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Hey all. I live in a relatively rural area. My mom is pretty cool, understanding--essentially Good People. Her brother--my maternal uncle--however, is a serious redneck farmer who is really nasty at times and is quick to lambaste tatooed people and the "queers." Now, this uncle of mine has--(as I have been treated for depression) gone from alcoholism to relative sobriety. We think he's on antidepressants. He's really opened up some, gotten much nicer. But he *still* will just trash my grandmother when he's around. It's like he's relying on adolescent responses. From another time. He can't adjust to the new factor that my grandma has AD. My grandparents are getting on to the point that they're close to moving out to assissted living. My uncle has to cook for them (which I'm helping out with now--I'm a hella cook), take care of the house, etc. But, since he was younger, he's just been nasty to my grandma. Real sandpaper verabally abusive. We had a home assistant helping around the house with my grandparents for a couple of months, and their organization was close to filing a claim about my uncle for elder verbal abuse. So, today, I took out several meals for them to store in their 'fridge and freezer, and my unlce was just tearing her down every two minutes. Thank god my g'ma still has a sense of humor. But I know it hurts her to hear this kind of thing. She has a disease. She can't help how she behaves--it's a physical thing. She has plaques in her brain. I'm just venting and trying to find a way to communicate to a total redneck gruff uncle that my grandma is sick and he simply can't treat her that way? My mom isn't really afraid of my uncle (not phsyical or anything, he's just really...intimidating. Black/white. Absolute his way). He's just difficult. But after today, man, I am ready to tell him off. But I'm 25. And I don't deal with my grandparents on a daily basis. Where do I get off righting his wrong? But I know it's wrong. Okay, sorry y'all. If anyone has thoughts, that'd be helpful. THanks! Much love!
-------------------- Jerry Garcia. JERRY GARCIA! JERRY GARCIA!!!!
Hey man, I feel ya on this situation. Let me start out by saying my uncles (all of them) are total assholes. The redneck one even turned me in to the authorities for something that wasn't true. Dont be intimidated by redneck bullshit.
When I was six, my great grandmother (who had severe AD) went out into the garage and drank bug poison when no one was watching her. She died in a horrible way. AD runs in my family. My grandfather suffers from it today. I go over to their house on a daily basis and do their shopping, etc. Most times, my grandfather asks who I am. I stay there in the upstairs loft sometimes just to get away. But anyways, yeah its a terribly depressing thing to deal with. My grandfather cries almost every time he sees me. He knows he is deteriorating, that combined with the incontinence, and other elderly issues is so frustrating to him. I sometimes hear him telling god to take him and get it over with. This man was a preacher all of his life, a very business-like man and it kills him to be in this condition. Even though all through my childhood my fundamentalist family crammed a bible down my throat daily, i still love them. Thats the great thing about psychedelics, they helped me get through pent up hate for all the bible- thumping that was put on me as a child.
Anyways, I dont see trying to "right the wrong" of your uncle. Once, wehn my asshole uncle was talking with my grandfather, my grandfather had a moment of AD and blurted out "do you love me?" to my uncle. Well, my uncle said no and it really hurt my grandfather. So yeah, I know the feeling.
Sorry for the rant, but this type of thing gets to me. Much love bro.
-------------------- The above statement is completely fictional and composed solely for the purpose of entertainment.
My grandfather's roommate in the nursing home he was in had AD. The guy used to be an very articulate and successful attorney, and soon deteriorated to the point where he could only whimper and make nonsense statements. I't a horrible disease and I truly hope a cure can be found.
As for you grandmother, it doesn't sound like your uncle is very supportive, which is no doubt making matters worse for your Grandmother. It's a hard decision I know, but have you thought of moving her to a nursing home? If only to separate her from your uncle. She would also be in much more supportive environment...