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OfflineYouEnjoyMyself
PHiSH

Registered: 03/01/03
Posts: 8,127
Last seen: 5 years, 9 days
Funny Sex Stories.
    #3152038 - 09/18/04 09:51 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

http://www.phantasytour.com/phish/boards_thread.cgi?threadID=514736&page=1

If you want to read some hilarious sex stories, go here.


Here are some samples that I like..there are TONS of funny ones.

i was 14 and i took out my parents car cause they were out of town. i was pretty sexually inexperienced at the time, i had never even gotten a blowjob before. so i go pick up my then-girlfriend in my parents SWEET station wagon and take her out to a nice dinner(ok it was wendys) then we were just driving around for the hell of it and we end up parking and messing around in the backseat of the car. i end up TRYING to go down on her but i didn't know what to do and i think i was more or less just licking her pubic hair. she moaned and seemed to enjoy it but i think she was just trying to make me feel better. i get kind of frustrated and get back to driving around. well i'm about to take her home and she starts groping my wang chung. i pull over into a school parking lot and she goes down on it. PRAISE THE LORD, i'm getting my first blowjob! she said she had done it before and told me not to splooge in her mouth. well i may have never had one before, but i could tell she wasn't giving good head, so i tried to coach her to do it like i saw in pornos. after she started following my directions, it was much better! this is the funny part. as soon as it came time to blow i was just so overcome with intensity i couldn't really think of what was going on and give her the warning. like one millisecond away from eruption i was like OH SHIT and reached down and flung her head off my dick and i pushed her face right into the steering wheel. she hits her mouth on the steering wheel and goes "OWWWWW SHIT THAT HURT!" right as i scream and blow a load all over my steering wheel and my clothes! i look over and she was holding her mouth and her lip was all bleeding all over the place and she is crying! i felt bad but it was a time i will never forget :smile:



a few years back i was seeing this cute chick and she invited me over after the bar closed because her dad was suposed to be away for the weekend...after a few not so memorable minutes of sex,she fell asleep and i proceeded to smoke a cigarette..while smoking the cigarette i heard the door open down stairs and someone walk in..i tried to wake up the girl to see what was up but didnt have time because he was walking up the stairs..i proceeded to hide in the midst of a ton of stuffed animals,similiar to e.t...in my drunkendness i totally forgot to put my cigarette out and laid there holding the cigarette so it wouldnt burn any stuffed animals..all i heard was the girls dad,all 6ft 3 and mean lookin,walk upstairs,walk into the room and stand with his back towards me looking into a mirror..he preceeded to start combing his hair when he niticed the smoke from my cigarette burning towards the ceiling...he turned around and said to my"im no teven gonna ask,just get the fuck out"pretty funny/scary shit




i was at a family party at a sheraton hotel about a year back with my gf we go in the elavator which ends up breaking down..one thing leads to another and im getting head in the elavator with the lights off and then suddenly the door opens up and the lights turn on and a dude walks in the elavator my pants are down and her shirt is off we just ran out ..good times haha



this girl was giving me some decent head...when it was cumming to that point, I asked her if she was going to swallow...

she looked at me with a funny grin and said that "no one had ever asked her that before..."

then I blew all over her face/hair/bed/floor...

Holy whitewash Batman!!!


--------------------
-Wash uffitze drive me to firenze


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OfflineDF2K
Me.
Male User Gallery

Registered: 06/01/02
Posts: 5,826
Loc: The land before time
Last seen: 3 years, 9 months
Re: Funny Sex Stories. [Re: YouEnjoyMyself]
    #3152120 - 09/18/04 10:11 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

"Holy whitewash Batman!!!"

:lol:


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OfflineYouEnjoyMyself
PHiSH

Registered: 03/01/03
Posts: 8,127
Last seen: 5 years, 9 days
Re: Funny Sex Stories. [Re: DF2K]
    #3152133 - 09/18/04 10:14 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

haha, yeah.


there are some good ones in there.


--------------------
-Wash uffitze drive me to firenze


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