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ive been under alot of stress the past few months - most of it i attribute to my parents recent seperation, which has led my thoughts to numerous other tangents (my inter-family relationships has always been a great burden/stress on me) that have really destroyed my self-esteem and confidence. i often have thoughts about being a bad son or that my parents were bad parents (my logic/reason tells me that someone has to take the blame) - a lot of dumb crap that leads me to just mope around a lot
over the past month my family/life problems have manifested itself into, at times, intense feelings of anxiety, paranoia, and schizophrenia (this is all self-diagnosed through the wonders of the internet, so quite possibly inaccurate) - this has me pretty scared, and im terrified about seeking out psychiatric help because i really dont know if i need it, or how to begin if i did. im moving into my new place tomorrow for school (starts thursday) and am almost devestated by everything thats going on. i dont feel like my(happier, stable)self that i was before all this shit went down.
ive been a consistent pot smoker for the past 2-3 years, but since the thing with my family has flared up i've found it to be very un-enjoyable (the "im too high" feeling), and right now am on a detox until the end of the month
I feel okay writing this post, but often i find im always a little nervous about when the next time my anxiety might flare up - i avoid social situations that i used to handle pretty well - and a lot of this is really hard to swallow during times when i feel 'better' and i always hold on to the hope that i can just tough it out, and let time heal my wounds.
sorry this post doesnt really flow/conclude - i just wanted to vent a bit. any comments or insight would be more then welcome.
I'm sorry you are having a difficult time. Lately I have been really struggling myself. My advice: stop smoking pot altogether. I have realized that when I am on it I feel anxious and paranoid, and when I come down I feel depressed and unmotivated. I think once you are used to getting high weed has little lasting value because you forget most of what you think anyways. And on the contrary, it can scramble your mind making you feel more anxious and nihilistic. Speaking from my own experience the downsides outweigh the benefits. Second, try to expose yourself to as many new situations as possible and put on the best attitude you can. It's all about creating a happy and harmonious state of mind. A rolling stone gathers no moss. Keep moving and don't let yourself get stagnent. Lastly, I would suggest trying counseling. They can be pretty helpfull, and if not at least you tried.
First of all don't blame yourself if your parents can't get along. It's not your fault. Just try to keep off pot for a while. If you feel the need to talk to someone then find someone.There are a lot of good relationship therapist out there.
-------------------- Live each day like it will be your last, tomorrow my never come.