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OfflineDorian_Gray
silly boy

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 2
Loc: Argentina
Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
Blood Colored Girl
    #3343299 - 11/10/04 08:52 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Hello there , im new at this forum
Here?s something i wrote.. dont know if it goes here

"And i obeyed to every word this strange blood colored lips girl said , it?s quite nice obeying someone this way.. it makes you feel free. For a while we talked as two old friends. She fed me , gave me something to drink.. she took good care of me , i never thought i would ever admire this kind of girls. And , in a fleeting instant , she whispered at my ear "bye" , and she was gone."

PD: Im from Argentina , so if there are any mistakes its because
it wasnt easy to translate this!


--------------------
"cure the soul by means of the senses, and the senses by means of the soul"


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OfflineJacquesCousteau
Being.
Male User Gallery

Registered: 06/10/03
Posts: 7,825
Loc: Everywhere, Everytime.
Last seen: 8 months, 10 days
Re: Blood Colored Girl [Re: Dorian_Gray]
    #3343474 - 11/10/04 09:37 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

It is interesting... could use some kind of formatting. I'm not sure if it's meant to be poetry, but it could work as a poem if formatted properly.

Maybe something like this:

I obeyed every word
from this strange girl
with blood colored lips

she said, it?s quite nice
obeying someone this way..
it makes you feel free.

For a while we talked as two old friends.
She fed me, gave me something to drink..
she took good care of me.

I never thought I would ever
admire this kind of girl.
And in a fleeting instant

she whispered
"goodbye" in my ear;
and she was gone.

I was just playing around with it.. I altered a few of the translation errors and a little of the arrangement, but I left all the words the same. (except "bye" which I made "goodbye" for the sake of making it feel more complete...)


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OfflineBlastrid
e l e m e n t al i t y
 User Gallery

Registered: 01/14/02
Posts: 3,323
Loc: The Desert
Last seen: 9 years, 1 month
Re: Blood Colored Girl [Re: JacquesCousteau]
    #3343576 - 11/10/04 10:07 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Welcome to the Shroomery :smile:

I like it, it's short but I can feel the style. :cool:


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Blas'?trid (bl?s tr?d)
    n.  3rd generation derivitave of a combination of 'bastard' and 'blasted'.  Used as both an insult or an expletive.
    ex.  Blastrid!

Stereopattern  <--My music.


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InvisibleSuper_Blunt
Candyman
 User Gallery

Registered: 10/25/04
Posts: 3,140
Re: Blood Colored Girl [Re: Blastrid]
    #3345321 - 11/11/04 04:59 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

I like the title :devil: :shiftyeyes:


--------------------


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