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OfflineMorbidHamster
Total Head Fook
Registered: 10/21/02
Posts: 121
Loc: Un-United Kingdom
Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
Woman!
    #3170704 - 09/23/04 06:05 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

Hi their i dont know what im after really, well probably a different perspective on this predicament.

Didn't think i would post on here again but eh!

Here goes, ive been seeing this girl for a few months now, i REALLY like her shes the sweetest thing, funny,intelligent a great conversationalist, cute and is so open minded its unreal, im falling for her. She says she is for me to, which i believe because she gets upset when i get pissed off about these things.

Trouble is this, the other week she tells me she got a text off her ex boyfriend then asks me if its ok if she goes for a drink with him, i'm like well how do you think that makes me feel? She says She goes he hits on her and makes a point of telling me. I get slightly sad and annoyed with it. It seems to be a re-ocuring thing though. she always seems to have more time to see other guy 'friends' which no doubt they are, but it makes me feel a bit left out of it all.

Well today has been a strange one, she comes into my work and says she needs to ask me something i say fine and she tells me how i would feel about her going around this guys house that has got the real hots for her and spending the day watching films and having a chat with him. I'm like ok.. i get a little pissed you know? It tears me up a little because i like her alot, she says fine i wont then but i feel like an ass for kicking up a little stink about it and say she should just go anyway. So this saturday she's off to visit this guy before she comes back picks me up then we spend the night together.

Well later on tonight she comes over then tells me she's going round this other guys house to spend the night around his house, with him watching DVDs and having fun as she put it. Well this seem to struck a nerve to be honest with you and i got pissed told her to leave and that i really cant be arsed with the hassle that woman are and to piss off and leave me alone, she gets real upset. She stays and we talk it through. She always seems to forget plans that we have made, bumping me off for other guys that like her, you know it sends my alarm bells ringing. She assures me nothing will happen, which i believe her, but it tares me up to think she does this.

Well i put it onto her, i said how would you feel if i said i was going to spend the night watching DVDs with some girl that likes me alot and then spend the night around their.she says, well i see your point... but shes going anyway. It annoys me and really makes me want to finish this with her before i get to involved, i got stung twice before with signs like this from woman and *sigh* i REALLY cant be arsed getting hurt again...

I'll quit my griping now, i really needed to vent, this has helped me clear things off my mind. Any advice, or people who have been in this situation before with comments would be greatly received.

In closing i genuinely know she wouldn't do anything with these guys, but it cuts me up that she even does it, maybe im just to controlling and jealous? I dont know, slate me if you like i really need to be told how it is, am i wrong to be like this? Any advice would be sweet.

Peace


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OfflineUnenlightenedOne
Two Spirited

Registered: 08/12/04
Posts: 612
Last seen: 11 years, 6 days
Re: Woman! [Re: MorbidHamster]
    #3170790 - 09/23/04 06:22 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

Sounds to me like shes sleeping with these other guys,definitely.She doesnt seem trustworthy at all either.Id forget her fast,real fast.

In my experience when girls act like what you described they're involved with other people in some way whether its casual fooling around or something more serious.

She seems to be just stringing you along and it also seems she stringing these other guys along too.And she most definitely doesnt act like a lady act all.

If you stay involved it will only get worse.If she truly cares and truly wants a relationship,she would put you first and not blow off your plans for other guys.She would also not go near guys who want her let alone spent the day/night with them.

You need to be confident and set down what is acceptable behaviour to you and what isnt and let her know where you stand on these issues and also let her know what you need from a relationship and if she cant give you what you need,lose her.You deserve to be treated much better than this and you deserve to get what you want and need from a relationship.

This whole situation the way it is is unhealthy.


--------------------
Do not desire to reach a high level.Rather work without thought of reward to iron out flaws and impurities in one's self for the sake of one's self.When one has done this one needs not to desire anymore. http://www.lifeforceonlinestore.com/yc/


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OfflineMorbidHamster
Total Head Fook
Registered: 10/21/02
Posts: 121
Loc: Un-United Kingdom
Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
Re: Woman! [Re: UnenlightenedOne]
    #3170800 - 09/23/04 06:26 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

thanks man, i do like her loads and she does me, i doubt she is sleeping with them since she is a virgin :smile: but fooling around, i dont know, i really want to end it but then i want to push things forward also.. she has been messed around with her ex's even forced to perform sexual acts on one against her will. I dont know with this one, one side of me wants to ditch her, one side wants to kick her to the curb and become selobate (sp?) again. Im just very confused from what i have seen.

I think i will have to talk to her about what she thinks is involved with a relationship? I really wanna have a big argument with her about this staying over that guys house, i know him from work, he is a sound guy... but i really don't like this fuckin feeling, i;m getting mad.


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OfflineKidShelleen
watch thesensations
Registered: 09/20/04
Posts: 88
Last seen: 9 years, 10 months
Re: Woman! [Re: MorbidHamster]
    #3170810 - 09/23/04 06:27 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

If she blows you off to do something with someone else, or otherwise treats you with disrespect, tell her you will not put up with that and break up with her. End of story. Otherwise you are going to be her toy that she will pick up and put down as she wants. She will either ask you to take her back and treat you with more respect (likely) or you will be done with her and good riddance.

On the other hand, if she just wants to go hang out with other friends sometimes and is cool about it and doesn't stand you up or treat you with disrespect, then you either trust her or you don't. If you trust her, then just tell her it's cool and do something else with your time besides worrying. If you don't trust her, then break up with her.

KS


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OfflineMorbidHamster
Total Head Fook
Registered: 10/21/02
Posts: 121
Loc: Un-United Kingdom
Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
Re: Woman! [Re: KidShelleen]
    #3170818 - 09/23/04 06:30 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

once again more great advice thank you! I'm in a real pickle, man. Shit im not gonna stop thinking bout this shit, i need to chill the fook out :smile:


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InvisibleEdame
gone

Registered: 01/14/03
Posts: 1,270
Loc: outta here
Re: Woman! [Re: MorbidHamster]
    #3170822 - 09/23/04 06:31 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

I'm not quite clear on this, does she actually make a point of telling you that these other guys she hangs out with fancy her, or do you just know that they do?


--------------------
The above is an extract from my fictional novel, "The random postings of Edame".
:tongue:

In the beginning was the word. And man could not handle the word, and the hearing of the word, and he asked God to take away his ears so that he might live in peace without having to hear words which might upset his equinamity or corrupt the unblemished purity of his conscience.

And God, hearing this desperate plea from His creation, wrinkled His mighty brow for a moment and then leaned down toward man, beckoning that he should come close so as to hear all that was about to be revealed to him.

"Fuck you," He whispered, and frowned upon the pathetic supplicant before retreating to His heavens.


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OfflineMorbidHamster
Total Head Fook
Registered: 10/21/02
Posts: 121
Loc: Un-United Kingdom
Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
Re: Woman! [Re: Edame]
    #3170827 - 09/23/04 06:32 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

She has made the point yeah. That's the thing, it drives me up the wall, i tell her i really don;t need to know that shit.


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OfflineUnenlightenedOne
Two Spirited

Registered: 08/12/04
Posts: 612
Last seen: 11 years, 6 days
Re: Woman! [Re: MorbidHamster]
    #3170844 - 09/23/04 06:36 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

thanks man, i do like her loads and she does me, i doubt she is sleeping with them since she is a virgin  but fooling around, i dont know, i really want to end it but then i want to push things forward also.. she has been messed around with her ex's even forced to perform sexual acts on one against her will. I dont know with this one, one side of me wants to ditch her, one side wants to kick her to the curb and become selobate (sp?) again. Im just very confused from what i have seen. 




Dont always believe the "Im a virgin." line.probably about at least a 1/3 of the girls Ive met who claimed to be a virgin,I found out definitely werent.

As far as being forced,some girls develop a need for abuse like this sometimes if it happened alot and Ive met girls who just let guys do what they wanted to them and enjoyed it.They didnt care whether or not they had bf's.

She sounds like she has emotional issues so proceed with caution if you do.

If you really want to try to mend this situation,you should sit down and lay out how you feel about the things she did which hurt you and why.Explain to her that you didnt like this and you dont want her doing this but try not to sound bossy ro demanding about it.Girls hate that,well the majority anyway.So approach it cautiously and be gentle about it but stand firmly on it.If you dont lay the groundwork for the relationship and tell her that what you dont like isnt acceptable and why she will continue to walk all over you.

If she leaves over you not liking her time with these guys then you know something was definitely up.

Always have confidence.Girls love and respect confidence as long as your not an ego-maniac about it. :grin:


--------------------
Do not desire to reach a high level.Rather work without thought of reward to iron out flaws and impurities in one's self for the sake of one's self.When one has done this one needs not to desire anymore. http://www.lifeforceonlinestore.com/yc/


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OfflineMorbidHamster
Total Head Fook
Registered: 10/21/02
Posts: 121
Loc: Un-United Kingdom
Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
Re: Woman! [Re: UnenlightenedOne]
    #3170864 - 09/23/04 06:41 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

Man you give amazing advice, i'll have a word with her on saturday. I would REALLY like this to work, bt if it doesn't c'est la vie.

cheers bud.


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OfflineUnenlightenedOne
Two Spirited

Registered: 08/12/04
Posts: 612
Last seen: 11 years, 6 days
Re: Woman! [Re: MorbidHamster]
    #3170895 - 09/23/04 06:46 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

No problem.Be sure to keep us posted and good luck.

If this doesnt work out though,dont fret.There are tons of amazing girls out there.You just have to get out there and meet them.Of course you have to weed out the weird ones and the psychos and over-emotionals.lol.


--------------------
Do not desire to reach a high level.Rather work without thought of reward to iron out flaws and impurities in one's self for the sake of one's self.When one has done this one needs not to desire anymore. http://www.lifeforceonlinestore.com/yc/


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OfflineMorbidHamster
Total Head Fook
Registered: 10/21/02
Posts: 121
Loc: Un-United Kingdom
Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
Re: Woman! [Re: UnenlightenedOne]
    #3170921 - 09/23/04 06:52 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

lmao tell me about it bud, well since i have seen this girl i have had so many opportunities to get with other girls, but i have resisted because of her, i just know if things don't work out it'll be like the sahara desert round here for fanny :smile: It's always the way :P

I'll keep you updated, will be good fun seeing how this unfolds out.

Peace


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InvisibleEdame
gone

Registered: 01/14/03
Posts: 1,270
Loc: outta here
Re: Woman! [Re: MorbidHamster]
    #3170923 - 09/23/04 06:53 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

I'm hardly the voice of experience, but it sounds to me as if she's trying to see how far she can get away with 'testing' you. It could be a power thing, some people seem to like having that kind of control, to see how far someone can be pushed/provoked and still come back.

I'd normally agree with Kidshelleen on the trust and hanging out with friends issue, but the way you say she asks how you'd feel about her doing this (and not seeming to care when you tell her), it would set my alarm bells ringing.

Does she ever invite you along to these dvd watching sessions?


--------------------
The above is an extract from my fictional novel, "The random postings of Edame".
:tongue:

In the beginning was the word. And man could not handle the word, and the hearing of the word, and he asked God to take away his ears so that he might live in peace without having to hear words which might upset his equinamity or corrupt the unblemished purity of his conscience.

And God, hearing this desperate plea from His creation, wrinkled His mighty brow for a moment and then leaned down toward man, beckoning that he should come close so as to hear all that was about to be revealed to him.

"Fuck you," He whispered, and frowned upon the pathetic supplicant before retreating to His heavens.


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OfflineMorbidHamster
Total Head Fook
Registered: 10/21/02
Posts: 121
Loc: Un-United Kingdom
Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
Re: Woman! [Re: Edame]
    #3170935 - 09/23/04 06:55 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

Well she has invited me, i said alright then and she was like, but we'll be watching the lion king and shawshank redemption.. we have the same favourite films. I was like what a coincidence under my breath :P then she said that'll be fun, me you and him, oh wait it won't :undecided: fuckin bitch in a way. i'm gonna have it out with her this weekend. already told her, she says your not going to dump me are you? i'll be devastated.. i said no just need to talk a few things through, really you guys have put my mind at rest i really cant thank you enough.

Trouble is i think i don't trust the guys more than her... since i am one i know what we're like. so yeah :laugh: fuckin problems! hate em :smile:


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InvisibleEdame
gone

Registered: 01/14/03
Posts: 1,270
Loc: outta here
Re: Woman! [Re: MorbidHamster]
    #3170998 - 09/23/04 07:11 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

:goodluck:


--------------------
The above is an extract from my fictional novel, "The random postings of Edame".
:tongue:

In the beginning was the word. And man could not handle the word, and the hearing of the word, and he asked God to take away his ears so that he might live in peace without having to hear words which might upset his equinamity or corrupt the unblemished purity of his conscience.

And God, hearing this desperate plea from His creation, wrinkled His mighty brow for a moment and then leaned down toward man, beckoning that he should come close so as to hear all that was about to be revealed to him.

"Fuck you," He whispered, and frowned upon the pathetic supplicant before retreating to His heavens.


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OfflineKidShelleen
watch thesensations
Registered: 09/20/04
Posts: 88
Last seen: 9 years, 10 months
Re: Woman! [Re: MorbidHamster]
    #3171009 - 09/23/04 07:16 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

"i doubt she is sleeping with them since she is a virgin"

!!!!?????? Say WHAT?  A virgin?  :eek:

Oh man, my heart is aching with the memory of having been in your shoes.  Dude, she is just messing with you.  She is either looking for a guy to put her in her place (and waiting for you to show that you have confidence to do it), or she just likes teasing and manipulating guys.  If you really want her, you need to tell her to knock that shit off or take a hike.  But if she stays, be prepared to do it again and again.  Otherwise she is going to get worse and worse until you come unglued. 

If I were you I would start looking for another girl.  Yikes. 

KS


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OfflineMorbidHamster
Total Head Fook
Registered: 10/21/02
Posts: 121
Loc: Un-United Kingdom
Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
Re: Woman! [Re: KidShelleen]
    #3171056 - 09/23/04 07:27 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

Man im not being funny, i can barely fit one finger up their, let alone two.. its that tight :smile: I believe she is a virgin, i can vouch for it :smile: I'll soon tell you after this weekend, im planning on fuckin her silly, gotta at least get some of that shit right? :P

I've taken it all in, it's opened my eyes for sure, gonna let her do all the work. Will be cautious about how it goes.

Peace


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OfflineUncleMike
Visionary
Male

Registered: 05/18/03
Posts: 964
Loc: S.W. Virginia
Last seen: 8 years, 17 days
Re: Woman! [Re: MorbidHamster]
    #3171180 - 09/23/04 07:55 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

You need to open up your eyes. She's playing you for a fool. Watching Lion King bull shit. It's probably porn flicks. If she was falling for you then she would want to spend her time with you.


--------------------
Live each day like it will be your last, tomorrow my never come.
SporeSmart


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Invisiblelooner2
ABBA fan

Registered: 06/20/04
Posts: 3,849
Re: Woman! [Re: MorbidHamster]
    #3171499 - 09/23/04 08:52 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

Only read your first post, but its pretty easy what happened here.

She tested you, and you failed.

She still might drag you along for as long as your desperation holds out for.

One question, Were you two exclusive?

If so, you should have said, "goodbye" the second she asked to hang out with her ex and then the other guys. Chances are she wouldn't have hung out with them because you proved yourself to be a man.


Edited by looner2 (09/23/04 08:53 PM)


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OfflineMorbidHamster
Total Head Fook
Registered: 10/21/02
Posts: 121
Loc: Un-United Kingdom
Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
Re: Woman! [Re: looner2]
    #3171601 - 09/23/04 09:12 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

interesting. ill sort this shit out once and for all.


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OfflinegeokillsA
∙∙∙∙☼ º¿° ☼∙∙∙∙
Male User Gallery

Registered: 05/08/01
Posts: 19,098
Loc: city of angels Flag
Last seen: 1 day, 11 hours
Re: Woman! [Re: MorbidHamster]
    #3173250 - 09/24/04 02:20 AM (12 years, 2 months ago)

I think there's some very solid advice coming through in this thread.. but on the flipside, I think some of it may be misinterpreted.  Above all else, try to go where your heart wants you to go.  None of us sitting here behind our computers are in your shoes, we don't know of your interaction with her save for a few lines of static textual account. 

That being said, I encourage you to be as honest as you can be with your ladyfriend, taking care not to come off as a controlling person.  We all struggle with similar situations, and how people perceive you plays a big part in how responsive they will be to your queries.  I'm just saying to speak your piece, but do so gracefully, letting her know that you really want your relationship to blossom and that her actions have been keeping you very uncomfortable.  Ultimately, it's your call, but it sounds to me as if you genuinely care for this girl, and that being so I would implore you to tread lightly and try to discuss your concerns openly. 

Trust and communication are in my opinion the two most important aspects to any interpersonal relationship.  At this moment, it seems that the communication is what is faltering.  So work on that, be open, encourage her to be open.  Let her know that you don't want to be jealous because you do trust her, but that it is simply human nature for you to be concerned when she is spending so much time with other strapping bachelors :wink:

Best wishes to you my friend! :heart:


--------------------

--------------------
··∙   long live the shroomery  ∙··
...π╥ ╥π...


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