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Registered: 06/09/03
Posts: 1,652
A vague emptiness
    #3115222 - 09/09/04 08:29 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

Some days that I have completely to myself, I have this unknown longing inside. Its chewing me up, I cant even describe it. I rarely discuss this with anyone, but its been with me ever since I reached the age of 12. Throughout my journey, I have never been able to display my true self to my peers, as I am now. I attempt to hide and embellish it with falseness to make people comfortable or to struggle at an attempt of pointless conversation. Our lives were stolen from us and our society is grounded on selfishness, which I have understood to be a logical fallacy against evolution and survival. I enjoy meeting new people, as we are interesting but, I have never enjoyed the fruits of a long term true friendship or a satisfactory companionship with a significant other. I know why, but I cannot change who I am. I am not interested in going to bars, clubs, etc... as they inspire no emotion from me whatsoever. Some call me emotionless, but I refuse to feel false emotions such as greed, regret, hate, discrimination which seems to fuel all of our social progress.

Make no mistake, I am not depressed nor will I ever be. I am quite content with my own life and decisions. I want help to an unknown problem, I want to make people feel significant, I want to empower the entire human race, I want people to evolve past their ego's, I want so much, but in the end it just creates a hallow vacuum in my heart. I want the Earth to feel like home again.

As the life of a candle,
my wick will burn out.
But, the fire of my mind
shall beam into infinite.

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Registered: 04/25/04
Posts: 263
Loc: Wrapped in an imbroglio
Last seen: 11 years, 3 months
Re: A vague emptiness [Re: psyka]
    #3115498 - 09/09/04 09:19 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

Welll, I can't reeally offer any advice because I'm in the same situation as you. The last part of your response may be the key... "I want to" do this or that. This may not be the right answer, or what you're looking for but maybe somehow try and eradicate that... but that's where I'm stuck... I don't know how.

To be honest with you man, I just think that unknown longing is for deliverance. From what... being human? To get off this planet? Maybe... I don't know.

Don't let it eat away at you, but how? You might have to make a drastic change in your life, or it might happen for you.

Anyways, I'm just rambling... and similar thoughts have been/ are running through my head.

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Registered: 08/04/01
Posts: 6,134
Loc: heart cave
Re: A vague emptiness [Re: psyka]
    #3115568 - 09/09/04 09:35 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

Existenstial Angst
Spiritual Vacuum
Inner Famine
The Great Sickness of Modern Man
Soul Hole
Crisis of Meaning

Whatever the label, it speaks of disconnection
and yearns for something to fill the postmodern void.

We oblige too willingly and pour in

Fast food
The internet
Spectator sports
Quick religion
And consumerism

We're medicated to keep our minds glazed and distracted
from the side effects of progress.

Psychotropics slide down our Evian-coated throats.
Paxil, Zoloft and Prozac.
They sound more like planets than pills.

The occasional war is offered up against the enemy-of-the-day,
in order to bring us into formation,
to ensure that our questions remain short and shallow.

But...despite all this
something ignites the Zapatista rebel demanding autonomy
the Palestinian suicide bomber resisting occupation
the Earth First activist serving her six year sentence
and the 67 year old Maryknoll nun who blocks the logging road.

Our pets arrive at Doggy Daycare wearing sweaters and mittens
as city dwellers reside in moving crates and storage boxes

Global warming
Fast Food
Child Labor
They all thrive on our inability...no, our refusal to connect.


The above was taken from adbusters magazine which I bought today for ?4.00.


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Registered: 09/05/04
Posts: 63
Last seen: 11 years, 3 months
Re: A vague emptiness [Re: Revelation]
    #3117237 - 09/10/04 03:51 AM (13 years, 8 months ago)

Great stuff on this. If I could add I would but this is great stuff. Keep it coming. : )

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taken by gravity
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Registered: 08/08/03
Posts: 5,313
Loc: Israeli in
Re: A vague emptiness [Re: psyka]
    #3119301 - 09/10/04 05:55 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

as the others already said... i ampathise...
and i think i know the answer as well (for me anyway)
i've spent alot of time alianated from my friends for the exact same reasons you've mentioned but you know what i found out?
i found out that i never took control of anything in my life!
i was too afraid to let anything tuch me... dissapoint me... i was afraid to appear needy or stupid or weak or... whatver!
i was too afraid to have true comunication which all of the above is part of! and mainly i was afriad to take responsibilety for my situation! i thought my friends are not "true" friends becouse they did not live to my unreal expectations and i got thrustrated with all of that!

i think what you have to realize is that only a small part of the people you know can comunicate with you on the leavel you wish to comunicate at... also... we are all selfish beings! we're here to seize the day and make the most of each moment (and if we're not assholes we seek to do it in harmoney with others and the world!)
all the things ravelation posted are to blame... but we have to rise above "blame" and ACT! act without fear!
say what is on your mind and if your friends don't want to hear then find someone who will otherwise what's the point?
we're here to make the most of it in our own little ways and we have to be true to ourselves and seek what is best for us without fear...

i can't say i'm much better off then you right now... but i think at least i know what's wrong with me!
i wanted to post here about one of my friends and the fact that i can't seem to comunicate with him with out STILL feeling like he's not interested or as if i'm not acting enough... i still let him lead me where ever he wants with out stopping to think what it is I want!
and basically like you said... i just want to comunicate with him on a higher level then say going to the pub and get drunk or going to parties or whatever!
so what's the answer?
i dont REALLY know but i'm pretty sure it has alot to do with self empowerment taking responsibilety and acting apone our true wants and needs (without expecting them from ANYONE ales... except love i guess which is pretty hard to come by without anyone ales :smile: )

but anyway let me ask you if i may...
what is it you really look for in your friends?

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Re: A vague emptiness [Re: Simisu]
    #3120543 - 09/10/04 11:40 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

I only require quality of time in the presence of others. I do not expect anything from them other than what they are. Never have I tried to push anything on them forcefully, rather I try to communicate in subtle ways to get them to think outside of their programming. Though, lately, I've been in quiet solitude seeking for something out of reach. It does not conflict with my responsibility's or progress, but at night when I can barely sleep it feels heavy and tugs at me.

There are no answers to this problem, just personal discovery's, and I hope one day this hunger is fed.

As the life of a candle,
my wick will burn out.
But, the fire of my mind
shall beam into infinite.

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Frilly Cuffs Extraordinaire
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Registered: 06/17/04
Posts: 43,754
Loc: Charisma
Re: A vague emptiness [Re: psyka]
    #3121153 - 09/11/04 02:53 AM (13 years, 8 months ago)

    I'm going to have to step in here.  For a long time, I had a sort of vague "emptiness."  That, and there was, as close as I can describe, a sort of "firing'" of nerves in my brain.  I mean, I had a constant "ping"/nerve sting that I didn't think over people experienced. 
    It took an acute illness to bring out a crippling depression in me.  After that, I had to get on meds and see a psych. 
    Just two weeks ago, I was talking to my doc about how I was under the false impression that pills "changed" you.  Made you like a Stepford wife.  Well, you know what, the difference is me being incapacitated by depression (whereas I believe it was a latent problem before it truly reared up) or me being a relatively normal person.  It's just a chemical imbalance in your brain.
      I don't mean to step out on this and be presumptuous, but I feel the need to speak up when mental health issues are raised.  One should not create a false dichotomy between physical/mental illness.  If you've got a bacterial infection, you take antibiotics to get better.  Though we don't know the causation of mental illness, and don't understand it like we do bacterial infection, it should be treated with the best tools (however imperfect) that we  have.
      Now, if you're just talking about The Other, that is hollowing and unknowable, hmmm.  Go read, The Stranger.  THen, take loads of drugs untiil you sort it all out.  :smile:



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