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OfflineLiquid_Dimension
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Registered: 02/15/04
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Filled with negativity
    #2981703 - 08/09/04 03:14 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Ever since I had turned 18 yeard old,everything sorta changed.I had started smoking pot at that age,I'm 20 right now and will be 21 in feb.Currently I stopped smoking pot,It just made me paranoid and anti-social,also I CANNOT be in public high...I just hate it.Anyway, nowadays in my life...almost anything can trigger me into a downward spiral...then i just feel hopeless,helpless and filled with anxiety.only some people know how my condition is...but not all the details entirely.

I'm so avoidant too,I have a girlfriend currently...very loving and caring.I want to tell her things but...i just stop and dont do anything and just avoid everything.bah sometimes i think im like schizotypal.I have lost certain interest...I cant sit down and play my video games for a long time like i used to do.

I don't know,these past 2 years have been the darkest days of my life.Suicidal thoughts come to mind,but i dont attempt.I guess it would be a good idea to lay off the pot and alcohol.But weak doses of mushrooms i can deal with good...i feel happy,not that i do shrooms to escape or anything.I respect shrooms 100%,Ive been wanting to take a strong trip...but that wouldnt be a wise choice because i know shrooms will break all my mental barriers and defence mechanism and ill just be crushed.

Sorry If my post was all jumbled up,my mind races...


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OfflineAsanteA
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Re: Filled with negativity [Re: Liquid_Dimension]
    #2982276 - 08/09/04 05:24 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

LiQuiD_DiMenSioN...

Sorry to cut it so short but trust me on this:\
Stop using marijuana
When I read this i get the strong impression Marijuana is harmful for you. Perhaps you had some major prior problems (like 1/10 people) you were blissfully unaware of but if you say it like you say it and state low-dose mushrooms are no problem, I'd say there is something in your mind that's incompatible with specifically Marijuana.

I hear stuff I have read in various posts but in yours they all come together pretty intensely.

I want to see you happy. :grin:
But as I read it the high of Marijuana gives you unpleasantness both when you're high and when you're not.
Quit it.

Marijuana gave me angina pectoris quite often (coming in the vicinity of a heart attack) which i did not recognise because Marijuana is quite harmless.

But it turned out I have a genetic heart condition, I had my heart attack and ICU stay on Dec 27 2002. Not at all by the weed, but because it eventually had to happen.

Marijuana is quite harmless.. unless you are the 1/25.000 people with my heartcondition. Then Marijuana is quite dangerous.

When people say: "You can't see God on LSD" in generic spiritual  debate I routinely retort:
"Then it's truely powerful, if it can actually keep God away for 12 hours straight" :evil:

Same thing in reverse. Marijuana isnt harmless when you've got a weakspot you are unaware of. Its just -relatively- harmless in the vast majority of people who have no such weakness.
One bee-sting is quite exciting but harmless.. yet some are allergic and get rushed to the ICU with a piece of garden hose up their throat to keep it from swelling shut.

It isn't a honey-bee or Marijuana that is to blame: its individual susceptibility. I really believe cannabis is detrimental to you as a person.

Quit it.

A harsh month but you'll get over it.
That one herb just isnt for you, just like it isnt for me.
Ousted from Paradise.
Sobeit. It's the quality of your life thats at stake.
-paranoid
-antisocial
-social dysphoria
-downward spiral
-down and afraid
-girlfriend problems
-i think i have chronic mental illness
-concentration disruption
-suicidal thoughts
-please stop using pot

If this was on freevibe i'd take it with a grain of salt, but not on Shroomery Support. For you, as an individual, it -isn't- harmless.
Quit. I can almost guarantee you that after a rough time and perhaps a month of whatevering your life would feel better, even if you did nothing to improve it except laying off the bud.
I think you are drugging yourself into a chronic unhappiness and that each toke helps to keep you there. I am pro-marijuana but not in your specific case because i believe weed is part of the problem here.
I know it's shit but you gotta quit.
Free your mind.



.


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Offlineyada_yada
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Registered: 08/09/04
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Re: Filled with negativity [Re: Liquid_Dimension]
    #2982366 - 08/09/04 05:40 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

here's a crazy idea. get over it, you are the only one that controls how you feel. point blank.

there's no magic pill that is going to make you feel better or get on with your life. how about you do something instead of sitting there groveling in your own sorrow. almost every single type of medication or their according precursors require physical actions along with the medication to receive full benefit. here's a second crazy idea, go do things instead of going form work to home and from home to work... try going out. and stop using drugs as an excuse. when you stop doing drugs and they start doing you, and the pain they bring is more than the pleasure, you my friend have become an addict

man the only person that can fix you, is you.


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InvisibleHarveyWalbanger
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Registered: 06/24/02
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Re: Filled with negativity [Re: Liquid_Dimension]
    #2982417 - 08/09/04 05:54 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Its not what you possess, who you are, the position you hold, or where you are located that makes you happy. Its what you think about it.


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Offlineyada_yada
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Registered: 08/09/04
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Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
Re: Filled with negativity [Re: HarveyWalbanger]
    #2982501 - 08/09/04 06:11 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

precisely, you are one of very few i've had the pleasure of conversing with that doesn't think that people's emotional addictions/problems are the end result of a parameter beyond their control.


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OfflinePuZuZu
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Registered: 05/27/04
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Re: Filled with negativity [Re: Liquid_Dimension]
    #2983834 - 08/10/04 12:40 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

I'll put it this way man, you are losing your focus. You are losing the point in life. Your mind is wandering and blaming it all on shit. You see things all in one color.

Fucking wake up, get off your ass and quit dwelling in depression. I hate people like that, its pathetic. Because soon it will suck the life out of you and you'll be a loser. Maybe even a suicidal loser. You don't have the right to choose when you die and you know that. SO fuck the suicide thoughts you know?

Your girlfriend doesn't sound like much of a mental cushion either.

Far as the marijuana is concerned, if it dampens your spirit and all you can do is blame the innocent plant on your negativity then don't smoke it. Its only a self-inflicter. Anything that inflicts pain on oneself is a big nono. I hate that shit. Cutting oneself, going through pain and mental throbs, listening to shit that isn't true, all this crap is going to grind at you until you crumble. Become strong again, find an energy and use it. Please.

I wish you luck on your journey to revival because it isn't easy.


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"If you worried about falling off the bike, you would never get on."
Lance Armstrong



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OfflinePuZuZu
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Re: Filled with negativity [Re: Liquid_Dimension]
    #2983839 - 08/10/04 12:41 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Plus its sad that you've noticed this affect or 'condition' for a few years. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT MAN! Soon you'll be hollow.


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OfflineAsanteA
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Re: Filled with negativity [Re: PuZuZu]
    #2984960 - 08/10/04 08:20 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

It sounded a bit harsh at first read PuZuZu but i'm with you all the way on most counts!

On topic:
Firstly I think that purely physically weed is wrong for you. I've heard the things you mentioned as seprerate tansient entities but with you it seems a solid block of weed-related aggrevation indicating a hypersensitivity, either neurologically (hardware), psychologically (software) or both.

But the thing is that most people slack it off and leave it all hanging down.

Party's over.
The weed was fun when it lasted but now it has become a destructive habit and I agree with PuZuZu that it may be kind-of an excuse to not engage in living as well as a genuine obstacle.

The weed will now give you great personal power if you part with it, but it will keep you down if you continue.
It's indeed all about self-abuse now.

Usually in threads i'm among the harshest constructive voices, because like PuZuZu i truely believe it is all about the INNER POWER. A bit like the "Warrior" and the guy who sucks in 2-3 packs of Marlboros a day and whatevers around.

I have been that one. Until December 27 2002 my motto was "bury me in Marlboro country" as i sucked in cig after cig.
Then I awoke at 4 AM in the midst of a heart attack. From the christmas tree to the cardiac ICU. On the night of 27-28 I have been at the brink of death several times and was forced to bring mental closure to my life and say goodbye to all the laughs and tears as my heartrate kept losing the beat under 40 bpm and the nurses rushed in... That night the defib cart was on my room all the time, a young guy amidst the middle-aged men and women.
My goal in life became very specific: to see January 1 2003.
Guess what: I made it :smile:

Now I'm a pharmboy and in his delicious irony God made me switch from Hard Drugs to Heart Drugs (you gotta love him, no: really :heart:) and my new reality is that at any second of day or night, without warning, I can get the Divine sledgehammer to the chest incapacitating me before i can use the Nitro spray and when its that severe then I'll either wake up as a hospital ward vegetable or born again under a twin star and four moons or where-ever God intends to put me my next time around.

I have nitroglycerin sitting next to the computer, i swallow little tablets of a viper venom analog, i got pharms that at times make my lower legs swell with fluids for which i got other pharms to literally take the piss out of me and all the while at any time i can get the WHUMPP! to the chest, or fibrillate out of our solar system.
Guess what: I've never been happier in my LIFE !

Because on that night of near death, making up the final balance, saying my last prayer and parting with this life readying me for the Great Unknown, that night made me into a True Adult.
I've shed my addictions, I got a firm grip on my life and actually got more alive then ever before.
On me it worked like the Rite of Passage as seen in natural societies, the Grand Ordeal, the night that seperates the boys from the Men.

And if i won't become a veggie and won't be snuffed too soon or harshly I couldn't be more grateful for that near-death heart attack that awoke my Inner Strength. Let the side-effects suck, let me burst fluffy rainbow-colored bubbles just like an annoyed war veteran at times, but I had my Awakening, my Rite of Passage and i thank God for striking me down that night. (if he lays off the heart a lil from now on :grin:)

Personal Power! Becoming a True Adult!
Don't let the weed habit sap your strength and don't wait for a sign of God because those lightningbolts can really hurtya!
You fear that if you take much mushrooms there will be a crisis. You fear you might be schizotypal (I got my printout copy of DSM IV on tha shelf too) which basically says you fear a crisis is coming. Well.. it may in fact be so and should that happen it may be easier or harder on you then you imagined.

You don't need your mind or body to cook up & dish out a crisis to find your Inner Self. Agony is not required.
Don't be the smoker who says "I'll quit when it gets uncomfortable" or the druggie who says "I can stop whenever I want to"-but never does. You are --not-- dependent on weed, you are just in a strong habit that likely consists mostly of having built a portion of your life on Marijuana's comforts and perhaps an excuse to not do the things you "really kinda should do" but that go up in smoke.

If you quit dayly drugs/pot, your chance to get arrested, involvements in personal usage drug buys and "mentally offline" hours decrease dozens of times while you save a stack of money.

Word has it half of Africa is dying of famine, drought, the most horrible diseases known to man and (civil) wars. How about shoving 5% of your then former pot money their way?
A tiny single joint of cannabis a day costs as much in the Fist World as a simple Sahel laborer earns by hauling 50 lbs. sacks of grain all day under a 100'F sun on a chonically under-stuffed tummy.
He doesn't get a joint to cure his mood: he gets Cholera that flushes out his tapeworm :sad:
If you donate a measly $0.50 a day it would literally pay for a worker there to build their continent anew.

So you see there are much things you can do that will mean something and make you happier, like the $0.50/day donation thing.
When you get high you -sit'n'stuff- so when you live high (like i diod for years) there isnt much happening that makes you smile and now the Weed sank from under you.

Set sail on the seas of life mah man! Pull up the anchor! Ships aren't made to sit safely in the harbor.. I know it is probably mightily scary and you might whisper to yourself that you can't quit the habit or don't have the strength..
Anchors aweigh! Take back the helm, hoist up the sails of Desire and Ambition, turn sharp port out of that wretched Marijuanaville Harbor and sail the seas of life on the compass of your Spirit!

Love yourself and put your trust in your Inner Strength :heart: :thumbup:


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OfflineLiquid_Dimension
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Re: Filled with negativity [Re: Liquid_Dimension]
    #2986427 - 08/10/04 04:41 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

I haven't smoked since the beginning of June,It's not like I'm psychologically dependant on it,I'm off of it now...and maybe forever.It's not much fun anymore blah,Speaking of weed.My parents don't know I've smoked for roughly 2 years,and just last night my mom found out through my fucking dumb aunt.I denied it all the way,my mother is pretty gullible and so she believed me.I'm glad my step Isn't aware of it...he's a lieutenant for the police.I'd probly be kicked out the house if he found out...so my mom wont say anything.

This fucking sucks,now everytime I'm around my family I'm probably going to be looked upon as some druggie,just for smoking.They're not 100% aware of all the facts of pot,so theyre ignorant about it.Oh well...I'll see how things go.


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OfflinePuZuZu
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Registered: 05/27/04
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Re: Filled with negativity [Re: Liquid_Dimension]
    #2987408 - 08/10/04 07:21 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Then theres some who are openminded like my family who have done the drugs and accept them for what they are. They may not always approve of use but they respect their existance and know they will slip through the family at one point in life.

So you never know, maybe things will turn for your favor.


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"If you worried about falling off the bike, you would never get on."
Lance Armstrong



Edited by PuZuZu (08/10/04 07:22 PM)


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Offlinethelion
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Registered: 09/05/04
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Re: Filled with negativity [Re: Asante]
    #3099087 - 09/06/04 03:01 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Excellent post! Great points made!


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