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Registered: 08/26/04
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Help! Ego loss, stupidification, etc.
    #3053260 - 08/26/04 02:02 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

Ok, I need some help from you experts here. This got long, but I'd really appreciate it if you'd bear with me. I've tripped a total of 4 times, first on ~220 morning glory seeds, then twice on 1/8th of shrooms, then on HALF an eighth of shrooms.

MG experience was fun then a disaster, but not important. First experience with shrooms was incredible, of course. Second experience with shrooms was a nightmare (tripped at night with 1 other person who disappeared without warning) and I experienced what I guess is called 'ego loss.' I forgot who I was and didn't feel like a person while I was tripping. I said things like "breathing, that's something I used to do..." I also got The Fear and everything seemed sinister and unfamiliar.

After the trip, though, I was pretty much fine, though pissed at the guy who left mid-trip (he was fine, but pissed at me for freaking out when he disappeared.) Life goes on...

About 2 months later, I have an eighth of shrooms left over from that last trip, and I decide to split them with a friend. We eat them, take a shot of whiskey, and I immediately have an anxiety attack. I got the, "what have I done to myself" feeling because my last trip had been so horrible. I freak out, try to puke up the shroomies but fail, then manage to calm down with some pacing about and light conversation with my trip buddy. It was stressful but manageable, and I tripped pretty hard for having half of what I was used to. Visuals, thoughts, smells into sounds, all that fun stuff. While tripping, we both agree that tripping is like being made a little kid again because everything is new. When we're coming down, we both say, "my brain hurts."

For the next few days, I feel absolutely brain dead and I get dizzy, nauseated, and disoriented periodically throughout the day, especially when I eat or stand up suddenly. In the "quiet moments" when I'd usually be thinking, I just feel empty. A bit of The Fear lingers, and from time to time I get some anxiety when I see something quite normal, like a plate of pasta.

It's been about a month and things have gotten a little better, but last week I did some hard partying. Five nights of heavy drinking followed by pot a few times, and all of a sudden I'm having flashbacks. Not real hard, but just some movement in stationary objects, especially if I focus hard on them, and I get anxious about things - I'm not usually a nervous guy. Other people have noticed the difference too, and I've gotten "you look sick/tired/distracted" and "who are you and what have you done with my son?"

What concerns me the most is that I am (or used to be) a smart person, and that's pretty much all I've got going for me. My brain feels physically numb frequently, and I notice that I'm not as quick as I used to be. I make spelling/grammar mistakes when I write, I make wrong turns when I drive, I can't solve simple problems I know I should be able to, and I feel like my "inner voice" is quieter. I can't hear myself think, and not because there's a lot going on in there...I'm just not thinking as much. I've felt somewhat like this before when I'm hung over, but it passes...this has been going on in various degrees for a month.

Is this unusual? Is it permanent? What can I do? Were the shrooms bad? Do I have to think my way out of this or will it pass on its own? The only good things that have come out of this are that I've learned how important my mind is to me, and that I know I'd rather be able to fit in with regular people than try to experience "enlightenment" through changing my conscious state. I don't think I'll ever trip again (sad, I know) and I'm considering giving up pot too (I've started tripping a bit when I smoke.)

Any comments you have would be really helpful.

Thanks Guys,

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Re: Help! Ego loss, stupidification, etc. [Re: helpmehelpme]
    #3054393 - 08/26/04 07:02 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

I think you're right... it's time for you to stop open doors activities for a while, and see if you start to feel better. Pot notoriously befuddles the mind; I chose getting stoned and doing a mentally easy job over using my brains and having a proper career. I expect some people can keep it together intellectually and smoke pot, but I'm not one of them.
But it sounds like you want to explore your empirical side, so that's what you should do, in my no-brain but well meaning opinion.
I hope you are happy and healthy in whatever direction you choose. Lots of love.


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Re: Help! Ego loss, stupidification, etc. [Re: helpmehelpme]
    #3055460 - 08/26/04 10:40 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

you could also be depressed.

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Re: Help! Ego loss, stupidification, etc. [Re: helpmehelpme]
    #3055533 - 08/26/04 10:55 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

A lot of times it can be mental. The hallucinations that you see now may be something that has gone on all your life but only after you took the mushrooms did it magnify it enough for you to notice it. That's what happened to me. I can relate to what you are talking about exactly.

A lot of it is just confirmation bias. Where basically you notice everything that proves what your looking for and throw out anything that disproves it.

Stop doing drugs and exercise regularly for about 3 months and that should put your body and mind chemistry back into sync.

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Re: Help! Ego loss, stupidification, etc. [Re: Worf]
    #3055867 - 08/26/04 11:57 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

Dont push your self into a mental illness, you can never go back.  My mate got schizophrenia from to much weed, and lsd.  The doc's reckon its more from weed than the acid. Everything in moderation is the best! If you feel like you cant handle it take a break.  Harmony, space your trips/ smoking out to every other day and things will be sweet.



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Re: Help! Ego loss, stupidification, etc. [Re: helpmehelpme]
    #3056010 - 08/27/04 12:47 AM (12 years, 2 months ago)

I had an experience like that not too long ago, The Fear was with me for about a week afterwards, though now about 3 weeks later I am feeling great. My last short relapse into that mental state was four days ago and it was nothing, I easily picked my mind out of it. Meditation I think helped me a lot.

Good luck, send me a pm if you want

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Re: Help! Ego loss, stupidification, etc. [Re: Journey]
    #3057273 - 08/27/04 11:01 AM (12 years, 2 months ago)

Thanks a lot guys...good, comforting advice. I'm actually feeling better just having been sober for a few days. After doing some more research, I think the actual reason I was nervous/nauseated is from the booze, and that I had just associated the nervousness with the trip, which brought back some of the sensations.

So I guess curious4 was right with, "you could also be depressed" - I was, because my body was recovering from an alcohol binge.

This is a great community and you guys are doing a great job getting information out into the ether. Thanks shroomery!

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Mushrooms, Mycology and Psychedelics >> The Psychedelic Experience

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