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This is very long but I wanted to be thorough with a description of my first true psychadelic experience. I hope you enjoy it.
I had taken shrooms twice before, but both trips were a little disappointing because the doses were very low. I was very eager to experience a higher dose because of the little tease that the low doses gave me.
I acquired almost twenty grams of dried shrooms and joined three other friends to go camping. We headed into the mountains, all very excited and looking forward to shrooming in nature. None of them had ever done any psychadelic drugs before. The excitement was palpable, and lingered in the air.
We arrived Friday night and planned that we would shroom in the forest the next day, timing our dose so that we would be peaking when the sun set. That night I could hardly sleep, too excited by the prospect of exploring a higher consciousness the next day. Everything, we all felt, was set up perfectly.
The next day seemed to last an eternity, as we had to wait until 2:30 to take our doses. We hiked around the forest, looking for a good spot away from any people to camp out for our trip. We needed a spot that wasn't too far from the trail, so that we wouldn't get lost during our trip, but also that was far enough away that hikers wouldn't see (or hear) us. As we walked around the forest, enjoying the beauty and taking in the sounds of nature, we prepared our minds for what was to come. The setting was perfect, and our minds were ready.
But the minutes and hours seemed to stretch on forever, as it felt like I had already been waiting so long to experience a real trip. It had actually been several months since I became interested in shrooms, but I had been unable to acquire a significant amount until then. As we continued to explore, the other three guys decided to smoke some herb. I declined, as I wanted my mind to be clean for the pure shroom experience when the time came.
At last we found a secluded spot, and we all sat down and took our doses. We had brought a boombox and started playing some music. Time seemed to drag on as we waited for our drugs to take effect.
I was the first one to feel anything. About 40 minutes in I began to feel slightly nauseous, but it was totally manageable. About five minutes later everyone else started feeling it as well but it wasn't strong enough to make anyone want to throw up. Soon I started getting freezing cold, as it was already kind of cold outside but I was getting very cold. I started moving around a lot to try to warm myself up. No one else was cold though.
Perhaps 10 minutes later I was warm again, and my friend S started complaining that he was freezing cold now. As we continued talking I began to feel a bit stoned, like a marijuana buzz but without the "confused" mental state. More like a body high. Everyone else was feeling it too, and it began to increase in intensity very slowly.
Gradually everything started becoming funny and we started busting up laughing for no reason. Especially everyone else in the group. I would look over and they would be laughing hard, and I would ask what they were laughing about. They would either shake their head like they didn't know or tell me that they forgot. Of course this made me bust of laughing too and pretty soon we were all giggling nonstop for no reason. Everything was hilarious. It was great.
After a while I felt really stoned, and everything required a lot of effort. I decided to sit down because it felt so much better. I also stopped talking and laughing because it felt like everything required so much energy. My mind started going on autopilot as I let go of social interaction and caring about what anyone thinks.
The first hallucination I saw was when I looked down at the rock that we were sitting on. D was drawing a very interesting pattern on the rock with a marker, and when I looked elsewhere in the rock I saw what looked like carvings or markings that I fully knew were not real. When I looked around, the trees were beautiful and I noticed for the first time that the trees around us were actually green, not brown as I had thought. This was true, the trees really were green but I had not noticed earlier. I pointed this out and everyone else saw it for the first time too. At this point I wasn't really seeing anything that wasn't there (other than the carvings), but everything was somehow *different* and I couldn't pinpoint why. Something in my perception had been altered and things seemed *off*.
Everyone else kept talking and they were beginning to annoy me. I felt like too much of my brainpower was being devoted to listening to their pointless conversation when it could and should be used to enjoy the shroom experience. I spotted what looked like a bunch of cotton hanging in the branches of a tree about 30 feet away, and couldn't figure out what it was. I pointed it out to everyone and no one else knew either. I figured it would be a good chance to get away from the group and figure out what the cotton-looking thing was at the same time, so I left and walked over to the tree.
When I saw it up close, it turns out it really was just a bunch of cotton caught in the tree. This made no sense to me, and I still don't understand why it was there. As I started walking back to the group, I noticed that the leaves covering the forest floor were very colorful. It was not that their color had changed, but rather that they were somehow much more beautiful, and vivid than before. Either that or I just had not noticed them earlier. I decided to take a photograph of the leaves to reflect upon when I was sober. Looking back on the photograph now, the leaves are much more drab than how I saw them.
It seemed to take an inordinatly long time to walk back to the group. When I got back, about three minutes after I had left, it felt like I had been on a journey that they had not, and that it had taken much longer than it should have. I knew at this point that I was at the beginning of a good trip.
As I stood on the rock with the rest of the guys, I looked at the treetops as the setting sun reflected off of them. Some of the trees had few leaves on them, and I had a sudden realization. What came to my mind was a verse from the Bible, where it says that nature praises God. I had never understood this before, but in instant I understood what it meant. It appeared, plain and clear in my eyes, that the trees were reaching up to praise God. Of course you could say that they were reaching up for sunlight, which they are, but this made perfect sense to me. Every part of nature, in it's own way, whether actively or just through its beauty, complexity, splendor and uniqueness, praises its creator whether it is aware of it or not. This revelation may or may not make sense to you, but at the time it made perfect sense and was an overwhelming revelation that I am still grateful for having.
At this point I was still eagerly awaiting seeing vivid hallucinations, wondering when or if they would ever come. I had always wondered how vivid the hallucations actually are on shrooms, and just hoped that they would be clear and "cool" to look at. Not like a magic eye or something where it's there but you have to look really hard to see it, and it's kind of fuzzy, and not entirely real, but real, solid, unimagined distortions. Just as I was thinking about this, C said, "hey guys... you have to check out these leaves. They're moving."
I looked at the leaves covering the forest floor and didn't see any movement except where the wind was blowing them up. I joked and said "Yeah, because the wind is blowing." "No," he said. "Look."
I sat down next to him and just started staring at one specific leaf. Nothing happened at first, but after about ten seconds I had my first clear, lasting hallucation. The leaf began morphing, bending, breathing. And then all the leaves in my field of vision began doing the same. At this point we were all looking at the leaves nearby and all saw this motion. Soon all the leaves in my field of vision began swirling, bending, twisting, moving. I looked up at my friends in awe, grinning from ear to ear.
Looking around the forest, everything else still seemed mostly normal. Having read all about closed eye visuals, I decided to close my eyes to see what I could see. What I saw were three dimensional colored geometric shapes. It was like a movie was playing behind my closed eyelids, created by my mind obviously, but completely separate from any conscious effort. I can't fully remember most of what I saw with my eyelids closed, but it was a constant and ongoing stream of images that I could see with clarity. I opened my eyes and enthusiastically told the group to try closing their eyes. Soon everyone had their eyes closed, grinning widely, enjoying the manifestations of their imaginations with an unprecedented clarity.
Soon however, everyone began chatting again and the chatter of the group once again began to get annoying, and I strongly felt that in order to best enjoy the trip I needed to be off on my own. I saw a log about 30 feet away and decided that I would go over and sit on the log by myself and just think. I told the rest of the group that I was going over there, and they quickly objected, thinking that I would do something crazy or get lost. I assured them repeatedly that I would be in plain view the entire time and just wanted to be alone for a while. Finally they ceased objecting and I wandered over to the log and sat down. It felt so good to be alone.
This is when the trip really started hitting me. I once again closed my eyes, and soon I realized that I was enjoying a level of consciousness that I had never before experienced. Some might call it a "higher" consciousness, but to me the idea of placing levels of consciousness on a sliding scale didn't make any sense. I was however, thinking with incredible clarity and soon deep philosophical questions came streaming into my mind, one after the other. I began questioning everything... who I was, what I am doing with my life, and how and why this world exists. I didn't come up with a great deal of meaningful answers, but the endless parade of deep and meaningful thoughts and insights was overwhelming and awe inspiring.
I don't know how long I sat there with my eyes closed, but for several moments I forgot that I existed. I had my beanie pulled over my eyes and had my hands on my eyes to block out the light, but instead of seeing darkness I was seeing an endless stream of vivid color. But I was seeing more than just colors, I was "seeing" a new way of thinking, I was experiencing a completely different set of consciousness, and therefore a different way of perceiving life and reality. Suddenly it became immensely apparent that what normal human beings consider to be reality, is entirely subjective.
To be honest much of the mind blowing thoughts and realizations that I had during this period I can no longer remember, partly because I was just thinking so fast, partly because I was bathed in another level of consciousness which is hard to remember while not under the influence, and partly because a joint I had smoked right before going off on my own probably served to cloud my memory. But what I do remember is that during that time I experienced something that cannot be adequately described in ordinary language because it would not do it justice. For those of you who cannot relate, try explaining in words what it is like to fall asleep and you can get a glimpse of what I mean.
When I finally opened my eyes, I had my beanie pulled over my eyes but I did not realize it. I could see through my black beanie, but it distorted my already distorted vision. I was looking at the ground, covered in leaves, with a small tree in front of me but that's not what I saw at all. I couldn't understand what I was looking at, but the closest thing that I could relate it to was that of a kitchen. Basically since I could not understand what I was looking at, I decided to pick the closest landscape that it resembled, which in my mind was a kitchen floor with a pole representing the tree. This confused me greatly.
I looked up and looked around the "kitchen" and realized that this didn't make sense. It wasn't a kitchen, but I still couldn't figure out what it was. I had completely forgotten where I was, that I had a beanie over my eyes, and probably that I was even on shrooms. After looking around for a while struggling to make sense of my surroundings, I touched my face and realized that I had the beanie over my eyes. When I pulled it up, I remembered that I was in a forest, with my friends, tripping on shrooms.
Everything was brightly colorful. I remember everything still not looking normal, still being vividly distorted but I cannot remember exactly how. I think my friends asked me at this point whether I was okay, because I had definitely been out of it for a while, and I just calmly responded that I was great. They were still talking to each other and laughing, and I strongly felt that I must be having a much stronger trip than them because I could never be giggling or even carrying on a meaningful conversation right now. I wished that they could experience what I had just experienced.
As I looked over the now familiar landscape, I began seeing vivid hallucations. The leaves that covered the forest floor began streaming like a river, going around the rocks and trees that peppered the forest floor. I just watched in awe, my mouth open, knowing that these were just hallucations but floored by their beauty. The river of leaves continued streaming, as I looked all around. But even as these visions presented themselves to me, it became obvious to me that by far the more impressive thing about shrooms is the mind expanding nature of the drug. The fact that under normal circumstances human beings never come anywhere close in their entire lives to fully understanding how their minds work, or what consciousness is.
Some time passed, and I felt that nature wanted to show me something. I felt like it wanted to give me a gift for being respectful by consuming the shrooms in a proper setting and time. Almost exactly when I thought of this I looked down at the ground and about three feet away to my right I saw a single, strange looking mushroom growing out of a log. I couldn't help but smile and be overwhelmed with joy at the sight of this. It was the only mushroom that I saw the entire weekend. I crouched down and looked at the mushroom up close. Everything was peaceful, quiet, and tranquil around and this moment was perfect.
As I got closer to the mushroom, I saw what looked like the pattern of bumblebees covering the cap of the mushroom. I thought this was very strange and must be a hallucation but it was entirely clear and no matter what I did the pattern remained. I ran back to the group and enthusiastically shared what I had just been through with them. I told them that I had found a mushroom, but no one seemed to care except for D. I offered to show it to them and only D followed me back to the mushroom. When we got close he seemed happy to see it as well. I reached out and touched it, and was startled when the cap collapsed on itself where I touched it and spewed spores out of its top, which looked like grey smoke! D reached out and touched it harder and it spit out a larger stream of grey spores. I felt humbled by nature's overwhelming beauty.
D went back to the group and I stayed by the mushroom, but sat down on the ground this time instead of the tree. I picked up a leaf and looked at it, absolutely floored by the beauty and intracy of the network of veins (?) running through the leaf. Suddenly I was overwhelmed by the infinite complexity yet infinite beauty at the same time of nature. Surely something so incredibly complex cannot be so incredibly beautiful, I thought... but it was. It was both. One of the endearing thoughts that came to my mind during this trip was repeated over and over in my mind: Nature is perfect.
Of course we define perfection, but in comparison to what we can and cannot do, nature stands out as infinitely more complex and beautiful than anything we can ever hope to create. Then, as I realized that humans actually have accomplished some marvelous feats in our time, I realized (as I had many times before) that humans ARE part of nature. I strongly felt during this trip that some intelligent being had created the universe, because everything is too intricate and complex to be created by a random process.
As I looked at the leaf and marveled at its perfection, I began to rip it apart. I had thought before I tripped that perhaps "damaging" nature would seem like an evil thing to do while tripping, but what I realized while doing it is that nature is so powerful and overwhelmingly immaculate that doing something like ripping a leaf is inconsequential. In fact, I felt like nature WANTED me to rip the leaf so that I could observe its beauty even better. I felt a strong revelation that nature is something to be revered, however things like ripping leaves or breaking off tree branches for wood is irrelevant to its sacredness. What I realized clearly, is that no human being will ever understand nature completely. I could study any branch of nature my entire life, and never understand it completely, let alone all of nature. It is infinitely beyond our ability to fully grasp.
It began getting late, and it was time to walk back to the campsite and start a fire. We had no trouble finding our way back to the path, and as we walked back to the campsite I couldn't help but notice how beautiful and colorful the ground was. About a third of the way up, C stopped us and told us to look at the horizon. I looked up, and saw through the trees a beautiful blue hue as the sun set behind us. The scene was overwhelmingly beautiful, and to me it looked like a masterpiece Renaissance painting. Many people passed us as we just started at the horizon, and we must have looked like idiots. Someone even stopped to ask us something, and I don't remember what it was but we managed to act normal enough.
We continued walking up the hill and stopped several times to just stare in amazement at the horizon. When we got near the top, we looked in a different direction, and I saw what looked like the ocean over the hill and through the trees. I was still kind of out of it, so I asked if that was the ocean over there, even though I knew before that we were hundreds of miles from the ocean. They just laughed at me and told me that that was definitely not the ocean, but it distinctly looked like I was looking at the ocean through the trees and over the hill.
We got back to the campsite and managed to build a fire. The last hallucations I saw were faces and markings in the logs as they were burning. They usually looked evil, like skulls carved into the logs but they were not scary to me because I was completely aware that they weren't really there. I got tired very soon after that and went to bed, though I couldn't go to sleep for several hours.
To say that this was a beautiful experience would be a great understatement. It is something that I will never forget and an experience that has been marked into my being forever. I am glad that I prepared mentally and physically for this experience and I fully believe that I reaped the rewards because of it. After talking with everyone else on the trip, I have no doubt that I experienced the most profound and meaningful trip out of all of us, and I don't doubt that it was because I was off on my own, alone. I said it during the trip, and I still say it now: I think that I will be a shroomer for life.
If you treat this drug with the level of respect that it deserves, the experience that you get will be absolutely incredible, and mind expanding. I had always been taught that drugs ruin your mind. But psilocybin mushrooms truly do expand it.
-------------------- Just say NO to the War on Drugs.
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