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OfflineRandolph_Carter
НơĻ?ĢΉō

Registered: 06/14/00
Posts: 29,281
Loc: Shroomery B-list.
Last seen: 6 years, 6 months
Just me venting. Move along.
    #3404506 - 11/24/04 05:31 PM (12 years, 13 days ago)

I hate this time of year. Hate it with a passion.
Too much loss, remembered happiness that'll never come again, dealing with modified views due to failed expectations.
No love or support....just motions to be gone thru, and pain hidden under false frivolity.

Soo much stress in myu life....it's getting pretty bad....i can feel the edge of breakdown coming, but can't tell when it'll be close....
just a test of willpower, i guess. how long can i hold a coherent functional mind in the face of all of this?
Loss of love, loss of family, perceptions of no support...that's all bad enough.

But to top it off, jumping thru irrational hoops set up by an uncaring system of laws and a judge with a mission...having to forgo any real comforts to pay fines that, if not paid, are reason for incarceration...just trying to comply as best i can, and getting fucked at every turn as of late.
FIghting for something ithat is no longer clear...dealing with a world that i don't belong in, and probably never will in my entirity.

I've come to grips with the fact that a good part of me will be alone for the rest of my life, as it has been since it started..but it's so hard to be in pain and under enough stress that i'm still seeing the shockwaves in myself and my little brothers, my mother and extended family.
It's almost as if we're diseased.

Sometimes i think the only thing holding me together is my absolute base refusal to breakdown or lose control.
I'm ME dammit, and i refuse to be weak that way.

Wish me luck.


--------------------
"..all those molecules thrashing their kinky little tails, hot for destiny and the street."  Gibson


Nuke baby seals for Jesus!

(This has been a +1 production.)


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InvisibleMyInsanityTrip
Stranger

Registered: 03/10/03
Posts: 2,218
Re: Just me venting. Move along. [Re: Randolph_Carter]
    #3411154 - 11/26/04 05:02 AM (12 years, 11 days ago)

This time of year gets under my skin too.

It's impressive how aware you are. I imagine you are big enough to handle all
of these walls blocking your path.

"I'm ME dammit, and i refuse to be weak that way."

As long as you don't give up, I'm sure there's something cleaner up the road for you.

best wishes.


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InvisibleSociety
Pizza Guy

Registered: 07/03/04
Posts: 13,939
Loc: Eating pizza
Re: Just me venting. Move along. [Re: MyInsanityTrip]
    #3411595 - 11/26/04 11:15 AM (12 years, 11 days ago)

Yes, my friend gets really depressed at this time of year as if it were a cycle. He says it gives him a nostalgic feeling of lost/blocked-out negative memories.


--------------------
Delicious Pizza


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Offlineeris
underground
Male User Gallery

Registered: 11/18/98
Posts: 48,009
Loc: North East, USA
Last seen: 4 months, 27 days
Re: Just me venting. Move along. [Re: Randolph_Carter]
    #3412420 - 11/26/04 03:11 PM (12 years, 11 days ago)

I feel like crap mostly all winter long. The cold temps combined with begin stuck indoors all the time really sucks. Nasty in the mornings, waking up in the bitter cold, scraping frost off of the windows and freezing my ass off while I'm half asleep driving to work. I feel like sleeping all day. I wish humans could hibernate, cause I feel my time would be better spent sleeping sometimes.


--------------------
Immortal / Temporarily Retired
The OG Thread Killer
My mushroom hunting gallery


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