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InvisibleMOTH
Wild Woman
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Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,390
Loc: In the jungle
Crashing
    #2951198 - 08/01/04 10:30 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

i'm so miserable and desperate.  for what I don't know.  I can't speak, I can't tell anyone this.  I can't talk, I have no voice at all, just stuck in this frozen body ..all I can think of is the most destructive things imaginable.  i am questioning everything in my life, maybe will run away, maybe will do something drastic.  i want to tell someone how i am feelint but the words are stuck.  please don't make fun of me or say mean things to me.  i am crashing hard into this unfathomable hole and i want to know that i can find my way out again.  it's so hopeless here, and dark and terrible.  i'm trying to reach out and not succomb to this horrible thing.  everything is so bleak.  i'm tired of crying, i've been crying for four hours now.  i don't know what to do.  i just want to find calm.  i am just trying to feel better.  :sad:


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OfflineCaRnAgECaNdYS
Tool's groupie
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Registered: 04/09/04
Posts: 11,505
Loc: Billy Howerdel's closet Flag
Last seen: 11 months, 18 days
Re: Crashing [Re: MOTH]
    #2951223 - 08/01/04 10:52 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

  :heart:
I love You!
I wish I could help you in some way. Just smile. Things will get better.


--------------------

The secret to being funny is to say smart things stupidly, or is it stupid things smartly? Whatever..it's not rocket surgery...or something like that.


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InvisibleMOTH
Wild Woman
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Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,390
Loc: In the jungle
Re: Crashing [Re: CaRnAgECaNdY]
    #2951225 - 08/01/04 10:58 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

thank you so much...

I'm coming down from my panic now, exhuasted. My husband called and it really soothed me to hear his voice.  i need a good sleep before I can leave this behind me.  Every few months I freak out like this.  My emotions are so crazy and this was a pretty bad panic attack. 

Thanks Desiree  :heart:


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Anonymous #1

Re: Crashing [Re: MOTH]
    #2952339 - 08/01/04 05:04 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

:heart:We all love you at the shroomery so dont worry about love :smile: :heart:

Just calm down and make yourself a good ol pot of tea. I found out that green tea is the most soothing. Dont go into alcohol because even though it feels like it numbs the pain, it makes you more depressed.


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Offlinebrowndustin
dustybuddy

Registered: 10/03/03
Posts: 2,957
Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
Re: Crashing [Re: ]
    #2952876 - 08/01/04 06:42 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Don't worry, girl. It will pass. If you allow it and keep an open mind, time will mend your broken heart. But you have to work at not letting it happen again.

It's hard to break the cycle, I know... I've been there. I spent the first 16-17 years of my fucking life being sad, it's bullshit. Just perk up! Seriously, you may feel like you have no control over your life right now, but just stop that train of thinking. Take things one step at a time, set little goals to be happy, and reach them. It's very rewarding.

I think that even if you're 'doing better' it still makes a world of difference to set goals because not only can you guage your progress, it just makes things feel that much better. :smile:

You'll make it through this, don't give up. If you need anyone to talk to, the shroomery's here for you. And if you're ever wanting to talk one on one, send me a pm any time! Don't be afraid. :heart:


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InvisibleMOTH
Wild Woman
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Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,390
Loc: In the jungle
Re: Crashing [Re: browndustin]
    #2954869 - 08/02/04 03:55 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Thank you Gawk and Browndustin...I'm doing MUCH better tonight. 

It's been a stressful week for my husband and I since he is constantly being called upon at work to stay late.  He's been working more then 12 hours a day just to try and climb the ladder at his work and get out of sales, which he hates.  And some other stuff, like I'm trying to register for classes and my benefactor (my grandfather in-law) who said two months ago that he would sponsor me for college is being flacky and shady about it now.  And appliences in our apartment are constantly breaking down (bathtub, dishwasher, toilet) and the mainteniance people keep saying that they'll come and fix it, but it's been more then a week now. And the fact that no matter how much I exercise, I still FEEL incredibly fat.  I'm about to go hop back on the treadmill right now in fact. 

Anyway, it just all caught up with me and I temporarily lost it this morning.  Agh...I'm sure my hormones aren't helping.  :tongue:

But I'm doing much better now, especially because I have a few friends coming into town this weekend.  I'm overjoyed and it gives me something to look forward to.  Anyway, I feel sort of sheepish now for writing this post, but the responses definately helped.  :heart:

thanks again

*me*


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OfflineCaRnAgECaNdYS
Tool's groupie
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Registered: 04/09/04
Posts: 11,505
Loc: Billy Howerdel's closet Flag
Last seen: 11 months, 18 days
Re: Crashing [Re: MOTH]
    #2954917 - 08/02/04 04:13 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

I'm happy to hear that your feeling better. Your to good of a person to feel so bad. New friends, huh? That's sounds exciting! Hope you have fun.


--------------------

The secret to being funny is to say smart things stupidly, or is it stupid things smartly? Whatever..it's not rocket surgery...or something like that.


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InvisibleMOTH
Wild Woman
 User Gallery

Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,390
Loc: In the jungle
Re: Crashing [Re: CaRnAgECaNdY]
    #2955027 - 08/02/04 05:57 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Actually it's my best friend that I've known since high school and her boyfriend who are coming down.  I've never been closer with another girl in all my life...I've really missed her since I've moved to Austin.  We might go for a picnic, take a few mushies and hang out.  :thumbup:  It will be a great time, that's for sure.  :sun:


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Offlinebrowndustin
dustybuddy

Registered: 10/03/03
Posts: 2,957
Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
Re: Crashing [Re: MOTH]
    #2955031 - 08/02/04 06:00 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Nice it's good to hear you're feeling better. Sometimes things just swamp you and it's too much to bite. I get like that too. Blehh, getting really good at letting them pass quickly. :thumbup:


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OfflineGrav
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Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 4,454
Loc: Flag
Last seen: 4 years, 9 months
Re: Crashing [Re: MOTH]
    #2957157 - 08/02/04 06:07 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

I used to crash all the time.
For awhile I would try and fight it, and end up frantically searching for something to make me feel better, an escape, a way out of the hole.
Then I began accepting my inevitable randevous with depression. When it came I would turn all the lights off and just lie in the darkness and let it inflict all the damage it could. I surrendered to it and accepted it as a part of myself and let the hurt and pain flow through me unhindered.

Since I began doing that things have begun to smooth over. If I don't fight my own mind and let it take me where it wants, I feel alot more at peace.

Life is unpredictable, sad, strange, beautiful, haunting, frightening, and chaotic.
filled with bright lights and dark waters.
the happy people will be sad again someday and vise versa... its a romantic dance of loss and gain, beauty and misery.

try not to expect too much and breathe deeply

hope you feel better


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