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OfflineScarfmeister
Thrill Seeker
Registered: 10/31/02
Posts: 8,127
Loc: The will to power
Last seen: 3 years, 25 days
My life as a male model
    #3279477 - 10/26/04 02:51 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

I've finally found my calling in life--my reason for living.

The formless blob which used to be my spirit has take shape. I have purpose. I have fire. I am going to become a male model. No, I am going to become the King of male models.

I would definitely say that my appearance has always been important to me. I take aesthetics very seriously. Even in my punk rock days, I?d spend hours putting Knox gelatin mixed with Kool-Aid into my hair to dye and spike it. I'd search meticulously through the thrift shops; red cross, salvation army... stealing plaid bell-bottoms and postal t-shirts from the poor and the needy. But that's nothing new--punks are just a bunch of glorified fashion rejects anyway. A big fuck you goes out to everybody with a crass patch sewed onto their smelly black jeans-jacket. I am way beyond you now.

Take a fucking shower.

Enough of that. I'm stooping to your level. See, being a male model is about more than just being god damn sexy. It's about more than having oceans of long black hair and a mouthful of perfectly shaped and bleached teeth, a washboard stomach, sparkling, mysterious eyes and a gigantic, throbbing cock. It's a philosophy and a state of mind.

It's zen. I meditate and think to myself: I'm going to be huge. I'm going to be the next super star mother fucker. I am going to revolutionize male modeling. I am the king of all things material and important.

I always knew I was beautiful, even when I was an awkward teenager. Girls at school just wouldn't leave me alone. I remember one time when I was twelve the teacher held me after class and spanked me. I got a hard on that tore threw my jeans like some ancient beast rising from the dead after millenia of hibernation. She sucked my dick and it was like cherry magic so I exploded almost instantly all over her glasses and the chalk board. And then I fucked her on the floor, raw.

After that things were never the same.

Being the first one to those their virginity isn't easy. Kids know these things. I came back to school and they could read it on my face. Something happened. I was a man. And I fucked many of the other boys and girls that year. But my life didn't really change until I started getting facial hair, 'cos then I just became dead fucking sexy.

Anyway, enough about the past. I love this new 70s brit-pop phenomenon that is sweeping the airwaves. I love all these radio head rip off bands. They make me wet. However, I myself do not have shaggy Beatles-esque indie rock hair like all the other hipsters. Not anymore. No no I am a step ahead of all that. My hairstyle is a tribute to where I found my calling: Barcelona.

I went there with my at the time girlfriend, a hair model (omg what the hell was I thinking) and I got a rim job from a male stewardess while sniffing speed in the bathroom. Shaka. Anyway, Barcelona is a funny place. They show The Simpsons in spanish and everybody sounds the same except Homer sounds like he should be called Miguel Sanchez or some shit. I don't know much about the spicks really.

But one thing I noticed in Barcelona was that there was a lotta sexy people there. Cats, lions. I wanted to bite the general populace in the shoulder while forcing my dripping love fist deep into their bowels. The sexiest thing about Barcelona is the Catalanese (sp??) these native sort of people (or maybe they aren't native) but anyway the Mullet is really popular with them. So I decided to cut my locks into an Ape-Drape and Dude was I thinking the right thing. I grew out a scruffy, dirty, teen-moustache and hit the town wearing green and yellow Adidas running pants, a white visor (tilted 47 degrees to the right), a black wristband with a white Misfits skull on it and this new shirt I bought from this really trendy thrift shop that says "Abort your parents. Deathmetal." it has a skull on it and I think its sooo classy.

I went to my first club, some drum n bass engagement, got my drink on, got my e on, got my smoke on, got my eagle on. I was so fucking sexy, sweat glistening off my solarium-browned forehead and lightly toned arms. The music was just right; I danced for an hour or so. It was power music so I rekindled my punk rock days by starting a mosh pit on the dance floor. Alcohol can do amazing things... I punched a couple people accidentally, but nonetheless, people loved me. Girls and boys were coming up to me left and right telling me I was the hottest thing on the dance floor. And I was.

I looked at myself in one of the broken mirrors hanging from the wall and got an erection.

And at that exact moment, my life changed.

A man sporting a pointed goatee and a thin moustache approached me with a crooked smile and a line of cocaine perfectly carved up on a pocketsize mirror. He nodded, indicating me to take it, and I did. The coke blew me back to 1980. I reeled, laughed, and punched some random stoned out bitch with huge tits in the face. I felt like I was in a music video and I was a blessed sex angel, a lion, a bloody dripping piece of meat ready to be savaged by the cock of the world.

The man asked if I was interested in doing a photo-shoot with him and I gushed like a virgin being torn apart by a nigger fresh out of jail. Yes Yes YES! Of course I was interested! He flashed his crooked smile again and signaled to the door. I followed.

The cola was strapping me to the seat and I could barely hold on. I was fucking excited, this was my big break. The Locust's Moth Eaten Deer Head was playing on the car stereo, or maybe it was Morrisey, but anyway the sound was intense and I could feel the veins trying to escape through my eyes. So I laughed and screamed Fuck you to some people walking on the side walk.

Two head-splitting songs later and I was at the shoot. It was some real avant-garde shit. My style. Hardcore. We drove into this alley and that was where it was going to be shot. I'd never seen anything like it, it was like method-modeling. They came from behind me, hit me in the head with a crowbar and kicked me in the stomach. It felt amazing--this was it! And when they circled around me and screamed FAGGOT at me and broke my teeth I could see flashes, stars, lights, celebrity cocktail partys, jacuzzis and coke, naked boys and girls all around me, my parents obituary and money in the bank... it was stardom, who I wanted to be and what I now am going to be.

And when they stripped me down naked I knew that there'd be no stopping me. As the plunger handle went deep into my asscrack I smiled with broken teeth into the camera that wasn't there, closed my eyes and imagined myself on the backpage of Nickelodeon magazine as laughter echoed through the filthy, bloodstained walls of the alleyway.


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Offlinecisole
Master of the Beer Bong

Registered: 08/20/04
Posts: 2,283
Loc: NM
Last seen: 4 years, 9 months
Re: My life as a male model [Re: Scarfmeister]
    #3279488 - 10/26/04 02:54 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)



--------------------
is it life that keeps us going, or us that keeps life going?


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Invisiblebf6
Keep the highfive alive!

Registered: 01/29/04
Posts: 3,121
Re: My life as a male model [Re: Scarfmeister]
    #3279500 - 10/26/04 02:58 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

What possessed you to cross-post this?


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The only thing that burns in Hell is the part of you that won't let go of life, your memories, your attachments. They burn them all away. But they're not punishing you, they're freeing your soul. So, if you're frightened of dying and you're holding on, you'll see devils tearing your life away, but if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth...

bloodflower6

Yay for Pornography!


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InvisibleMOTH
Wild Woman
 User Gallery

Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,360
Loc: In the jungle
Re: My life as a male model [Re: Scarfmeister]
    #3279512 - 10/26/04 03:01 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

Thank you for sharing your life story!  :smile2:


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OfflineViveka
refutation bias
 User Gallery

Registered: 10/21/02
Posts: 4,061
Last seen: 2 months, 6 days
Re: My life as a male model [Re: Scarfmeister]
    #3280232 - 10/26/04 05:51 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

That's a laugh riot! I liked it.

Who wrote it?


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OfflineTetsu0
tragedy

Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 30
Loc: Tampa Bay, Florida
Last seen: 10 years, 9 months
Re: My life as a male model [Re: Viveka]
    #3280573 - 10/26/04 07:10 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

Pure genius


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Offlinebrowndustin
dustybuddy

Registered: 10/03/03
Posts: 2,957
Last seen: 2 years, 7 months
Re: My life as a male model [Re: Tetsu0]
    #3280754 - 10/26/04 08:00 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

lol, that was hilarious. But I've just got to ask, what the fuck? :grin:


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When the stress burns my brain it's like acid raindrops
maryjane is the only thing that makes the pain stop


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OfflineRebirtha
I really like bread
Male User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 09/22/03
Posts: 5,680
Loc: over there
Last seen: 8 days, 40 minutes
Re: My life as a male model [Re: browndustin]
    #3280831 - 10/26/04 08:24 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

hahah. i loved this :smile:


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OfflineDimmy
Josephacetious
 User Gallery

Registered: 08/18/04
Posts: 903
Loc: Georgia
Last seen: 4 years, 4 months
Re: My life as a male model [Re: browndustin]
    #3280942 - 10/26/04 08:51 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

very entertaining


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:goose:


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OfflineIrishGuy
The Mean Green

Registered: 09/17/04
Posts: 39
Loc: The bottom of Time
Last seen: 11 years, 11 months
Re: My life as a male model [Re: Dimmy]
    #3330941 - 11/07/04 09:13 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

holy fuck flack that was weird


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OfflineMitchnast
Trial by Madness
Male User Gallery Arcade Champion: Mahjong

Registered: 10/28/99
Posts: 8,572
Loc: Okanagan Flag
Last seen: 3 days, 23 hours
Re: My life as a male model [Re: Scarfmeister]
    #3331009 - 11/07/04 09:31 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

"Girls at school just wouldn't leave me alone. I remember one time when I was twelve the teacher held me after class and spanked me. I got a hard on that tore threw my jeans like some ancient beast rising from the dead after millenia of hibernation. She sucked my dick and it was like cherry magic so I exploded almost instantly all over her glasses and the chalk board. And then I fucked her on the floor, raw.

After that things were never the same. "


oh you sweet stud, youre turnin me gay!


--------------------


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Offlinefaslimy
Dead Man
 User Gallery
Registered: 04/04/04
Posts: 3,436
Last seen: 11 months, 11 days
Re: My life as a male model [Re: Mitchnast]
    #3331835 - 11/08/04 01:45 AM (12 years, 1 month ago)

hahahahahhaha  :grin:


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OfflineCaRnAgECaNdYS
Tool's groupie
Female User Gallery

Registered: 04/09/04
Posts: 11,505
Loc: Billy Howerdel's closet
Last seen: 1 month, 13 days
Re: My life as a male model [Re: Scarfmeister]
    #3331941 - 11/08/04 02:39 AM (12 years, 1 month ago)

Haha :thumbup:
I love it!


--------------------

The secret to being funny is to say smart things stupidly, or is it stupid things smartly? Whatever..it's not rocket surgery...or something like that.


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