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aliaarhus
Master of allshrooms
Registered: 01/18/04
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Loc: Denmark
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Losing My Religion
#3209135 - 10/03/04 04:57 AM (19 years, 5 months ago) |
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A couple of weeks ago I wrote an essay (3 pages) about my life, religion, mushrooms and LSD. And here it is, hope you'll enjoy it
Losing My Religion I was born in the Middle East in a very religious family. I have followed Islam since I was a little kid, but suddenly I decided to quit the religion back when I was 17, even though it was a very big part of my life. I can?t really put words on what happened in my mind, I just felt myself as a slave for a God whose existence has never been proven to anyone.
My mother hired four imams (Muslim priests) just to make me change my mind and reconvert to Islam. She was afraid that I would make a big mess in my life and then regret it. That?s a very typical thought for a Muslim - for a Muslim there is no other reality than the reality which Islam gives you when you are being raised with the religion. Once you quit the religion your life will be complete nonsense, both in your own head and in the eyes of others.
My mother is a very religious woman and has a very personal relationship to Islam; therefore she just can?t understand my thoughts because she is isolated from the world?s reality by the reality of Islam. I still respect the religion even though I decided to quit it and denied all of its allegations and theories on God?s words and the human existence.
When I decided to quit the religion I realized that religion is an important thing in people?s lives. A religion is something that gives people hope and meaning. Your life won?t be meaningless any longer when you have joined a religion. It gives you answers on what is going to happen to you once you die, and at the same time it has a law that tells you how to act in the world if you want to be a part of heaven. It makes sense to many people, but it just didn?t make sense to me. To me it felt very absurd and ridiculous to know that if I didn?t follow the law of the religion, I actually was making my way directly to hell. I didn?t like the feeling that took over my body every time I did something wrong, which is stamped as reprehensible in the religion. I was always afraid because I knew that God was watching me and my actions 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I couldn?t have a private life; I couldn?t be completely alone in the world, and that annoyed me a lot.
I also realized that religion was a way to control a community in the same way as the government does today. 1400 years ago you couldn?t control a country in the same way as today, because no one possessed the authority and power to make people act exactly as you wanted them to. In this case religion was a very effective way to control people: One ?God?, the creator of the universe, was watching all of us. He knew what we were doing, and he was going to judge all of us. The humans created an illusion of a powerful God, and the citizens believed in it. They believed that someone (e.g. Jesus, Mohammed, etc.) had talked to God, and that God told the person concerned that the people of the world had to follow a law. If they did so, they would get access to heaven - the most beautiful and peaceful place in the universe. Otherwise, they were going to be thrown into the warmest and most horrible place in the entire universe: Hell.
That frightened a huge part of the world, and people believed in it. Since then religions grew and got more powerful than ever before. They were very effective, and every single person in the world simply had to believe in it if he didn?t want to be killed and be judged by God when he died? which would be a horrible ever-lasting experience.
After I got these thoughts, I was suddenly able to see through the religious system. I told my mother and the imams about my thoughts, and they then told me that I was possessed by an evil spirit - by Satan himself. It was very hard for me not to believe in what they said to me, but I never gave up. They kept telling me that the worst thing I could do was to quit Islam, because that was something that God just didn?t want to see his own people do - that would make him judge me even harder than anyone else in the world. I was very afraid, and for about six months I was considering suicide, just to get away from the effective religious brain wash. But I couldn?t do that? I couldn?t get away from my fear of God, either while I was living or when I was dead. If I committed suicide I could be wrong and then meet God, who would torture me forever. I was forced to live and suffer because of my thoughts. There was absolutely nothing to do about it.
I had a friend who told me that magic mushrooms and acid (LSD) were drugs that were able to put me into a mystical and religious experience which could help me out with my thoughts. I read a lot about these drugs and tried them in small doses, just to sense the psychedelic world. Some months later I was thinking of consuming a huge dose of both drugs at once.
I consumed the huge doses. In the trip I met a good spirit and an evil spirit who talked to me about my life, my family and my religion. They killed me so my soul could be free and fly into the enormous universe. I died. My ego died. I got detached from my body and my senses. I was lying safely in my bed and couldn?t move, smell, see, hear or anything. My soul had left my ego and was set free. I didn?t know who I was or where I was. There was nothing called ?me?, and I couldn?t stop the experience and say to myself that I had ingested big amounts of two very powerful psychedelic drugs. The experience was 100% real and was hard to deny.
The spirits took my soul with them into outer space where ?I? (my soul) saw billions of stars. I also saw a circle that looked like a black crack in the universe. The spirits had taken my soul to the circle and wanted me to fly into it? they would stay outside and wait for me. And I did that.
In the circle I experienced an indescribable divinity, which you just can?t describe in words. All of a sudden, without being told by anyone, I knew that ?God?, as we humans call him, wasn?t a judgmental God? ?God? was pure energy. God was mystical divinity. God was the vitality of our lives and any living things among us. God was us. Nature was God, animals were Gods, Mother Earth was God, and the entire universe was God. It?s incredibly hard to explain, but this is what makes sense. This is what people had to understand in this world. But the divinity was removed from religions, where power and control are essentials; they are the motive power in Islam, Christianity and Judaism.
I gained clearness, and suddenly I could understand everything. I could understand and see how the religion affected me physically, and I could see the way out of this brainwash. After this experience, which lasted for about 2 hours, I got kicked out from the circle and back to the spirits. The spirits made some kind of a conclusion, and, before I ever noticed it, I was back into my own body again. I woke up, and I was still lying safely in my bed. The spirits disappeared and left me behind.
Today, after my amazing experience with the magic mushrooms and LSD, I have found myself. I don?t have to be addicted to a religion anymore and be in need for it just to get some meaning in my life and existence in this universe. Today, after the trip, my life makes much more sense than it did before, when Islam was an active part of my life.
In the end my mother gave up, and so did the imams. They told me that I was going to burn in hell forever and that I shall consider reconverting. I remained as strong as I was after my trip. Every time my religion and the imams annoyed me using the religion against me, I just led my thoughts in the lines of what the spirits told me. Every time I remembered that, the religion didn?t have any form of effect on me anymore.
The imams told my mother that I wanted freedom to do whatever I wanted to in this world without being punished by God. In the eyes of my mother and the priests, this was a totally wrong way to live out my life. But that was my decision, and no one could change it.
Today I believe in karma, in Gaia (Gaia = Mother Earth is ?God?) and some kind of reincarnation. I believe that everything a person does has some kind of consequences. I also believe that Mother Earth and the other planets are the real Gods in this universe - they will judge everything that happens in the universe. This also means that I think there?s some kind of parallel universes to our universe - I don?t think we are alone at all.
And last but not least, after my experience with the psychedelics, I believe that our ego will be dissolved somehow when we die. That means that nobody can say ?what will happen to me when I die?. There will not be any ?me?, and therefore no one can be judged and punished - the punishment happens while alive. So I think that our soul, the ?invisible? energy (invisible for humans, not animals and plants) that keeps us alive, will be mixed with other energies among us in this world. The energy can then be used for many things; for example to form a new soul to go into other living organisms in the universes.
This is what I believe in, and this is my own thoughts I have come to by dropping out of Islam and by getting such an amazing experience on psychedelics.
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Tasty_Smurf_House
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Re: Losing My Religion [Re: aliaarhus]
#3209164 - 10/03/04 06:01 AM (19 years, 5 months ago) |
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Awesome. Good read. Glad you enjoy your new life.
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DankBluntZ
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Re: Losing My Religion [Re: aliaarhus]
#3209193 - 10/03/04 06:41 AM (19 years, 5 months ago) |
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You are a brave soul to stand up to your religious programming, and for thinking for yourself instead of letting others tell you what to do. Good job bro , very interesting read.
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mr crisper
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Posts: 928
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Re: Losing My Religion [Re: aliaarhus]
#3209197 - 10/03/04 06:46 AM (19 years, 5 months ago) |
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that was a sweet story - thanks.
can i make a couple of points - some people have beautiful enlightening experiences on psychedelics and try to repeat the experience by taking more and more. i have been guilty of this, and found it doesn't really work that way. what you were shown and taught really only happens once, it is now up to you to absorb the gist of the experience and integrate it into your life. keep a limit on the large doses, we all have our own pace, for me, once a year is plenty. if you only ever do it once, good for you.
accept that the beliefs you hold now may also change.
i had a good laugh at the way the imam's know what god wants for you, and believe satan has you. from their point of view, it's correct. the serpent is rising within you. just its not necessarily a bad thing.
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gnrm23
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Re: Losing My Religion [Re: aliaarhus]
#3209500 - 10/03/04 10:21 AM (19 years, 5 months ago) |
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"the most important thing that i have learned from these experiences is that reality is not one, it is many" (dr. albert hofmann, inventor of lsd & first to synth psilocybin in a lab)
~
yes, the pressures of family and tradition sometimes are intense... there are some who came through their psychedelic experinces & entered into sufi/dervish orders... may your search for a working truth be fruitful for you... it sounds like you are doing fine... just remember that within islam there are some traditions which embrace surrender to a divine union with the one... a salaam aleikuum...
-------------------- old enough to know better not old enough to care
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MarkostheGnostic
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Re: Losing My Religion [Re: aliaarhus]
#3209544 - 10/03/04 10:46 AM (19 years, 5 months ago) |
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My own life-changing trip occurred on Independence Day 1973 and is probably archived here. What I'll suggest to you is that the 'beliefs' that you presently have are temporary intellectual conclusions to your Experience. As you grow and learn, that 'Spiritual Constitution' of beliefs that you have written in your mind will necessarily have to undergo 'Ammendments.' A tighter, smoother, more integrated synthesis of convincing Ideas takes a lifetime, so do not allow your own subjective Experience to produce an inflexible doctrine, otherwise you will have simply replaced Mohammed's Experience as [mis]interpreted by others with your own Experience a [mis]interpreted by you!
A Salaam Aleichem.
-------------------- γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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allmakescombined
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Re: Losing My Religion [Re: aliaarhus]
#3210803 - 10/03/04 06:32 PM (19 years, 5 months ago) |
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Assalaamu alaykum wa rahmatallah,
Very interesting and well written story...
Perhaps you might like to hear mine.
I am a white convert to Islam, and I became a Muslim a little over 3 years ago following a life changing trip on LSD - in fact, my story is likely quite the opposite of yours, as you appear to have left Islam as a result of psychedelics while I entered the faith because of them. While you perhaps saw unwanted judgement in your native faith, I found a much wanted meaning and mercy in Islam.
However, I will point out that your original understanding of Islam, and your mother's was/is strictly exoteric. By that, the outside Law of Islam does not represent the true reality of Allah ta'aala. While your mother may be very religious, her efforts to 'save' you by having tabligi jamaat visit you very likely completely moved you away from the religion.
The Law is not the reality. Following the mystical experiences of the Islamic mystic al-Hallaj, the young Murid cried out to Allah, "O Lord, Your reality is in condtradiction to Your Law." - this hardly means the Law is directly abusive; myself, like all Muslim mystics, I myself have come to a deeper understanding of the Law. For the literalist the Law is a means to an end, the dictator to those who make the choice to submit. The mystic on the other hand is able to identify with both the Outside and Inner Shariah. The literalist observes the outside Law because 'they have to'. The mystic observes the outside Law because they want to, whilst they observe the Inner Shariah Law because they have to. The Inner Shariah is dictated not by the Qur'an or the Sunnah, but by the Reality of Allah directly as experienced through Divine Knowledge (gnosis).
Every morning I wake up before the break of dawn to catch the Fajr salat - however, I don't do so out of fear. I do not fear Allah in the slightest as I have come to know Him. Allah has revealed to me that there is no Jannat or Jahannum, there is only Allah and the blanket of lovers who join Him. Allah has revealed to me that Islam (and essentially the Qur'an) is just another experiment of ideas like Jesus - where Allah clothed Himself in human flesh to further experience humanity - so in turn humanity can further experience Allah. What is revealed to me is a shy experience, not shattering prophecy - I am not a Prophet of God (such a claim would be pure insanity), I am only a friend of God. I only claim to know the reality of things unseen. I am no different than any other human who walks the earth. I am not a 'Chosen Mumeen' and I am not higher/better than kufr. To the mystic kufr isn't rebellion against God, kufr is a disease of the heart - the domination of the ego over the the inner world that becomes forgotten. No, Islam is not the exclusive way. There are as many ways to Allah as there are people. I will experience the same provision of Christians, Hindus, Jews, Buddhists, etc - anyone who denies the self.
The ONLY wrath in Allah is not reserved for kaffirs, but for nearly-ego dominated lovers (believers) who do evil despite belief - murder, rape, obvious crimes that must be chastized. Kaffirs become dust. Lights out. They do not enter the fold of eternal life. That is their loss. They are unable to experience eternal love because they do not understand it - so they disappear.
Allah is Love. Was and always Is. Muhammad sas knew this. However his mission was not to espouse the inner teachings to mankind. His mission was to deliver to a wing of humanity the Religious Laws of all Religious Laws.
If one looks closer at the sources of Islam, they will come to a deeper, esoteric understanding of the faith not through the Prophet, but through the companion Hadhrat Ali (radioallahu anho) - dubbed by Sufis as the first Muslim disciple of gnosis. Ali was alone with the Prophet more than any of the Shahabah. Ali too knew that the inner reality was not the outer reality that Muhammad taught. Ali would later speak of the mystical reality - this wisdom, combined with Ali's unique closeness to Muhammad, gave birth to the faction of Ali in Islam.
I am not your average Muslim. During Ramadan (which is about to arrive in less than two weeks) I plan to pray through many nights - more importantly I plan to dose some mushrooms I had stored away for awhile for a night of worship as I have done before. There ain't nothing like sejda prostration in the direct presence of Allah while, well, trippin ballz.
Peace be with you,
They don't call Allah al-Wadood for nothing.
-------------------- Get back to work.
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fungis_eata
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Re: Losing My Religion [Re: aliaarhus]
#3212586 - 10/04/04 02:22 AM (19 years, 5 months ago) |
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Very nice post man! That reminds me of my own story also.
I grew up in a very religous family. Mormon (Jesus Christ of Latter Day saints) I can remember being forced to church. When I was maybe 8-9 I used to literally hide from my teachers in the bushes outside. They beleive that their church is the only true church and that if you don't beleive what they beleive and worshop how and who they worshop, you'll go to hell. I was finally old enough to stand up to my parents and tell them my views on their church at the age of 15.
I am not a fan oof organized religion. I beleive it is a form of unnessesary brain washing/programming that divides people as a whole instead of bringing people together as one. I mean, we all come from the same place. I am very proud of myself for spotting the wrong in that at such a young age. I've always thought for myself and ALWAYS questioned authority. Otherwise you live your life as a sheep. And no body likes sheep! biiiiiiiiiiitch.
I also strongly agree with everything Mr. Crisper had to say too. I feel like I've always known the answers, I just have to uncover them. I, on the other hand, did not come across mushrooms untill way later.
~Jon~
-------------------- As I held the dark syringe close to my ear I heard a small voice, "If you build it, they will grow." With a quick jab at each jar, I injected two cc's in each. Soon enough, I was chomping on the sexiest handfull of nipples I had ever seen. A tear ran down my face. I could feel their warm touch soothing my soul. It was so beautiful that all I knew to do was cry out with laughter. All the love I had shown them was returned with the most concentrated and potent form of love known to man. great sex
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mr crisper
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your post reminded me of an old friend. neither of us grew up in religious families, never went to church after about 5 years old. we did a lot of acid and datura together when we were teenagers. i wandered off around the world, he lived on the streets for the next 5 years, til christ spoke to him in a vision and he joined the mormons! these days he seems quite happy and settled, i can see it was a good thing for him. funny how it can work both ways.
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gnrm23
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al hallaj... still revered as a saint, even by many orthodox muslims... and yet he was martyred, flayed alive & crucified, by the orthodox... for the "blasphemies" uttered during the union of the lover with the beloved... and cried out not, until a fellow of his circle struck him with a rose...
and still there are indeed many friends of god... some will wear patched wooled robes... and some not...
salaam shalom peace namaste blessed be ave never thirst shanti om
-------------------- old enough to know better not old enough to care
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allmakescombined
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Re: Losing My Religion [Re: gnrm23]
#3215314 - 10/04/04 06:41 PM (19 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
gnrm23 said: al hallaj... still revered as a saint, even by many orthodox muslims... and yet he was martyred, flayed alive & crucified, by the orthodox... for the "blasphemies" uttered during the union of the lover with the beloved... and cried out not, until a fellow of his circle struck him with a rose...
and still there are indeed many friends of god... some will wear patched wooled robes... and some not...
salaam shalom peace namaste blessed be ave never thirst shanti om
Yes - and even more similiar to the Christ in mind of Hallaj was his persisting forgiveness towards the Orthodox - 'Ya Allah, they know not what they do,'. The Hallaj made the mistake of espousing what the Orthodox could not understand. The orthodox understand not, so they are not the friends of God. They are still loved by the Beloved, and they still love the Beloved - but they will not understand what Hallaj understood until the moment of liberation at death. The murids of tasawwuf keep a rule of the thumb in mind - There is no Dawah of the inner teachings, only the outer teachings. The outer teachings are for the simple minds; but those of the outer teachings cannot be dismissed because this breaks the unity of brotherhood. Hallaj made the mistake of betraying the brotherhood. May God forgive both the Hallaj and the exoterics who murdered him. The body must be mindful of the outside law, and the heart must be mindful of the inner law. If only one teaching is observed, the lover is falling short. In balance there is perfection. These are the friends.
Btw, are you Sufi/Kabbalist/Gnostic? You are wise!
Salam
-------------------- Get back to work.
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zooidfluid
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Re: Losing My Religion [Re: aliaarhus]
#3215800 - 10/04/04 08:40 PM (19 years, 5 months ago) |
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excellent
-------------------- Artists percieve and shape the next vibrations of evolution
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gnrm23
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i dunno about "wise", friend... but i do like to read, and i do have a lasting interest in what lies on the other side of "the veil"... i have in the past sat in open lectures presented by the late pir o murshid vilayat inayat khan, and attended workshops presented by a jewish sufi (we chanted "shalom" heh...) but i am not a mureed... i have read sufi literatue, and gnostic texts & such... (my hebrew knowledge will not currently support serious exploration of kabbalah, but perhaps someday (well, i do have a hebrew-english dictionary & a pentateuch in hebrew & english, but - not today for me, hehheh...)
~
commune leader (the farm, summerhill, TN) stephen gaskin has been actually initiated into several & various ummmm "orders" (as well as runninbg into the occasional "leader" looking only to shear the sheep, mmmkay?) anyways, he said (a few years ago) that the total number of humans alive "right now" is equal to the total number added up of all human beings who heve ever lived, right back to the ur-buddha of homa sapiens like 100,000 years ago... and, if statistical distribution of human types is "random" across time as well as space (as it seems like it ought to be)... well then, right now there are living among us (being who ARE "us") spritually advanced human beings equal in number to ALL the enlightened beings who ever lived in history & prehistory... avatars & avataras, awakened ones and annointed ones & prophets & perfect masters & gurus & saviors of every flavor imaginable... the time is now the place is here the people is all of us we are "this season's people"
~
i have a very dear friend who once professed being an atheist... i asked her if she was absolutely certain as to the non-existence of "god" (or other label for the cosmic entity/deity/prime mover/whatever)... & since she had to answer "no", i informed her that she was, in fact, an agnostic... heh... ~ now "spirit" --- almost anybody can feel spirit flow... all you have to do is allow quiet to stop the constant "monkey-chatter" of our little monkey-minds & just... stop & listen...
sometimes this is called "not-two"...
anyways, don't "throw out the baby with the bathwater" folks...or something like that, hehheh...
"ahimsa" should be right at the top of everybody's list...
-------------------- old enough to know better not old enough to care
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gnrm23
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Re: Losing My Religion [Re: aliaarhus]
#3217773 - 10/05/04 10:48 AM (19 years, 5 months ago) |
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oh, and if al hallaj were to return today, saying now what he said then... he would run afoul of the authorities, and might well be martyred by the keepers of the orthodoxy...
~
as has been said of jesus as well, were he to return (as a human man among the sons of men; this vs. the one who's return will signal an end to time and history)... and so to the many others who died for saying aloud their interpretation of : i am that thou art that all this is that
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~
-------------------- old enough to know better not old enough to care
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allmakescombined
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Re: Losing My Religion [Re: gnrm23]
#3217947 - 10/05/04 11:47 AM (19 years, 5 months ago) |
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There is no He but He. There is no Thou but Thou. There is no I but Thee. There is no god but Allah. Everything is perishing except His face. It is He who put forth movement so that movement may fall in Love with the Mover. Ya Kamal! Ya Khaliq! Ya Wadood! Ya Badi! Ya Hamid! Ya Rabbil! Ya Allah! Beautiful post. The Hallaj, like Jesus, the Prophet of the Inner world, embodied Truth and Formless Reality in the Form of flesh. Ruh Allah. Logos in flesh. The Loving part that mixes with the veil of lovers. Praise be to God, and may He bless you my dear friend.
-------------------- Get back to work.
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gnrm23
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Re:sufi stories [Re: aliaarhus]
#3218004 - 10/05/04 12:02 PM (19 years, 5 months ago) |
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one who would be a lover of god knocked at the door of the beloved... from within came the query: "who is it that knocks?" when he replied "it is i, who would be united with my beloved", came the response: "there is no room for thee within" after time and time had passed, again approached the lover to the door of the beloved, and knocking again, heard: "who is it that knocks?" when he replied from the depths of his being "it is thou", opened wide was the door, with the welcome in his ears: "enter, friend of god!" ~~~~ oh, you've heard that one already? ~ (leave it to a bukwyrm to dig out a "knockin at the door story" for some one sometimes remembered as al haq (the door)...)
-------------------- old enough to know better not old enough to care
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allmakescombined
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Re:sufi stories [Re: gnrm23]
#3218091 - 10/05/04 12:15 PM (19 years, 5 months ago) |
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One of my favorite stories of non-duality. La hu ila hu! After absence of mind (ego), followed with knowledge of mysteries, O that is illumination of the heart!
La anta ila anta.
'Ya Rabbil (O Lord) allow me to decrease so that you may increase'.
The greeting of God's door to the lover when he has passed the test of non-duality, "Peace be upon you! Dwell within me. I am your treasure."
Moses said, "I condemn not the ways of zikr (remembrace)."
Moses said, "Shame not those who have an abudance of Love, and those who say,"
"O Lord, Rabbil, Ya Allah, I want to bring You a pillow for comfort, I want to massage and rub Your feet, I want to bring You warm milk. I want to kiss You, O Allah, gently on Your cheek. I am in Love!"
There is no salvation for the soul except to fall in Love.
-------------------- Get back to work.
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gnrm23
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Re: Losing My Religion [Re: aliaarhus]
#3219255 - 10/05/04 05:12 PM (19 years, 5 months ago) |
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now, as to losing your religion... some folks are compelled to leave (or grow out of) the comfortable truths given to us as children... and some grow deeper into their faith... some (few?) have no interest whatsoever in delving into the realm of spirit... and some seek their own path, one closer to their heart of hearts... (to strive without ceasing, some seekers... check out kazantzakis' _the saviors of god_ for a remarkable rendering of one brilliant man's musings on the soul's struggling)... being born as a human being is a wonderful opportunity, the buddhists tell us... let us all make the most of it...
-------------------- old enough to know better not old enough to care
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MarkostheGnostic
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Yes indeedie. gnrm23 IS a wise man and a wise guy to be guided by. For real. Hey gnrm23 - we really must chat one of these days!
-MtG
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gnrm23
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"oh, a wise guy, eh? spread out! you heard the man... are you tryin' to kill us all? nyuk nyuk nyuk"
~
(attributed to larry, curly, & moe, mid-20th century professional buffoons)
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gnrm23
Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 08/29/99
Posts: 6,488
Loc: n. e. OH, USSA
Last seen: 5 months, 11 days
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Re: a real wise guy - dr sagan [Re: aliaarhus]
#3222194 - 10/06/04 10:42 AM (19 years, 5 months ago) |
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for a true wise human being who abandoned any sense of a teleological universe, and any residue of belief in the "god" of judaism, christianity, islam... check out the writings of the late lamented dr carl sagan... his philosophical position might have been characterized as agnostic (verging on atheist); but, his sense of awe and wonder at the incredibly large universe (and his desire to do right by our fellow creatures and the planet we share) we seem to find ourselves immersed in, has always been (for me) an inspiration and a shining example of the "spiritual possibilities" of, well, "secular humanism"... ~ so... wise up wise off wise ass wise acre wizened visage weisenheimer weiskopf whys&wherefores ~ Y naught whine not why knot wine hot wein ott vine out whyin' ought vyin' aught ... (& g'bye to our own tiny doctor tim, too)("why not? why not?")
-------------------- old enough to know better not old enough to care
Edited by gnrm23 (10/06/04 11:12 AM)
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