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OfflineSnape
Eternal Chaos
Male

Registered: 08/05/03
Posts: 2,285
Loc: Montreal, Quebec
Last seen: 2 years, 11 months
My parents are always putting me down..
    #3178574 - 09/25/04 12:25 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Hello, it's the first time I have a real big problem that needed to be discussed.

My entire life is music. I constantly read about music, I play guitar, I have two bands... And I barely have time for my job and my parents want me to become a workaholic like them. They are so materialist, it's disgusting. When they dissaprove with something I do, they always put me down, telling me that I'll live in a tiny apartment smoking pot and drinking beer all the time. I know it'll never be the case, because I stopped smoking everything a while ago.

They seem to be sewn in their stereotypes, it gets so on my nerves, you can't know how much !! I know me and my bandmates can make it big, we have the talent, the energy, the passion and most importantly, the will to succeed. I know I'm not the first one to say that kind of stuff, but it's only when you put your arms down that you realize all else failed. And I can't allow it to fail, I just can't.

So right now I need to keep on "not smoking" and focusing on my music, without hearing the horrible comments from my close-minded parents.

What do you all think?


--------------------
I'm floating in the sea of stars,
I'm drifting away from the shore
I will be lost in the dream when the dark days come
But I will make the time run backwards and
I'll make the stars shine again


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OfflineLocus
Male

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 03/11/04
Posts: 6,103
Loc: ny/europe/other
Last seen: 6 days, 7 hours
Re: My parents are always putting me down.. [Re: Snape]
    #3178631 - 09/25/04 12:52 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

i have a similar situation dude. my parents are like yours and i love music just like you, its my life. though im not in a band at the moment, and thats killin me. but i think my parents are probably a lot worse. i wont get into it though. actually i dont really have any advice because im struggling myself. I just wanted to say it's a bit similar to some aspects i have in my life. so i can relate a bit. good luck bro.


--------------------

The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity. ~ Albert Einstein
"Fear is the great barrier to human growth." ~ Dr. Robert Monroe



~~~*Dosis sola facit venenum*~~~

*Check my profile to listen to my music* :smile:


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OfflineMAGnum
veteran

Registered: 07/08/04
Posts: 2,421
Last seen: 5 years, 11 months
Re: My parents are always putting me down.. [Re: Locus]
    #3178667 - 09/25/04 01:13 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Your parents don't beat you so they aren't that bad.

My Mom didn't like my guitar skills much either. I have almost perfected screaming as singing and she used to hate me practicing.

Neighbors calling the cops for us disurbing the peace didn't help either.


--------------------
Agent 727
7


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OfflineLocus
Male

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 03/11/04
Posts: 6,103
Loc: ny/europe/other
Last seen: 6 days, 7 hours
Re: My parents are always putting me down.. [Re: MAGnum]
    #3178763 - 09/25/04 01:45 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

yes, actually my parents did beat me. im old enough and strong enough now where i can defend myself though, to the best of my ability. and thats with a chronic pain problem that keeps me bedridden and stuck in this house. so don't tell me that. you have no idea. WTF magnum.


--------------------

The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity. ~ Albert Einstein
"Fear is the great barrier to human growth." ~ Dr. Robert Monroe



~~~*Dosis sola facit venenum*~~~

*Check my profile to listen to my music* :smile:


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OfflineMAGnum
veteran

Registered: 07/08/04
Posts: 2,421
Last seen: 5 years, 11 months
Re: My parents are always putting me down.. [Re: Locus]
    #3178775 - 09/25/04 01:53 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

I was adressing to Snape's situation.

I didn't mean for the reply to go to you (I got the impression it was like that with you and I made a mistack with the "reply to" option).

I never got beat, but I have put up with tremendous verbal/emotional bullshit and have come out loving those people anyways.

If my father was actually in my life I would have probably gotten the shit smacked out of me since he used to beat my Mom. Who knows, man I really didn't mean to offend you Locus, I would never reply to what you said in that way.


--------------------
Agent 727
7


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OfflineLocus
Male

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 03/11/04
Posts: 6,103
Loc: ny/europe/other
Last seen: 6 days, 7 hours
Re: My parents are always putting me down.. [Re: MAGnum]
    #3178780 - 09/25/04 01:56 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Ok, good because that got me really upset. I never tell anyone this stuff, and that's just the tip of the iceberg. I've basically lived on the brink of suicide for the past 5 years.

It's ok man.


--------------------

The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity. ~ Albert Einstein
"Fear is the great barrier to human growth." ~ Dr. Robert Monroe



~~~*Dosis sola facit venenum*~~~

*Check my profile to listen to my music* :smile:


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OfflineMAGnum
veteran

Registered: 07/08/04
Posts: 2,421
Last seen: 5 years, 11 months
Re: My parents are always putting me down.. [Re: Locus]
    #3178809 - 09/25/04 02:07 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Shit man, that's rough. The stresses I have gone through have made me suicidal at times as well. I can only immagine your situations.

All I have to say is hang in there.


--------------------
Agent 727
7


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OfflineAmericaNightmare
fiend

Registered: 02/24/03
Posts: 1,195
Loc: The Hyacinth House
Last seen: 11 years, 2 months
Re: My parents are always putting me down.. [Re: Snape]
    #3178810 - 09/25/04 02:08 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

hey man, just hang with it. thats all i can tell you, i mean, music is my life, just like it sounds with you. i have a band thats starting to get really well known in the local scene, im in the process of starting an indie record label, and now my thumb got mangled in a machine. (theres a thread about it in here somewhere) its tough shit man, but if you really love what your doing, you just have to power on through it and keep going for no one else but yourself.

my parents have supported me along the way, spotting me money for insurance on venues, helping me fix amps, etc. , but i know how you must feel. the guitarist in my band has a similar problem, except for him his dad was a jazz drummer that worked with elton john and shit, and his dad doesnt respect anything musical my guitarist has accomplished. that might be worse than your parents being total squares and not understanding.
but to succeed in music, you arentr doing this for your parents, no ones parents wholeheartedly want thier kid to become a professional musician, my parents see it as a hobby thier supporting me in. if you want to be pro, your doing it for yourself, and your bandmates.
so fuck them, and just keep on keepin on.


--------------------
Now, if I accept Jesus into my heart, I'll get to walk beside him in the Kingdom of Heaven. Did you hear what I said? Walk beside him in the Kingdom of Heaven. Well, kiss my crippled ass. God is listening. What a crock of shit.
--Lieutenant Dan


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Invisiblelooner2
ABBA fan

Registered: 06/20/04
Posts: 3,849
Re: My parents are always putting me down.. [Re: Snape]
    #3178915 - 09/25/04 02:53 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Let me guess.... your 22, living at home, no job, your mom cooks for you every meal, but dude, YOUR GOING TO MAKE IT BIG ONE DAY!


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OfflineLocus
Male

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 03/11/04
Posts: 6,103
Loc: ny/europe/other
Last seen: 6 days, 7 hours
Re: My parents are always putting me down.. [Re: MAGnum]
    #3179066 - 09/25/04 03:48 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

fuck, now im really upset. not because of you though. just a lot of bullshit is going on, and a lot just happened, and i cant fucking take it. these things happen all the time. There's no way out. I can't.. :frown: Sorry snape, im done posting in here.


--------------------

The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity. ~ Albert Einstein
"Fear is the great barrier to human growth." ~ Dr. Robert Monroe



~~~*Dosis sola facit venenum*~~~

*Check my profile to listen to my music* :smile:


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OfflineKidShelleen
watch thesensations
Registered: 09/20/04
Posts: 88
Last seen: 10 years, 9 months
Re: My parents are always putting me down.. [Re: Snape]
    #3179108 - 09/25/04 04:06 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Snape,

It could be worse. At least your parents give a shit about what happens to you. Some don't.

Your parents are probably trying to help you in the best way they know how. Maybe they aren't very skilled at it and maybe they don't understand the importance to you of what you are trying to do and maybe they don't understand any values other than their own. But there is a good chance they understand a few things you don't. They probably understand how few musicians there are that make a decent living making music. They probably understand that drifting from one crappy minimum wage job to the next while you try and make your music career happen will make it very difficult for you to ever do any better than that if your music career doesn't take off. And they probably understand that while being dirt poor when you are young is not so bad, being dirt poor when you get old is fucking hell and by then you can't do shit about it. Knowing this shit makes them afraid for you. Being afraid for you and having you not understand why they are afraid for you makes them frustrated and pissed off.

Maybe you can make some kind of contract with them like "get off my back for one year and if by the end of that year my band hasn't burned a cd or played 10 paying gigs (or some other measure of progress) then I'll quit one of the bands, get a full time job (or whatever it is that they think you should be doing)". That way they can feel that they are doing their duty as parents and you have a chance to prove that you are for real about your career in music.

KS


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OfflineSnape
Eternal Chaos
Male

Registered: 08/05/03
Posts: 2,285
Loc: Montreal, Quebec
Last seen: 2 years, 11 months
Re: My parents are always putting me down.. [Re: Snape]
    #3183633 - 09/26/04 09:31 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Thank you everyone for the advice. My power-metal band is especially going extremely well, we have completed our 25 mins setlist for a battle of the bands show called Emergenza. My parents are still bitching and moaning and calling me names I won't mention here, but I go through it, I don't give a shit about them. I found a way of finding inner-peace in me, I started taking Northern Shaolin kung fu classes.


--------------------
I'm floating in the sea of stars,
I'm drifting away from the shore
I will be lost in the dream when the dark days come
But I will make the time run backwards and
I'll make the stars shine again


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Invisiblelooner2
ABBA fan

Registered: 06/20/04
Posts: 3,849
Re: My parents are always putting me down.. [Re: Snape]
    #3183988 - 09/26/04 11:08 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Snape said:
Thank you everyone for the advice. My power-metal band is especially going extremely well, we have completed our 25 mins setlist for a battle of the bands show called Emergenza. My parents are still bitching and moaning and calling me names I won't mention here, but I go through it, I don't give a shit about them. I found a way of finding inner-peace in me, I started taking Northern Shaolin kung fu classes.




How old are you? Your living at home, under their expenses, yet you "don't give a shit about them". I can't see why they have a problem with you.... hmmm.


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OfflineSnape
Eternal Chaos
Male

Registered: 08/05/03
Posts: 2,285
Loc: Montreal, Quebec
Last seen: 2 years, 11 months
Re: My parents are always putting me down.. [Re: looner2]
    #3184018 - 09/26/04 11:17 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

I'm 19, I don't have much of a well-paid job to get an appt, trust me, if I could go away from them I would. Just read my original post if you want to see why they have a problem with me.


--------------------
I'm floating in the sea of stars,
I'm drifting away from the shore
I will be lost in the dream when the dark days come
But I will make the time run backwards and
I'll make the stars shine again


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OfflineBarbi
Plastic Person

Registered: 04/22/02
Posts: 12,976
Last seen: 13 years, 17 days
Re: My parents are always putting me down.. [Re: Snape]
    #3185078 - 09/27/04 04:38 AM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Maybe you should wake up and join the real world. The world that says you have little to no chance to be able to survive as a 'starving artist'.

Go get a job, move out, do what you want then.


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OfflineSnape
Eternal Chaos
Male

Registered: 08/05/03
Posts: 2,285
Loc: Montreal, Quebec
Last seen: 2 years, 11 months
Re: My parents are always putting me down.. [Re: Barbi]
    #3185473 - 09/27/04 09:09 AM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

mndfreeze said:
Maybe you should wake up and join the real world. The world that says you have little to no chance to be able to survive as a 'starving artist'.

Go get a job, move out, do what you want then.




You know I don't listen to people like you, why bother giving me advice?


--------------------
I'm floating in the sea of stars,
I'm drifting away from the shore
I will be lost in the dream when the dark days come
But I will make the time run backwards and
I'll make the stars shine again


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OfflineUncleMike
Visionary
Male

Registered: 05/18/03
Posts: 964
Loc: S.W. Virginia
Last seen: 8 years, 11 months
Re: My parents are always putting me down.. [Re: Snape]
    #3185754 - 09/27/04 11:49 AM (13 years, 1 month ago)

the best thing you can do for yourself is get a job that pays enough to move out. They will control you if you don't. I lived too long with my parents. Soon they told me everything to do they even told me how I was to spend the money I made.

Every job I got was not good enough for my father. My mother on the other hand wanted to keep her baby at home. My father thought (and still does)he was better at all things. No matter what I did. Soon I just gave up and did everything to hurt him and in the long run ended up runing my own life. Now I'm finally standing on my own and I really don't give a shit what he thinks. I am finally happy. I just wonder what my life would have been like if I had moved out after graduation.

Do whatever you can to grt out on your own. They will end up killing your dreams.


--------------------
Live each day like it will be your last, tomorrow my never come.
SporeSmart


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OfflineBarbi
Plastic Person

Registered: 04/22/02
Posts: 12,976
Last seen: 13 years, 17 days
Re: My parents are always putting me down.. [Re: Snape]
    #3186235 - 09/27/04 02:17 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Snape said:
Quote:

mndfreeze said:
Maybe you should wake up and join the real world. The world that says you have little to no chance to be able to survive as a 'starving artist'.

Go get a job, move out, do what you want then.




You know I don't listen to people like you, why bother giving me advice?




"people like me"

That must mean the people who tell you how things really are, and not just what you want to hear. No sympathy for ADULT aged KIDS who live at home and wonder why mommy and daddy bitch at them to go get a job and stop being slackass fuckoff's. If your music was SO important to you, you would be doing everything you could to do it, including NOT living at home.


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OfflineSnape
Eternal Chaos
Male

Registered: 08/05/03
Posts: 2,285
Loc: Montreal, Quebec
Last seen: 2 years, 11 months
Re: My parents are always putting me down.. [Re: Barbi]
    #3186327 - 09/27/04 02:44 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

mndfreeze said:
Quote:

Snape said:
Quote:

mndfreeze said:
Maybe you should wake up and join the real world. The world that says you have little to no chance to be able to survive as a 'starving artist'.

Go get a job, move out, do what you want then.




You know I don't listen to people like you, why bother giving me advice?




"people like me"

That must mean the people who tell you how things really are, and not just what you want to hear. No sympathy for ADULT aged KIDS who live at home and wonder why mommy and daddy bitch at them to go get a job and stop being slackass fuckoff's. If your music was SO important to you, you would be doing everything you could to do it, including NOT living at home.




What the fuck do you think I'm trying to do? You really think I just sit back and wait until an apartment falls from the sky for me to live in? I asked for advice in this forum, I don't need your stupid OTDish bitching.


--------------------
I'm floating in the sea of stars,
I'm drifting away from the shore
I will be lost in the dream when the dark days come
But I will make the time run backwards and
I'll make the stars shine again


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InvisibleMOTH
Wild Woman
 User Gallery

Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,391
Loc: In the jungle
Re: My parents are always putting me down.. [Re: Snape]
    #3186372 - 09/27/04 03:06 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Hey,

I can relate.  My parents were always very negative and emotionally invalidating and cruel, and in some situations resorted to physical violence.  What I realize now (many years later) is that they were parenting the only way they knew how.  They had good intentions, and while I didn't think so at the time, I realized that they treated me that way because they loved me.  It sounds strange, but it was absolutely true. 

This didn't make their actions right and I am still trying to move past everything with them, but I've forgiven them because I know they thought they were doing the right thing...even if they weren't.  I fully admit that I was a terrible daughter.  I expected them to respect me, but I rarely gave that respect back in return.  I was very, very selfish in my relationship with them.  I shudder to remember it and I wish I could change the past.

I don't claim to understand your relationship with your parents, but perhaps the same type of thing is going on. 

I can only suggest to move out ASAP.  If they are being really horrible, you owe it to yourself and them to get the hell out of there.  One day you may want to have a meaningful relationship with your parents and living there right now and fighting with them only compromises this.  I can never take back the things I said to my parents, and they can never reverse the torment I went through under their roof.  I regret each and every month I spent there when I could have gotten my shit together and moved out.  Living with my parents after maturity and fighting with them has made my life so much more difficult, even years later.  We're all still trying to heal the damage done on both sides. 

I know you said you're looking to move out, and that's good to hear.  There's two sides to every story, and your parents probably don't even realize how they're hurting you, but at the same time, are you doing everything you could do as a son?  Respect goes both ways, as I'm sure you know.  I'm glad you found martial arts as a useful outlet to ease your frustration...good for you. 

Definately keep looking for a place of your own.  Empathy for your parents could help you understand where they are coming from.  I'm not saying to excuse their hurtful actions, but gaining a new perspective is always a useful tool in our relationships with others. 

Good luck and never give up on your dreams.  :heart:


*me*


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