.org

Ron Paul 2008!
http://www.ronpaul2008.com/


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InvisibleHendostan
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Re: Have I just fabricated my problem with pot? *LONG* [Re: freddurgan]
    #3421934 - 11/29/04 03:10 AM (12 years, 9 days ago)

I used to think I wanted to major in music, and once I realized it wasn't going to pan out that way, I kinda panicked. I had never thought about any other options..it took some time, but I'm confident I'm on the right path now, majoring in forestry and conservation...Took a while to figure that out too, and I discovered a beautiful new locale (MT) unexpectedly, and it happened to be the place I needed to be...So just keep your eyes and heart open to whatever comes your way, especially if you think you need to change directions. Opportunities come at wierd times and in strange disguises.


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Offlinefreddurgan
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Re: Have I just fabricated my problem with pot? *LONG* [Re: Hendostan]
    #3421942 - 11/29/04 03:12 AM (12 years, 9 days ago)

Quote:

Hendostan said:
Opportunities come at wierd times and in strange disguises.




Man I'm starting to believe that's true. So much is changing, and I know pot can't do that. I'm going to have to just face facts and keep plodding.

Who wants to be a Computer engineer anyway? Yawn.  :wink:


--------------------
Ishmael
http://www.ishmael.org

Ron Paul 2008!
http://www.ronpaul2008.com/


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OfflineTasty_Smurf_House
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Re: Have I just fabricated my problem with pot? *LONG* [Re: freddurgan]
    #3421969 - 11/29/04 03:18 AM (12 years, 9 days ago)

good luck! :smile:


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OfflineYoschie99
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Re: Have I just fabricated my problem with pot? *LONG* [Re: freddurgan]
    #3422006 - 11/29/04 03:29 AM (12 years, 9 days ago)

you're just going through what about 95% of the kids your age are going through right now.. the transition from mom and dad's house into 'the real world'...

i doubt your problems are completely related to drugs... i see it as more of a problem finding your level.. it sounds like you've been making drastic changes w/in the already drastic changes in your life... (ie. your already leaving home to go to school, which gives you more freedom, which you started out enjoying by drinking... then smoking... then other drugs.. then stopping that.. then worrying about it)... just do what makes you happy and find the level that works for you...

it's all about balance... and who knows, you could be right.. your balance may be no drugs at all... but i think you're thinking about it too much...

you've still got the same head attached to your neck... w/ the same brain kicking about inside... the workings of what you want to be are still there, or new ones are emerging... you just have to find them again...


yos-


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Offlinefreddurgan
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Re: Have I just fabricated my problem with pot? *LONG* [Re: Yoschie99]
    #3422013 - 11/29/04 03:31 AM (12 years, 9 days ago)

Quote:

Yoschie99 said:
... but i think you're thinking about it too much...
yos-




Man..you've got me pegged big time. If there's one personal crime I'm guilty of..it's thinking way too much.


--------------------
Ishmael
http://www.ishmael.org

Ron Paul 2008!
http://www.ronpaul2008.com/


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OfflineYoschie99
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Re: Have I just fabricated my problem with pot? *LONG* [Re: freddurgan]
    #3422023 - 11/29/04 03:36 AM (12 years, 9 days ago)

i'm speaking from experience in a way... except that i think about where i'd be out of school..

i did fine in school as a crazy person.. but in the real, real world.. i've been fucking up since day one... and i've just come to terms w/ what i need to do in life to get where i want to be...

half the battle was to stop looking back and blaming myself.. and just finding the new level of my life and moving on...

i'm much happier for it... and you will be, too...

yos-


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OfflineTasty_Smurf_House
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Re: Have I just fabricated my problem with pot? *LONG* [Re: freddurgan]
    #3422024 - 11/29/04 03:37 AM (12 years, 9 days ago)

yeah for sure. i do that too sometimes.


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InvisibleHendostan
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Re: Have I just fabricated my problem with pot? *LONG* [Re: Tasty_Smurf_House]
    #3422032 - 11/29/04 03:40 AM (12 years, 9 days ago)

Definitely don't quit smoking weed if you're thinking too much then  :wink:


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OfflineTasty_Smurf_House
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Re: Have I just fabricated my problem with pot? *LONG* [Re: Hendostan]
    #3422036 - 11/29/04 03:42 AM (12 years, 9 days ago)

actually sometimes i think more on weed.


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InvisibleHendostan
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Re: Have I just fabricated my problem with pot? *LONG* [Re: Tasty_Smurf_House]
    #3422047 - 11/29/04 03:48 AM (12 years, 9 days ago)

Yeah, weed may not keep you from thinking too much, but it will prevent you from worrying too much. unless you're the type to get paranoid when high, in which case i wouldn't suggest smoking very much.


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Offlinefreddurgan
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Re: Have I just fabricated my problem with pot? *LONG* [Re: Hendostan]
    #3423505 - 11/29/04 04:55 PM (12 years, 8 days ago)

Well it really doesn't help me with paranoia at all. If anything I tend to be slightly paranoid. And I also tend to think like...*zero* while high.

Really I miss getting high because it's the only activity I have. Without it, I end up sitting here on the Shroomery, or downloading music obsessively.


--------------------
Ishmael
http://www.ishmael.org

Ron Paul 2008!
http://www.ronpaul2008.com/


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InvisibleHendostan
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Re: Have I just fabricated my problem with pot? *LONG* [Re: freddurgan]
    #3423730 - 11/29/04 05:48 PM (12 years, 8 days ago)

i do those things too, usually while high, like now :grin:


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OfflineBonez420
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Re: Have I just fabricated my problem with pot? *LONG* [Re: Hendostan]
    #3424073 - 11/29/04 07:19 PM (12 years, 8 days ago)

Maybe you are starting to hate your major due to the discouraging grades? I'm a struggling Comp Sci student myself, and a couple low grades have discouraged me. I might have to re-take two or three classes from this semester. But it's made me consider switching out of my major, despite that computers are what I 'love' as far as having a job goes. So maybe it's just the grades telling you not to like computers.

I enjoy weed because it helps me not worry. Not to say it helps me never worry, just when there is nothing to worry about I like to be able to relax. And weed does that. In my case, sometimes I stress even when I know there is nothing to stress about. Are you anxious at all when you don't smoke? I'd say try hitting a bowl and seeing if you still enjoy the feeling or not. Maybe you just outgrew marijuana...


--------------------
"Many times I've lied - Many times I've listened,
Many times I've wondered how much there is to know."
-Led Zeppelin (Over the Hills and Far Away)


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