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OfflineRepton
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Registered: 09/05/04
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Ive done it ! finally after 7 years !
    #3296532 - 10/30/04 08:36 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Basically I've been on a downer, thought i was clinically depressed and been on and off SSRI's  I've been unemployed for the past 3 or 4 years, with only a couple of jobs which I managed to screw up every time and I've never actually figured out why I felt so shitty or tried to do anything about it.  Until 2 weeks ago...

It's taken me a long time to realise why I havn't felt happy or fulfilled in a long time.  I used to have Dreams, ideals, skills and drive.  I used to skateboard every day I could, played guitar in a band, designed websites and was on a college course doing Video Editing and sound recording, I had great chances and was positive, i'd rarely felt depressed and the only thing that got me down was the lack of females in my life :P

I discovered pot and smoked it at night sometimes and if I was out at clubs or peoples houses and soon found I nice way of hiding from my responsibilities, I really had no strength to say, "nah, i'll keep my weed until the weekend," or "I''ll just smoke a little in the evenings".

I know loads of people who can smoke etc and get on with things like normal, unfortunatly i'm weak and if I have a peice of weed, I cant help myself, if its there I smoke it, man did I smoke it :P

I soon found myself obsessed with getting stoned as much as I could, it was a lot easier to get stoned than to face my problems, and I was getting interested in other stuff, not because of the pot but because I just wanted to feel better and I'd learned that drugs were good at doing that.

So this continued since I was 16, i'm almost 23 now and have for the last fortnight, for the first time in seven years, stopped smoking pot and cigarettes.  I don't think i'll never get stoned again, but I sure as hell won't be slipping back to the ways of old.

The first week was PURE HELL,  all i could think about was getting stoned, or smoking.  Like a little voice in my head saying "hey man, just go score some blow and chill" "Have a cigarrete it will make you feel better"  "go on  ! you've not had a smoke in 2 days, what harm will a little joint do ??" and so on and so forth. 

The only way I could ease this was excersise, I lifted weights and did pressups, situps, stand ups, you name it I did it, until i was so fucked from excersising that I couldnt even walk, let alone take a bus into the town and buy dope.

I started to feel a bit better for it, and noticed how much the years of lung abuse had damaged me, i was so unfit !

I managed to use that and the slowly emerging sense of clarity it gave me to continue to ignore the desire to get wasted.

My friends still turned up a couple of times with some lovely bud, but  since this time "I" really wanted to sort myself out I found it not a pain in the ass, but liberating to have the power to say "no thanks dude, as fucking yummy as that green smells, this time i'm not giving in so easily"  and for the first time in my life it felt right.

I can see how this could sound crazy, but I can't even beleive it myself.  Two weeks into this i'm feeling better than I've ever felt on drugs, I've got back on my skateboard, ive been swimming.  I even went to the pub and moved the damn ashtray off the table so I didnt have to look at the stinking cig. ends !

I wake up in the morning and I actually WAKE UP !

Everything I used to enjoy before is more enjoyable than ever, its like i'd forgotten what it was that made me tick, the things that made me want to get out of bed in the morning.  Its almost as if the last 6 or 7 years didnt even happen !  Like my brain has just been sleeping (which I suppose it really was with all the dope).

Another thing i've realised is that when I took mushrooms during those years it was usually a very paranoid and difficult experience and I know now that it was because underneath  part of me was being cloaked and was fighting to get out, the real me was fighting hard trying to show me the errors of my ways and how it was stopping me achieving, but i put this down to a "bad trip" 

I think i'll end this here, before I start to sound too preachy,  but I just feel that there might be alot of people out there that could turn things around for themselfs but unless you get past that first week or so, its so difficult to realise.  You HAVE to want to do it for yourself, no amount of advice or preaching can change the way you are, it has to be a personal choice and if I hadnt done it I really don't know where i'd have ended up.

:laugh:


--------------------
How I consume - Dry extract in capsules - guide with photos !
** p. Semilanceata spore prints **
If you're waiting on a PM reply don't worry I have taken a number of prints and should have these ready this week for trades/post, if you're interested in a print PM me and I'll work through them in order I can offer prints of the early fruiting spot that seems to start in July through to mid Oct and prints from specimens in my regular spots that tend to fruit later during the regular fungi season in the UK.


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InvisibleFreakQlibrium
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Re: Ive done it ! finally after 7 years ! [Re: Repton]
    #3296711 - 10/30/04 10:39 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Way to go man. I too wasted many a year by being wasted. Healthy eating/excercising is K3Y to staying alive* and refreshed :smile:



*please note the subtle point of dilineation. I said alive as opposed to merely living. You're still a young un with your whole life ahead of you. Live it with zest, live every day as though it were your last(not being morbid here either, i think in the long run you will find that by adopting this particular philosophy/outlook you will get a lot more accomplished in any one given day as well as avoid a lot of the negative moods/thought/feelings that try and bring all of us down at sometimes) :wink:


--------------------
"Being crazier than a shithouse rat is not sufficient grounds for banishment"



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InvisibleBi0TeK
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Registered: 11/07/02
Posts: 3,002
Loc: Yorkshire Moors, Great Br...
Re: Ive done it ! finally after 7 years ! [Re: Repton]
    #3296761 - 10/30/04 11:07 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Well done! :laugh:

I too have been through the same problems you have.. 8 years in total.

I used to easily smoke a quarter oz of bud or resin a day to myself and it was never enough.

I've seen quite a few of my school friends who smoked that shit end up in psychiatric wards.. some didn't recover. One commited suicide. :sad:

I also found that weed tainted ANY drugs I'd imbibed.. making it a most unpleasant experience.

And For those of you that reply singing the praises of marijuana, Your minds are poisoned IMO, you believe what you want to believe.

BTW I used to skate too! Best trick I made yet was a ollie nose slide shove-it down a handrail 15 years ago!


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PROMOTE BACTERIA. THEY'RE THE ONLY CULTURE SOME PEOPLE HAVE.


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Offline3Stigmata
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Re: Ive done it ! finally after 7 years ! [Re: Bi0TeK]
    #3297374 - 10/30/04 02:30 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Good for you, man! I look back at all the wrong turns I have made and wish that things could have been different. All I can say is that you never realize what you have until it's gone.

so keep up with the exercise and work and all that and you'll be a happy guy, indefinitley.


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InvisibleCherryBomM
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Re: Ive done it ! finally after 7 years ! [Re: Repton]
    #3298521 - 10/30/04 08:49 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Wow. Good for you! I've been trying to quit smoking and I find myself at the gym more often then not trying to work off cravings...it seems to help, but my poor lungs are crying out.

I'm glad I read your story, thanks....


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InvisibleSociety
Pizza Guy

Registered: 07/03/04
Posts: 13,962
Loc: Eating pizza
Re: Ive done it ! finally after 7 years ! [Re: CherryBom]
    #3298552 - 10/30/04 08:59 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Inspirational.

If only I had a drug that I could quit that would help me feel better.


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Delicious Pizza


Edited by SocietyRejects (10/30/04 09:34 PM)


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Offlinedruqks46
its dat woowoo
Registered: 09/29/04
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Re: Ive done it ! finally after 7 years ! [Re: Society]
    #3299115 - 10/30/04 11:45 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

I too have stopped smoking for good. Exercising and creating goals for myself really really helped a ton. have lots of money now and i dont get winded as much anymore. Ill eat mush every 1 or 2 months, thats my drug intake pretty much.


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Offlineginko
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Re: Ive done it ! finally after 7 years ! [Re: Repton]
    #3299880 - 10/31/04 02:29 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

I know what it's like to be addicted to something that can rip your life apart. I played this one computer game for 10+ hours a day for years. EVERY DAY. I said no thx to my friends and buried myself in a silly game. Well I just quit recently, and it proves that without moderation, pretty much anything can get out of hand.

Funny thing is that I had never even touched a computer game before this and I wasn't a nerd but I turned into a loser and dropped out of school and lost all my friends. Oh well time to rebuild :smile:

Wish you luckkk!! Stay strong!

PS. I skated too, best trick 360 flip, like, once.


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Invisiblepoke smot!
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Re: Ive done it ! finally after 7 years ! *DELETED* [Re: Repton]
    #3300063 - 10/31/04 04:26 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Post deleted by poke smot!

Reason for deletion: x



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OfflineRepton
Moon Ripened Sultan
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 09/05/04
Posts: 155
Loc: Midlothian Flag
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Re: Ive done it ! finally after 7 years ! [Re: poke smot!]
    #3300603 - 10/31/04 10:24 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Thanks for all the inspirational replies !

Its good to know others have been through the same cycle :laugh:


--------------------
How I consume - Dry extract in capsules - guide with photos !
** p. Semilanceata spore prints **
If you're waiting on a PM reply don't worry I have taken a number of prints and should have these ready this week for trades/post, if you're interested in a print PM me and I'll work through them in order I can offer prints of the early fruiting spot that seems to start in July through to mid Oct and prints from specimens in my regular spots that tend to fruit later during the regular fungi season in the UK.


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Offlinefreddurgan
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Re: Ive done it ! finally after 7 years ! [Re: Repton]
    #3307577 - 11/02/04 02:22 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

This thread was really a good read. I was trying to compare it to my life, and I'm not sure if I've got anything.

I smoke pot, but I honestly only smoke on weekends. Absolutely no smoking Sunday-Thursday. Friday and Saturday only. I'll admit, 3-4 times in the last 3 months I've smoked on a Thursday (sometimes the party starts too early, haha) but I'd consider that low number to be acceptable.

I'd like to blame my problems on that small amount of smoking, but honestly I think that would be wrong of me. Smoking on the weekends (only in the evenings too..probably .5 gram a week) really isn't that much of a problem for me.

But I still find myself depressed, without sleep, unmotivated, and generally unhappy to be awake. I really want to blame this on pot, but I don't think it's right. I'm starting to believe it's my sedentary lifestyle. I certainly don't get ANY exercise of any kind whatsoever. The computer is my drug.

But, this thread helped. I'd like to think I have the willpower to exercise a little bit every day (I worked out every day all summer long..why not during school?) and increase my energy.

I'm not really sure where I was going with this reply..more of a thought recap for myself.

Thanks guys :smile:


--------------------
Ishmael
http://www.ishmael.org

Ron Paul 2008!
http://www.ronpaul2008.com/


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OfflineRepton
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Registered: 09/05/04
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Re: Ive done it ! finally after 7 years ! [Re: freddurgan]
    #3308544 - 11/02/04 11:51 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Well, last night I was stupid, i smoked some oil from a pipe I found when i was cleaning my room, I thought at the time i should put it in the bin and forget about it but I thought I might as well as a reward for going so long without it.

Woke up this morning feeling awful, I was meant to be going climbing tonight and i just lost all the excitement for it, i was restless and feeling odd too, I was getting tight pains in my chest which got worse to the point where my entire neck stiffened up and felt like i'd swallowed a bunch of lego bricks.

Then, about an hour ago I had the first serious panic attack i've had in years, I lost it, totally frantic couldnt think straight even thought I had throat tumor at one point. I got so dizzy I nearly passed out and I had to call the doctor. She was very kind and helpful and I doubt that I could have sorted myself out without her on the phone.

So, the moral of the story...

If you come from a family with a history of severe mental illness and anxiety, have knowledge that you are borderline depressive with mild anxiety disorder and manage to quite smoking pot, DONT RELAPSE ! it really wasnt worth feeling stoned again for a few hours.

I feel like an ASS and ive really learnt my lesson i couldnt bare to have an anxiety attack like that again, but hey, It was going to happen sometime. Heres to the future

Peace


--------------------
How I consume - Dry extract in capsules - guide with photos !
** p. Semilanceata spore prints **
If you're waiting on a PM reply don't worry I have taken a number of prints and should have these ready this week for trades/post, if you're interested in a print PM me and I'll work through them in order I can offer prints of the early fruiting spot that seems to start in July through to mid Oct and prints from specimens in my regular spots that tend to fruit later during the regular fungi season in the UK.


Edited by Repton (11/02/04 12:00 PM)


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Offlineenotake2
Stop Bush's war
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Re: Ive done it ! finally after 7 years ! [Re: Repton]
    #3312851 - 11/03/04 05:41 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Yeah man - be careful of using pot as a reward - if you can, try and find other things to reward yourself with. Think of it as a lapse, not a relapse. It is pretty normal to have a lapse as part of the process of giving up. Use it as a learning experience so you can plan to avoid situations that tempt you to use pot or to find a way to deal with them when they happen. Good work for going so many days without pot - you must be doing something right to have done that.


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Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium

"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.


Edited by enotake2 (11/03/04 05:51 AM)


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Offlineenotake2
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Re: Ive done it ! finally after 7 years ! [Re: poke smot!]
    #3312863 - 11/03/04 05:50 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

"And remember, if you couldn't control yourself with pot then you could also be powerless over self-control when it comes to ANY mood-altering substance. We're always here for support."

This is a very NA way of thinking - they say that you have a disease and you give your control over to a higher power. This works very well for some people - if you can not use at all. Though if you lapse - your locus of control is at the local supermarket - rather than inside you, and the chances of relapse are pretty high. Though on the other hand NA has v. good things to help with not relapsing like strong social support networks and they teach coping skills. I think it is important and empowering to know that you play a (big sometimes) part in the control of your use. Those skills exist/can be learned.


--------------------
Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium

"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.


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OfflineRepton
Moon Ripened Sultan
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 09/05/04
Posts: 155
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Last seen: 3 months, 3 days
Re: Ive done it ! finally after 7 years ! [Re: enotake2]
    #3313334 - 11/03/04 10:33 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Thanks, I'm feeling a bit better now, but i seem to have given my immune system a bit of a knock and have wound up with swollen glands and a painfull throat, perhaps part of my anxiety attack or maybe i just caught it, im not sure.

But it tought me a lesson, and I have no desire to take any other substances, the only thing in my possesion is a bag of calea zachatechichi which I think is quite safe in respect to abuse potential :smile:

Thanks again


--------------------
How I consume - Dry extract in capsules - guide with photos !
** p. Semilanceata spore prints **
If you're waiting on a PM reply don't worry I have taken a number of prints and should have these ready this week for trades/post, if you're interested in a print PM me and I'll work through them in order I can offer prints of the early fruiting spot that seems to start in July through to mid Oct and prints from specimens in my regular spots that tend to fruit later during the regular fungi season in the UK.


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OfflineRepton
Moon Ripened Sultan
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 09/05/04
Posts: 155
Loc: Midlothian Flag
Last seen: 3 months, 3 days
Re: Ive done it ! finally after 7 years ! [Re: Repton]
    #3342696 - 11/10/04 06:25 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Still Going strong, not had a smoke since the above incedent! Heres hoping for a brighter future :laugh:


--------------------
How I consume - Dry extract in capsules - guide with photos !
** p. Semilanceata spore prints **
If you're waiting on a PM reply don't worry I have taken a number of prints and should have these ready this week for trades/post, if you're interested in a print PM me and I'll work through them in order I can offer prints of the early fruiting spot that seems to start in July through to mid Oct and prints from specimens in my regular spots that tend to fruit later during the regular fungi season in the UK.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleMOTH
Wild Woman
 User Gallery

Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,364
Loc: In the jungle
Re: Ive done it ! finally after 7 years ! [Re: Repton]
    #3342826 - 11/10/04 06:58 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Good for you...I'm wishing you the best!  I've only been smoking steadily for a few months but I rapidly turned a good thing into a bad thing.  Now I am determined to stay off pot for awhile and just enjoy what sobriety has to offer.  (besides using psychedelics every once in awhile that is) :smile:


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OfflineRepton
Moon Ripened Sultan
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 09/05/04
Posts: 155
Loc: Midlothian Flag
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Re: Ive done it ! finally after 7 years ! [Re: MOTH]
    #3345500 - 11/11/04 06:19 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

I think the key is not to let it turn into a habit whereby it becomes a regular method of hiding from reality too much, this was certainly the case for me anyway, though personally I think everyone is different, it has been interesting to hear the stories of many of my friends who have also quit/cut down  at the same time as me.

There are 6 of us in total, we all used to smoke heavily on a daily basis and were just used to sitting around stoned most of the time instead of finding interesting and varied things to do with our lives.

Around a year ago one of my friends pretty much disapeared off the scene, much to the horror of our puffy eyed little crew.  We saw him occasionally and started to notice that he'd given up the stonership,  and while we knew it was a good thing it was hard to accept for a while since the only way he could achieve this was to stop chilling out with us, all we did was sit and smoke, look for smoke, share our smoke etc etc etc.  It definatly couldn't have been easy for him.

Well, time went on and I made the descision, it came quite suddenly when after a night or so of feeling like turd because our local dealers were either dry or away in sailing boats living the high life, I thought "Fuck this, i'm going to stop".

You see, ever since I was a little boy I'd never ever wanted to become a smoker, pot was one thing, but I was smoking roll up cigarettes all the time too, something I have missed more in the last month than the pot, mmm Dutch rolling backy, anyway, the Vise that gripped me now was getting stronger and I could imagine myself going through the rest of my twenties like this and ending up in my mid thirties with heart and lung problems, a face like "Skeletor" from He-Man and the physical dexterity of a mouse.

This, for me is what I beleive was the turning point.  So from there on, until my tiny lapse, I've managed and the only other things that have made me feel this good were my Girlfriend and managing to kick Seroxat(Paxil), Which, should anyone need advice regarding, I would be more than happy to help.

So, my friends.  Well as for the guy that stopped a whole year before me, we're still good friends still and I see him regularily once again.  The other 4, well one has stopped completely and is enjoying the same benefits as myself, another whom I see less due to travel distances quit a month before I did, hes 30 and has smoked cigarettes, pot since he was 15, he had stages of chronic LSD and amphetamine use in the early 90's as well as (like many of us :rollseyes:  lots of MDMA use, though I managed not to ever overdo it with the ecstacy :smile: plus I was just a nipper in the early 90's E boom, so my use was restricted to moderate pills in the periods between 2002-early2004 ) but he, as of the last time we spoke is keeping it up and not had a single smoke since.

The ramaining two friends never made any oath to stop, they didnt even make an attempt, however with the fact that the rest of us did they've actually cut down and more recently as good as quit.  One of whom smoked a bit of Pollen after a 2 week break and was so brained by it that he had to go to his bed for 3 hours and woke up feeling shit,  he's now decided that perhaps he wants a clean break now too, and that was involuntary.  Last remaining friend (The guy from the Salvia video, on ODD) hasn't been able to get his hands on any good pot, and since we all refused to smoke the horror that is "Soap-Bar" (Which is all there seems to be at times) he's pretty much had to have a break too, and he says its been for the best !

And there we have it, Six (ex) Potheads who've somehow broken out of a 6/7 year habit all at roughly the same time through no particular reason other than it just happened.  If you'd asked me a year ago if this was possible... I'd have laughed my ass off, filled my bud grinder and rolled yet another fat cone and tried desperatly to pass it to you, while still laughing at the mere notion of myself and friends giving up.

On another note, last night I had the first dream where I got stoned.  Quite a detailed dream too, and it went something like this...

I was watching the television, and a show called "See Hear" came on, a program dedicated to the Deaf community. 
 
For some reason I enjoy watching it, I don't know why, it just always seems more entertaining than anything else, perhaps because of the light hearted nature of it and the fact that I find language and communication very interesting ?

Anyhow, In the program They start off on a canal boat, which I recognise as being in Amsterdam, "This should be interesting I think to mysefl". They're talking about amsterdam and the wide range of stuff that goes on there, i remember them saying (and they usually sign with subtitles :P ) "In Amsterdam, you can go for a sandwich, visit an art gallery, pick up a prostitute or you can even smoke a big long reefer in one of the many coffe shops" 

"Wow,  the deaf community are really going for it now, breaking some boundaries!" I think.

Next thing i'm aware of is that I am now in the show, no longer watching it I am now part of it.  We are in a dimmly lit cellar type head shop, not at all a colourful place like the real ones, but there is one exception, the subject of our attention in this room is the Mushroom growing corner, where we are shown a type of mushroom that I have never seen before in my life, they're quite dark brown, a wet brown, thick stems about an inch and boy do these things go blue, and when I say blue it was like someone had taken a bottle of royal-blue paint and painted it straight onto the bottom of the stem and up to the cap a bit.

The guy there tells us these are the most potent mushrooms known to mankind and that very few if anyone else has ever seen them,  which is odd since they were in an amsterdam headshop, but anyway.  I made the decision not to try them, and besides the guy that was growing them didn't look like he wanted to share.

Onwards to the next section, again, mushroom themed.  I am with my deaf presenter friend and he is being shown some mycelium that has been located growing in an old wall ( :P ?? ) by the side of another canal, next to an area of some renovation where they seem to have been dredging the canal and clearing land.

It seems that the mycelium in question is of great scientific importance and I soon notice that it covers a huge section of this area, it has not fruited and we move on.

The dream takes a wild turn and I am again at home, my friends are all here and two of them have some very strong looking buds.  In the events that followed I manage to smoke a spliff and horrified by my actions I become very depressed in the dream, even though the dream didn't even make me remotley stoned as a result of the smoking, it just made me feel awfull for participating.  I woke up feeling guilty as hell, and it took me a cup of coffe to realise that it hadnt been real and there was no need to feel that way.

Must be some subconscious message regarding my own feelings on the whole thing.  My dreams with mushrooms in always seem to have some kind of importance as well as a very cosmic lucidity to them (No calea involved here).

Ok, this post could go on forever, so once again i'll do the respectable thing and shut myself up.  Thanks keeping up with me if you got this far! :laugh:

:peace:


--------------------
How I consume - Dry extract in capsules - guide with photos !
** p. Semilanceata spore prints **
If you're waiting on a PM reply don't worry I have taken a number of prints and should have these ready this week for trades/post, if you're interested in a print PM me and I'll work through them in order I can offer prints of the early fruiting spot that seems to start in July through to mid Oct and prints from specimens in my regular spots that tend to fruit later during the regular fungi season in the UK.


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* Finally did it...Now what
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* Finally got in to see the doctor vivid 817 5 09/16/04 08:25 PM
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