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OfflineMad_Buhdda_Abuser
member
Registered: 12/12/03
Posts: 129
Last seen: 13 years, 11 days
My poem....Open and Shared
    #2945062 - 07/30/04 03:59 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

 Flourishment

Once I begin a struggle
I open my eyes to the New World
One which has senses
And fences controls by the mind
I sit and realize my strugle which everyone comes in and out of
Once u realize it, it becomes more fascist
It begins to take hold of your perspectives
And then recognizes priorities once realized by the mind
It Will hold true for phases of self-destruction
We are in constant flux
Ever changing
Ever realizing
To an end product of existence a self preserving state
We must conserve and dissolves this type
To gain new knowledge of new perspectives
Far part from what is ordinary but from what is beyond normal understanding

I know im still amature, but i wrote it while under the influence!! Please tell me Thoughts, feelings, even Constructive critisism would be appreciated!

PEACE---Whats gOOd?


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Invisibleredgreenvines
irregular verb
 User Gallery

Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 21,810
Re: My poem....Open and Shared [Re: Mad_Buhdda_Abuser]
    #2945209 - 07/30/04 04:29 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

go back to the source of inspiration.
emerge with fewer words each time you return.
more important is the connection to this open mind
than any concrete phrases, or commandments.


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OfflineMad_Buhdda_Abuser
member
Registered: 12/12/03
Posts: 129
Last seen: 13 years, 11 days
Re: My poem....Open and Shared [Re: redgreenvines]
    #2945267 - 07/30/04 04:43 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

i see i see.. so less words and more quality is what ur getting at? Im not sure what u mean by Commandments, but i take it as using as little words as possible to get my point across?

thank you for criticism tho...appreciated deeply


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OfflinePsiloman
member
Male
Registered: 04/11/03
Posts: 1,116
Loc: Europe
Last seen: 4 years, 3 months
Re: My poem....Open and Shared [Re: Mad_Buhdda_Abuser]
    #2947935 - 07/31/04 11:24 AM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Amateur? Compared to whom? (using the word Amateur in the common sense)

The word amateur is Latin and etymologically means the one who love (what he is doing) (Think of the Italian word Amore).

If you were not an Amateur in that sense ,then you would be pushing yourself to do something you dont love.Alas,i might love your poem but if you dont it has no meaning.

Let me light up a cigar,sit on my comgy chair take a glass of brandy in my hand and like a good Grandpa i am not tell you a story.Here we go (please play the appropriate "nostalgic " music in the background)

When i was younger my drawing was awfull..My "houses" were just squares with triangles on top.My "humans" where lines and circles like huge lollipops with hands.My family commended on how bad it was and i got very offended.Many years after that i meet a person being the leader of propably the biggest Graffity crew in my city.The guy is amazing,trully talented although he doesnt show it to others.I have seen him destroying some of his work,painting over it.Destroying what i considered a Graffiti masterpiece,no kidding.I asked "Why the fuck did you destroy it,i like it so much" .He responded "I know, i didnt like it though". Fast forward,he talks me into drawing something for him...MY drawing all of a sudden is much better,i can draw womens silhouets pretty nicely ,being inspired by hookers waiting under lampposts. So i show my drawing to him and ask him "Do you like it?" .He says "No,do you?" .I respond "well,yes its the best drawing i ver did" with a huge smile in my face.

He looked at me and i understood what he meant.A small pause,we drunk a gulp of wine ,light up a ciggarete and he said " I like it,because you like it and thats what matters.Being happy and feeling that your work is complete.You did it for youand not for me,so the next step is to Graffiti it on a wall".

I never got to do it but i doodle on paper ffrom time to time...

Ah,memories!


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Offlinefredthetree
Stranger

Registered: 09/29/02
Posts: 473
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
Re: My poem....Open and Shared [Re: Mad_Buhdda_Abuser]
    #2948712 - 07/31/04 03:27 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

sometimes i wish i had some point within myself that never move(s/d).


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