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Invisiblegettinjiggywithit
jiggy
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Registered: 07/20/04
Posts: 7,469
Loc: Heart of Laughter
The Teachings of Zen
    #3263025 - 10/22/04 12:56 AM (12 years, 1 month ago)

The Road to Enlightenment - The Teachings of Zen

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me,
for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In
fact, just f**k off and leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a
flat tyre.

3. The darkest hour is just before dawn. So if you're going to steal
your neighbor's milk, that's the time to do it.

4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.

5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be
promoted.

6. No one is listening until you fart.

7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

9. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a
couple of mortgage payments.

10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their
shoes.

11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was
probably worth it.

14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.

16. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes
from bad judgment.

18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put
it back in your pocket.


20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side,
and it holds the universe together.

21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are
moving.

23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.


--------------------
Ahuwale ka nane huna.


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InvisibleHuehuecoyotl
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Re: The Teachings of Zen [Re: gettinjiggywithit]
    #3266360 - 10/23/04 12:54 AM (12 years, 1 month ago)

You been reading too much Jack Handy...


--------------------
"A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda


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InvisibleHuehuecoyotl
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Re: The Teachings of Zen *DELETED* [Re: Huehuecoyotl]
    #3266374 - 10/23/04 12:58 AM (12 years, 1 month ago)

Post deleted by Huehuecoyotl


--------------------
"A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda


Edited by Huehuecoyotl (10/23/04 01:09 AM)


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Invisiblegettinjiggywithit
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Posts: 7,469
Loc: Heart of Laughter
Re: The Teachings of Zen [Re: Huehuecoyotl]
    #3266408 - 10/23/04 01:05 AM (12 years, 1 month ago)

I didn't make these up, I just found it elsewhere and pasted it here for laughs. Now and again, I have to see humor in this stuff and laugh at it. I think it's healthy. Maybe I am just warped.

The first one cracks me up.


--------------------
Ahuwale ka nane huna.


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Invisibleninjapixie
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Re: The Teachings of Zen [Re: gettinjiggywithit]
    #3267019 - 10/23/04 06:40 AM (12 years, 1 month ago)

lol classic

Don't get 14 though.


Give a man a fire and he'll stay warm for a night.
Set a man on fire and he'll stay warm for the rest of his life.


--------------------
Put that monkey back in the oven.


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OfflineHambo
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Registered: 09/23/04
Posts: 497
Loc: UK
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
Re: The Teachings of Zen [Re: ninjapixie]
    #3267145 - 10/23/04 08:32 AM (12 years, 1 month ago)

Point 1. Most amusing.


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OfflineRedEyeSamurai
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Registered: 10/20/04
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Loc: The Valley
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
Re: The Teachings of Zen [Re: Hambo]
    #3268377 - 10/23/04 05:36 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

I think point 14 has to do with when you tell lies you gotta remember them to not get caught in them later. You speakk the truth and you dont have to concern yourself with thought heavy deciet.


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