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 CaRnAgECaNdY
Tool's groupie
 
Registered: 04/09/04
Posts: 11,505
Loc: Billy Howerdel's closet 
Last seen: 9 months, 8 days
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Here's my point of view...
I believe she is testing you. From what you've said, your letting her get away with disrespecting you. She claims to be falling for you yet she's spending way to much time with someone who meant something to her once upon a time. Something is definitely going on here. You believe she isn't sleeping with anybody and maybe your right. Who's to say that she won't. You have every right not to trust this guy or whoever it is that she's spending all this time with. He's probably sweet talking the shit out of her right now. Eventually, something will happen! Don't continue to allow this girl to do this to you. I see that your finding her hard to let go. If you want to continue this relationship, I would suggest what you are already planning on doing...get the shit straightened out. Talk to her and tell her how you feel.
This could also be her way of trying to get out of your relationship. Some women come straight out and say, "I don't want to be with you anymore" and others just send signals or play games. Sounds like she's playing you. I don't know her personally, but from what you've said....I think that you should move on!
Either way, good luck and I hope things work out!
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The secret to being funny is to say smart things stupidly, or is it stupid things smartly? Whatever..it's not rocket surgery...or something like that.
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Cornelius
Heinous Anus
Registered: 02/12/04
Posts: 694
Loc: T.O.
Last seen: 10 years, 2 days
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lose her...
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MorbidHamster
Total Head Fook
Registered: 10/21/02
Posts: 121
Loc: Un-United Kingdom
Last seen: 18 years, 11 months
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hhhmmm i really am in two minds now, my old dear says the exact same thing as you lot, as well as my friends, They say would never put up with that shit and to tell her. which i'm going to do, i'm seeing her at 1 o'clock today so i will let you know how this pans out. But to be honest with you i think i am ready to step away from her and let her have her fun... i'll probably see her true colours when i have done that.
Thanks once again to you all for this SOUND advice.
All of you guys are great <3
Much Peace...
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CaRnAgECaNdY
Tool's groupie
Registered: 04/09/04
Posts: 11,505
Loc: Billy Howerdel's closet
Last seen: 9 months, 8 days
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--------------------
The secret to being funny is to say smart things stupidly, or is it stupid things smartly? Whatever..it's not rocket surgery...or something like that.
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agr8fulchick
Feed Your Head!
Registered: 08/19/04
Posts: 707
Loc: Stranded in Iowa
Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
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Geokills gave some great advice, only you really know the situation, we are sitting at our computers millions of miles away 
Girls are tricky and they are dangerous! I should know, I am one  Unless all of her friends are guys (because this does happen) then she is either mental or is playing a game with you. She may want to break up and just not want to come out and say it. She may be honestly interested in all of the other guys as well as you (you can be interested in more than one person, right?). She may be a dirty girl who is lying and going behind your back, and she may really be a nice girl who is really watching the Lion King with some dude who has the hots for her.
Now tell me, if you had the hots for a girl, would you watch the Lion King with her? Don't think so... only if you were a really really good friend.
So here is my guess. Since she makes it a point of hanging out with other guys who like her and then tell you that they have the hots for you, then I think she's trying to get you to give her more attention. This is assuming that she really is fallen for you, and is really not interested in the other guys. She's trying to make you jealous. This is a test! If you love her, you'll buy her roses and take her out more, and tell her that she can NOT hang out with other guys all the time (unless you're there) and definately not spend the night! If you just let her continue, it undermines your authenticy towards her, and then she'll be frustrated with you not "getting it" and she'll keep trying to make you jealous and get on your nerves. If you "really" think that SHE is the one, you'll lay claim to her and let her know it by showering her with gifts, time and affection.
I don't know why girls play all the hint games.... you'd think that we'd know just to tell you guys since you never get the hints anyway For some reason we enjoy our complex games!
Sit her down and tell her what you think. Tell her in love, let your heart speak and tell her that it is hurting you. Then follow your words up with actions (few things as powerful as a dozen roses!) Not that she can't hang out with guys, but she is going about it in the totally wrong way. I would never ever do that to my man, I love him too much.
Best of luck man! Let us know how it turns out! 
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KidShelleen
watch thesensations
Registered: 09/20/04
Posts: 88
Last seen: 17 years, 2 months
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We've already bombarded our friend here with advice so I should shut up, but this is an important issue with me so I'm going to spout off -
and I'll start with a confession.
I used to be a wimp with women.  Yup. A doormat. And it took me a long time, a lot of pain, and a failed marriage to figure it out and to understand what it was doing to my life and to my partners.
My natural tendancy is to be a "nice" guy.  I'm slow to anger and quick to forgive. I let people cut in front of me in traffic. I don't try and control or manipulate or criticize people and will accomodate the wishes of others. I don't get in people's faces or call them on their shit. I just let it roll off and go about my business. So my preference with women is to be nice to them. Buy them flowers, compliment them, take them out, etc. So what's the problem? That's what they like, right? Nice guys get all the chicks, right? If you have eyes in your head you know that isn't true.
I was a mass of confusion.  Why did all the great chicks end up with the dicks instead of me? How come the desirable girls wanted to be my friend but wanted to fuck the other guy who doesn't treat her nice, who acts like he couldn't care less about her? Why did I end up with the controlling, manipulating, insecure girls? 
I'll tell you the answer, an answer that I paid a huge price for, and I'll tell you for free. The answer is that no girl you would want to be with wants to be with a guy she can wrap around her finger. If she knows she has you by the balls, she loses interest. You're just a plaything. So if you start out with a girl you like by being real nice and complimentary and accomodating and forgiving and professing your love so she knows she has you in the bag, you lose. She will tear your heart out and hand it to you. And while she is doing it, she will look you at you with a sad look that says "why are you letting me do this?" AAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!!! Just the distant memory of this hurts.
If you do not want to have one great girl after another tear your heart out, you ABSOLUTELY MUST establish deep in her heart from the start the certain knowledge that you will not tolerate any shit from her. You must demonstrate to her that if she shows you disrespect you WILL show her the door. No argument, no accomodation, no pleading. Just goodbye. If she is a decent woman, she will want you to do this. I repeat, if she is a decent girl she will WANT you to do this. She will NEED you to do this, or she will not be able to have the respect for you she needs in order to love you.
So that's the bad news. If you tend to be a "nice" guy, you are just going to have to learn to be tough. It will be hard for you. It will seem mean. You will be afraid of losing her. You will be afraid of being alone. But you must swallow your fear. The more you love her, the tougher you must be. The more you want to keep her, the more you have to be willing to give her the boot. Twisted, isn't it? But there is good news . . .
Once you establish CLEARLY that you will not tolerate disrespect or be controlled or manipulated, (and this will probably require you to tell her to fuck off for real at least once)you can be the nice guy you really are. You can buy her flowers and take her to dinner and write her poetry, whatever and she will love it. Life will be good. She will get what she wants and you will get what you want. But if you do not first convince her that you are capable of kicking her to the curb and not looking back, your flowers and compliments will be seen as pathetic. She will tell her friends "he's a real nice guy, but I'm just not attracted to him" or "he's too nice" and then she will put your flowers in a vase, smell them with a sad look on her face and then go fuck the asshole down the street. And she will not be happy and you will be miserable.
I'm not into playing head games. I like to be open and honest and relaxed with my GF. But if you are a "nice" guy, this is one game you are going to HAVE to play if you want that girl. In fact it isn't really a game, it's just learning to have confidence and respect for yourself. She wants a man with confidence. A man that knows he doesn't NEED her, but wants her. For those flowers to mean something, for your attention to mean something, she needs to know you could just as easily give them to someone else. If she knows you will give her flowers no matter what she does, they are about as appealing to her as used TP.
And there is more good news. Once you develop the attitude that you will not put up with any shit from girls, once you have the confidence and self-respect to demand respect from others, you will find that decent girls will become more attracted to you. You will have more choices and opportunities for relationships. You will be amazed. And you will feel good. And you can still be the nice guy you really want to be.
Good Luck! Be a MAN!!! She wants you to. And if she doesn't, she ain't worth having as a GF.
KS
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agr8fulchick
Feed Your Head!
Registered: 08/19/04
Posts: 707
Loc: Stranded in Iowa
Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
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Amen!
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MorbidHamster
Total Head Fook
Registered: 10/21/02
Posts: 121
Loc: Un-United Kingdom
Last seen: 18 years, 11 months
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hey had the chat today.. well i basically said all the stuff that you guys told me to say, thanks for that, said well if you do this shit i aint gonna be hurt by it so you have a choice, stop messin me about get the fuck out of my life hehe. i felt a mean fucker.. she just sat their in silence for ages crying  so i said does she have anything to say? She said no so i went and opened the front door and said well you may as well leave then.
She didn't, she said she has lots of guy friends, which i believe agr8fulchick said, and she does, she has a tough time with girls, they seem to hate her, was chatting to a girl at work tonight who said most of the people in her classes cant stand her and alot of people don't... so she said she gets on alot better with guys than girls for this reason.
But she is still going round this guys house to watch films, but isnt staying over. She said i have to learn to trust her on this. which is very true. But last time i let trust happen with a girl it came back round and square punted me on the chin. Which is my own insecurities i suppose.
Well i've reported back, we're still together, for how long? Who knows, probably not long but eh, i get laid tomorow night hehe, thats fine in my books
Cheers for eveything guys, i hope i handled it right? Any critiscisms i dunno. to late to go back
KidShellen, thanks for that read its seems very true from past experiences with girls man, my mates an ass-hole and gets ALL the fickin woman
Peace
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KidShelleen
watch thesensations
Registered: 09/20/04
Posts: 88
Last seen: 17 years, 2 months
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MorbidHamster! Dude!
It sounds like you handled it perfectly. You let her know that you'll not be her toy and you showed her the door. But she chose to stay on your terms and open up to you and ask you to be understanding of her special needs. Now YOU can draw the boundaries you are comfortable with AND be the nice guy too!
I'll bet she loves you for it.
I've known a girl or two that didn't get along well with other girls. They need their guy freinds I guess. Just make sure she knows your boundaries and respects them.
Be responsible with your new powers! 
Don't hurt her. If she surrenders fully to your beastly desires, be sure and call her the next day. Especially since she's a virgin. She is going to be way confused. Help her to know she chose the right guy.
Good luck! Keep us in the loop.
KS
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MorbidHamster
Total Head Fook
Registered: 10/21/02
Posts: 121
Loc: Un-United Kingdom
Last seen: 18 years, 11 months
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hehe man, well we got saturday night and sunday day all together in an empty house. Treating her to a meal and ladeda, hot bath with soapy bubbles etc etc you know, try to make it more special for her than when i lost my v plates to a random bird on holiday. Im sensitive like that i spose. aaaannnyywaaayyy
I'm glad i did good! Well i've either pissed her off summin chronic or your lecture was true, spose time will tell!
once again you guys rock
thank oooo!
peace
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RuNE
bomberman
Registered: 09/23/00
Posts: 2,331
Loc: tartarus
Last seen: 8 years, 2 months
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Dude... You are a true DJ.
A lot of guys on this website need to read that little essay there.
Morbid, you did an excellent job. You stood your ground, and demanded respect.
Girls don't want chumps.
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~Happy sailing~
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agr8fulchick
Feed Your Head!
Registered: 08/19/04
Posts: 707
Loc: Stranded in Iowa
Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
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Glad things went well! You need to draw the boundaries where you feel they are comfortable, and stick her to them. If she doesn't like it, she can leave (like you said!). If you're fine with her hanging out with friend, but not for spending the night, bravo! I couldn't agree more, good for you!
I tend to have lots of guy friends just because they are less complicated, tend to tell the truth and are easier to get along with. Girls come with drama, complications and games, and sometimes- even as a girl- I just don't want to deal with that
Bravo to you for showing her where you stand! Now you have to stick by it, and hopefully everything will work out well
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Life's a journey. Take the scenic route.
 
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MorbidHamster
Total Head Fook
Registered: 10/21/02
Posts: 121
Loc: Un-United Kingdom
Last seen: 18 years, 11 months
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hehe, well i've been invited out with her and that guy now, he's got some leaving do coming up and he came up to me and invited me to it today, which is cool.
Another little dillema now, hehe, well, i took her virginity last saturday night. i didn't hurt her to much which is damn good, and she enjoyed it! which is sweet. But i got pissed again because as soon as it was done her phone rang and she ran off to answer and chatted to one of her guy friends, while i sorta sat their, urgh.. I'll live with it. But the next day i mentioned i was going to the girl i lost my virginity to birthday celebration, involving a club, much booze, etc you know?
She got real upset last night and told me today she was round her mates crying all evening and saying how much of a bastard i am for kicking up a fuss and doing the same thing. Which is fair enough! So she said today if i get pissed off again about her spending time with her friends its over, which is fair enough.
Double standards anyone? I think i have but her pointing that out has made me realise how irrational i have been in a way, still gonna stick to my guns but i'll see it from her point of view, i aint gonna do nothing with that girl, who i saw on and off for a while, and i trust her not to do the same thing.
So c'est la vie, life is full of little dramas, i kinda like it.
Cheers all
Peace
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KidShelleen
watch thesensations
Registered: 09/20/04
Posts: 88
Last seen: 17 years, 2 months
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It sounds like you guys need to agree on a few rules for both of you.
KS
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 vivid
Stranger
Registered: 12/14/99
Posts: 1,888
Loc: Berkeley, California
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Dump the bitch. Thats what you got to do, she seems like too much hassle. Its simple.
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MorbidHamster
Total Head Fook
Registered: 10/21/02
Posts: 121
Loc: Un-United Kingdom
Last seen: 18 years, 11 months
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 Re: Woman!  [Re: vivid]
#3229096 - 10/07/04 04:44 PM (19 years, 6 months ago) |
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wow dragged up from the past, well i did dump her man! she still wants me and me her, but we're just sort of seeing how it goes atm.. things are much better with her now i dumped her, we seem to get on better and she sees the error of her ways etc. Dunno what i'm gonna do, turned down a date with a hotty over her.. hm. Also misse dout on the chance of getting in with 3 girls in a club.. over her. i still like her but i dunno.
peace
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