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Offlinewrestler_az
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my az gathering trip report: 2nd night
    #3340196 - 11/10/04 06:44 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

i posted the first nights report in the pub by mistake, so if you havent read it already and would like to its in there. otherwise, continue reading for my report of the second night.

this report is a little harder for me to get the whole point across, because so much of what happened that night had alot to do with the previous nights drug intake (shrooms, E, K, N20), and even more so (especially on the come down) with the bullshit week i had right before the gathering, and leaning very heavy on the 2 nights prior to the gathering where i got absolutly NO sleep....

ok, so i wake up around noon not really sure how much sleep i got (couldnt have been much) found a spot around the fire and ate some hot dogs, smoked some bowls. i felt really out of it, totally mentaly and physically drained. dankman and irijes were still not to the campsite yet, and i wanted to wait for them to get there before i took the last of party supplies....which was one pill of E. so they finally arive, i run to meet and greet them and shortly after pop my pill.

once the pill kicked in i felt great...as expected, and i soon i was pretty much doing the same thing i did the first night...bounce around from group to group, running my mouth about nonesence...yadda yadda yadda

i remember todcasil showing up around the same time as dankman and irijes, and at some point i wound up in one of the tents with the three of them, and annie i think....there were others in that tent too though....i think. anyway, this whole night is still kind of a blur. there are bits and pieces that keep coming to me even as i write this....so bear with me. anyway, there was a bunch of us in this tent, and im rolling pretty good by now. i think we might have been doing some N20 at this time, but im not sure if thats now or later in the night...anyway, the point is- i got one hell of a back massage by my new buddy todcasil, and that set the night on a good vibe for me.

im still new to the whole E experience. the previous experiences (except for the first night of the gathering) were at raves, so i was usually bouncing around to the music, all up and energetic and shit. but on this night i felt something new...all i wanted to do was fall to the ground in a puddle, and cuddle....i guess thats where the term cuddle puddle comes from, heh. anyway, thats all i really remember doing that night. jumping in cuddle puddles here and there, haveing the time of my life.

i remember some time in the night i was going somewhere, but ended up on the ground next to the fire with kathy sitting in a chair behind me giving me a back rub. i am completly enjoying myself, and then i remember  where i was going...i was supposed to be smoking out of the hookah todcasil brought. and jumping right back into my routine of bouncing around the campsite like a pin ball, i told her thank you for the back rub but i got to go. she asked me..."are you sure you wanna go?"...well, i was...and i did. that may be my only regret of the weekend. :smirk:

so i left to go smoke out of the hookah....but got side tracked somewhere else and never even did end up smoking out of that thing. so anyway, im gonna summarize a little bit here.  there was more cuddling....then some more.....then smoe more....then i ran my mouth a little....then some more...then some more....and thats basically how it went, with some N20 sessions in the mix at times.

so now, i find myself  coming down. and wow, am i ever coming down hard. this is where the lack of sleep, the excess of drugs the first night, and my bullshit week prior to the trip come into play. i find myself sitting around the fire....just wanting to cry. but, when i looked around, all i saw were my friends having the times of their lives. im at this perfect campsite, perfect weather, the best of friends around....and all i could do was pout? i should be out there, laughing and smiling with my friends. but no.  i had crashed. my guess would be that the lack of sleep, plus the lack of serotonin in my head had alot to do with this. and i knew this...i kept telling myself, your just coming down, its no big deal. but it was awful. the only thoughts running through my head at that moment were negative. i started to dwell on shit that could have waited till i got back to tucson. i mean shit, i left tucson thinking about how great it was gonna be spending a weekend with my friendsand have fun, to just forget about tucson untill i had to go back...or at least that was the plan. but no, im thinking about my shitty job...and my piece of shit truck....and how much money its gonna cost me to fix it...and how much money i owe....and then i start thinking about my grandfather back in tucson who i live with...and how shitty it was for me to just leave him there all alone. what if he died while i was away? this was the kind of shit running through my head at this time. but at the same time, i know realistically none of that is in my control at the moment, so why even bother? it was like i had no choice. i was almost fighting with my own mind as to what it should be thinking. these thoughts just kinda forced themselves upon me and fed off the depressed state the drugs have left me in. i found myself looping again, like i was the first night. id finally get a train of thought out of my head, then another one (a previous one i had fought off) would return, and i would battle it out all over again in my head. it got to the point where all rational thought was out the window, and i was having some very fucked up thoughts. i thought i was gonig crazy. im hearing these types of thoughts in my head, hateing what im hearing....but yet giving in to it fully. by now i have completly got all over myself for letting myself  think the way i was (lol, am i sounding like a crazy man yet) and am feeling pathetic and misserable and worthless....at this moment i felt i was not even worthy to be a part of the experience i just had. they deserve better friends than me....yadda yadda yadda

...some really fucked up shit goes right here...

during this whole time, i remember annie and irijes being right by my side trying to get me to let this shit out...but i was too proud. i didnt want them to know all the crazy fucked up shit going through my head at the time. cuz i knew i eventually would come to my sences, i just had to ride this shit out. i have nothing to cry over! this is the best gathering i have been to so far. i have had so much fun, and im not gonna let something as stupid as a COMEDOWN ruin all that. the people i was there with are very good people. they are my friends.... its not that i didnt think they would understand...but more like i didnt want to burden them with something so trivial. everyone would have had to stop having fun to make wrestler feel happy again....i didnt want that.  especially when the whole reason im feeling this way is bullshit to begin with. all i need is some sleep, and i will be ok....i tryed a few times...didnt really work out. so i came back out, hit some N20 (felt really good for about a minute....then back to the same bullshit) about ready to explode...


then for some reason, freezy decides to change the music....what do i hear? pink floyd...dark side of the moon. this is EXACTLY what i needed....thank you freezy, wheather you realized what you were doing or not....sitting in your car listening to that cd for some reason calmed me down a bunch.

i then got fed some downers and sleeping pills and was soon out like a light....i didnt quite wake up the next morning singing...oh my what a wonderful day....but i had finally got some real sleep, and i now had full control over my brain.


and thats it....that was the second night of the gathering for me. now all that bad crazy shit only took up like the last couple of hours of the night....i still had a blast that night, and the night before was probably the best trip ive ever had. but its just like irijess was telling me that night when i was pouting....its all about balance.

all in all i had a wonderful time....and met some really great people. and i would also like to thank everyone of you for staying with me right up through all of that shit...you guys mean alot to me :heart:


--------------------
how's your WOW?





  Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM) 


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OfflineCaRnAgECaNdYS
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Re: my az gathering trip report: 2nd night [Re: wrestler_az]
    #3343548 - 11/10/04 09:59 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Wow, that's some pretty intense emotions to be going through at anytime, especially at a time like that. Good thing that you had people there to help you out as far as just "being there" sometimes that's all we need.
Oh damn...your still driving that POS? :wink:
Ever think of starting all over...somewhere else, somewhere new?

It worked for me.
Either way, sounds like good times, for the most part.


--------------------

The secret to being funny is to say smart things stupidly, or is it stupid things smartly? Whatever..it's not rocket surgery...or something like that.


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Offlinewrestler_az
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Re: my az gathering trip report: 2nd night [Re: CaRnAgECaNdY]
    #3343560 - 11/10/04 10:02 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

everytime i come home from one of these gatherings i think about moving out of tucson....but i just got too much shit to take care of here first.


--------------------
how's your WOW?





  Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM) 


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Invisiblejux
I'm better thanan STD!

Registered: 04/06/04
Posts: 924
Re: my az gathering trip report: 2nd night [Re: wrestler_az]
    #3348822 - 11/11/04 10:45 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

wrestler_az said:
i think about moving out of tucson....




come on, who doesn't want out of this city?


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OfflineCaRnAgECaNdYS
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Re: my az gathering trip report: 2nd night [Re: jux]
    #3354228 - 11/13/04 02:00 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Tucson isn't that bad, sometimes I feel like I should've never left. My life is going so good now...I can't see a reason for ever going back. Sometimes a change of scenery is good.
Wrestler, you can always take care of your problems from afar. Depending on the issue.
I hope you're feeling better.
:hug:


--------------------

The secret to being funny is to say smart things stupidly, or is it stupid things smartly? Whatever..it's not rocket surgery...or something like that.


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