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Offlineiguana
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Registered: 09/24/04
Posts: 9
Last seen: 10 years, 7 months
partner has no sex drive
    #3176315 - 09/24/04 08:21 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

I have had this problem for the past 2 years and my boyfriend and I have been going out for 2 1/2 years. Basically, he has very little sex drive. He says he is still in love with me and all other aspects of the relationship are great. He is affectionate and he says that there is nothing he resents me over that is causing the problem. I have done some research on organic vs psychological causes and apparantly with organic causes the drive disappears slowly which is how it happened with us. On the other hand he is able to have sex successfully ie with a full erection, when he does. He does not masturbate, look at porn or have sex dreams, and I beleive him when he says he is not seeing anyone else. I have decided the most obvious reason is that he is a chronic pot smoker. I found out apparently gonadotropin hormone is affected by pot and ginseng helps with this and he agreed to take ginseng. Things improved very much with the ginseng (from once a month to once a week for quite a few months) and then he decided to go off the ginseng - he said he didn't want to take it forever - and it went back to once a month again. He has agreed to take it again and he has been for the past 2 months and things are still bad.

It is really hard to talk to him about the issue as he gets very defensive. It was really hard to get him to take the ginseng. He gets really moody and pissed off when I bring it up. Though I can't handle it anymore. I was ready to leave before things got better. I am nearly ready to leave again. I feel sexually frustrated, I can never initiate sex and I feel unattractive. Is this cause to leave, am I over-reacting? Everything else about the relationship is good. Or is he being selfish not taking the initiative to consider other options when we are not having sex and he knows how much this means to me? I am afraid if I talk to him he will not want to consider any other options. Or should I wait and see if the ginseng works eventually. I don't know.


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OfflineBarbi
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Registered: 04/22/02
Posts: 12,976
Last seen: 12 years, 1 month
Re: partner has no sex drive [Re: iguana]
    #3176328 - 09/24/04 08:28 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

Viagra.

or MDMA :wink:


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OfflineDreamer987
The VerbalHerman Munster
Female

Registered: 04/15/03
Posts: 5,326
Loc: Texas
Last seen: 8 years, 11 months
Re: partner has no sex drive [Re: iguana]
    #3176331 - 09/24/04 08:30 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

have you considered...

otherwise, mabey you should talk to your boyfriend about bringing other people into the relationship to satisfy your sexual needs


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Offlineiguana
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Registered: 09/24/04
Posts: 9
Last seen: 10 years, 7 months
Re: partner has no sex drive [Re: Dreamer987]
    #3176354 - 09/24/04 08:35 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

LOL. Yeah I just bought one! It's helping a bit but I still feel pissed off at my partner. Re the other, I'm a monogomous kind of girl.


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Offlineiguana
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Registered: 09/24/04
Posts: 9
Last seen: 10 years, 7 months
Re: partner has no sex drive [Re: Barbi]
    #3176359 - 09/24/04 08:36 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

Viagra is one thing I brought up when I brought up the ginseng. He wasn't keen but I guess I could try again.


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OfflineBarbi
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Registered: 04/22/02
Posts: 12,976
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Re: partner has no sex drive [Re: iguana]
    #3176363 - 09/24/04 08:37 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

Viagra isnt going to do anything buit give him a boner.

mdma might connect you two better.

Or, go to therapy.

:smile:


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Invisibleblink
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Re: partner has no sex drive [Re: Barbi]
    #3176365 - 09/24/04 08:38 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

mndfreeze said:
or MDMA




I can barely get it up on MDMA, and you can forget about being able come...

tell him to lay off the pot :frown: .  seriously, when I quit smoking (ciggs and pot) my libido went through the roof.  I have had this same conversation with friends and it's uncanny how hardcore pot fiends loose their sex drive 9/10 times.
especially if he smokes right before you get down to it.

and if he gets defensive about it, tell him to stop whining, if he can't take a break from pot to improve your sex life, then take a break from his pot to improve your sex life  :wink:


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OfflineBarbi
Plastic Person

Registered: 04/22/02
Posts: 12,976
Last seen: 12 years, 1 month
Re: partner has no sex drive [Re: blink]
    #3176370 - 09/24/04 08:39 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

I bet there are more issues then just wanting to fuck.

mdma is a wonderful wall destroyer.


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OfflineDreamer987
The VerbalHerman Munster
Female

Registered: 04/15/03
Posts: 5,326
Loc: Texas
Last seen: 8 years, 11 months
Re: partner has no sex drive [Re: iguana]
    #3176374 - 09/24/04 08:39 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

well, than you should take your anger out on him sexually.
Get on top, start slappin him around, and sayin things like. "Who's the bitch now!"

garunteed to freak him out to the max


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OfflineMonsterMash
Mr dude
Registered: 09/24/04
Posts: 5
Loc: Vansterdam, BC
Last seen: 12 years, 2 months
Re: partner has no sex drive [Re: iguana]
    #3176375 - 09/24/04 08:40 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

I am a guy and I will give you an honest guys opinion. If a guy is really into you he will make the extra effor to satisfy you. It sounds to me like he is just not that interested in having a serious relationship with you. It also kinda sounds like you are making excuses for him. "He says he is still in love with me and all other aspects of the relationship are great. He is affectionate and he says that there is nothing he resents me over that is causing the problem". My honest opinion is that this relationship will not work out, you need to go find a guy who will give you more then what you are receiving now. Its hard to end a relationship but it will be for the best.


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Invisibleblink
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Re: partner has no sex drive [Re: iguana]
    #3176395 - 09/24/04 08:47 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

iguana said:I have decided the most obvious reason is that he is a chronic pot smoker.




if it doesn't get better by asking him to stop smoking for a few weeks then he is disinterested, despite what he may say to you. If he can't stop smoking pot to try his life without pot, then leave his ass cause he obviously cares more for his drug than for you.


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Offlineiguana
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Registered: 09/24/04
Posts: 9
Last seen: 10 years, 7 months
Re: partner has no sex drive [Re: MonsterMash]
    #3176404 - 09/24/04 08:48 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

This has been my fear, that maybe he ju st doesnt dig me. What do other pot smokers think?

Can't do MDMA. I am on a RIMA antidepressant. I am having trouble coming off it because I get depressed about our sex life!


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Offlineiguana
Stranger
Registered: 09/24/04
Posts: 9
Last seen: 10 years, 7 months
Re: partner has no sex drive [Re: blink]
    #3176421 - 09/24/04 08:51 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

Thanks blinkidiot. I posted my reply before I read your message. Yeah we went on holiday for 10 days in NZ and he couldnt smoke recently and his sex drive did get better (twice in that time) even though he was in withdrawal. Maybe I should give him an ultimatum. It's pretty scarey bc he might chose mary jane.:(


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OfflineKremlin
life in E minor
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Re: partner has no sex drive [Re: iguana]
    #3176440 - 09/24/04 08:56 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

well you have to do what you have to do to make yourself happy.


--------------------
"Human suffering has been caused because all too many of us cannot grasp that words are only tools for our use, and that the mere presence of a word in the dictionary does not mean it necessarily refers to something definitive in the real world"
--Richard Dawkins, "The Selfish Gene"

"It is the mind which creates the world about us, and even though we stand side by side in the same meadow, my eyes will never see what is beheld by yours."
-George Gissing

"Without a firm idea of himself and the purpose of his life, man cannot live, and would sooner destroy himself than remain on earth, even if he was surrounded by bread."
--Fyodor Dostoevsky


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OfflineMonsterMash
Mr dude
Registered: 09/24/04
Posts: 5
Loc: Vansterdam, BC
Last seen: 12 years, 2 months
Re: partner has no sex drive [Re: iguana]
    #3176448 - 09/24/04 08:58 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

I do smoke pot on an on off daily basis.. I find it can effect the sex drive cause disinterest.. If you want to know for sure, ask him to quit pot for a month or couple weeks.. If he is unwilling to do this for you then he is no good for you. Trust me unless there is something physical that is stopping him from having a hardone theres not really a good excuse for not having interest in sex. It is the guy who should be more interested in it then the girl


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OfflineMonsterMash
Mr dude
Registered: 09/24/04
Posts: 5
Loc: Vansterdam, BC
Last seen: 12 years, 2 months
Re: partner has no sex drive [Re: iguana]
    #3176456 - 09/24/04 09:00 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

Is this your first serious relationship.. It sounds like it? trust me there are other guys out there and if they are interested in you they will show it! Ending the first one is always hard


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OfflineKidShelleen
watch thesensations
Registered: 09/20/04
Posts: 88
Last seen: 9 years, 10 months
Re: partner has no sex drive [Re: iguana]
    #3176597 - 09/24/04 09:42 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

I have to agree with the others. Sexual intimacy is too important to let it go. It isn't just about the release of orgasm so a vibrator is not going to cut it in the long term. Sexual intimacy helps maintain the bond you have together. It heals the rifts that sometimes form between you. It allows you to communicate in ways that words can't.

If he will not make serious efforts to address your very normal and reasonable needs in this regard, he doesn't really care about you enough to sustain a relationship.

KS


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Invisible40oz
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Registered: 01/19/01
Posts: 30,035
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Re: partner has no sex drive [Re: iguana]
    #3178120 - 09/25/04 05:58 AM (12 years, 2 months ago)

ill tell you straight up about my past experience...
i fell out of love with this chick,
i lost all interest in her physically.
she made an awesome companion, but that was all.
i was too pussy shit to end it, fearing being 'alone'
and all that. so i just kept her around for the companionship & nothing more.

you only live once, dont waste your time on this dude.
go get yerself some new dick.


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:sun::heart::sun:

tiny_rabid_birds said:
"your avatar is dirty."


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Offlinetomk
King of OTD

Registered: 09/22/04
Posts: 1,559
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 9 months, 4 days
Re: partner has no sex drive [Re: iguana]
    #3178247 - 09/25/04 08:22 AM (12 years, 2 months ago)

It's odd that all you guys say pot would reduce sex drive, my sex drive is normally pretty low (once a week is fine) but increases a lot when I'm smoking pot regularly.


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"I am eternally free"


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OfflineMushBus
CURVEBALL MASTER

Registered: 09/09/04
Posts: 178
Last seen: 9 years, 3 months
Re: partner has no sex drive [Re: tomk]
    #3178285 - 09/25/04 09:03 AM (12 years, 2 months ago)

any guy that chooses pot over pussy is a straight dumbass imo.

:shake:

oh, and i also have the same prob with my gf.  Her sex drive is pretty nil and i start to get crazy after a couple days drought. 

Also i have found out that intense physical exercise tend to curb my sex drive.  I strive for that runners high, best feeling in the world.


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