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Offlinepsilifun_guy
justahead
Registered: 08/09/03
Posts: 42
Loc: above water
Last seen: 1 year, 11 months
age difference
    #2972988 - 08/06/04 07:31 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

ok, I'm a regular here but I prefer to use this account for this post. I don't need any criticism please, I've been taking care of that myself, trust me.

I'm a member at several message boards besides this one so online correspondence is par for the course with me. I will chat with anyone but I'm careful to hold back with the younger ones since I'm 32. But this time things got a little out of control.

A few months ago I began pm'ing and chatting with a girl of 15. Since she lives 20 or so miles away from me, the last month or so we've been involved in r/l...

First off, I have no desire for younger girls, my attraction is a personal one for her that has generated thru a platonic relationship. I have no desire to finish 'raising' someone else's child, she is as mature as any 30 year old woman. She looks much older than her age and she acts more like an adult than I do. I like her because she is honestly brilliant(!), open minded and accepting of ppl, she has compassion, her poetry is the best shit I've read since Jim Morrison's works, shes articulate, fun to be with, we share the same goals, we talk all nite and never seem to wind down, same tastes in music, work, food, everything...man, she's even vegan deadhead with a penchant for psychedelics like me.

I believe we both can work this out with her family if it comes to that. I also believe that anything is possible with the right attitude but I want the shroomery's thoughts on this. I don't need a perv label, I'm no dephile or pedophile, that shit's sick. This girl acts and looks at least 20. Should I cut it off with her just because of the age difference?


**Edited to add the fact that we haven't had sex yet. She wants it but I'm waiting till I get thru these goddam age difference issues**
32 year old guy with 15 year old girl...wrong?
You may choose only one
nothing wrong with it
seems a little perverted but ok
break up! she's too young
you should have your nuts cut off


Votes accepted from (08/06/04 02:00 AM) to (No end specified)
You must vote before you can view the results of this poll



Edited by psilifun_guy (08/06/04 07:49 PM)


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Invisibledownforpot
Stranger
Male
Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 5,715
Re: age difference [Re: psilifun_guy]
    #2973070 - 08/06/04 07:55 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

You are twice as long as her... Think about what you are saying. She is still in school and will have to go to college. In college she will see hundreds of guys and will fall for them. Just find someone your own age.


--------------------



http://www.myspace.com/4th25


"And I don't care if he was handcuffed
Then shot in his head
All I know is dead bodies
Can't fuck with me again"


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InvisibleSuffer
puter dork
 User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 03/06/99
Posts: 1,090
Loc: MA
Re: age difference [Re: psilifun_guy]
    #2973322 - 08/06/04 09:12 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Young girls are immature and they never know what they want. When they think they do... they change there minds very quickly. There are may fish in the sea dude... and if she really is the one for you... then she will be when shes 18. Either find another, or wait the time... statutory(sp?) rape isnt a great charge to have on your record either


--------------------


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Invisiblesilversoul7
Chill the FuckOut!
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Registered: 10/10/02
Posts: 27,301
Loc: mndfreeze's puppet army
Re: age difference [Re: psilifun_guy]
    #2973330 - 08/06/04 09:14 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

I believe that an age difference like that isn't wrong in itself, but society will not accept such a thing. Statutory rape carries a mighty harsh sentence. If you want to stay out of prison, keep the relationship strictly on a platonic level until she's 18.


--------------------


"It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong."--Voltaire


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Offlinemycoguy
old hand

Registered: 03/25/04
Posts: 874
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 6 years, 1 month
Re: age difference [Re: psilifun_guy]
    #2973416 - 08/06/04 09:42 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

dude, ....do you really need an answer from us? come on. sick fuck.


--------------------

(and no, that's not me in the avatar)
Yahoo! Pacific Northwest Mycology Group


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Invisiblewinelover
crimson jedi
 User Gallery
Registered: 10/05/02
Posts: 91
Re: age difference [Re: silversoul7]
    #2973585 - 08/06/04 10:13 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

like the man said friends ok till she is legal :thumbup:


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Onlinerogue_pixie
faerydae
Female User Gallery

Registered: 07/28/04
Posts: 3,793
Loc: ye olde england
Last seen: 1 minute, 35 seconds
Re: age difference [Re: psilifun_guy]
    #2973620 - 08/06/04 10:23 PM (12 years, 3 months ago)

I think that there is absolutely nothing wrong with it, it sounds like you two have a good thing going. Just because she's not yet classed by law as an official adult means nothing, people mature at different rates, it's not an instant thing that everyone reaches at the exact same time. Hold onto it if you really like the girl, fuck what anyone thinks, it probably won't be easy due to some peoples narrow mindedness, but what ever makes you both happy, I say.


--------------------
'It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.' ~ J. Krishnamurti


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Offlinepsilifun_guy
justahead
Registered: 08/09/03
Posts: 42
Loc: above water
Last seen: 1 year, 11 months
Re: age difference [Re: rogue_pixie]
    #2974000 - 08/07/04 12:48 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

ya, thanks for the replies. The poll's at a 60-40 split for us together-that's about how close I am to a decision too.

Ok, the college and the maturity thing, I have thought about those issues. Thing is, she really is more mature than I am. Not that I act that young, if you met her, you'd understand that she simply is a remarkable young lady. She doesn't put up fronts or pretend to be someone she isn't. She has a great sense of humor and her concept of deep topics is greater than most adults. As far as her maturity taking control of commitment issues I haven't really known her long enough to realize her depth in that. It is a good point and I've kept it in mind.

I believe the risk of her finding someone else is small now but I don't know the future. She may find someone else in college, around town, work...just like any lover may. I've had that happen before and I won't let an issue like fear come into play...except fear of statuatory, that's common sense. The best relationship I've ever had was with a young lady(27) who ended up cheating on me. I still left her a better person for having known her. Sometimes the risks we take in love are worth the heart break that chases them.

platonic till legal, eh? Damn, I should have made that one of the choices in the poll but we are both sexually active. That'll be a hard one to pull off but it would knock the risk of me going to jail way down, wouldn't it?

My head and my heart agree with rogue pixie. I remember what it was like to be 15. I was pretty much as mature as I am now. That's not saying much for me now but I made adult decisions. Shit, I lived on my own when I was 14 working in kitchen restaurants for under the table cash and selling weed to live. If I didn't feel she was adult enough to make a decision in regard to her view of our relationship, I wouldn't be with her. And we are happy together, even apart is cool just knowing she's on Earth. I hope I may always be around ppl like her no matter where this thing goes.


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OfflineUncleMike
Visionary
Male

Registered: 05/18/03
Posts: 964
Loc: S.W. Virginia
Last seen: 8 years, 13 days
Re: age difference [Re: psilifun_guy]
    #2974152 - 08/07/04 01:27 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

No she isn't,she's just a kid. You just want to believe she is. she will grow tired of you. You are a passing fad. keep being friends with her but don't let it get out of hand.


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Onlinerogue_pixie
faerydae
Female User Gallery

Registered: 07/28/04
Posts: 3,793
Loc: ye olde england
Last seen: 1 minute, 35 seconds
Re: age difference [Re: UncleMike]
    #2974464 - 08/07/04 03:30 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Most relationships are passing fads..it's a risk ya take.


--------------------
'It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.' ~ J. Krishnamurti


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Offlinedaba
Stranger
 User Gallery

Registered: 12/30/02
Posts: 3,881
Last seen: 3 years, 10 months
Re: age difference [Re: mycoguy]
    #2974544 - 08/07/04 04:05 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

mycoguy said:
dude, ....do you really need an answer from us? come on.




Editted, but you get the idea. This should be a no-brainer.

Edit: I almost think that you are trying to stir up some controversy with this post; as in, you fabricated this story to see the replies. At least, that's what I hope.


--------------------
Fold for The Shroomery!


Edited by daba (08/07/04 04:08 AM)


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OfflineRedo
CTA

Registered: 04/13/04
Posts: 1,296
Last seen: 11 years, 4 months
Re: age difference [Re: psilifun_guy]
    #2974545 - 08/07/04 04:05 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

why, nobody, and I mean nobody, is mature at the age of 15 enough to make serious life decisions. at 32 you are, at 15 your not


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Offlinediscoabe
Stranger

Registered: 03/26/04
Posts: 674
Loc: Nevada
Last seen: 11 years, 3 months
Re: age difference [Re: psilifun_guy]
    #2974551 - 08/07/04 04:08 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

That's a tough position to be in. If you're gonna go thru with this make sure it's not just lust for this girl. You're gonna have a long tough road ahead, make sure she's worth it.


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Offlinewrong
Stranger
Registered: 05/08/04
Posts: 1,219
Last seen: 12 years, 2 months
Re: age difference [Re: UncleMike]
    #2974589 - 08/07/04 04:36 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

UncleMike said:
she's just a kid




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InvisibleLocus
Male

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 03/11/04
Posts: 6,049
Loc: ny/europe/other
Re: age difference [Re: psilifun_guy]
    #2974612 - 08/07/04 04:56 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Yeah, she's just a kid and you're in your 30s. I think this is fucked up.


--------------------

The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity. ~ Albert Einstein
"Fear is the great barrier to human growth." ~ Dr. Robert Monroe



~~~*Dosis sola facit venenum*~~~

*Check my profile to listen to my music* :smile:


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Invisibleadrug

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 15,800
Re: age difference [Re: psilifun_guy]
    #2974624 - 08/07/04 05:10 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Sounds like you're deluding yourself.

Pervert.


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OfflineHypnoToad
Stranger

Registered: 05/08/04
Posts: 325
Last seen: 11 years, 4 months
Re: age difference [Re: psilifun_guy]
    #2974628 - 08/07/04 05:18 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Maturity is a false Idea conjured from the depths of societies ideal.It is also a way for humanity to justify things that otherwise wouldnt be ok.No matter the age of this girl...it will never work out.She hasnt really lived life yet and you have lived quite a bit.This for her is really just something she's trying,something experimental however sooner or later she will find a guy her own age or she will realize she hasnt lived yet.No matter how you paint it a 32 year old knows better (or should) and its his duty to tell the girl no.Because it is definitely not in her best interest and surely not in yours.That is one reason there are laws against such relationships.A 15 year old cant handle a relationship with a 32 year old.No matter how mature she seems she is not emotionally able to handle a relationship with a 32 year old.Typically girls her age who seek men significantly older then themselves usually has a problematic relationship with their father or none at all and they then seek a replacement in their dating life to try to fill that void.However one can support and mentor someone as a friend.

15 year old girls are also always fickle.Why would you want to risk legal trouble?Teen girls are highly emotional.You cannot be sure she will not turn on you afterward no matter how good of friends you are now.It is your responsibility as an adult and human being to set her on the right path.Because it simply isnt right and will never work out long term.It will only damage the both of you.

Theres no such thing as maturity....its a societal illusion.The truth is no matter how she appears to be she is not an adult mentally or emotional or on any level and you are.And adults and children live in entirely different worlds.You shouldnt even be friends with such a young girl in all reality.She should be learning about life and experiencing life in her own way on her own path with people her own age group.Teens are generally meant to have short unserious relationships.Its part of how they learn and grow as a person.Teen girls always think they know what they need and want but they really dont.

By your post deep down I can tell you know its wrong.But I can also see that you're trying to fight it with rationalizations and justifications.If you truly feel its right, why are you justifying everything?

My advice stay away from her even in a few years when she is 18 that is still an unhealthy age gap.It will never work out b/c of it even though both people may try to make it work and deny the reality of such things.However it would be denying human nature.


--------------------
"There is no fire like lust, no grip like hate, no net like delusions, no river like craving."



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Offlinepsilifun_guy
justahead
Registered: 08/09/03
Posts: 42
Loc: above water
Last seen: 1 year, 11 months
Re: age difference [Re: HypnoToad]
    #2974810 - 08/07/04 08:48 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

yeah, criticism recognized there. Like I said, I don't need it and I haven't screwed her. I didn't post this to come here defending myself so thanks to all the otd'ers for stopping by but I was looking for intelligent contributions...

It's not about lust. Like I said, I've waited because of our age difference. Lust has really not played a part in this yet, at least on my behalf. Nor do I think she's playing a game to get sex from me. This is about 2 people who relate to each other in harmony...perfect companionship and friendship.

Its not about a lack of a supportive father figure in her life. She comes from a stable, college educated family. Her father is a great guy with his own company. He spends many days working from home and gives much love to his family. He's a very respectable man.

She relates to older ppl better than ppl closer to her age. If she were a fickle, highly emotional girl I wouldn't be seeing her.

I do think there is such a thing as maturity. Mental development is real, not illusion.

I'm not thru living, ya know? Sure she hasn't lived as much as I but that doesn't mean I have intentions of settling down or settling someone else down. If anything, it means I know how to live. Yeah, there is a chance things won't work out but there is with any relationship. I haven't had one to last forever yet.

Hopefully, she will have plenty of relationships with others her age. I'm not one to lead her away from her heart. I strengthen myself by sharing her with others. Possessive love is an illusion, true love is being able to let the object of affection ride her own winds.

I feel its right because my heart says so
and I'm justifying(fishing for articulate input in regard to modern U S society's reasons for condemning what is considered normal elsewhere) 'justifying' it for the same reasons I justify illicit drug use...its illegal.


Edited by psilifun_guy (08/07/04 08:58 AM)


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InvisibleMOTH
Wild Woman
 User Gallery

Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,359
Loc: In the jungle
Re: age difference [Re: psilifun_guy]
    #2974839 - 08/07/04 09:16 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

Guide her gently.


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Offlinediscoabe
Stranger

Registered: 03/26/04
Posts: 674
Loc: Nevada
Last seen: 11 years, 3 months
Re: age difference [Re: psilifun_guy]
    #2974996 - 08/07/04 11:37 AM (12 years, 3 months ago)

First off, I think what HypnoToad said was pretty intelligent.

Secondly, if you've waited this long to do anything with her, just wait til she's 18. If it's meant to be the it'll happen at that time.

What did you mean by "Hopefully, she will have plenty of relationships with others her age."? That sounds like you want her to have other relationships, if so, then what the hell are we doing talking about you two then? If you want her to have other relationship then are you just with her to fuck her? It's not worth it then if that's all you're after, there are plenty of hot legal vaginas running around.


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