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Registered: 07/20/04
Posts: 7,469
Loc: Heart of Laughter
Golf, by God- humor
    #3151832 - 09/18/04 08:50 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

Golf, By God!
Moses, Jesus and another guy were out playing golf one day. Moses
pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. It landed in the fairway but
rolled directly toward a water trap. Quickly Moses raised his club, the
water parted and it rolled to the other side, safe and sound.
Next, Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long one directly
toward the same water trap. It landed directly in the center of the
pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on
the pond and chipped it up onto the green.
The third guy got up and sort of randomly whacked the ball. It headed
out over the fence and into on-coming traffic on a nearby street. It
bounced off a truck and hit a nearby tree. From there it bounced onto
the roof of a nearby shack and rolled down into the gutter, down the
downspout, out onto the fairway and right toward the aforementioned
pond. On the way to the pond, it hit a little stone and bounced out
over the water and onto a lily pad where it rested quietly. Suddenly, a
very large bullfrog jumped up on the lily pad and snatched the ball
into his mouth. Just then, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog
and flew away. As they passed over the green, the frog squealed with
fright and dropped the ball, which bounced right into the hole for a
beautiful hole in one.
Moses then turned to Jesus and said, "I hate playing with your Dad."

Ahuwale ka nane huna.

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Words of Wisdom [Re: gettinjiggywithit]
    #3151888 - 09/18/04 09:06 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

Author Unknown

All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism, to steal from many is

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried

A fool and his money are soon partying.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.

Half the people you know are below average.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

Ahuwale ka nane huna.

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Re: Words of Wisdom [Re: gettinjiggywithit]
    #3152237 - 09/18/04 10:56 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.


If it weren't for the bloody corpses, I wouldn't have any corpses at all.

There are two ways to get to the top of an oak tree: start climbing or sit on an acorn.

Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?

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Registered: 02/21/01
Posts: 36,253
Loc: Lost in the Patterns
Re: Words of Wisdom [Re: gettinjiggywithit]
    #3152246 - 09/18/04 11:00 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

:grin: Thank you.

need that cash to feed them jones.

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¡(Bound to·(O))be free!
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Re: Words of Wisdom [Re: gettinjiggywithit]
    #3152319 - 09/18/04 11:27 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

JC is on the cross, and he calls out Peter's name. "Peter, Peter, come nearer, I have something to say to you".Peter tries to get near, but the Roman guards prod him with their spears. He tries again, and again the Romans beat him heavy.Finally he manages to push his way through to get to the feet of Christ, although he is heavy injured and covered with blood and cuts. "Yes my Lord, what do you wish to say to me?"."I can see your house from up here" replies JC.


jesus is pinned up on the cross with all his disciples around him he's getting pretty close to death, and looking a bit worse for wear he raises his head and all his disciples look up in are expecting one final lesson. Jesus opens his mouth and says
don't eat my easter eggs you b4stards, I'll be back on sunday.



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