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 ToTheSummit
peregrinus
Registered: 08/22/99
Posts: 9,126
Loc: Las Vegas
Last seen: 7 days, 4 hours
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 Mistrust and jealousy....the biggest relationship killers 
#3010412 - 08/16/04 07:22 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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I was thinking this weekend how many people do not trust their significant others or are really jealous of the things they do. In my opinion, this is the biggest killer of relationships.
Dishonesty is another killer, but most dishonesty spawns from mistrust and jealousy to begin with. So why are so many people like this? Can anyone explain what good it does to feel jealousy? If you trust someone there is no reason to be jealous of them. And what causes anyone to want to stay with someone they don't trust in the first place? These are things I just don't understand.
These thoughts came to mind this weekend because of what I did. I went out with the band on Friday night. Late in the evening, after we were all drunk, someone wanted to go to the strip club. I'm not a fan of strip clubs myself. I could never understand the facination with paying skanky chick hundreds of dollars to give you blue-balls!  But I was happy to go and hang out with the guys. And I had a good time fucking with the strippers heads (telling them things like "No thanks, I don't want a dance, I'm gay!"  ).
All the other guys act like this is some big secret that we did this. Like there would be hell to pay if their wives/girls knew about it. But when my wife asked me how my night was I didn't hesitate to tell her everything we did, including the strip club. I didn't try to hide any details, or sugar-coat the story. And she just laughed and said "Sounds like you had fun."
I can't imagine being with a woman who got pissed when I came home and told her this story. I have no tolerance for jealousy. And I extend the same courtesy to her. She knows she can go out whith her friends anytime and go anywhere she wants and I don't care. I trust her and she doesn't violate that trust so there is no need for jealousy. Pretty simple.
So learn to trust the one you are with and drop the jealousy. Because if you can't, then I'm afraid you are with the wrong person.
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You invented the wheel....You push the motherfucker!!
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Barbi
Plastic Person
Registered: 04/22/02
Posts: 12,976
Last seen: 19 years, 5 months
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Re: Mistrust and jealousy....the biggest relationship killers [Re: ToTheSummit]
#3010661 - 08/16/04 08:11 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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Ive found the 2 biggest marriage killers to be the following
money.
sex.
trust.
in roughly that order.
I definately agree with you to some extent on the trust and jealously thing, but sometimes there is no avoiding jealousy even if there is 100% trust. I would never cheat on my wife regardless of situation excluding something like being drugged and raped while unconcious, and I know she is the same way, however, I still, and she still, gets jealous every now and then when situations arise. Sometimes its healthy as it can remind you just how much you do care about that person.
p.s. I'll mail you your panties and toothbrush from the gathering when I get a chance...
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YouEnjoyMyself
PHiSH
Registered: 03/01/03
Posts: 8,127
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
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Re: Mistrust and jealousy....the biggest relationship killers [Re: ToTheSummit]
#3010722 - 08/16/04 08:26 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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it's true.
and a lot of the times you don't want to admit that you don't trust them, you swear you do but you really don't and you don't want to admit it.
With my last gf that i had for almost 2 years i would hate it when she hung out with other guys, i would let her, but hated it, because A- i know all of them wanted to get on her cause i've heard them say it, and WHILE i was with her a dude that she hung out with walks up to her side and starts rubbing his crotch up on her kinda, i don't know hot to descibe it but yeah and i was like "what the fuck do you think you are doing?!" and he left and B- They would get her FUCKED up so badly and try to hit on her butshe never did anything, but i knew she liked other guys at the end of the relationship but idc cause im glad its over. And i had another point that i thoguht was good but forgot.
And what REALLY pissed me off was that i stopped by herhouse once, she was just wearing some normal shorts and a shirt and then my friend was coming to pick her up to hang out ( i hadn't talked to him in monthes but we were good buddys) and she comes outside (i was talking to him) and shes in a TINY little sluttly skirt and a tiny shirt which her boobs were hanging out and she lied about where she was going and that was like where the relationship ended but now they are dating. But that pissed me off she would dress "revealing" or whatnot when hanging out with otherguys...
i should stop talking though cause im like rambling and she was so stupid and crazy it always irritates me to think of her, i don't know why i didn't end it sooner, cause like a year into it i noticed i wasnt TOO much attracted to her anymore but the good head and plentiful head + sex keep me into it a lot. haha, i guess thats bad. And i did cheat on her 2 or 3 times...with the same girl each time, but thats the only time/s i've ever cheated on anyone and i really don't like it (if its a serious relationship). 2 of the times it was just making out which isn't HORRIBLe but i would be pissed, and one time it was making out and a handjob that never got finished cause we got interupted.
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-Wash uffitze drive me to firenze
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IAmTheWalrus212
LIL WEEZY
Registered: 07/21/03
Posts: 5,918
Loc: ?
Last seen: 12 years, 11 months
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Re: Mistrust and jealousy....the biggest relationship killer [Re: YouEnjoyMyself]
#3010868 - 08/16/04 09:10 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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A handjob's a man's job. Yo job's a blow job.
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PuZuZu
Board Bum
Registered: 05/27/04
Posts: 671
Loc: Idaho (USA)
Last seen: 18 years, 7 months
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Re: Mistrust and jealousy....the biggest relationship killer [Re: ToTheSummit]
#3010886 - 08/16/04 09:16 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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One thing that helps this shit if you aren't perfect like myself is to warn them ahead of time about your problems. Or date someone that doesn't have high standards. Usually the only fucking thing that keeps the relationship going is COMMUNICATION. Don't fuck with their head and keep a clear view on everything. Don't hide feelings and stuff, it just makes assumptions that always are wrong from the other partner if you act weird.
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"If you worried about falling off the bike, you would never get on."
Lance Armstrong
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 silversoul7
Chill the FuckOut!
Registered: 10/10/02
Posts: 27,301
Loc: mndfreeze's puppet army
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Re: Mistrust and jealousy....the biggest relationship killer [Re: ToTheSummit]
#3010900 - 08/16/04 09:22 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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Trust should be earned, not given automatically. Trusting untrustworthy people is how you end up getting hurt.
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"It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong."--Voltaire
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IAmTheWalrus212
LIL WEEZY
Registered: 07/21/03
Posts: 5,918
Loc: ?
Last seen: 12 years, 11 months
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Re: Mistrust and jealousy....the biggest relationship killer [Re: silversoul7]
#3010913 - 08/16/04 09:25 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
silversoul7 said:
Trusting untrustworthy people is how you end up getting hurt.
Too true, man. 5 shrooms for getting it on the money. 
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40oz
Registered: 01/18/01
Posts: 30,119
Loc: Sandy Eggo. Ca.
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Re: Mistrust and jealousy....the biggest relationship killers [Re: ToTheSummit]
#3011481 - 08/16/04 11:24 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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a gurlz gonna do what a gurl wants to do regardless.
if shes with you, shes with you for a reason.
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 - - - -      
tiny_rabid_birds said:
"your avatar is dirty."
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Anonymous
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Re: Mistrust and jealousy....the biggest relationship killers [Re: ToTheSummit]
#3011515 - 08/16/04 11:32 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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This is why humans weren't meant to be monogomous.
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YouEnjoyMyself
PHiSH
Registered: 03/01/03
Posts: 8,127
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
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Re: Mistrust and jealousy....the biggest relationship killer [Re: silversoul7]
#3011570 - 08/16/04 11:45 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
silversoul7 said:
Trust should be earned, not given automatically. Trusting untrustworthy people is how you end up getting hurt.
i know lots of people who do that.
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-Wash uffitze drive me to firenze
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BioSore
Drunken' Irish
Registered: 07/23/04
Posts: 422
Last seen: 16 years, 7 months
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Re: Mistrust and jealousy....the biggest relationship killer [Re: Barbi]
#3011586 - 08/16/04 11:50 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
mndfreeze said:
Ive found the 2 biggest marriage killers to be the following
money.
sex.
trust.
... Isn't that three?
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YouEnjoyMyself
PHiSH
Registered: 03/01/03
Posts: 8,127
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
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Re: Mistrust and jealousy....the biggest relationship killer [Re: BioSore]
#3011728 - 08/17/04 12:32 AM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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hahaha, i can't believei didn't catch that cause 2 stood out and i noticed there were three but nothing clicked in my head..
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-Wash uffitze drive me to firenze
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Barbi
Plastic Person
Registered: 04/22/02
Posts: 12,976
Last seen: 19 years, 5 months
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Re: Mistrust and jealousy....the biggest relationship killer [Re: BioSore]
#3011788 - 08/17/04 01:11 AM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
BioSore said:
Quote:
mndfreeze said:
Ive found the 2 biggest marriage killers to be the following
money.
sex.
trust.
... Isn't that three?
errrr.. yay for lack of sleep and typos.. yeah it should say 3..
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TheChiaPetFarmer
Chia Smeller
Registered: 08/13/04
Posts: 61
Loc: Iceland
Last seen: 19 years, 1 month
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Re: Mistrust and jealousy....the biggest relationship killer [Re: ToTheSummit]
#3011821 - 08/17/04 01:27 AM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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Girls, you can't live with 'em, and you can't live without 'em.
As stated above trust is definitely earned and not automatically given. And if you've been burned before, it's kinda hard to trust again.
We can try to analyze girls until the cows come home, but it's so fucking complicated. My friends and I are always trying to figure out the female animal, but sometimes I think it's just futile because they come in so many different flavors and each one having a unique history/upbringing.
ToTheSummit, you're lucky your wife is one of those understanding/trusting women. My girlfriend would probably withhold the muff for a long time just to get back at me if I went to a stripclub.
Humans are so fucking complicated.
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40oz
Registered: 01/18/01
Posts: 30,119
Loc: Sandy Eggo. Ca.
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Re: Mistrust and jealousy....the biggest relationship killer [Re: TheChiaPetFarmer]
#3011977 - 08/17/04 02:08 AM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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* Girls, you can't live with 'em, and you can't shoot'em. 
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- - - -
tiny_rabid_birds said:
"your avatar is dirty."
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OldSpice
Geritol Breath...
Registered: 08/25/03
Posts: 59,080
Loc: Crankytown, Texas
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 Re: Mistrust and jealousy....the biggest relationship killer [Re: 40oz]
#3011997 - 08/17/04 02:20 AM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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What am I suspended here?
Should I kid myself that I have no fear?
I get no choice, I just have to wait
It may already be too late
I don't know what's going on
She is here, but I am gone, I am gone
My love is lying here
She's far away though she looks so near
``Time will tell,'' she says to me
When a warm ?...? is all I need
Her peace of mind, her strength of will
It will come, she's sure it will
But how can I put my mind at rest?
I feel I'm coming off second best
And I'm cut with my own life
Is this a dream or is it real life?
Oh, sleep, come on me soon
I can't bear this lonely room
Look at that hair lying there
The room is dark, she shows no fear
I'm lying still, my eyes are wide
My heart is pumping, I'm still alive
I'm still awake against my will
What will it ever take to still this burning in me?
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So hard to be ....WDWGFH?
Texas is humongus compared to France
Our Gair, who art in Texas,
Paw Paw be thy Name....
My friends are thirsty
You never see a motorcycle parked outside a Psychiatrist office
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oDin
Registered: 08/12/99
Posts: 5,789
Last seen: 10 years, 9 months
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Re: Mistrust and jealousy....the biggest relationship killer [Re: ToTheSummit]
#3012006 - 08/17/04 02:28 AM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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ya man, ive had similar thoughts and experiences....
cool thread
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Barbi
Plastic Person
Registered: 04/22/02
Posts: 12,976
Last seen: 19 years, 5 months
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Re: Mistrust and jealousy....the biggest relationship killer [Re: oDin]
#3012023 - 08/17/04 02:45 AM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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annie better watch out, I'm out for you odin.
rawr you sexy beast.
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BioSore
Drunken' Irish
Registered: 07/23/04
Posts: 422
Last seen: 16 years, 7 months
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Re: Mistrust and jealousy....the biggest relationship killer [Re: 40oz]
#3012090 - 08/17/04 03:28 AM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
fortyounces2freedom said:
* Girls, you can't live with 'em, and you can't shoot'em.
Can, too. Just gotta be damn good at it.
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TheChiaPetFarmer
Chia Smeller
Registered: 08/13/04
Posts: 61
Loc: Iceland
Last seen: 19 years, 1 month
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Re: Mistrust and jealousy....the biggest relationship killer [Re: ToTheSummit]
#3012398 - 08/17/04 07:38 AM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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All this craziness between the two sexes is going to spawn an asexual being one day. Oh man...IT is never going to have to deal with the BS we normal-sexuals are putting up with. How fucking cool. Imagine that...
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Clean
the lense
Registered: 05/11/03
Posts: 2,374
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 Re: Mistrust and jealousy....the biggest relationship killers [Re: ToTheSummit]
#3012415 - 08/17/04 07:47 AM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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i've noticed..
most problems in relationships manifest, at first, entirely in one person's head which they then project onto the other person. the other person is caught off gaurd by such inconsiderate behavior and usually gets angry, thus validating the first person's deluisional projections, and then you have a fight.
intense "love" makes people act irrationally. what i've learned is that i can feel love with that intensity and still keep a relatively clear head, it just takes a little effort sometimes
Edited by Clean (08/17/04 05:55 PM)
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Phishgrrl
Walking in thetall trees...
Registered: 05/03/04
Posts: 5,079
Last seen: 18 years, 9 months
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Re: Mistrust and jealousy....the biggest relationship killers [Re: ToTheSummit]
#3012490 - 08/17/04 08:20 AM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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This is a great thread....
That's all I have to say for now. 
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Once in awhile you can get shown the light
In the strangest of places if you look at it right...
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ToTheSummit
peregrinus
Registered: 08/22/99
Posts: 9,126
Loc: Las Vegas
Last seen: 7 days, 4 hours
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Re: Mistrust and jealousy....the biggest relationship killer [Re: Barbi]
#3014881 - 08/17/04 05:39 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
mndfreeze said:
Ive found the 2 biggest marriage killers to be the following
money.
sex.
trust.
in roughly that order.
I was talking about just romantic relationships in general, not nessecarily marriage. Money and sex do seem to become bigger factors once a couple gets married.
Quote:
mndfreeze said:
p.s. I'll mail you your panties and toothbrush from the gathering when I get a chance...
Thanks, but I've grown accustomed to going commando in the last 3 months and I am kinda enjoying the hair I have grown on my teeth.
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You invented the wheel....You push the motherfucker!!
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chinadoll
there
Registered: 10/05/02
Posts: 1,118
Loc: dark side of terrapin
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Re: Mistrust and jealousy....the biggest relationship killers [Re: ToTheSummit]
#3015418 - 08/17/04 07:53 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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Inorder for there to be mistrust in a relationship, there has to be a reason for it and I think people have a feeling when something is amiss. Jealousy is usually the aftermath when these feelings are proven true. Anger and revenge are the next steps.
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