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Had a spiritual experience last night on alcohol
    #2975592 - 08/07/04 04:06 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

It was Friday night and I was alone at home, with no place to go. I was bored as hell so I figured I may as well get drunk and watch some TV. All I found in the fridge was a bottle of Absolut and some orange juice. Screwdrivers. Not my favorite but it gets the job done. I hadn't drank in a while so I felt a buzz nearly immediately. But from the onset something felt very different. Maybe it was the fact that I was drinking hard liquor when I usually prefer beer. Or maybe it was my mindset: depressed and lonely, the feeling of being alone on a Friday night while millions of other people are out partying. I'd later find this would be no ordinary drunken stupor.

At first I found the slightest noise in my apartment unbearable. I turned off every electrical appliance and sat quietly on the couch, sipping my booze. I still couldn't escape the noise though. Not only was there a loud party right across the street, there was a whirl of thoughts and emotions flying through my mind. This is what I call one's "daily noise." All the stimuli you experience throughout the day excites your brain and stirs it up, and the more stimuli you receive, the more stirred up your mind becomes. Like a catchy song that's stuck in your head, every thing you see and hear and do over the course of the day echoes in your mind for a while until you forget it. Only through sleep, meditation, or a few minutes of peace and quiet can you settle and calm your mind again. I attempted to clear out my head in this sense, but it wasn't working. I found myself lost in a sea of emotion. Anger and desperation mostly. The feelings became too much so I turned on the TV to try and escape it.

As I changed stations I stopped when I saw Rambo 3. I'd never seen a Rambo movie in my life and before last night I had no interest in ever seeing one. But it was the scenes of violence and man in his primal animalistic nature that caught my attention. At this point I can honestly say I was in an altered state. My thought patterns were unlike anything I've experienced from alcohol. It felt somewhat like a light shroom trip. The barrage of physical violence on screen added to my feelings even more. Suddenly my lofty spiritual ideals disappeared and I felt like only an animal. My mind went into a survival-instinct state. I wanted nothing more than to be John Rambo. I wanted to experience death and destruction, to kill for killing's sake. "I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every panda that wouldn't screw to save its species. I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I'd never see. I wanted to breathe smoke." And I wanted to fornicate in the most shallow sense of the word. I nearly threw the glass I held in my hand at the wall just to see it explode in shards across the room. But then I came to my senses. That'd be quite a mess to clean up. After the initial rush of these feelings, I felt a strange calm come over me. It was peaceful feeling like just an animal. It somehow removed a greater responsibility I felt toward life and the universe.

Last night I confronted a side of myself that I didn't think existed. Being a natural pacifist, I never thought about committing such violence. Being spiritual, I never thought of myself, and every other human, in such an animalistic sense before. Before last night I was ignoring a large part of my own human nature. Our animal side is a part of us, and sometimes we want to avoid thinking about it or even accepting it. Spiritual and philosophical people, moreso. You don't have to go out on the street and get in a fist fight, but just to acknowledge your primal-instinct side is a positive thing.

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Re: Had a spiritual experience last night on alcohol [Re: ]
    #2975602 - 08/07/04 04:09 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

Leave those pandas alone, psycho.

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Re: Had a spiritual experience last night on alcohol [Re: ]
    #2976070 - 08/07/04 06:58 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)


Cheech: Hey man, the house is bein' raided man! opsCays! You hear me man? get-outski!

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Re: Had a spiritual experience last night on alcohol [Re: ]
    #2987489 - 08/10/04 07:36 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

That was a very interesting read. The potential for the use of alcohol as a spiritual tool is underestimated, I think. Some of the most compassionate and authentically concerned states of mind I've encountered came with a few drinks. Whenever one alters their conciousness, there is always the potential for spiritual experiences.


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Re: Had a spiritual experience last night on alcohol [Re: ]
    #2988233 - 08/10/04 10:12 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

that was a great story there, in the right environment and mind set I could see alcohol as a catalyst for self-exploration.

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Re: Had a spiritual experience last night on alcohol [Re: ]
    #2988354 - 08/10/04 10:36 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

hear hear! we must embrace our animal lessons.. for it was once told that every human spirit first gains it's primal instincs and most important lessons for physical survival by seeing through the eyes of different animals. Honor your totem pole.


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