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life in E minor
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Registered: 06/07/01
Posts: 1,860
Loc: /export/home/Kremlin
Last seen: 2 months, 3 days
A Summer of Change
    #3038668 - 08/23/04 07:26 AM (12 years, 2 months ago)

So in my last post in S&P (Here),  some people had expressed interest in me continuing to post my talks with the elusive G.  If people are still interested, i'll keep it up, and if i see this thread doesnt get any momentum, then i'll let the subject die :smile:

My relationship with G in the past has always been interesting.  I can remember him being there in my life since 13, but i only saw him maybe once every couple months, or maybe even 6 months...yet his image lingers in my memories for the duration of that time.

This has changed over this summer.  I have begun to regularly spend time with G, having many great talks, and learning alot about myself, my friends, and G, and how he works (and someday how I will, if i stay on the right course).

He asked me many questions at the beginning of this summer about my future, on many different occasions.  "Where do you see yourself after college", "Is Neuroscience the only job option you can imagine yourself in?", etc etc.  Spurred by the waves of change that have washed over my life like a fucking tsunami this summer, I am indeed changing: My views, my attitudes, my thought processes, and my desires.  A long standing desire is starting to become less of a dream, and more of a reality, slowly pushing its way out of the depths o f my mind into the forefrunt, spurring me to move forward.  This is music.

G has asked me many times about music, we have had talks about music.  We sat in my room, in complete silence while i played a song for him that moved me like no other.  I explained to him that the first time i heard it, in my car after i bought the cd, i was awestruck by the emotion in the song.  Tears welled in my eyes, on first seconds of listening of this song i had never heard before.  I've always had an extremely emotional connection with music, though.  Oftentimes i'll find myself with tears welling during emotionally crucial parts of a song...not to say that im crying, but its like a tension release from the buildup and climax of the song, or just the deep seated emotions that underlie the creativity.  When it comes to jazz, i honestly feel like the musician is singing to me through their instrument.  Just like a singer uses their voice, the saxophonist uses a sax to sing, and i hear loud and clear what they are saying...the joys, the sorrows, the angst, the passion, and the wonder.

After the song finished (Stan Getz - Two Little Pearls [with danish radio big band]), G commented in a semi-stunned fashion at the level of emotion that he detected as well, and immidiately requested a copy of that song.  I proceeded to load up a bunch of jazz songs that i have that really hit deep inside of me.

The point that i am sidewinding my way to is coming, i promise :smile:.  G had never heard me play the guitar during the conversations that follow.  I expressed my growing angst with the desires of my soul and the realities of the working world, how i was brought up in a family that didnt take big risks like a musical career, my insecurities with my abilities, etc.  Rather then ask G straight out, "Will i have a career in music", because that lends nothing to be discovered by myself (nor would he answer :smile:), i simply asked him if he thought it foolish for me to invest in a side project that i have had much interest in lately, the Tenor Saxophone.

He said that the sax and i will cross paths later, but now would be a poorly chosen time, and that i should spend some more time with my good ol' string instrument.  Never did i have the desire to give up the guitar, just expand my musical possibilities through an instrument that i think i may better express myself upon (i have commented to my friends that i feel like a sax player stuck in a guitar players body at times...just the nature of the improvisation seems to resonate more with my inner self).

After just hanging around for a while, talking of different things, i posited one more question: "G, as a good and wise friend, do you think its foolish or unwise, or just plain not for me to pursue the ideas of a career in music."  G would tell me flat out if i was straying from the path, but he didnt.  Instead he said that he thought it was a good idea.

He knows the level of connection that i have with the music.  But the part that i love, is that he has never heard me play the instrument at that point (he did later idly while we were just sitting around), but he can speak so confidently in his insights because of their nature.

The different angles, or levels of life that he is able to simultaneously observe and record from are many more than your average person, which is why i trust his advice and guidance, always.

But beyond him, if i wanted to be a skeptic and say that it was foolish to put my trust in his words, things are falling into place for this upcoming year for these pursuits anyways.  A good friend who is an amazing songwriter expressed interest in pursuing some stage-time with me, as well as recording-time.

So, my friends, the tsunami of change continues to tumble on my life, washing away the old, and bringing in the new...but i have faith that it is right, and that it is for the best.

With that, i must rest for classes, as they start tommorow :smile:

Take care all


"Human suffering has been caused because all too many of us cannot grasp that words are only tools for our use, and that the mere presence of a word in the dictionary does not mean it necessarily refers to something definitive in the real world"
--Richard Dawkins, "The Selfish Gene"

"It is the mind which creates the world about us, and even though we stand side by side in the same meadow, my eyes will never see what is beheld by yours."
-George Gissing

"Without a firm idea of himself and the purpose of his life, man cannot live, and would sooner destroy himself than remain on earth, even if he was surrounded by bread."
--Fyodor Dostoevsky

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Niggar please

Registered: 10/11/03
Posts: 386
Loc: Orange County
Last seen: 8 years, 1 month
Re: A Summer of Change [Re: Kremlin]
    #3039119 - 08/23/04 12:27 PM (12 years, 2 months ago)

I'm quite interested in this thread, so I hope you keep updating it.  I've had experiences similar to G's and it's helpful to read how other people handle it.  Best of luck on your journey down this road - trust your intuition and you should be fine. :heart:

I'm just see-through faded, super jaded, and out of my mind. - R.I.P. Layne

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General Interest >> Philosophy, Sociology & Psychology

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